I put my career on the line by Saving Eagleton and he is trying to rob me of their votes those are my votes I’ve earned them I want them give me those votes I don’t have them on me I can’t believe Jan tried to pull that crap I
Can he’s a horrible monster but let’s focus on the more important issue you want to squeeze in one more practice session do I tonight I am throwing Ben his dream birthday party a roller skating bash with an early 90s lives for the early 90s the music the
Fashion it’s his favorite era as for the roller skating I have a thing for women in skates okay everyone has a thing and that’s mine as far as things go it’s pretty innocuous could be one of those dudes that kisses mannequins or whatever but I’d like a woman in skates a lot
Get this I just asked the DJ what REM albums he has he’s got monster but not automatic for the people wow I know it’s like what is this a mid 90s party no it’s an early 90s party okay Larry tell us how this looks Ben wants to do a
Synchronized couple skate too Losing My Religion hit it Leslie Leslie Leslie I’m sorry but we have a problem his name is Jeremy Jam well as noted in article 9. Jam I thought this bill yes and I called a special session and untabled it what is up with the roller
Skates I was about to attend a roller skating birthday party for my husband but this is more important yeah I don’t care I’m a blades guy point of order the councilwoman wishes to speak on this issue will the councilwoman yield her time so we can vote on this sucker no
I will not yield nor will I yield for the rest of the evening a filibuster are you duking on my chest right now no gross and yes it’s a filibuster okay I am not willing to let you deprive me she is filibustering on roller skates she’s going to be strapped into those
Things for hours I know this is a dire situation but I swear to God this is like a crazy sex fantasy for me my bedroom and I was five I voted for Mildred my stuffed pig but my cat pancakes won she had more funding politics right what are you gonna do
How long have I been talking three hours no eight minutes okay maybe you should yield the floor Milton doesn’t have a lot of time left on Earth hey just kidding Bud uh will someone open my crackers the session ends at 11 PM she has to talk the whole time she can’t
Lean on anything for support and no one else can help her three strikes and she is done this is literally the most exciting thing that I’ve ever seen I mean think about it where else on Earth would you rather spend your birthday with Leslie well maybe the birthday
Party she’s throwing for me right now everyone in Pawnee should have the right to vote but uh as I dissect this important and profound statement take these off for a second bam strike one no sitting is the gong really necessary yes it is I love Chinese crap Lucy Liu Nintendo
Gangnam Style Sushi et cetera Etc also more importantly it’s in the rules no sitting okay fine well the strike is worth it if I can take these off oh man Ronald Reagan would say well Mommy I believe voting rights are important does anyone else think it’s hot in here
This overall is a really starchy oh yeah maybe that’s because I turned up the heat to 90 and uh oh the knob broke off in my hand oops well speaking of heat we should discuss America’s white hot passion for voting rights and the men and women who help protect them like the
Local city councilwoman who is starving and thinking about her husband’s Reservoir Dog themed birthday cake and wanting to eat it really badly oh this is not a good sign once she starts thinking about birthday cake she’s basically useless until she eats birthday cake tomorrow we need to find a way to smuggle some
Mineral oil drops onto her tongue oh we represent the citizens of former Eagleton we’re here to support Leslie Knope for preserving our voting rights you are all Warriors of democracy have is the right to vote and the right to kill Indians without consequence and I I believe that half of
That statement is still true today [Applause] thank you
source
