Well this time Hazel has gone too far what is it George this is her night off Dorothy give me a straightforward answer now am I too fat oh of course not darling as Hazel says you’re pleased I am not pleasingly plump oh my God now am
I or am I not the head of this household well of course you are then what right does Hazel have to put a padlock on that refrigerator Oh Foreign Okay blabbermouth what do you say oh what a phony You better Shake A Leg if you don’t want a cold breakfast good morning good morning and happy birthday thank you Hazel when are you gonna open your presents oh well not till after dinner oh good cause I ain’t got mine wrapped yet thank you Harold good morning again what
Are your plans for today oh I have a bridge lunch and it glorious good Harold your napkin oh yeah I wish you 29 grand slams and one to grow on big mouth Harold you’re kicking the table yes little tiny Taps but it’s very annoying oh good morning Mr B good morning hey I
Am not my pajamas good for you sport did you hang yours up Mr B well of course I did good because if you want Little People to be neat you know you got to send them a good example lately he’s gotten into the bad habit of leaving his
All crumbled up on the floor all right Angel that’s enough what are we having for breakfast I’m starved blueberry pancakes oh boy my favorite oh boy you can have all you want no weight problem with you but I’m gonna start you off with five you only get three well wait a minute [Applause]
James Harold son sit down and finish your breakfast [Applause] later and then no one in this family is leaving The Breakfast Table to chase fire engines okay and I’m having six pancakes you’re kidding me oh I’m not kidding gentlers must be a tool of armor Dorothy I warn you I’m the head of this household and if she doesn’t bring me in six pancakes I’m gonna fire her ah damn darling drink your orange juice before it gets cold orange juice is supposed to be cold I know why she wanted me to only have
Three pancakes she’s saving the others for somebody else oh now that’s a weird idea oh no it isn’t She’s always feeding somebody else out there the butcher the baker the Candlestick maker George it’s eight o’clock in the morning now who could she possibly hi who are you
Excuse me have a mouthful I’m Fred osterball a Milkman just wait till you sink your teeth into those and just what are you doing here oh he’s asked me to serve these here he goes honey and where is Hazel because he stepped out for a minute
Oh there are six of them Hazel told me I want to know where Hazel is All right Hazel come on let’s go you’ll have this out in no time follow my darling Oh My Darling oh my God Clementine she’s lost and gone morning Hazel oh hi Bonnie package for Miss Baxter well it’s about time birthday present for Missy from her aunt Clarissa the old battle ax
Forgot last year so this year I reminded her how’s your feet Bonnie oh that’s a good oh well I won’t have time to fix Epsom salts for you today too much going on around here candy better be chewy I thought today was your day off not taking it I’m
Fixing special dinner and a big cake for Missy’s birthday oh nothing important say how about you and me going bowling afterwards not a chance I wouldn’t miss the fun around here Missy’s birthday parties is always a ball Mr B really lets his hair down oh there’s a phone are you saying you
Bonnie bye Hazel uh call me later if you change your mind Back to Residence oh yeah Miss Carpenter yeah I’ll call her Mrs B hey Miss copped it yes Hazel be sure and wish you a happy you know what do you mean you don’t know it’s a birthday I was just telling Miss Carpenter what’s what hello Daria oh thank you
Well having lunch and at your house today will help me celebrate oh oh you’re not going to have the luncheon why not but darling I completely forgot about my dentist appointment and you know how hard they are to get I couldn’t possibly give it up so could the girls come to your house
Instead I’d love to have the luncheon here oh oh no no no trouble at all now I’ll call the girls and tell them and I’ll do my very best to be there in time for the first rubber bye bye Gloria no trouble at all she says
Oh hey so I’m sorry but but she has to go to the dentist travel little all I have to do is to come up with a hot dish and a fancy salad and a dessert Hazel will you please stop talking even though I’m not here well I’ll tell you one
Thing Missy you can just forget about that birthday cake Hazel which I was going to make for you even though today is my day off foreign is your day off I’m sorry I forgot well it’s not the first time and it won’t be the last is that stuck up Miss Edward’s
Gonna be here yes well I don’t mind giving up my day off of your birthday but for somebody that snubs me in the supermarket well that’s just too much Hazel you take your day off you take your day off and I’ll I’ll manage I’ll make some Parker House
Rolls like you make you don’t know how to make pocass rolls make sandwiches then I know how to make sandwiches congratulations oh I’ll stay I’ll stay if you promise to beat that Mrs Edwards at Bridge you know what her kid did when he was here the other day
Kicked me in The Shins Robert’s not the best behaved boy in the neighborhood you’re Don tooten I guess I could manage a handle a help you do that and I will take the day off and we haven’t found it to this day so I said to him Robert in the future if you
Want to play with Daddy’s wallet ask him first do you think that’s well firm enough Agnes dear we don’t want to frustrate the boy could I have a bit more coffee dear oh yes if it was gonna make her a cake why’d you tell her you wasn’t oh Charlie sometimes you’re so
Dumb it scares me to think of you’re driving in traffic I did it for discipline someone in my position is sort of like an executive I gotta keep this household running smooth I can’t afford to let them think they can throw potties without letting me know coming
Once you do a thing like that they get completely out of hand okay so may we have some more cars got it Dorothy you’ve seen Robert here over a thousand times hasn’t he always been a perfect little gentleman well he’s an active little boy if you want to know my
Opinion he’s a little Hazel just pour the coffee I’ve always felt that children need a certain amount of discipline it makes them feel more secure if they know the rules Miss Collins wouldn’t you like a little more ice cream but I just couldn’t because rules are
All right for some children but my Robin is such a smart child that I’d be afraid of stifling his intellectual curiosity owls home from school now there’s a boy I wonder if my Robert is with him in here Harold hi manager all our plans changed say hello to everybody Harold hello I’m For You smartest boy in his class the Hazel isn’t making a cake this year Harold why not well you come out in the kitchen I’ll explain it to you Harold I thought maybe Robert would come home with you he had to stay after school you
Always make a birthday cake why did he have to stay after school the teacher caught him cheating on the spelling test excuse me something in my throat what made you think I wasn’t gonna make a cake mother said sir oh sure it’s a surprise I’m surprising that don’t you
Go tipping her off now I I promise thanks what word did you miss in spelling beautiful oh no how could you miss beautiful I went over that with you last night I forgot and spelled it b-u-t-i-f-u-l oh Now spell it right b e a u t i f u s boy now gangway
What kind of Frosty Frosty what kind do I always make for your mother Orange and for Dad it’s Maple enough for me it’s chocolate for you everything’s chocolate I’d even like chocolate potatoes oh sure you don’t even like chocolate salad and chocolate and if I asked you to brush your teeth
You’d do it with chocolate toothpaste yeah now McGillicuddy you get into your old chocolate clothes and go out and play first can I have something to eat I’m hungry oh sure here’s an apple thanks oh my goodness Hazel are you busy oh no when you’re finished I just have to clear the table
And do about a thousand dishes well Gloria Carpenter hasn’t gotten back from the dentist yet we need a fourth for bridge oh sure I’ll take you on I’ll play with that nice Mrs Collins just give me a minute to straighten up out here thank you Hazel I don’t know what
We do without you Well partner we gave him the old sunday punch let’s pour down double re-doubled and vulnerable oh my goodness how much is that let’s see that’s uh that’s 2200 points your deal you make I’m aware of that thank you you played that all wrong Mrs Edward you know why
You had five diamonds to the king Jack and you had five hearts of the queen Ace and you had the four and seven of clubs and a Singleton Ace of Spades you had two chances to finesse through me you didn’t try either one of them why did you forget which cards was played
Certainly not I never forget a card and another thing you did wrong was to forget to set up your Spades in the dummy you could add a nice Crossroad going I wonder what’s keeping Gloria European pass two Spades pass don’t forget to count your honest just trying to be helpful partner three no Trump pass four no Trump pass Five hearts seven Spades seven Spades I double redouble that’s a partner pass oh you stick with me honey you’ll be wearing diamonds lead
The most exciting bridge game I’ve ever been in I wonder what’s keeping Glory oh this is a lay down what a lay down you don’t I established my trumps I run through my diamonds I throw my heart on the clubs and the rest of my crumps are good
You’re a genius wait a minute wait a minute am I too fast for you no you’re not too fast for me how many is that oh plenty that’s a 500 rubber 1500 for Grand Slam 150 for honest and 50 for making double contract excuse me
A moment you know where it is for your information I’m going to telephone that dentist and find out what’s keeping Gloria hey now how’s that swear you touch that and now skinny alive okay this is gonna be a big secret just between you and me I know just stuff gotta be a big
Surprise for your mother I won’t say the same thing I promise I’m so glad you could get home early today darling well I want to make sure you hadn’t aged too much just because it’s your birthday I was a bridge club oh we had it here
Gloria had to go to the dentist and you know that Hazel gave up her day off so she could fix lunch for us really well then I guess I better forgive her for running off to chase those fire engines the only thing is though she didn’t have time to make my birthday
Cake oh I’m sorry I know how much that cake means to you I don’t want her to know I’m disappointed she’s done enough for me today well then let’s do something for her let’s give her the evening off and I’ll take you and Harold out to dinner oh George that’s a
Wonderful idea I know she’ll appreciate it I’ll go tell her get away just a minute now you really think she will appreciate it oh of course you will all right all right you go get dressed and I’ll tell her Hazel George has a wonderful idea oh yeah what I’ll let him tell you
Hazela was very generous of you to give up your day off oh that’s all right it was one day off Marlette so now it’s my turn to be generous I’m taking Harold and Mrs Baxter out to dinner so you can have the evening off but yeah oh Harold
Oh that ain’t necessary Mr B I’d be glad to fix a meal no no not tonight Hazel just enjoy yourself if it’s because I told Missy I was too busy to fix a birthday cake don’t worry about the cake she’s a big girl now it really isn’t
That important Come On Son let’s get into our Sunday suits Come On Son you’re dragging your feet we had a little trouble with our tie well good night Hazel you have a good time here oh sure sure good night hazel good night sport Come On Son I’m coming [Applause] okay The extra residence oh no they went out for the evening Miss Gurney yes I’ll tell him you called Bonnie Hazel you remember you said something about going bowling this morning if you still want to go oh oh well then you better drop by tomorrow and I’ll fix some Epsom salts for you yeah to fly honey Charlie Hazel you know that that movie you mentioned uh oh oh no no I ain’t mad it’s just kind of hard to see how a man can flip from one woman to another like that oh well yeah I’ll be saying you who cares yeah B u t i f u l 25 years you could have sent me one lousy postcard yes Thank you we must here is the boy may I say how pleasant it is to have you with us again wow thank you can I ask you something that yes son if a person makes a promise to somebody and then wants to break it was it okay sometimes
Of course not Harold a person must never break his promise oh well you tasted Chateaubriand it’s the finest not only is the best meat but it’s aged so properly everything’s always good here dead yes son if I made a promise to Hazel could not break it even if it was
Important why of course not you must never break your word under any circumstance um son you’re kicking the table again no I’m not now Harold I distinctly felt you I’m afraid I was doing it I guess I’m a little fidgety oh Dorothy is there anything wrong you look a little glum I
Feel fine I’ve been looking forward to this dinner oh so bye I’m a ravenous and for dessert we’ll have one of their pastries of course it won’t taste anything like Hazel’s cake but it’ll be delicious I’ve gotta break my word Hazel made you a cake what and she’s been looking forward to dinner
All day oh George The Vicious swats I think you will find the chef also past himself thank you Dorothy I don’t know what we can do about it now well do you no darling Harold oh Dad well there’s something I can do captain we miss you my check please Hazel that was a delicious dinner oh frankfurtis and beans what kind of the dinner was that you should have called me from the restaurant give me some warning who cares about dinner I’m waiting for cake me too I don’t like the candles darling you look radiant well now I’m
With all my family you mean Hazel too don’t your mother I certainly do hey who’s kicking the table excuse me boy she’s a jolly good fellow for she’s a jolly good fellow or she’s a jolly good which nobody can deny which nobody can deny for Jesus Which nobody can deny now make a wish I made it don’t tell what it is or it won’t come true now blow them all out [Applause] you got your wish come on Hazel sit down no I don’t want to push oh don’t be silly Hazel come on
Sit down no I don’t think I Hazel sit down Boy are you getting hippie oh you better give Mr B Just A Little Piece Mrs B I want a big b no just a sliver like if you go on the way you’re going you’ll be walking through doors sideways thank you [Applause] Foreign This has been a screen gems Film Production from the Hollywood Studios of Columbia picture Here’s your coffee Mr B oh thank you Hazel now you take the theory of relativity Professor Einstein’s theory of relativity I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately oh fine you understand how it works Mr B Hazel I’m not a mathematician oh well I’ll explain it to you now for
Instance you was to hold your finger on a hot stove for a minute that it seemed like an hour but if he was to hold a pretty girl in your lap for an hour would it seemed like a minute see now you take that washing machine over
Where Rosie Works what they’ve had it for years but it works like a charm Rosie’s washes the Envy of the neighborhood Hazel will you please tell me what this is all about now you take the one that we’ve got which is practically no we had it less than a
Year the cheap one the one nobody ever heard of remember yes Hazel I remember well it ain’t doing a good job but don’t wash things clean and attach things to shreds so according to the professor we’re up for a new washer Inside is wonderful Foreign Stuffed Notice you didn’t like your string beans and almonds of course I did you left them on your plate well you just gave me too much oh notice you had to refill a dessert oh hell you should eat your greens Mr B’s got all them vitamins and minerals in them
At a boy yes and you’ll get muscles so you can go bowling bowling yes if Harold eats his vegetables every day for a month Hazel’s gonna teach him how to bowl but he’s gotta really clean up his plate Hayes is gonna show me how to be a champion like
She is oh I am in this champ sport it’s just that people think I’m terrific because there ain’t much competition in the town this eyes but you’ll teach me to be one well it ain’t that easy and it ain’t that fast you know Mr B Olin is practically a knot you gotta
Know how to do footwork and delivery and fall through hey so I know I bold yeah well certainly in high school and college as a matter of fact it was quite good well I always knew he was an athlete but I didn’t know you bold what’s your average mine’s 190 what’s yours
Peaceful it was such a long time ago I don’t remember well what white ball did you use wait Hazel I don’t know there was a particular ball at the place I bowled but you mean you didn’t have a ball of your own no oh Mr B autopilots have their own
Ball a Top Male bowler used a 16 pounder and a top woman bowler use a 15 pound lift I see I use a 15 pounder I was sure that you would did you use a three finger grip uh yes you got pretty strong hands I thought maybe you might use a two-finger
Grip was you a three four or a five step what how many steps did you use to get to the foul line uh three I think oh most experts use four or five I use it before wasn’t that very good Hazel yeah son I was quite
Good I ain’t never seen you Deadpool but he was always a good athlete I had a natural talent for it the signal well here’s a lot I’m just too tired tonight tonight’s the tournament hey those one three three yes I know I don’t know men and women they give terrific prizes
I’m just not interested Hazel well I guess I better go do little dishes oh fine then I can tell you all about the time I bought 300. wow that was the day that World War II ended oh I was terrific that night what a woman yes
Yes I was a good bowler I’m sure you were dear one time I had an average of 195. that’s higher than Hazel’s why didn’t you tell her George the letter of her glory I just didn’t want to seem as though I were bragging if I wanted to practice again I could
Get right back in the groove well why don’t you darling because I’m not interested in Bowling I play golf I love golf now why should I take up bowling I’m certainly not interested in competing with hazel oh boy she would love that she would just love to bowl me before I got my
Form back look honey would you mind dropping the subject I want to read my paper charge your paper is upside down Ain’t that nice waffles for breakfast waffles Harold oh that always brings him on the Run well I’ll start you off with one did you win last night well the Winner’s name is in the paper it’s in the sports section the bottom of page three are you ready
For your coffee now Mr B please well darling aren’t you going to see what it says oh Dorothy you know she won every time she wins she pretends to be so modest about it George see what it says Hazel Burke Topsfield I knew she would yes what else does it say Hazel Burke
One of the top women keglers of this area did you find it yes Hazel I’m just reading it aloud oh as well would you mind starting here in the beginning Hazel Burke one of the top women keglers of this area called just exaggerating right Hazel we don’t want to interrupt your
Dad go ahead Mr B you was just into the Pod where it says one of the top women can lives in the area yes thank you swept two or four straight victory in the weekly tourney at the bowling center well I just got a lucky no you didn’t Hazel
Come on Mr B thank you Miss Burke’s three games total of 576 top closest competition by 12 pins my average was 192. boy go on Mr B go on thank you at the conclusion of the contest Miss Burt gave an ex what is it George gave an exhibition of trick shot
Bowling oh well Mr B I hate to show off like that but the fellas got a big kick out of it you know what I won a 12 pound turkey we’re gonna have it for dinner tonight swell oh that’s very generous of you Hazel and congratulations thanks Missy
Uh congratulations Hazel and I want a paper for that turkey oh no Mr B it’s my present as a family well I better go get the waffles those names in the sports section all the time isn’t it Dad yes your father’s name was there too remember the golf tournament golf
Tournament yes Carol two years ago never mind Dorothy did he come in first well no second never mind Harold no son I came in fourth it’s too bad Dr Hazel one last week I took her autograph to school and you know what I got forged a banana Harold I don’t want
You taking other children’s lunches can I do it for baseball cards Billy Webster offered me a Mickey Mantle honey yet you know if I wanted to get back in the groove again I really could you mean bowling yes bowling really that’s right if I wasn’t so interested in golf I Harold
How would you like to go around the golf course with me sometime well I’m afraid not you’re not quite big enough for that then I think I’d rather go bowling [Laughter] Excuse me just half a second sir we are right champ yes uh so I’ve heard now what can I do for you well uh I used to be a fairly good bowler and I have decided to take the sport up again wonderful you uh shell bowling equipment yes sir
Anything you need five I want some shoes and uh naturally my own bowling ball of course 16 pounder all right we have an expert in the Pro Shop we’ll fix you up you’ll just come this way well there is one other thing as I said I used to be a very good
Bowler but I haven’t bowled in years I want to get my form back as quickly as possible if you’re in good physical condition there’s no reason don’t you worry about the physical condition I’ve been playing golf and working out in the gym once a week what I want is daily
Bowling lessons daily wow you are in a hurry that’s right and if I progress as well as I hope I intend to offender your next weekly contest fine we’ll be glad to have you now for a teacher I want the best in town well I’m afraid that isn’t
Possible why not that would be Miss Burke oh she works as a maid for a family named the Baxters or something like that you ought to hear her talk about that Family oh what did she say Raves about them absolutely devoted that’s why she wouldn’t be able to give you a lesson
Unless of course you want to take lessons at night no no no no no thanks I prefer a male teacher anyway well in that case I’ll introduce you to jack Ballard you sure is good oh one of the best he’s been coached for years bye Mrs Burke
Fine what is your name sir uh I’m Brewster uh Willard arm Brewster those shoes feel all right that fits your hand nice and comfortable perfectly all right now let’s start with the fundamentals uh if you don’t mind Mr Balor let’s just forego the fundamentals I don’t need them oh that’s right I used
To be quite a bowler all I want is someone to help me brush up on my technique all right then you just go ahead and Bowl One and we’ll know where to start all right foreign yes I I have a bowled in a number of years in it what do you think
Why don’t we start with the fundamentals what are you gonna see him again tonight probably he’s usually starving man going to get some dinner George you’ve been asking that every 10 minutes dinner will be at its regular time well I’m ravenous how come you’re so hungry tonight did
You work out at the gym today well I I I had a very light lunch well salad’s ready well then all we have to wait for is the meat why don’t you go and relax missy I’ll call you when dinner is ready I guess I will very good idea because
There’s something I do want to tell you we’re bowling I don’t want Hazel or Harold to know anything about it why not because next Friday night I hope to enter the bowler of the Week contest but why keep it a secret George Hazel would be very excited and she could give you
Some pointers I don’t need her pointers well Harold would love to know I’ll be honest with you Harold is the only reason I decided to take it up again because because I want his admiration now if I can get my form back I’ll enter the contest if I can’t I just won’t
Enter I don’t intend making a fool of myself oh George you’d never do that how did it go today well my first ball was a Gutterball but I improved I think I surprised my teacher oh I didn’t know you were taking lessons from the second best teacher in
Town the best teacher is uh busy oh really I wish you’d hurry up I’m starving again and already he wants the end of the contest this week that’s right Hazel and I never saw a man with such determination oh boy that’s a scream what’s his name
And to tell you the truth he hasn’t got a bad form oh yeah what’s your ball his last game was 156. 56 he ought to be bowling with the Juniors let’s see now what am I going for well you have six strikes in a row six in a
Row well let’s try to make it to seven okay there we go wow that was seven good girl stuff but try and even though we hadn’t got a chance in the Blue Moon okay so uh let’s forget about him huh now what about us I mean couldn’t you go to a
Movie with me well yes I guess I could manage it Friday night that’s the night of the contest the bowling contest we’ll have to make it Thursday that’s a date how come you’re working at home Mr B I’m going out in a little while I have to finish this up first
Not today son oh you want to hear something funny I write it down to the bowling alley last night this spell is taking lessons so we can join the contest Friday night wow I don’t think that’s so funny oh yeah but he hasn’t played in years he’s just taking up the game again
They just may surprise you oh would it be a miracle you know but the bowling you have to have perfect coordination okay so I know I bold yeah I know you have but I’m talking about tournament bowling Mr B you know you gotta have top ranking players for that gotta hand it
To this fella though boy he’s in there trying it’s kind of like little Harold playing sand like baseball and dreaming of the big leagues you know what I mean I don’t see there’s any comparison well I ain’t got time to go into it I better
Get my work done if I’m gonna go out myself this afternoon do you have time for a game of checkers certainly not unless I finish this work I’m gonna miss a very important appointment Oh good for you Mr Amber said listen you make one more strike you’ll have a 179 you know I think easing my thumb out of the thumb hole has helped my curve a lot it certainly has listen you know you wanted to drop by in the evening meet
Some of our regulars no no thanks I’m not ready to meet your regular gym I’m content just to just practice well you might pick up some pointers Hazel birth might be here uh thank you but I’ll just continue on with my daytime lessons 179 that’s a pretty good score was he just lucky I don’t think so Hazel 179. boy that’s pretty good for a fella just starting to bowl again um Brewster must be a natural athlete yeah we’re roller skating again tonight no I think I’ll bowl a couple of games Wonderful I think I found the slot oh you certainly have I never saw anything like that I watched that last game Mr Armbruster you’re developing fast thank you but I’ve got a good teacher over the score Jack 187 how about that man that’s great listen to tournament staff for tomorrow
Can I sign you up not yet let’s see how I do tomorrow 187 that’s not bad is it 187. are you kidding absolutely not I’m Brewster is good look Hazel you haven’t forgotten about our date for tomorrow night have you no I ain’t forgotten but I’m going to do a little serious bowling
Now and don’t anybody ask me to do any trick shots I just want to practice 187. George how did the fall and go sh still can’t hear you she’s dressing somebody’s taking her to a movie tonight oh well I don’t want to know a thing about it till tomorrow night I want this to be a complete surprise to her oh am I
Back in the groove I told him today to sign me up for the tournament oh is she going to be surprised yes I think she is Jack Ballard said he’s my teacher he said he’d never seen a bowler come along so fast oh this is one tournament but
I’m not going to miss well just don’t say anything to Hazel about it I want this to be the biggest surprise in her life and Harold will want to see it too well it’s going to be a little late I think we have to get a babysitter before
Him oh that must be Hazel’s date I’ll let him in that’s the least I can do for her with this big surprise coming He’s a real nice fella his name is Jack ballad oh excuse me I’ll let the cup running here hey this is a beautiful place Miss Baxter decorated it would you like to meet it oh yeah sure thank you Missy I’d like you to meet an old friend
Of mine Mr Jack Ballard this Miss Baxter how do you do Elijah to meet you Mrs Baxter you certainly have a beautiful house thank you I don’t know when I’ve seen any love oh you know Mr Armbruster what this Mr Ambrose to the fellow I’ve been giving lessons to that ain’t Mr Andrew
That’s Mr Baxter what do you know about that he’s been bowing under a non-diploma well Hazel he just wanted to surprise you he surprised me all right how’d he do today he bowled a 198 198. hey we ain’t going to the movies I’m gonna practice until the place closes down Well this is it Mr B yes it is Hazel and the moment of truth you might say well I ain’t asking No Quarters and I ain’t giving none fair enough okay Shake and good luck Mr B good luck to you so am I Harold is too we made me promise
To wake him up when we got home tonight it’ll be too late for that he can find out the first thing in the morning there goes the first one all right very funny but I don’t think I need notes you mustn’t get discouraged Missy if he
Falls all the pieces you know this is his first tournament he’s kind of shaky I don’t want to have to choose between you Hazel but I do hope he does well I tell you what I I’ll do I’ll keep my fingers across for him oh [Applause] well Miss Burke you’re up
Would you like him to give you a few pointers no I wouldn’t need no point is from you if I was hunting pheasant and you was a bird dog that woman’s impossible [Applause] [Applause] Well I must say hazel was certainly a good sport last night I think she was really quite proud of you George winning your very first tournament yes I guess she was and I know she was proud of you when you told them you were sending the electric blanket you won to the
Children’s Hospital well honey we don’t need a blanket no the prize I want to see is a look on Harold’s face when he reads my name in the paper are you going to enter next week’s tournament oh not on your life I was bowling way over my
Head and Hazel had an off night now I’m quitting while the quitting is good morning Dad take a look in the morning’s paper look in the sports page okay okay oh Harold yesterday I’ll tell you what if you want why don’t you read it out loud at The Breakfast Table okay
Okay how does that saying go George vanity thy name is woman all right so I’m pleased with myself all right you want some breakfast I’m starving grab an eye oh he almost killed me alive and I didn’t say so in the paper well maybe you didn’t read it right yes I did I’ll
Be in front when breakfast is ready where’s Harold going I don’t know Mr B he brought in the paper and turned to the spot section and said you’d lost what’d it say I don’t know I didn’t read it oh for Pete’s sake bowling tourney won by Willard Armbruster Harold [Applause] [Applause] this has been a screen gems Film Production [Applause] get me a pair of your PJs there honey I take my roller skates no sport they’re just any room that’s a boy can I take Smiley I don’t have to carry him oh no you can’t take Smiley can you don’t you remember they
Don’t allow dogs in that apartment house your grandma stays in Hazel yeah do I have to be before I can wanna do nobody’s lived that long [Applause] Thank you There must be some way I can get to him do they realize I’m the senior member of this Law Firm will send his secretary a present maybe she’ll at least let him know that I’ve been trying to reach him all week all right don’t say good morning because there’s nothing good about it
No progress yet with Mrs Sudley progress he won’t even return my phone calls I’m beginning to feel like an ambulance Chaser Mr Butterworth how would you feel if I told you he’s coming into my house next Saturday night for dinner Addis Addison suddenly the same man with the Mississippi well I
Can’t believe it and pulling every string in town trying to George how did you manage it well I I guess I live right I happen to be in Rockford’s Bookshop late yesterday afternoon when Mr suddenly came in and we got to talking about rare first editions and uh skipped the details
George just tell me about Sudley how did you get him to accept the dinner invitation I invited him you see he also collects rare books and he’s coming to see my modest collection incredible George do you realize what it would mean if Butterworth hatched Nolan Baxter were
Appointed his legal counsel well so far they’re just coming to dinner The Sundays are so Ultra Ultra they’re practically anti-social oh he seems like a regular guy to me Regular Guy have you read the profile on him in the Sunday supplement two weeks ago no I’m afraid I
Have it he has a reputation for being the most eccentric demanding stubborn so-and-so that ever came down on the pipe apparently his wife just like him here it is listen to this Edison suddenly operates his industrial Empire in a high-handed manner with regard for nobody’s wishes but his own
And those of his wife Lydia foreign well that statement could apply to the news dealer and in the lobby stubbornly willful he treats his Executives like office boys and has pink slip top management men for reasons so capricious it’s a wonder he is able to hire men to replace them
No I didn’t get that sort of impression from him that dinner a week from tomorrow can be our big chance it could be a Triumph for a catastrophe well no one’s ever complained about Hazel’s cooking it’s not her cooking I’m concerned about the sudlies are sticklers for the social amenities
George no with them it’s the infinitesimal things that count do I have to spell it out for you George spell Juana you’ll have to get rid of Hazel what just for that one night I grant you to find cook but you can’t look me in the eye and guarantee that Hazel won’t
Do or say something to offend the sudlies before the evening is over can you well that’s not the point it’s exactly the point give Hazel a vacation a trip but get her out of your house next Saturday well even if I could think of of some
Way of getting rid of Hazel how would I explain this to Dorothy make her understand it’s a matter of loyalty to the firm George I don’t like throwing my weight around but I’m going to have to insist on this Well Hazel hi Mr B I thought you was upstairs getting ready for the country club dance oh I still have a few minutes is any coffee left oh no I just washed the pot but I could make you some no no no don’t bother
Hazel uh how do you feel I feel fine why well you’ve seemed tired these last few days and well I was just thinking uh how would you like to have a week off oh I ain’t a bit tired besides I couldn’t afford a week off oh I’d be willing to
Pay if your girl I mean it’s a week’s vacation worth pay how does that sound oh well if you put it like that maybe I ought to think about it think about it well yeah you don’t make an offer like that very often you must have some
Reason what would I have to do to get it oh you wouldn’t have to do anything as a matter of fact I have the check all made out oh well that’s very generous of you Mr B when would I start you can leave tomorrow oh no I couldn’t do that why
Not well I gotta make plans you know I gotta decide where I wanna go and what clothes I want to take and like that it just wouldn’t be any fun just rushing off without making any plans well how long will that take I mean if you started planning right now you think you
Could be going by next Saturday oh no no I don’t think I could do it but then I don’t even know where I want to go does Missy know well no not yet but uh plus I was just remembering she’s dependent on me for that bridge club luncheon on Friday
I tell you what I’ll take the check now and then I’ll take my vacation later when I’ve made all my plans Hazel Harold I want you to give this piece of chrome pie to your grandmother we had a dinner and a tough favorite wow Harold all set
If you got all the things you want to take along no but I’ve got everything Hazel wants me to take along oh my God I can’t see Hazel Mr B I think you better take your Coke too you know if I will get chilly coming home Hazel oh
Come on now and be sure you don’t bring you back in the bossa nova contest like you did last time all right hazel good night come on here nice good night Hazel bye well Smiley here we are y’all like they say in the movies just the two of us [Applause] The Sundays also have considerable influence in Washington friends in very high places yes George told me Charles tells me that George is the only one who’s ever been able to talk to Mr Sudley well actually uh I always say there’s a really tough job to be done
George is a man to do it and if you handle that dinner just right we can become the most prominent law firm in the state now what have you decided to do about hazel darling that’s our favorite tune to recognize it will you excuse us shall we dance Remember this tune no I never heard it before George what did he mean uh what do you mean what did he mean Mr Butterworth what did he mean what are we supposed to do about hazel oh well I think he’s concerned about what Hazel plans to serve for dinner uh the
Southeast are exactly Gourmet you know he said nothing but talk about it all evening long you’d think we never gave a dinner party before well honey we haven’t for anyone this important well I don’t see anything to get so excited about you told me that the main
Reason is just suddenly was coming was to look at your books well that’s the way it started out but Suddenly It’s the last of the night there are two out to scorers tied the World Series is at stake and I’m the pinch hitter now if I don’t belt a home
Run and win that game I’m shipped back to the bushlies George that’s ridiculous well if you want anymore go get your dinner this guy don’t pick up that split the hood are you cutting it too thin you see pull up the tank in All right put it down all right Chapman please deliver this to Mr Hudson at the airport his flight is number seven departing at nine to five don’t just leave it there for him deliver it in person understand yes sir suddenly you’re then free until 11 30. pick us up here at that time yes sir yeah thank you
I still don’t see why you couldn’t have arranged to see his book collection without accepting a dinner invitation I’m really looking forward to seeing a Franklin Edition such hospitable people they don’t even turn on the lights so their guests can find their way of all the stupid places to put aside lovely
Okay okay just can’t stand pressure Oh don’t worry he’s real friendly his name is smiley is is this the George Baxter resident it sure is can I do something for you well we’re Mr Mrs Sunday oh I’m Hazel Burke I’m real pleased to preacher are you new in the neighborhood yeah I mean no
I mean we’re expected for dinner here tonight oh oh come on in Mr Mrs B I mean Mr Mrs Baxter ain’t even home really Addison he invited us for dinner and then forgot all about it well come Lydia the car is on the way to the airport remember oh are you sure he
Invited you for dinner tonight when I met him two days ago he said come for dinner next Saturday well this is this Saturday maybe he meant next Saturday I’ve told you once I’ve told you a thousand times and may I please use your telephone to call a taxi I’ll make the social engagements
All the stupid things oh it’s right over here you better let me look it up for you how could you make such a ridiculous mistake I still say the mistake was Baxter’s not mine and if he can’t be more specific about so simple a thing as a dinner engagement
No use of getting mad at each other you know just because somebody made a mistake it’s liable to happen to anybody hey y’all Mr Sudley it’s ringing thank you hello uh would you please send the cab right away to 123 Marshall Road yes as soon as possible thank you
Well I always have to wait here until the taxi arrives conclusion well how did you tell your parents I tripped over that stupid sign outside oh I told Mr be he set that sign too close to the walk and all together Charming evening honestly Addison when you think of
Retaining an attorney just because he happens to share your interest in rare books would you folks like a drink why thank you I could certainly use one I’ll have a cup of Hemlock well I don’t know much about them fancy drinks but everything’s right in there on the tray
So why don’t you just help yourself and I’ll be back in a minute Love you We’ll just cancel it thanks to me You mean to tell me she refused a week’s vacation with pay not exactly well what if she accepted at all right she took the money now and plans to take the week off later oh for the level maybe no I’ve got it Hira Butler a butler here we are you folks must be
Starving no no no we’ll have dinner in town oh yeah where where are you gonna get a decent meal at this hour yes listen where well now you see it’s all settled you’re going to have dinner here just like you planned oh no we couldn’t
Oh sure you can we had beef stew for dinner and we got plenty left I got it warming on the stove right now oh really Addison what is that cab going to get here oh that’s liable to take a long time Saturday nights they have big night
You know and they don’t like to come way out here and miss all them extra tips from the short runs in town so just relax and enjoy yourself well you better have one before they get cold oh you go check that I’ll take this one
Well I’m going to go out and see this too now hey these are delicious try one I’d rather die first if you insist on eating those at least consider your ulcer There’s something they should teach you in that dog training school you and Fifi attend [Applause] I have a heart Lydia give him one well [Applause] What’s the matter what happened he swallowed my earring oh what was it about the size of that one yes it dropped into the dish that’s all right that ain’t very big that won’t hurt him [Applause] Now give me a pass Mr sunlight I beg your pardon oh I brought you this room to put on while I’m mending that rip in your pants let’s see oh that ain’t too bad let’s just pulled apart at the seams I’ll have that done in no time
Oh that’s a gorgeous pair of shoes you got on Miss suddenly but I can see by your face they’re killing you why don’t you kick them off and be comfortable that’s my motto I’ll be back I think I’ll faint uh Dorothy how would you like to hire a
Butler next Saturday eventually a butler but four even make a splendid impression on the sudlies and and I think that Hazel should have a little help on an occasion like this after all the butler could make the drinks serve the dinner and uh Hazel to stay in the kitchen that
Is with the assistance of a butler Hazel could concentrate entirely upon preparing the dinner excuse me telephone call for you hello hello hazel who what so don’t worry Mr B and don’t take no chances coming home because they can’t go until I let Mr suddenly have his pants back
George what is it speak up man what is it speak up man That’s one beer and what about you Mr suddenly I’ll have beer well come on in I’m dishing it up total disaster Hazel along with us Sundays George are you sure you made the date for next Saturday well that’s what I meant you must have misunderstood
Let’s get there in a hurry I know a shortcut Oh so now I know what this reminds me of it’s like that marvelous beef bourguignon that we had in that little cafe outside trash and tracks remember it’s better why can’t already prepare food like this for us Addison we simply must hire this woman away from the back just eccentric and
Talkative as she is she’s simply Superior here in the kitchen it would take a while but in time I’m sure I could improve her Madness Oh you change your mind she is the most exasperating woman I have it but Addison you’ve got to have her well I don’t know this is my specialty laughs oh this is the best prune pie I’ve tasted since I was 14 years old I thought you’d like it it’s one of my
Grandma’s recipes well I’ll go finish throwing your pants Addison you’re right we’ve got to ever We don’t care what the Baxters pay you we’ll give you 100 a month more and I’ll even pay the taxes on the full amount boy you must be having trouble with your mate oh the upstairs made the downstairs made the chef the Butler and even the
Fair isn’t as reliable as he ought to be all you’d have to do is just cook that’s all with every Thursday and Sunday off and we travel a great deal you know we take you along do you like to travel oh sure but living out of a suitcase can get pretty
Tiresome oh you wouldn’t have to do that you’d have changed visit our Mason at New York a house in Palm Springs our apartment in Paris and our villain Rome so you see you wouldn’t be living out of a suitcase your changes would be right there wow we will pay all expenses
Provide medical and dental care and uniforms and I’ll even Supply a car well it’s just one thing name it whatever your terms are we’ll meet them well you admitted you got a lot of people working for you but the boxes have only got me
And if I left to take care of them Hazel it’s very commendable of you to think of them but in this world you have to look after yourself where can you do the best for Hazel Burke with the Baxter’s with us that’s the basic consideration
You know I feel kind of sorry for you two why well maybe you don’t know you’re making a mistake maybe you never even thought of it but if you only consider yourselves you know you’re missing a lot of happiness I’m gonna give you for trying to pull a
Fast one like this but you really ought to feel a little ashamed of yourself do something George Hazel Hazel let’s come over you talking to Mr and Mrs suddenly this all right Mr Baxter let her finish I I guess I was finished Mr suddenly I should think so uh we was just talking
About ethics loyalty and consideration I don’t know who got the date mixed up Mr Baxter but I’m delighted that it happened you are Mr Baxter would you do as a very great favor why of course Mr Sudley discharger fire Hazel at once what you see George since Hazel quite obviously is too
Polite to tell you I will we tried to hire her away from you and it still goes Hazel if you ever decide to make a change the offer still holds as in Love and War everything’s fair when you need a superior cook well I can’t blame you for trying to get her
Away Mrs Sudley it only goes to prove you no good thing when you see it oh Chapman we’ll be with you in a moment Mr Baxter I came here to see your book collection but oh yes of course would you like to see it now well I was
Thinking um regardless of who made the mistake about the date you did expect us for dinner next Saturday didn’t you oh that’s right next Saturday we’ve been counting on we’ve been discussing it all evening and the invitation still holds oh yes yes and we would like to include
The butterworths too if they can make it delighted fine I’ll see your book collection there wonderful wonderful is there anything special you folks would like for dinner oh anything you decide to cook will be divine everything Hazel does is divine good night oh miss only you forgot your shoes thank you [Applause] [Applause] [Applause] Thank you a screen gems production Are you feeling okay now oh fine better than ever if I didn’t get sick every once in a while I’d never get a real rest oh boy pancakes buttermilk pancakes hot dog hungry huh I bet your dad is too me not being able to cook for him for
Four days or you were sick mom fixed to add an omelette oh no kidding he looked at it a couple times with his Fork sort of like it was alive then he asked for the Dry Cereal okay Oh you don’t know how good it is to see you standing behind that stuff kind of miss me huh I don’t know what I’d have done if George hadn’t taken this out to dinner every single night well restaurant food is all right for a change but it ain’t like home cooking Mr
B who lose a lot of weight but he didn’t mention it I bet if I was out for more than a couple of days this whole family would be Skin and Bones Mr B ready I’ll see for Mr B living on restaurant food and Dry Cereal
You know working on a closed merger with a two continents Corporation is going to be a real challenge come on in Mr B good morning handsome you can start on these and uh mix up another batch yes you’re gonna have all you want but don’t eat too fast now and I’m gonna
Have to brush up on international law lucky though I’ve got almost a month before senior Fury the European representative gets here well why are you staring at me like that you ain’t lost any weight in your face Mr B Hazel you were ill not me no but I
Heard you ain’t been eating right these last few days none of those for me thank you he’s a buttermilk pancakes not this morning George Hazel made them as a special treat yeah well maybe you’d rather have one of my herb omelets Mr B just some Dry Cereal please
Try cereal that’s right I put on almost four pounds while you were laid up with the flu you gained away too much Rich Italian food Italian food Mr B you never eat Italian food you won’t even eat my Italian food Hazel this isn’t just ordinary Italian food this is Florentine
Cooking Florentine wonderful new restaurant Trattoria panchini I make some real good Italian dishes Hazel you should have tasted that wonderful Florentine veal we had last night Neil you don’t even eat meal and those desserts Peach is stuffed with almond pistachio pie oh what a menu you could go there every night for a
Month and not have the same thing twice maybe if I was sick for a few more days you might have had a chance to try everything maybe I’ll have a relapse right now Hazel George didn’t mean if he wants Dry Cereal he’s gonna get dry cereal with skim milk and no sugar see
The girl out front said I could come back here to see you my English is very bad well I’m sure it’s better than my Italian okay how can I do for you well I’m a housekeeper I’ll Escape yes I I clean and I cook you want to work for punchini oh no
I can’t do that I already got a job as cook oh delicious you know Senor my boss is just mad about your cooking Oh sure he’s been eating here every night for a week oh thanks well what I want to know what maybe you let me have some of your recipes so I can fix them at home so Mr B my special food that’s my life how can I give it to someone else oh
Sure I know how you feel I got my own secret recipes shrimp Wiggles shepherd’s pie yeah it’s important you cook like a Francine for your boss oh sure oh well I thought it was worth a try thanks anyway just a minute just a minute I say your face is honest
Sympathica good Oh you mean you’re gonna let me have the recipe make sure I’m gonna let you over the recipe what’s the matter with you you see this is how the recipe that I only give to the people whom I like us but these are in Italian No experiment oh Rosie if I was to experiment I might start off with a veal Cutler and I’d end up with the pistachio pie okay so you’re brooding over this too much yeah I guess maybe I am what about going to the Orpheum tonight they
Got a new dog fantasy picture oh say yes I want to see that it’s the remake of that musical they did based on that old silent picture oh no wait a minute I just remembered I can’t go I’ve got my social problems class all the pizza you ain’t still going to night
School are you I’m taking marriage and family life but you ain’t married and you ain’t got no family well isn’t that a social problem no I just can’t miss class besides that’s the most fascinating man interested in me no kidding he’s held the drinking fountain faucet for me three times now his name
Is Enzo Martelli I think he’s Italian though that’s it that’s why you can get those recipes translated Oh you mean the guy at the drinking fountain oh no they have a class in basic Italian But they just don’t like you to relate these classes Oh oh well thanks Rosie now there’s a 10 minute break at eight o’clock so I’ll meet you down by the drinking fountain oh okay okay see you later Thank you Excuse me but somebody said this was the Italian class basic Italian but as a teacher They think all right excuse me Arena well I really don’t know I’m hazelberg are you planning to join our class oh no I just wanted to ask you a favor I got these wonderful Florentine recipes and I thought maybe you could help me put them into English well I’d
Be happy to miss Burke but I really have to start the lesson now oh why don’t you stay as my guest and then after this session we look at the recipes no okay okay student please turn to page 23 in your grandmas Well I’ll see her after the coffee break Oh you speak Italian good I didn’t see you in the class you are in my English class oh no I’m in the Italian class oh you don’t speak Italian and I’m in the English class but I do not speak English oh you’ll do fine I bet you you’ll do as
Good as I do it in Italian you will Senora oh that’s quite a difference I’m Hazel Burke singing Arena married or or not married with a man it is Much more than that you come to a night school to learn a my language yes and I come tonight’s school to learn your language you have a little saying Piccolo Mondo small world oh well I gotta remember that no you see I have these wonderful uh Florentine
Recipes but I don’t know how to read them and then you cook Italian food where do you work Mr martelly the b b department store in leather goods but I I think I do much better on my job if I learned more of the English oh sure you
Could how long you been in the USA a little more than a year if you have traveled with the Italian maybe I can help you I love me with the English Hazel work just wants the big idea of taking over the man who’s interested in me oh is he
The one oh I’m sorry Rosie I didn’t know and I guess he forgot he was interested in you letting him kiss your hand and right by the drinking fountain too Hazel why would you ever do that well it pickled on Monday Rosie That’s Italian and imagine you’ll
Probably never see again in your whole life I think we’ll be bumping into each other again now that I’m taking lessons in the Italian mean you’re starting in the night school oh sure you’re so right Rosie A girl’s gotta improve herself Hello We had a word today that the European representative of the two continents Corporation will be in town next week his name is senior Fiore oh fiori that’s Italian for flowers Hazel the spinachu play was especially good tonight is good sworn there was another chop there you
Gotta say room for dessert you know Mr B and his wife to have dinner with us here I understand she always acts as his interpreter of course darling see I feel the negotiations will go much smoother in a relaxed atmosphere did I say relaxed Hazel are you serving
Dinner or running the 440. George Hazel has a night single class this evening she gets educated I get indigestion it’s on a good cause darling you wanted that Florentine food that’s true but when am I going to taste some of those great dishes I’m saving them for special
Occasion meant to be you can go on to school Hazel I’ll finish up oh thanks Misty oh I mean multi grassy senora and the motography to you too Mr B we need a meal in this house anymore you need English subtitles No I wasn’t looking for her well I guess she isn’t here tonight I hope she’s not ill oh my goodness oh I have the nicest Dutch chocolate cake with caramel coconut icing here but I just never been able to eat all of it myself maybe you’d like to have some excuse
Me I’m sorry I was late the teacher was explaining something hey you’re a friend was worried when you were not here tonight oh my friend didn’t seem to be a bit worried when we would walk to school tonight ‘s recipes I’ve made it specially for you please never never but even at a guy have I have I tasted such a casabella how would I say uh you’re so kind say Moto Gentile say okay friends do you like Opera well I I don’t know tell you the truth I ain’t never been
Okay picato you have me a spot of life so great Pleasures but you do like a music oh sure I love it then you would like Opera the music so beautiful boys so charming and there’s a final Opera Company here this week when do you have uh how it said Thursday
That is the night they sing Puccini’s love boy and what could be better for your first opera Hazel what do you do me the pleasure to accompany me oh hey it is such a beautiful flower how you will enjoy and I want to share your pleasure Marcelo and Rudolph you’re
Freezing and are starving in that attic little me dying oh I’d love to go it sounds like a barrel of fun it is 8 30. I come for you one hour before Oh I better give him my address I hope you won’t mind coming to the back door there we are
Thursday oh till Thursday [Laughter] Foreign Anything something they’re lovely Hazel you know in pictures you always see ladies wearing them at the Opera so I figured I ought to get me some I want everything to be just right tonight I’m anxious to meet this Mr martelly oh you’ll like him Missy he’s a real
Gentleman you know they have a word in Italian for kind Gentilly and that’s what he is Gentilly I’ll get it back to Residence a Hazel oh hi Mr Baby Hazel that European representative of the two continents Corporation just arrived in town Oh you mean Mr flowers yes that’s right Mr fiori now I’m
Counting on you to serve a very special dinner for us oh I’ll shoot the works Mrs fiori said to expect it from about 7 30. so plan to serve dinner at eight o’clock oh sure you just leave everything to me oh wait wait a minute I know it’s your night off
But this is very important to me if this merger goes through it could be a springboard into even greater deals uh take tomorrow night off okay oh oh sure Mr B uh I’ll be uh you can try out some of those new recipes of yours oh don’t you worry Mr B
Everything’s gonna be all right Smells wonderful Hazel well you’re finally going to get that Florentine meal you’ve been waiting for I hope we’ve translated the recipes Rocky Hazel uh Dorothy just told me what you gave up to be here tonight I’m very sorry you should have told me you had a date to go
To the Opera oh that’s all right Mr B I’m glad you counted on me that’s the way I wanted to be the only thing I feel bad about it is not being able to get in touch with Mr Martelli it’s your date yeah he left the store where he works
Early and I don’t know his home address so he’s liable to be turning up here any minute oh that must be Mr Mr Fury oh thanks Just bring in the appetizers when you can oh wait a second bring you a few flowers for you forget the Opera tonight oh no no how could I forget those poor men freezing and that’s dying I do not understand well you come on in come on in and I’ll
I’ll try to explain it to you come in senior Fiore come in good evening Mr Baxter how are you on the fine foreign she has the flu and she always acts as seniors interpreter please forgive my husband he understands only a few simple phrases of English
Good evening Mr Baxter how are you I’m gonna tell the truth Senor I have felt a lot better he’s a pity you would have liked and they were a good seats there’s no reason why you can’t go I want you do not go I do not go many evenings
I have spent at La bohem I have never spent an evening with you I will not be cheated of it I don’t usually believe in First Impressions but I knew you was Moto gently the minute you bumped into me this is pretty fancy for a little old me
Let me pin them on you oh no I’m gonna put them in the refrigerator so they’ll last season I’m gonna stay in a healthy yourself Espanol he speaks every language but Swahili in English George you should get an interpreter we’re on the Yellow Pages I’m just gonna blow the whole deal
It’s nice to hear your language spoken when you’re away from home ain’t it so he doesn’t understand English not a word his wife interprets for him but she has the flu people just won’t take care of themselves George maybe Hazel could interpret for you Dorothy Hazel has had exactly four
Weeks and I hate school Italian now this gentleman and I have to discuss intricate legal problems and I give a hundred dollars for an interpreter right now Well where is she she’s upstairs putting on some of my perfume George Well answer will be here any minute Hazel you look terrific thanks oh Missy are you some of your spontaneous combustion oh and the gloves Hazel are a perfect touch yeah don’t you think oh it sounds nice here to get the tickets for the Tosca tonight Mr B oh well Hazel after what you and Enzo did for me the
Other night saving the merger I’ll get it good evening Shall we go yeah I’ve also arranged for you and Hazel to have dinner after the Opera as my guess Candlelight soft music Fine Food a bottle of good wine oh Mr B you shouldn’t have done that Hazel it’s my pleasure where else do they serve the best Italian dinners in town right here [Laughter] [Applause] Foreign Yes Phil I’m leaving right away oh by the way I won’t need a caddy I’ve got a new golf cart oh it’s a beauty right see you in a half an hour thank you Dorothy is Harold playing with my new golf cart she’ll be coming around
Mr B if I was you I’d put a little oil on that left wheel’s got kind of a squeak in it Thank you Thank you Hazel that horn why don’t you bring your bugle well I just want them to know you’re back home from Washington well at least my friends in Washington can hear I’m home safely thank you he was a way way down this glass no turbines at all oh your hotel comfortable George Well Hazel was
It he slept like a baby not even the card game down the hall kept me awake thank you Angel I’m glad to hear that George what’s the matter the sound of my own voice I haven’t heard it for so long it startled me if I talk too much you just stopped me how
Your dad wouldn’t take any money for what he did in Washington and so the man in the defense department heard about you so we sent you this what is it yeah come on show it to us oh beautiful it’s twice as big as our flag three times
Oh what we need now is a flagpole to go with it yellow oh hello Mr Griffin I just flew in from Washington I just walked into the house what do you mean what about those contracts don’t you have them Please Mr Griffin don’t Shout I told you I was going to Washington
I told you I’d have my partner Harry Knoll draw them up well why didn’t you call Mr Nolan my office hey what ain’t it wonderful we’ll fly it on all the official flag days Inauguration Day Lincoln’s birthday Washington birthday Flag Day independence day I’ll call you right
Back just as soon as I can reach my office and Columbus Day and veterans that’s right and a birthday I have to get out of the office immediately Mr B we’re gonna need a flagpole we’ve got a flagpole what happened George there ain’t no promised me he dropped some contracts for Mr
Griffin but Mr Griffin hasn’t received them and he’s fit to be tied we couldn’t fly anything this big on our flagpole oh brother I’ve got to get down to the office look Mr B look Mr B then get one word doesn’t Is Mr Knoll in his office How are you great to have you back don’t smile on me you traitor what have I done that’s exactly what I want to know what have you been doing George before I left we had a meeting in my office don’t you remember what we agreed
On how could I forget it we agreed to that waitress who brought our lunches up from the coffee shop had the shortest skirts we’ve ever seen the tallest hairdo you know they have very good food in that coffee shop I’ve been going down there ever since don’t try to fast talk
Your way out of this now we agree that you dropped the Griffin contracts while I was gone there they are signs sealed and ready to be delivered they were supposed to be delivered two days ago Griffin hit the ceiling as a matter of fact he hit the ceiling so hard he won’t
Be down for a week oh George he was showing off he likes to be on the ceiling makes him feel above everybody else you know who’s getting the blame for this don’t you me uh George you know those contracts aren’t all that urgent I know they aren’t but
He thinks they are and it’s the same thing now you broke your word you let me down and I’m going to examine every word of these contracts with a magnifying glass George out of respect for our warm friendship over the years I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear you
Say that you don’t have to pretend you didn’t hear me say a thing because I’m never going to speak to you again [Applause] Very well George I’ll tell you what happened and then when you get down on your knees to beg my forgiveness I may or may not forgive you this firm in addition to serving large corporations has always prided itself on extending a helping hand to the poor the unfortunate the little people of the
World well they don’t come any little than you Buster I was starting to prepare those contracts when a woman ended my office A desperate miserable wretched woman sobbing as though her heart would break with her was her frail emaciated little daughter oh will I get my cello I’ll accompanied they needed legal help
The father though perfectly innocent was in jail put there by the wicked machinations of another man don’t make me sick unless the father was released there would be no food in the house for that helpless little child Harry why didn’t you turn them over to someone else in the office George
Unless you give of yourself you give nothing but Harry why am I boring you with sentiment I can see that your heart is hot heat You need to be I know how it is when you get a case that involves kids I try not to get sentimental about them but I can’t help it they just get under my skin I wish you could have seen her she was a little dumb are you Kevin if you forgive me
I do forgive it forgiven now I better call Griffin and tell them about those contracts hurry darling oh excuse me I’m sorry I didn’t know how he had anyone with him that’s all right I’ll go to my office across the hall and make oh then you must be Mr Baxter
Yes yes I am but you know Harry just thinks you’re wonderful oh as a matter of fact he thinks you’re the finest Junior Partners he’s ever had oh very kind of him says he appreciates all those tedious little things you take off his shoulders like running down to Washington sorry
Well I uh I try to do every little thing to keep the boss happy I don’t think he isn’t a wonderful friend I’ll bet just a couple of days ago my mother and I came to see about getting my Uncle Joe out of jail he’d had a few too many and Harry just
Dropped everything to help us I hope you don’t think I’m being forward or fresh he asked me to call him Harry did I say something wrong I wish I had a good Almanac I have a hunch today is the day the world comes to an end Erman call Mr Griffin
Tell him there’ll be a slight delay with his contract tell him I’m going over them with a magnifying glass oh and another thing I’ll have to borrow your car mine’s being washed [Applause] Well that’s just what I needed a hundred foot flagpole Hey sir A hundred foot flagpole it’s 30 feet Mr Baxter you hear what he said But you said you didn’t want the flag to touch the ground well I didn’t say I wanted to touch the moon either Lady would you please get out of here what I had in mind was one of those pools that would stick out from the house while the flag hangs down oh no Mr to be that ain’t spectacular enough for all glory to hear not with all she’d been through the rockets red glare the
Bombs versus the rockets red glare the bombs bursting in air sounds just like my house all right Mr Noel Mr Noel oh sorry I was lost in thought I’ve typed out the letter you dictated would you like to sign it read it back Dear George in view of our strained
Relations which would be detrimental to the harmonious function of our firm I have decided to submit my resignation which you can accept on behalf of the other partners will you sign it well no certainly not he might accept it I just wanted to get that gesture out of my system
I’ll give him another chance to forgive me oh no lady can’t you see I’m trying to get through you’re on the wrong side of the street I’m on the right side of the street back up I can’t there’s a car in the back of me you’re in front of me
How am I gonna break it up none of that is my problem back I don’t want it if I take it back you’ll have to pay for the truck I’ll pay for it but I don’t want it Mr B what you don’t realize is that this flag is more
Than just a piece of Red White and Blue Claw that pulled a real bargain Mr Baxter only reason I ain’t letting it go for a half price is because I’ve had it for 20 years and I haven’t been able to get rid of it such a small Wonder Mr B
This flag is a symbol of America it stands for the past present and future of our country half price Mr Baxter I’m letting you have a 500 flagpole for only 300. 300 isn’t half a 500. well there’s a small charge for installation Mr B you know they gotta dig up the front line
Of course that’ll be extra if we need a plumber a plumber for a flagpole well he can’t help it Mr B when he digs sometimes he hits his sprinkling system of the water pipe now we gotta dig deep you know that cold solid iron if it fell against your house
And then sometimes of course we have to call him an electrician Dorothy but that only happens when he hits the telephone wire or the power line in a storm Mr Baxter yes that’s your car [Applause] oh There She Goes ego just took off to Pinkus to the iron yard maybe if we started saving our money we could buy another one no it’s too late I already bragged to the neighborhood they’ll all be here to see your dad raise the flag tomorrow morning only the
Flag ain’t exactly what he’ll be raising tough legal problem no I’m just trying to figure out a way to blame the flagpole and the traffic ticket on Harry Knoll please don’t be mad at Harry George of all your partners I think he’s the sweetest so does he doesn’t mean he’s so
Gay and romantic he’s a wolf he is not he simply finds women irresistible and as a woman I think that’s fascinating you can’t spend all your time Romancing a lot of women and be a good lawyer no Harry says it’s just the opposite the more women you Romance the better lawyer
You have to be well look who’s here hi Mr Knoll Harold’s home is he yes he just got back to Earth he got down about six minutes ago then while I was in his office this girl came running yeah we got company oh Dorothy hello Harry Did you see that look Mr Big Aiden Harry was supposed to draw up some contracts for George and he got sidetracked by a girl and now George won’t talk to him oh the way George acts you think that no one in that office ever tried to avoid work but do you
Remember what Mr Butterworth did oh yeah and Mr hatch yeah well let’s not forget George and that professional golfer named judge oh boy that was a doozy huh George conveniently forgets all those things and poor Harry he’d give anything to be friends again anything what do you mean anything like a 30-foot flagpole
What do you have in mind a 30-foot plate now it’s no use Hazel I don’t see how you could possibly reconcile us well all I want to know is do we have a deal if I get you and Mr B together will you give me a flagpole I’ll not only buy you a
Flagpole I’ll sit on it like Shipwrecked Kelly Hazel will you please mind your own business now my attitude toward Minister Knoll is my own affair oh I ain’t trying to change your attitude Mr B I agree with this you know this ain’t the first time Mr Knowles
Pulled on you remember when he asked you to take over his cases because he was going to Europe on some big legal case Hazel and he kept phoning you every day to tell you how hot he was working and then somebody that knew him well said that they saw him lying on the
French Beach all day that wasn’t Mr Knoll that was Mr Butterworth no it was Mr Butterworth well anyways I remember how mad you got when you was going to this big party and Mr no said he was sick and asked you to take this case for him and then you discovered
That he’d gone to the potty that you’d missed that wasn’t Mr Knoll that was Mr hatch Oh I thought it was missing no it was Mr hatch well anyway I remember once when you needed some legal help and Mr Noel says that he wasn’t free to help
You out he said that he was tied up with a judge he was tied up all right but it was in a golf game with a man named judge only Mr Knoll would pull a mean trick like that that wasn’t Mr Knoll that was me I thought it was gonna snow
It was me all right Hazel All Right you’ve made your point we’ve all been as guilty as he has so I will go in and make my peace with Mr Noble We raised the flag tomorrow morning Right back I don’t blame you for being mad George I swear it’ll never happen again forget it no I mean it I mean you’re a real friend George and I’m going to do everything I can to deserve your friendship well what you did wasn’t any worse than what I did
What do you mean I’m talking about that time you fooled me for help from the courthouse and I told you I was tied up with a judge and I was only was a golf game with a professional name judge well you remember who did that to me
Well Harry I thought you knew I thought Butterworth the hatch told you no they didn’t tell me and I nearly lost that case but you didn’t lose it no thanks to you I could have lost it I needed help Harry who led me to believe you were
Tied up and some judges Chambers oh smile at me you traitor Harry how often do you get the chance to beat a real professional we were tied you let me down apparently this was a chance of a lifetime now if I left that Golf Course my friends I’ll never speak to you again [Applause] Thank you hello Mr Pinkus this is Hazel again I got bad news for you we ain’t going to take the flagpole after all hello hello he hung up I just heard something before I think it was Mr Pinkus I don’t care what he said I didn’t let him down and he would not have lost the case but he thought he might without your help it was just panicking and you didn’t come to his assistant all right all right I’m sorry George don’t tell me
That tell him how he won’t even speak to me I I can’t even talk to him can you imagine anyone being that childish no I can’t think of the show all right rub it in I wish I could figure how things always work around to being mindful I thought you wanted to
Get together with them I didn’t would I’d do anything anything I don’t like the way you said that what do you have in mind a 30-foot flagpole oh come on now you promised me a flagpole if I brought you and Mr B together we’re not together
Well you were for a solid 10 seconds oh all right all right I’ll give you a check how much 300 for a flagpole well that’s just for the flagpole alone it would cost you more if you ran in any trouble like hitting the sprinkling system of the telephone wire that might run you
Into five or six hundred more now listen to Hazel no you listen to me I got Mr B to promise said he’d pay half the bill if I got you two together never okay is your new girlfriend put it down oh she’s a beauty put it down I was just
Thinking of all the money you’d say by Mr B splitting the bill think of all the extra cozy dinners with champagne and Candlelight and soft music Thank you guys Who has it well I can’t say I didn’t warn you sometimes it happens sometimes you hit the city water main starts out with a little trickle like that keeps getting higher and higher thank you Thank you Foreign [Applause] [Applause] I can’t play late George I’ve got a date with my stockbroker first thing in the morning he has some Investments to suggest well if you want something nice and solid you ought to buy some general petrol it’s going to take a big jump hey so Mr Yates doesn’t need your advice
He’s been dealing in stocks for years it never hurts to get a tip George especially for me remember that tip I gave you on Mohawk Motors you did fine with that right excellent I intended to buy that stock long before you ever mentioned it well
Maybe so but you gotta admit I give you better tips than some other people you sure had plenty to say about that poor ignorant clock that gave you the tip on Consolidated sulfur pulling Mr B almost lost his shirt I was that poor ignorant cluck Hazel
I didn’t really say that about you Bob she’s always getting things mixed up oh forget it when the game’s over this poor clock will probably be even poorer I’ve had you for a partner before your deal darling Thank you foreign And and it seems I did so I want to apologize all right Hazel I accept your apology oh good this sort of thing has happened too many times in the past and I don’t want it happen again but I was just trying to help Mr Yates out if I
Didn’t mean to cause him no trouble I know you didn’t mean to cause trouble Hazel and we’re not going to have any more trouble like this if you’ll just restring yourself from butting into things that don’t concern you oh come on Mr B you make it sound as if I go around
Button into all kinds of stuff I don’t do that well I’ll let me see if I can give you a few examples uh like last month when that front of your sprained his ankle getting out of the bus and he decided to sue the bus company you told
Him I’d be very glad to represent him well I was just trying to help out an old friend hmm no on the bus company heard about it they were quite surprised since my firm is retained to represent the bus company I didn’t know that of course you didn’t know what Hazel but
The point is it was none of your business just like it was none of your business to get into that argument I had with the power company oh that was this guy you never should have paid that bill he didn’t hold off long enough so you took it upon yourself to hold
Back the check I gave you the mail remember what happened yeah oh well having dinner by can we have a new rule in this household we do we do starting right now we’re all going to mind our own business and only our own business now I’m not going to
Buddy learn your cooking or your housekeeping and you’re going to stay strictly out of my Affairs and the Affairs of my friends okay okay Mr B whatever you say goes you’re the boss good now I think things are going to work out just fine oh Hazel uh have you seen my car keys
Anywhere this morning I left them somewhere last night and I can’t remember where my department is cooking and housekeeping the big things like keeping track of keys is your department George didn’t mean it to sound that way Hazel now don’t worry about it why do you worry I’m just doing fine all I have to do is stick to our agreement he comes to his business and I tend to mine hey you’re taking this home well that gives me quite a problem Hazel
I was going to ask you to do something it’s not really your department it’s George’s job usually well then don’t ask me to touch it oh please Hazel please Justice once zip me up all right Sam says it’s you but don’t you tell Mr B I didn’t
Right there on the bottom line Mr Griffin all right that does it good I think you’ve covered everything back you always do oh well I’ve been at this for a long time I may have some more contracts for you to draw up soon if I go ahead with the detail I’m looking into
Oh what sort of a deal I may go into the market with a new invention of challah brought me a disposable Skillet a disposable Skillet it’s made out of a heavy metallic paper you can cook anything in it from pork chops to fried fish then throw it away
Well that’s it that sounds pretty interesting say tell Hazel about this idea and see if she thinks they’ll sell Hazel well she’s no expert she is when it comes to the housekeeping often yes she’s a good housekeeper and a very smart woman solid Dependable full of good old-fashioned Common Sense she
Reminds me of my mother yes so you told me hazel always brings me luck if she likes an idea I know it’s a good one she’s never given me a bumps here yet so tell her about this Skillet idea and see what she thinks all right Mr Griffin
I’ll I’ll ask her that’s what makes you so valuable to me Baxter for the price I pay you for your services I get the benefit of Hazel’s advice it’s absolutely free yes there’s no one in the world is free with advice says Well now don’t rush away why don’t you stay and watch the evening news with us oh no thanks I’m gonna get back to my own Department oh hi honey bye what a day no I’m not ready to kiss you you get George I’m a little annoyed with you I want to talk
To you about hazel first oh brother what’d you do now sell a house it’s not what Hazel did it’s what you did me I told you not to be so rough on her this morning she’s been very hurt all day long I don’t think Hazel deserves to be hurt
And I am not going to give you a welcome home kiss until you make it up to her oh I will honey I’ll smooth it out right now I’ll apologize if I have to you will well I’ve got to I have no other cars well I think I have an underestimating myself
Fine I’m going to see it right now oh hello Mr B something wrong with the orders no no no they’re just fine oh that is I haven’t had a chance to taste them yet but they’re always great excuse me uh Hazel uh I’d like to talk to you
About our conversation this morning Oh you mean about to agree and not to the button to each other’s business yes uh I was excuse me hi Hazel um I’m afraid you misunderstood my feelings this morning I um well I don’t think I explained myself very well oh no excuse me
That’s a nice thing about being a lawyer you can always make yourself very clean I don’t think I did a very good job excuse me I gotta check the rules will you please just stop things for a minute and listen to me oh sure go right ahead
Look I I may have sounded a little harsh this morning but I I didn’t mean mean it oh I didn’t notice uh I don’t want you to think we don’t value your opinions on anything because we do some things on which your advice is very welcome oh good for me
You know much more about than I do or or even Mr Griffin Mr Griffin yes yes as a matter of fact it’s something he wants me to get your opinion on today it’s a new idea you may invest in a disposable skillet skillet yes it’s made out of
Heavy metallic paper there’s no messy cleaning up to do you just use it and throw it away he wants to know what you think about the general idea and uh oh what a shame well you’ll explain to him Mr B you’ll tell him just how old it is
Just how what is about the new rule you made today and how I promise to keep it not to poke my nose into yours or your friend’s business either Hazel I’m asking you what do you know about me Mr B when I make a promise I keep it then
I’ll be ready in 40 minutes [Applause] so that’s the way it stands now Mr B’s got himself over a barrel and he don’t know how to get off well it’s his own fault he started didn’t he oh well he’s got a point I guess I do sometimes talk too much oh yeah I’ve noticed that yeah
And I guess I do have a tendency to butt in oh yeah there’s no doubt about that what do you mean there’s no doubt about that well you’re the one that said it I was just agreeing with you well you didn’t have to agree so fast well I
Figured Mr B suffered long enough and I’m gonna get him off the hook just before he goes to the office this morning oh Hazel you’re so loyal besides he’ll be so grateful when I learn them all there he is yes Hazel you was asking my advice last
Night for Mr Griffin I know Hazel when you make a promise you never break it you told me that you mean you’re still scared I’m not sore I’m just not going to give you the pleasure of turning me down again that’s all Mr B I’m going to have
The market research people run a survey on it for me now forget it the pizza how do you like that I told you to let him stew I sure will I’m beginning to steal myself a little uh wait a minute where’s Madame Farina there she is not oh um
It is nice to see my favorite customer how’s your business I’m sorry you ask and the words of the immortal one Grandma King of the gypsies business things that’s right could you tell that just by glancing at the cards in the hands hello now wait a minute I make a lot of
Business deals that’s no secret uh which important Financial move do you see in the cards there you’re just trying to trick me Mr grief you know very well with deal I mean the one you are thinking of right now the skillet invention well I’ll be done it’s amazing
It’s always such a pleasure to read for you Mr Green all right go ahead read them I’m a hard-headed businessman you know I don’t believe in this stuff but it is fun I didn’t hurt your feelings did I if you will cross my plan with money my feelings will never hurt [Applause]
Go ahead what do you see see more about this big money deal you are going to oh I haven’t gone into it yet by this card and this but opposing forces are working on your mind you are thinking but you have not yet decided right that’s absolutely right I’m not sure yet
Whether to put money into it or not woman you mean I should ask a woman about it a woman must tell you what to do don’t make a move until she said how about that I knew it I just had a feeling this woman is very why is my
Friend if she does not like the deal oh oh here she say put in your money you will be rich oh that’s great news Madam Farina terrific so be here tomorrow at the same time and I will fighting this woman introduce you to her oh ten percent of the growth
Hey I’ve known Hazel for years I’m going over to her boss’s office right now thanks again darn it almost had a job for her mama what do you mean you didn’t get the advice from Hazel didn’t you ask her of course I asked her she just refused to
Give a dog you’re kidding Hazel wouldn’t do that she would when she gets her back up see we had a little difference of opinion and it’s up higher than a camel’s oh well what caused the Ruckus well she was just medley in my Affairs and I told her to mind her own business
Fortunately though getting her advice isn’t important anyway what do you mean it’s not important it’s not important I can’t make a move on those disposable Skillets until I get it well it didn’t seem to matter that much yesterday well things have changed since yesterday before I came here I was having lunch
And that’s when I got that’s when I got the inspiration Something Told Me Not to decide without his little advice I’ve got to have it call Hazel again Mr Griffin I’ll just get another turn down she gave me another one again this morning all right so it’s up to me
Uh hello uh get me hazelberg I should have done this in the first place back to resident hello hazel this is Javi Harvey Griffin how do you feel today oh did you call to ask about my health Mr Griffin well sure I always like to know how my
Friends are feeling and we are friends on foodie Hazel we’ve always got a long fine haven’t we you bet we have and if there was uh something I wanted to know real bad you tell me right off the bat wouldn’t you if it’s about them disposable Skillets I
Can’t help you with it because we haven’t what do you mean you can’t help me sign Mr Griffin hi well you’ve really got things fouled up this time you got Hazel so mad she wouldn’t even help an easy going good-natured man like me you heard me I’m such a soft-hearted
Slob that nobody gives a hoot about what I want and that includes you my fine feathered attorney oh come now I didn’t think Mr Griffin would be so unreasonable oh I know he blusters a lot but I always thought he had a heart of gold he also has a head of solid iron there’s only one thing to do George persuade Hazel to help you you mean beg
Her to get in well yes honey if I want the Hazel crawling on my hands and knees in which I have no intention of doing she’d still turn me down even if you told her you’ll lose Mr Griffin’s account she’d only dig her heels in it harder I’d be humbling myself for
Nothing make it sound like a hopeless situation that’s exactly what it is I’m caught between the two most stubborn people in the world Harvey Griffin and Hazel Well I sure don’t want to lose Mr B anymore work Rosie you know I could hardly sleep last night thinking about them skillets no no I just won’t give in I got my pride so I’m gonna have a little talk with Missy that maybe it’ll solve the whole
Thing you probably think I’m being awful pig headed right Missy bystander Hazel’s between you and George just the same if it was me I bet you’d stick to your guns too after all a bargain is that your point of view I will try to change it oh I can change it
I agreed not to mention Mr B is a fans and he agreed not to mess with mine yes I know and as long as he keeps his bug and I gotta keep mine well what if George did try to interfere in your business oh if he did that the bar gonna be off
But all bets would be off and I could mess in his offense just as much as I please that’s only fair certainly is but he’d never do that never in a million years oh you never can tell Hazel he might oh no mercy he’s got his pride well I
Guess I better clean the upstairs now she said she was keeping her part of the bargain because I was keeping mine that’s right darling and then if I butted into her business she’d feel free to do the same to me exactly exactly so I what a great idea
And really buddy deliberately break what she calls a bargain and Trigger into giving me the advice to Mr Griffin wants now how is that we don’t stand a chance with you man no I’m going out and take care of Miss Murray thank you [Applause] Hi Dad hello there son and good evening to you Hazel hi nice to be you want something oh I just came in to see what we’re going to have for dinner oh that’s gonna be a slow dinner Dad we’re having lamb chops peas potatoes and mixed up
Salad and ice cream thank you son but I love speaking to Hazel well she could tell you the same thing Hazel’s the one that’s cooking so she knows about having matchups peas potatoes never mind don’t you have something to do upstairs would you please find something to do
In case you didn’t hear we’re having lamb chops peas and baked potatoes I know Hazel but I wouldn’t call it a very inspired menu what do you mean inspired well that’s right they’re playing isn’t it why don’t we ever have kidneys sauteed in wine or truffles oh I didn’t know you like that
Fancy stuff what you really mean is you don’t know how to cook it well now that you’re getting to be such a gourmet maybe I could learn okay so wait a minute shouldn’t you tear the lettuce into smaller pieces it’s just the size I always tear them you
Always manage to get your mouth around them before oh they’re much too large Hazel salad is for people not rabbits oh Hazel Hazel these peas need a lot more water there’s nothing worse than burnt peas oh well I ain’t never burned one yet well today could be the day and
They’re not cooking fast enough now I’d like my dinner before bedtime all right there now you’re satisfied why you should pay more attention to what you’re doing for instance you ought to turn these shops now Mr B that does it does what I’ve been very patient about
You coming out here and picking on my cooking but you’ve gone far enough the deal’s off deal yeah you come out here button into my business and that gives me the right to button to yours and your friends too well well Hazel I didn’t do you wouldn’t listen to me this morning
When I tried to give you advice about Mr Griffin and Skillets well you’re gonna listen now well I I guess I did break the bargain break it you’re a president now listen to this good cooks and housekeepers like me wouldn’t give skills like that house room oh why not
Because we got our favorites that we like to use and we wouldn’t exchange them but none of those throwaways that you have to go down to the store and haul home every time you want to fry an egg but Hazel you don’t have to wash them that’s the big thing you don’t
Watch Skillets either Mrs Marty you just wipe them out so they keep mellow and not scratchy and you don’t think Mr mcgriffin should make this investment I certainly would not he’s just gonna throw his money away on those Skillets and you can tell him that to me hazel come with me
Well if I were you Mr Griffin I’d save my money to buy something that makes more sense sure Mr B knows that I’m calling you he kind of pushed me into it you’re welcome well goodbye I gotta get back to my dinner oh Hazel uh just
Now I don’t like to gloat but I think you should know that I led you into a very neat little trap sure you shouldn’t tell her well enough Hazel is convinced she can outsmart anybody well this time I outsmarted her and I don’t see why I shouldn’t bring it to her attention
Completely Hazel that was just an act I put on in the kitchen I did it so you’d come through with that information from Mr Griffin and believe me you took the bait and not only the debate but the hook lying in the Sinker well for Pete’s sake
You should put one over on me that I did and it isn’t nice to rub it in George oh that’s all right when anyone’s so done they deserve to have it robbed in is it okay if I make another phone call Mr B oh of course go right ahead
Well when anyone pulls anything as smart as that they got a right to brag a little bit hi Rosie I just wanted to tell you it worked like a charm yep just the way I figured it would yeah see you soon gonna be ready in a half hour Mr B no no
Hazel uh just a minute uh what was that that worked like a charm oh I’m bargain is off so it’s okay if I give you a little advice right Mr B yes of course well you’re so happy now my advice to you is don’t ask what worked Could she have oh no I outsmarted her or did I of course she did darling you’re a man Thank you Screen Jams Production Peppa [Applause] Hi George neighbor Hi Neighbor Foreign I’m sorry Mr B I didn’t mean to block the door but I pinched my finger I want to get a Band-Aid what are you trying to do well it was a little mix up at the furniture store Mr B and they didn’t send an old bet so I told them they
Could use this didn’t I tell you that’d be trouble when you got my partner interested in that house next door but Mr B we ain’t using it put it back in the basement but what’ll they sleep on put it back in the basement they can go
To hotel he can afford it I know he borrowed enough off of me this morning Dorothy this old bed of ours stays in the basement do you understand oh George you’re absolutely right it would be so much easier for Harry and his bride to sleep in our guest room what
You know they’re having their bed custom made and it might take two or three weeks but surely we could put them up for that long Hazel never mind let go let go I won’t have you straining yourself with this bed this is man’s work I’ll carry it over to Harry Knowles myself No no no no Hazel is brought to you by Dorothy this dinner has been a lifesaver anybody for more coffee no thanks I’ll have some please Hazel where are they once again let me tell you how much we appreciate your inviting us over for dinner tonight oh the pleasure is all ours of course it is after all Rita shouldn’t have to cook
After all that work of moving into a house of course not uh On Moving Day most people go to a restaurant and incidentally there’s a very good one on the other side of the park it’s very handy but fortunately uh living next door like this we can have the pleasure of your
Company and we certainly appreciate you letting us have that bed boy am I going to sleep tonight oh me too I’m bushed I mowed the lawn all day all day yes Hazel I noticed that if you cut that lawn once you cut it 10 times I’m a perfectionist
She wanted to see what the movie man took into your house okay so I’m curious well you’ll excuse us I think we better be getting back next door we’ve got a million things to get straightened out and put away terribly rude to rush off like this but
Everything over there is in such a shout we don’t feel guilty we understand now don’t forget Dorothy I’m depending on you and your good taste to help me decorate my home oh I’m looking forward to it well good night all night good night
Oh Harry um you go on I’ll be along in a minute Hazel um before I go I wonder if I could have a little talk with you sure uh privately oh oh yeah sure let’s just step into the den certainly Rita where does she get that stuff let’s step in with a desk
Dorothy that’s my role my study my office when I’m home suppose I had confidential papers lying on the table George if you’re not smart enough to put confidential papers away don’t blame hazelnut come on help me clear the dinner thank you I want to ask you for your help oh sure
Anything I can do just name it sure the idea for years you’ve been criticizing Hazel for eavesdropping tonight you’re doing the very same thing yourself come on Dorothy you know what Reid is going to try to do don’t you she’s going to try to get hazel to do a
Lot of her housework on my time well Harry and I’ve only been married a few weeks and I do so want to make a success of this marriage one year that’s how long I give that marriage one year George that’s a horrible thought to have for a newly married couple a guy
Who’s been a Playboy all his life suddenly marries a professional singer they’re just not cured for domestic life one year marriage is something so new to me I’ve already had my success as a singer now I want to be a success as a wife and that’s why I need your help
Well if Hazel’s going to help six months that’s how long of that marriage six months I want our marriage to be like George and Dorothy’s I want you to help me be like Dorothy isn’t really sweet and I want you to do for Harry what you’ve done for George
I’m very fond of Harry but I don’t want to wish that on him you’ve created a an atmosphere in their home atmosphere is that what they call it I thought the word was catastrophe well it’s true their marriage is the most important thing in the world to me
I suppose every now and then I get under Mr B skin but really down inside he knows I love him he knows oh sure he knows it ain’t the sort of thing you can put into words or a show by doing little things it’s love and he knows
Well let’s uh get the dishes off the table somehow all of a sudden I don’t feel so smart alecky darling we can’t just sit here like this all day why not because we’ve got all these things to put away we’ve got all the rest of our lives to do that no Why do we get hazel to do it because Hazel works for George she’s got enough to do to run his house now Harry look this chest of drawers that you brought from your bachelor apartment it simply won’t work here in the bedroom there isn’t that room for it
All right we’ll put it in the guest room all right let’s transfer your things to the new dress all right Harry Yes dear why did you wait so long to get married I was waiting for you now you really can’t expect me to believe that it’s
True All My Life I Lived like a Hermit just waiting for you you know I wasn’t born yesterday myself I know they’ve been girls in your life I suppose I should be ashamed of it but until you there’s never been any real romance in my life I buried myself in my law work
For a pretty girl having to pass by I was too busy even to notice it you know what dude where are you going I think I heard the telephone ringing what telephone I better answer it the telephones haven’t even been installed yet foreign Lovey don’t know anybody else is alive Our phone hasn’t been installed yet may I use yours of course Harry right there hi who’s the one in the hall It’s personal and how it’s personal Mr Nolan’s office Susan this is Mr Knoll oh hello Harry please Susan since I’m married not Harry Mr Knoll yes Harry I mean excuse me I let you and your roommate use my apartment for a month but while I was in Europe remember naturally I remember they were
Redecorating our place and when you but did you or your roommate leave a chiffon negligee in the bottom drawer of my chest of drawers you found it said you did we couldn’t find it any place my roommate thought your cleaning woman took it but we didn’t say anything
About it because we didn’t want to get anybody into any trouble oh you didn’t want to get anybody into any trouble oh morning Hazel hello good morning Miss null look at this where’d you get that they’re in the trash can really it’s practically brand new well it’s it’s very beautiful isn’t it
Oh sure it’s real and more to hear more stuff I don’t want to throw it out did you you know sometimes these things get mixed in with the trash Well I thought I had a hunch Mr Knoll made a mistake The Hazel I have a hunch your hunch was right well I gotta go find Harold I already George will be down in a minute Oh dear is this what you’re looking for Well everything’s hunky-dory next door I tell you it’s a wonderful feeling helping the couple like that start off their marriage on the right foot foreign must have picked it up with some other stuff and dumped it in the trash can for heaven’s sakes well boy he ain’t much of
A lawyer if he ain’t more Wide Awake than that boy that must have cost 30 or 40 bucks at the cost of doing that negligee oh if George ever did a thing like that to me he would never hear the end of it well fortunately I was on my
Toes and I guess after this Mr null is going to be too Did Rita get mad at Harry for doing such a thing no she had the sweetest smile when I told her not a crossword I tell you my spirit’s hanging over that house like a goddamn angel I have to talk to him well I don’t think he’s there yet Harry well how soon will
He be there well it depends on whether or not he stops somewhere on the way Mr Noah I’m fixing some chicken noodle soup for you and Mrs Noah for lunch it’ll be ready just as soon as the water boils oh good that’s just what I need some more hot water I Hazel thought
She’d cook it here and then bring it over she wasn’t sure whether your gas was on take my word for it the gas is off what’s the matter you’re not your usual cheery self that Nick Lachey she gave my wife belongs to my secretary your secretary
What was it doing in the trash can that’s what I’ve been trying to explain to my wife for the last half hour yeah Susan thank goodness you’re here why what’s the trouble judge Cafferty called about 10 minutes ago and wanted to speak to Mr Noel but I can’t reach
Him his telephone hasn’t been installed well what was it about you know he wants to examine the pre-trial testimony of the Wilson versus Hamilton case he needs it right away oh well technically Mr Knoll is still on his honeymoon so I’ll handle it bring the testimonials here I’ll check and see
The judge caffeine gets it right away well that’s the trouble what do you mean we don’t have a copy of the testimony in our files well where is it it’s at Mr Knowles home at his home well I just came into the office now don’t tell me I
Have to go all the way home again I can go get it for you no no there isn’t time for that I have to check it first and judge Cafferty has to read well I can go with you and when you finish I’ll take it to him it’s a good idea
Come with me thank you besides I’m curious as to what his new wife looks like well if anyone else is curious about meeting the newlyweds just tell them to drop around my house anytime night or day they’re always there good Mr Baxter say where he was going I see all right thank you
He came in the office and went right out again oh I’m terribly sorry Mr Knoll when I found the negligee I didn’t have the slightest idea oh you’re not the one that needs the idea I’m the one that needs an idea I think I got it what what is it well
Suppose you two go over to my house to sort of help read or straighten things up you know she’s been asking questions about my secretary but she’s never seen her I suppose you casually start to describe my secretary mention the fact that she’s 62 years old
62 years old I mentioned the fact that she’s been with the firm since it was founded back in 1800 wait a minute if she was with the firm back in the 1800s she must be over 62 by now good good the older the better you don’t have to
Overdo it just describe her is an attractive gray-haired woman with a mustache sort of like mine Harry don’t be Preposterous describe her as the motherly type that ain’t no way to start a marriage Mr Knoll now listen Harry you said that you let your secretary and her roommate use your
Apartment while you were in Europe yes theirs was being redecorated well one or the other left a negligee by mistake well there’s nothing wrong in that unless you make something wrong out of it where you pull the bone was trying to hide it as you see you created suspicion where
There was no need for it I know you’re secretary Harry she’s a very lovely girl just because she calls you by your first name don’t mean it’s a great big romance because loves you Harry Harry she doesn’t care anything at all about the other girls you knew before her no any
More than Missy mines the girls in Mr B’s life girl I was thinking of Phoebe who’s Phoebe no the girl Mr B was going with when he met you foreign was going with anyone when he met me oh sure you do don’t you remember Phoebe what’s her name her family Cook was an
Old friend of mine she was always bragging about how no girl could get Mr B away from Phoebe George never mentioned a girl named Phoebe oh well naturally not after he met you but one night when he was talking in his sleep it sounded to me like he mentioned a girl’s name
Phoebe my secretary is 62 years old no Harry you have with Rita yes and tell the truth yes I suppose it’s the thing to do but the only thing admit that Susan is pretty I’ll do it yeah so she’s young and pretty what’s a harm in being young
And pretty I’ll do it okay and we’ll go on with you and back you up it’s the only way to build a beautiful marriage Harry keep everything open and above board she’ll admire you for it I’ll do it if I want to start lying I’ll never
Be able to stop I’m going to get this marriage back on an even keel I don’t oh we’re going over to the Noel’s house will you answer the phone if it rings okay come on Missy hurry up Phoebe oh forget it go on Rita Darling don’t forget Harry tell the truth and nothing but the truth I know it’s the only way oh hello Dorothy Hazel Mrs Noel your husband’s got something he wants to tell you I’ll bet darling about that negligee I’m going to tell you precisely what happened it ain’t as bad as it seems you
Know it ain’t even bad at all when I was in Europe a few months ago I met my secretary and her girlfriend use my apartment her own was being redecorated somehow or other she left her negligee in my dresser it was all perfectly innocent especially when you consider that my
Secretary is 62 years old I didn’t know that thought it was necessary to mention it well she’s been with the firm for years and years and years and years She knows how valuable she is to us in fact she knows more about what’s going on in the office than any of us last year on her birthday when she was 72. all fell as the office chipped in seven I thought you just said she was 62.
But you know how ladies are sometimes they shave a few years off it’s 72 is the correct figure so I’d be very ungalovanous Hazel will you stop punching me Son I saw your car drag but this is the phone ring it’s your office they want to talk to you about something real important oh all right come along with me oh Harold uh son will you ask Mr Noel to come over to the house tell him I want to see him okay
What on Earth is the matter the three of you were staring at that front door so you expected the tornado to hit it’s hit oh hello oh hi Harold hey I just got home from work he wants Mr Nola to come over to the house right away all right I’ll kill him
No you got any smelling sauce I’d go get it only we got our hands full 72 years old Harry I don’t care what kind of a jamming around at home I want that pre-trial testimony in the Wilson Hamilton case you told your wife I was
72 years old well not you I said my secretary was I got to let you go and find a 72 year old Secretary you can’t do that Mr Knoll it ain’t her fault you’d fire me to back up a lie you told your wife I have to
If a man has no Integrity he has nothing when I tell a lie I stick to it Mr Baxter I’m warning you if he fires me on grounds like that every secretary in that office will walk out now wait a minute they will they’ll put whatever they’re doing and walk right out the
Door well he’s not firing you I have to George I have to have a 72 year old Secretary if I go every secretary will go with me will someone please tell me who started this mess anyway I just hope I never see another trash can again as long as I live
I know what his secretary looks like there there’s a picture of her in his album the two of them in bathing suits oh Rita well preserved for 72 isn’t she I hope I look that young when I’m that age if you want to hide anything you
Should have hidden this album no no Rita I know his secretary I know her very well she’s a really lovely girl I don’t doubt it that’s not what I’m mad about why did he have to tell me she’s 72 years old oh he wanted to tell you the
Truth he tried to tell you the truth he just couldn’t get at the nerve now that’s what I’m mad about he’s acting as though I’m some kind of green-eyed truish jealous monster it’s a reflection on me Harry will you quit stalling I want that pre-trial testimony judge
Cafferty is waiting for it now get going I’m going I’m going you will introduce your secretary to your wife I will and let the chips fall where they may I’ll be right back with the testimony and the chips blah blah blah blah George we left them kissing and making
Up for everything’s gonna be peachy reading you all alone Susan was young and pretty she saw your picture in Harry’s photograph album now all he has to do is explain the other 20 girls in the album I’ve checked all the Tesla system I kept this over to judge
Cafferty as soon as you can oh yes sir bye Mrs back goodbye Susan and after all that George Rita had asked Hazel to help them make their marriage as successful as ours has been so I talked some sense into them yup I got them all figured out
I’m just gonna drench that house with love I’m gonna give them everything I can think of so they’ll be as happy as you and Missy George yes Hazel said you were going with a girl named Phoebe when you met me oh you never even mentioned her to me
Well there’s no reason why I should was there a reason why you shouldn’t of course not why well George Baxter one night when you were mumbling in your sleep [Applause] Hazel never mind the house next door start covering this house with light and love Thank you A screen gems production now Lima will try for his birdie a beautiful Park so at the end of the 17th he’s gonna win I just got one of my Sensational ideas why don’t you and some of the other big shots in town organize a professional golf tournament don’t be silly oh Mr B
Think of all the prestige and publicity it’ll bring to the town and all the expense it would bring to the town but you could get some of the big business firms to underwrite it now we switch you to the 18th season hi honey Hazel I said don’t be silly
There’s enough tournaments in the country already and even if the professional golfers association would okay it how are you going to line up enough big name Pros oh you could do it don’t be silly George has he called you yet who mayor Dixon no why well he’ll be
Calling you any minute I just met his wife downtown and guess what the mayor is all steamed up about organizing a professional golf tournament he thinks it’ll bring publicity and Prestige to the town and he thinks you’re the very man to handle it Laughs Hazel is brought to you by E [Applause] darling I’m home George I didn’t expect you home so early in the afternoon to the office I had lunch at the city hall with a mayor and a few members of the Chamber of Commerce oh another meeting about the golf tournament there’s been a change of plans
Previously we had agreed that a committee should meet the various golfers at the airport but now we’ve decided to meet them individually each man will be host to one golfer where are you Whispering we drew names out of a fishbowl and I drew Tony Lieber one of
The really great men of the game I’m to meet him at the airport in about an hour I’ll take him out to the club and introduce him around and darling I want you to go with me so you better get dressed George why are you Whispering I
Don’t want Hazel to know if you want to come along with us she isn’t even oh shouldn’t she go along George you know how excited she is about this golf tournament oh well I know for 12 years she’s been trying to tell me how to play
Golf now she wants to take on the professionals Dorothy I want the newspaper account to read Tony Lima met by attorney George Baxter in his Charming Life not Tony Lima was met by some housekeeper named Hazel who thinks she can get Tony’s game in shape for the tournament
Oh boy oh I have I had a date first I had to get dressed you know and then I had to hop foot and down to get the bottle of champagne because I thought it’d be nice to present it to Mr Lima when it got off the plane and I even
Wrote a little poem to put on it how did you know no Noah about the champagne oh everybody calls him champagne Tony how did you know I wish to meet him at the airport oh well you see when you had lunch at City Hall today the waiter that waited on you was
A friend of mine so as soon as you drew Tony Lima’s name out of the Fishbowl he called me and told me that meeting was private and confidential he could be fired for that oh no Mr B he was just being considerate he knew I needed time
To get dressed up to go to the airport for your information Hazel you are not going hey so why do they call him champagne Tony oh that’s very interesting you are not going you know most people think it’s because he drinks it but that ain’t the reason you are not
Going I read all about it in this book you see when a professional golfer wins a tournament he usually stands a sports Rider around a beer Hazel are you listening to me oh yes the adjustment I want to explain this to message so this day before the tournament he said that
That if he won he was going to treat them to Champagne instead of beer and he won and he did and now he thinks it’s good luck so he’s been doing it ever since that’s why they call him champagne Tony now what was it you want to say Mr
B who knows it’s been so long ago I can’t remember hahaha Excuse me this is a reserve parking lot do you have a pass Just leave the keys in the car and I’ll park it for you we better get crap in the planes landed I love it sorry this is a reserved parking lot do you have a pass yes I have I’m meeting my husband he’s with one of the airlines I just make sure the keys were in the car I may have to move it hey how about that what oh look
Same car same color same model twins if that other one has less mileage we’ll take it Low baby I love Buttercup she missed me you know I did come on let’s go get my bag say you know who just came in on the plane with me look over there Tony Lima well I was born in Oklahoma Carl considering the size of lunch I had on the airplane I’d say
When did you get married well let me see is she with you he doesn’t like you to be standing on the edge of the crowd why aren’t you in the middle of that whole melee well I’m gonna buy you and give him the champagne and I saw all them people chubbing
They’d Shake all the bubbles out when did you win your first big tournament do you think you’re traveling the Grand Slam this year now wait a second with you guys firing questions at me how do you expect me to think we’re not asking you to think Tony just answer the question
Gonna be your last one today so let’s not be not before oh sure otherwise I wouldn’t have put up with Mr B for so long Hazel take Mr Lima’s Club so the car and wait for us there oh sure certainly I think that’s the way the golf tournament ought to be run
Feel Tony are you I got to find some way to get him out of that month Foreign Would you watch our car and see that nobody comes near it what I got Tony Lima’s golf clubs in the back Tony Lima say he’s a real great golfer isn’t he oh he’s just the greatest in the world well there are one or two others I wouldn’t
Exactly say he’s the greatest oh but you don’t have to say it I said it it’s Arnold Palmer and Jack Nicklaus but Tony Lima is the greatest since when since lunch since he’s ours we got him out of a fishbowl [Applause] [Applause] foreign What did you do while I was away baby just the usual played some golf go no golf isn’t my cup of tea I didn’t know anything about it I thought you might have taken it up nope I just did what I always do while you’re away
I just stayed home and read lots of darn dull books [Applause] You shot a 30 on the last nine no the last six Hazel I told you to wait for us at the car where is Golf Club oh don’t worry they’re safe for us to be I got him locked in the trunk compartment but anyone can take them the keys are in the car
I got a policeman standing God over them Well it’s not true I know one of the sports magazines suggested that I was a Playboy they hinted that I threw champagne parties where my friends drove golf balls out of Hotel windows but it’s not true well if I’d known it was going to be like this I’d have brought along some
Rocking chairs maybe I ought to be putting this bag in the car well I hope we’re having champagne at the end of the week I really think you’re going to win then huh Tony well I’m playing pretty good George can’t you talk to those reporters arrange a regular press conference they
Should at least let Mr Lima leave the airport off where’s our car what do you mean where’s your car it’s right here oh you moved it no I haven’t moved it it’s exactly where I parked it in the first place and I’ve been looking after Tony
Lima’s golf clubs just like you asked me to but it was right here right next to this truck well that was a car that looked exactly like yours exactly well where is it where is it they left oh where did it where did they go how do I know whose
Car was it look they don’t put names on these passes it’s just a permit from the airport to allow them to park on a private lot hey watch my back for me will you foreign place in the refreshments great great see you Tony thank you bye Johnny thanks for handling this so
Diplomatically Mr Baxter I can do without any enemies in the Press well let’s get the mystery Shelby my name is George okay first name’s all around huh Tony Dorothy hey oh well Hazel is our housekeeper and one of your most Ardent admirers to be could I speak to you for a minute
Please well not now Hazel we have to get to the club speaking of clubs where am I or what Hazel put them in the back of the car she has a policeman standing yard over them oh good I gotta speak to you for a minute Mr B I should not now
Hazel generally speaking I never let those clubs out of my sight well I don’t blame you though your livelihood more than that they’re like part of the family you know it takes years and years to find a putter you can really trust in a big money tournament guys look after
Their clubs like they were looking after a sick baby if anything happened to one of them you’d be like well like a little kid has just seen his dog run over by a car you just sit down and cry foreign ER Tony is in a hurry to get to the club yes I’d like to get after the practice team of course you would I developed a bad hook in the last game and I’d like to try to straighten it out where is she you’re ready to go Tony’s
Ready to go I’m ready to go but where’s Hazel I just told you I don’t know but but miss I thought I know what you thought you keep telling me what you thought and I keep telling you I don’t know well this is an information booth
Ain’t it I don’t know I mean I don’t know what you want to know Hazel what the devil are you doing are you Mr Baxter yes well we have no way of knowing who has a car identical to yours I beg your pardon never mind the policeman in the parking lot may
Have told her the owner works for one of the airlines but which airline what is she talking about oh never mind Mr B if she put those golf clubs in the wrong car I’m sure the owner will get in touch with us as soon as he discovers
Them yes I’m certain uh Hazel come along with me what did you say well it’s unfortunate if she placed those clubs in a car identical to yours Tony Lemos wrong car Hazel will you please stop crying I ain’t crying I’m just emotionally disturbed that’s only feminine ain’t it I wouldn’t know when I first started working misinformation I used to get upset and cry but nowadays I just feel like belting people I’m not mad at you you understand you
Forgive me no I didn’t say I forgive you I said I’m not mad at you I don’t have time to be mad I’ve got to get those golf clubs back but the policeman at the parking lot don’t know whose car it was and and she know Hazel does only one
Thing to do I want you to call every car dealer and tell them what happened get the name of every person who bought a car identical to mine then bring the list back here and find out which one works for an airline oh that’s a swell idea meanwhile I’ll take Tony Lima out
To the club I’ll stall in there until I hear from you and uh Hazel there better be a phone call waiting for me when I reach the club who else or else [Applause] [Applause] well Tony this is our club beautiful layout I hear it’s pretty tough oh it is tough that last hole for instance is a par four 463 yards the green is small and surrounded by trees Mr Baxter has been calling you for the phone oh thank
You will you excuse me Darth will show you around till I get back George before you go why don’t you get Tony’s clubs out of the car oh yeah glad you reminded me I’d like to turn them over the caddy Master although that’s a very good idea
You can do that while I’m on the pole oh I can’t seem to find the keys they’re right here in your hand How do you like that I’ve been looking all of them for the keys and all the time they’re right there in my hand a lot of other goes to show you how absent-minded I am I’ll be right back foreign ER Tony what what do you find the most difficult
Thing in golf until today I just said cutting was the most difficult until today now I’d say the most difficult thing in golf is getting my clubs from your husband [Applause] hello Mr B uh this is Hazel never mind introducing yourself do you have the
Clubs well I did just like you said Mr B I called the car dealers and I got a list of people who bought cars exactly like ours do you have the clubs well I showed the list to the lady at the information desk who incidentally don’t
Seem to be too fond of me and and she pointed out the name of the man who works for the airline then you have the clubs well his wife drove to the airport this afternoon to meet him and that’s how I made the mistake just answer yes
Or no do you have the clubs well that’s what I’m getting at you see he’s older than her and and she’s awful pretty so he’s in kind of inclined to be jealous you can say that again well uh especially him being out of town so much
And and since she don’t play golf she couldn’t explain what the clubs was doing in the back of their car it was the golf clubs weren’t as bad as a bottle of champagne she says it won the golf club so much as a bottle of champagne Hazel you get to the point
Well that is the point I put a little note on the champagne and you know a cute little poem telling Tony Lima what terrific for me has I was referring to God for him you know but I can understand how the lady’s husband might have misunderstood Hazel whatever
Happened between the lady and her husband will try to straighten out but right now I want those golf clubs get them over here as fast as you can to be that’s a point on he said when her husband banged out of the house she said he was going to
Bust those clubs and throw them in the river hello Mr B hello I don’t think he heard me Hazel did what she put them in the wrong car unfortunately she was able to trace them oh well thank heaven may take her about 15 minutes to get here with him but I never want Tony Lima to know they got away from us George he keeps telling
Me he wants to turn them over to the caddy Master well they can’t open the back of the car without a key now I’ll stay out of sight and you tell him you can’t find it George I am not going to lie well then stallion how here
I used every ounce of charm you have persuade him to show you how to make bars and cut a few Strokes off your game my game George I have never played a game of golf in my life I know what that’s why it’s good it’ll stalling and keep him busy for a
Few minutes longer in the meantime I’ll be in the parking lot waiting for hazel Tony Lima you heard her Buttercup those clubs belong to Tony Lama and how could he be making a pass at me when he came in on the same plane you did yeah you
Want to be ashamed of yourself that champagne was for him too they call him champagne Tony you know and and I wrote that little poem for him oh Buttercup if you could see the sick look on your face and you have every right to look that way
Mr Lima loved them clubs like they was his own kids they was his livelihood and now you busted him no no I didn’t break them huh but I might as well have I threw them out of the car where well I don’t remember exactly somebody would
Have found them by now it was when I was passing through the park [Applause] foreign [Applause] Dorothy you just put your left hand right there where it sits in and you put this one right on top of it and it makes them both work as one see that man it looks simple oh it’s very simple so I put my thumb here there you go that’s
Purple that’s wonderful put the other thumb over that oh that’s lovely just so there now doesn’t it oh that looks marvelous oh baby I’ll never be jealous of you again pardon my yarn but I’ve heard that before I mean it oh you’re always out of town and you’re always wondering what
I’m doing when you’re gone well no more travel for me I’m gonna get a job transferred I’m sticking right here in town with you oh Buttercup you mean it convinced Hazel I have you to thank for this well I ain’t no more to take a bow then golf clubs just say Hey kids them clubs ain’t yours Oh That’s fun He’s teaching you more than I was counting on yeah [Applause] uh Tony oh George I’d like to have a little man-to-man talk with you Tony no now wait a minute George I was just trying to show your wife how to uh donate I won’t get mad if you won’t get mad if I won’t get mad mad
About what well you remember at the airport Hazel took your clubs and put them in the trunk compartment of the car yeah I know well what you don’t know is What I don’t know is what she put them in the car and how she’s taking them out of the car and here they are I guess you want to hand these over to the caddy Mastiff yes I would I never take any chances with these clubs like I told you
They’re like part of my family except for the caddy master I never let him out of my sight never oh you’re very smart Mr Lima very smart very smart very smart thank you Foreign Foreign
source
