[Applause] uh let me speak to the president of the company please well my name don’t matter I’m a consumer I got a complaint to make no no no not about the product I think you put up a very nice pickle now if you just switch me over to the president
I’ll all right my name’s Hazel Burke yeah I’m calling again I call him every day this week and I’m going to keep calling him oh he won’t huh well give him this message his noon whistle still a minute Late La School Bus son finish your milk Harold come on Harold I got your lunch box in your book wipe off your mouth no on your napkin oh dear I know sleeves was made before a napkin oh Mr B you got egg on your tie you better change it
Before you go to work hey boy Bye Mom bye dad you know I’m getting a little tired of her ordering me around well she does get pretty bossy sometimes as if I didn’t know enough to change my own tie I want you to do me a big favor now
It’s very important what is it well you know Ernie’s Truck when you see it don’t you sure you can see the Lorne back well this is his day but I don’t want him to get here till after your dad leaves because dad likes a quiet in the morning
Yeah yeah something like that so if you see him on the way to school you’ll be sure and tell him now it’s very important how can I tell him I’ll be in the school bus well just put down the window and yell they’re calling for you here you
Are honey now hurry up and and and be sure and yell when you see them it’s very important okay bye let Shake A Leg Mr be you’ll be late mhm well I’m going to have another cup of coffee but you had three well today I’m going to have four three’s your
Usual today I’m going to have an unusual I’m having four what time do you have Miss B um 8:45 oh you won’t have time Mr B I’ll get your Cod Hazel I said I’m having another cup of coffee and be late yes okay A little c r a BB y this morning
Ain’t he Hazel are you under the impression I don’t know how to spell sure I know you can spell but I just didn’t want to call you crabby right to your face well that’s a limit I’ll speak to her George have you noticed how she hustles
Me out of here every time the gardener is coming well no I can’t say that I have Hazel always tries to keep us on schedule aha but this is different she does it because she knows I want to talk to him it’s been happening for a month
You’re going to have to get this down in an awful hurry Mr be Hazel I’m waiting for the gardener to get here now why would you want to do a thing like that for because I’m going to fire him oh George he’s such a nice man the salt of
The earth Harold loves him they play catch together maybe that explains why Ernie doesn’t do the gardening Ernie’s a terrific Garden he’s got a green thumb clear up to his elbow oh I must admit the things grow for him I can see that our yard looks like a jungle now George
He mows the lawn every week yes but he doesn’t trim the edges the flower beds are full of weeds the shrubber is a mess why I asked him to trim the hedge of separates our yard from the Johnson’s over 2 months ago and he hasn’t done it
Yet well you can’t just rush into a thing like that well I wouldn’t say two months is exactly rushing believe me I like him too and he used to do a good job for us but he’s not doing a good job now and I won’t stand for it I’m going
To have to let him go I think you ought to know Mr B A couple of months ago Ernie had a shattering experience what happened to him he got spurned spurned he’d been gone with this girl nearly 5 years oh she was gorgeous she worked down at the laundry as a Mangler and
Then one day right out of the blue she up and eloped with one of the drivers oh that’s too bad oh it was awful hard on Ernie it just about staggered him now Hazel if you’re trying to talk me out of firing erer you’re doing a bad job of it
Because I’m going to have to let him go oh but you can’t do that Mr B everybody’s been letting him go where about the only customers he’s got left there he is Now I’m going to get this settled Ernie would you come in here for a moment I’d like to talk with you ah please Mr B yes sir morning Hazel Mrs Baxter I I saw Harold on on the school bus he he he screamed something but but
I couldn’t make out what it was he probably wanted to ask you if you were still teaching Sunday school class are you still teaching Ernie oh yes uh every Sunday Building Up character and young people fine fine now Ernie what is it the good book says Ernie the quality of
Of Mercy is not strain it droppeth as the gentle rain from Heaven that’s Shakespeare you don’t think Shakespeare is a good book He’s outstanding do you mind if I talk with Ernie no go right ahead Mr be but remember the quality of Mercy that is enough now Ernie couple of months ago I
Asked you to trim our hedge yes sir you did and you didn’t do it no no I didn’t our flower beds are full of weeds yes I I guess they are generally speaking would you say it’s fair to say that our place is going to pot yes I I guess
That’s pretty fair of course you must realize that I can’t continue to put up with this no I I guess you can’t so you leave me no alternative but to inform you that I must find another Gardener unless your work shows immediate Improvement well I better get to the office hey need doozy boy if you don’t give him a big smack goodbye I will I’ll take care of it I don’t know what got into me I didn’t mean to give him another chance I
Intended to fire him right on the spot I’m glad you didn’t I bet you are too I don’t know about that remember I first warned him that his work was slipping over to months ago you’re an old softy well I’m not a softy at the office down
There when I speak people jump yes darling and if they don’t I let them go well an office is different an office is not different an employee is an employee no matter where he works and Ernie is simply an employee oh I don’t know what got into me wait a minute that Hazel
Gets away with murder yes darling and she told me to give you this just as I said she gets away with murder I’ll tell you one thing and I mean this if Ernie doesn’t get on the ball he’s out and I don’t mean next month or next week I mean this week
Today now I’m going to be checking up for him I’m going to call from the office you might tell him yes George but darling don’t try to change my mind I mean it no darling but you haven’t changed your tie Hazel I was trimming the head the
Other day and when I was through it looked like a roller coaster I’ve lost my touch oh Ernie everybody lose their touch but they get it back again you see it all the time in the movies it’s always happening to doctors they end up someplace in the tropics needing a shave
Drinking out a dirty bottles and then one day somebody needs an operation and nobody needs me you’re thinking of Betty again ain’t you I never stop thinking about her oh she’s just a gorgeous face with nothing behind it you got to forget about her sure but but how do I do that
Well you just lose yourself in your work now finish your coffee and then go out and mow that lawn like the old Ernie no ridges I’ll try Hazel and trim the edges you know like you used to clean as a whistle I’ll try Hazel and you’ll do it
I know you will you’re going to make this the show place of the neighborhood I know it thank you H hello hi darling I just walked in the door oh I don’t know I suppose she’s out shopping well how’s Ernie doing or perhaps I should say is Ernie doing anything yes yes I can hear the lawn mower uhuh oh don’t worry darling I’m sure you made that clear this
Morning like a hawk [Applause] bye-bye Ernie who’s running the lawnmower Hazel Hazel oh Ernie you ought to be ashamed of yourself Hazel yeah L would you turn off the lawnmower please and come over here oh Ernie it’s bad enough not doing your own work but to to let a woman do
It for you you it’s terrible where’s your pride your sense of manhood oh you should have seen him 10 minutes ago he was going like a house of Fire but I finished the laundry and the cleaning and I said to myself well I’d like a little exercise so I come down and
Talked Ernie into let me take the lawnmower over for a while now Hazel that isn’t the way it was Ernie stop Buton in and now I got my exercise I’m going to give him the lawnmower back again oh I should hope so all right
Ernie go on go to it cuz my work ain’t up to your standed I hope you don’t have to do it over again he’s just a perfectionist Hazel you’re talking to to me Dorothy Ernie hasn’t done one thing this morning has he oh well he hasn’t
Gotten his stride yet he sort of closed himself in you know he just wants to sit and feel sorry for himself exactly sounds kind of familiar don’t it familiar yeah you know Mr be George has never done such a thing in his life you know that time 3 months ago when he came
Home after he’d lost that case he’d worked so hard on oh came home that night and didn’t want dinner didn’t want to be disturbed just went in the den and shut the door yes I remember you went in right after him and in about 10 minutes I heard you laughing and giggling
Carrying on you weren’t carrying on well whatever you was doing you cheered him up Mr Beast got somebody to do that for him see but Ernie ain’t got nobody and that’s a terrible thing yes it is cuz he ain’t my type I ain’t interested in him
Romantically but I think I ought to try to cheer him up and get him on his feet beat again cuz if a human being can’t do that for another human being then no was just wasting space on that Ark you should have hand it over his ticket to one of those Ders oh boy you’re working like a house of fire today Ernie thanks ha I bet a good-looking fellow like you has women chasing him all the time huh oh come on Hazel no I mean it how come you haven’t started dating somebody new you know Ernie that’s what you need who
Go out with me lots of women I ain’t the type to push myself forward but I’d be honored you would sure anytime well could we go out tonight boy you’re a fast worker well just give me a chance to do the dishes and Gussy myself up a
Little well could we uh go out bowling oh no no bowling no no that’s out I I thought you love bowling oh I do but I’m just not in the mood for it tonight how about roller skating I don’t I don’t skate well the playground’s open tonight you want to play some
Badminton I don’t play you just think of something it’ll be okay with Me you mean Hazel’s going out with him that’s right oh she’s making a big thing of it she’s going to wear a coat with a mink collar oh no that coat always reeks of mothballs it’s been airing in the backyard all afternoon I’d pity any butterfly that
Fluttered into our yard he’d be a dead duck by now now Hazel wants to build Ernie’s morale and give him confidence and interest in life well I must admit his work did look better today at least I knew he had been there oh I noticed a change right after she made the date
With him he didn’t stop for a minute oh hey ha suor is right on time would somebody get that door I ain’t quite presentable yet I’ll get it Hazel well good evening Ernie good evening Mrs backer Hazel isn’t quite ready yet won’t you come in I I’ll just
Uh stay on the porch oh don’t be silly come on in I’ll see how Hazel’s coming along and you can go in the living room and sit down well I’ll just uh stay in the oh come on in Ernie oh good evening Mr Baxter go on
Ernie well I just want you to know that I think you did a very good job today oh thank you Mr Baxter come on sit down well I understand oh come on Ernie sit down well all I know is we ain’t going bowling I put my foot down on that would
You love to bowl isn’t this your regular night for it no not tonight Ernie ain’t such a good bowler and if I was to run up a terrific score you know like I usually do it wouldn’t be good for his morale well a lady can always manage to
Lose to a gentleman oh no Missy I couldn’t do a thing like that if the gang down to the bowling alley was to see me throw a game it would be like the black sock Scandal all over again don’t ever buy any of these five and dime pearls they’re always peeling on
You and besides I don’t know whether I could force myself to lose and whenever I play a game I always think of nothing but winning and tonight I want Ernie to win it would certainly be good for his morale all right oh sure that’s why I suggested badminton imagine me winning at
That I haven’t had a racket in my hand in 6 months it’s still too strong well there’s a trace oh would you hand me that animiz I’ll give it a few squirts of my best cologne oh really so was I put French the Infantry I was a staff sergeant H
Europe right from dday fought in the Battle of the Bulge oh boy that was rugged yes it was pretty rough operon was held down three days and nights a lot of casualties but we held them off all set Arne all said Hazel well good night Mr Baxter good night
Ernie gee Hazel you look well oh thanks Ernie I got to do right by my escort good night missy good night hazel good night Mrs Baxter be sure and get Mr be to bed early he’s getting those circles under his eyes again he gets that from that close work in law books
You know I get the same thing from Don and socks what was that nonsense about circles oh darling you do have a little bit you know oh don’t be silly all right George shall we watch some television no I don’t think so my eyes a little there’s nothing actually I want
To see tonight what do you suppose those two are going to do oh I don’t know go to a movie I guess or no wait a minute there’s a flower show at the Civic Auditorium now with Ernie’s interest in gardening that’s where they’ll be you sh much pool Ernie oh quite a lot
I learned when I was in the Army and it’s been my hobby ever since oh as well I’ll show you how to hold the cube oh I know how to hold it but I ain’t claing Years you’ll probably skunk me oh well no woman is expected to be too good at
Pool you know yeah that’s right well what should we play Rotation well yes okay go ahead and break all right boy you hit that just perfect now let’s see you get the one ball you handle that stick Like A Champion now let’s see you go after the two [Applause]
Ball boy I’m glad we’re not playing for money well nobody could have made that one now hazo let me see what you can do just take it easy uh don’t press okay Ernie [Laughter] St [Applause] you ain’t tried this shot in years probably won’t work excuse Me pael I thought you hardly knew how to play Oh for peace sake I’m going to take you right home oh that that that just begin as lock Ernie oh sure sure oh I couldn’t have done that in a million years is not even in a trillion Haz you
Could beat me at po using a broom handle and you know it come on I’m taking you home wait a minute Ernie there’s another place I want to Go how about do lady huh over this way you say you’re pitching arm as bad sir I tell you what I’m oh how about it Mis want to win a nice little dog to the lady oh yeah that little one was a was a long uh you don’t belong to any uh Rifle
Club do you oh for p sake no well do you hold any Sharpshooters medals or I couldn’t hit the broadside of the bottom of the shovel then you shoot first I’m not going to stick my neck out like I did in that pool game all right you hold my bag for me will
You oh what I don’t know about guns here you go honey just line up theide for the bullseye that’ll be two bits please I hit it honey you missed it so far I almost stck when you hit the bullseye the gong rings I was so busy listening for the
Sound of the bang it’s enough to give you gray Hair I miss her yes Hazel you can’t close your eyes like that honey you never hit anything that way Hazel let me show you boy am I glad to get rid of that [Applause] thing wow say you can really shoot thank you uh uh Miss Florence you ought to give your wife a
Few lessons oh we ain’t married oh you care to try again thank you uh Florence this one down here’s already loaded pretty girl ain’t she Annie beautiful where’d you learn to shoot like that well I I was an expert Rifleman in the in the Army oh so was my
Husband oh my late husband oh I’m scared of guns maybe that’s one reason why Ernie and me his name is Ernie talber why we ain’t going steady or anything well would you care to try it again ern’s on the house oh thank you uh lawence what did you say your last name was
Flen gurnie gurnie g u r n e y d u r n e y kondik 5 2 367 thank you you want to go now Ernie oh no let’s let’s stay around for for a while well I have to give you credit Ernie over these last few months you’ve turned
Our yard into a show place oh thank you Mr Baxter I’m glad you’re pleased you know I’m going to get married in two weeks no I didn’t know well congratulations yeah to Florence gurnie a gorgeous girl she’s still working down the shooting gallery Ernie yes but she’s
Quitting as soon as we get married that’s really why I’m here Mr Baxter oh yes I’m afraid you’re going to have to find another Gardener what well I’ve got all my old accounts back and and some new ones besides flen thinks I ought to concentrate on Estates from now on and
Your place is pretty small P sake well don’t feel too bad Mr backer heck you and me can knock it off on the weekends but why is she moving in with us because we invited her to Harold your cousin Grace is all alone in the world
Now son and we’re going to try to help her find a whole new life like for herself well I have to play with her of course not she’s Hazel’s age I thought cousins were little kids well she’s really my second cousin son so that makes her your second cousin once
Removed what does that mean oh boy well your cousin Grace is my father’s brothers look really it means she’s distantly related we’ll be going about an hour bye darling drive carefully I will come on son you want me to go to the airport with you no har I want to talk to cousin
Grace on the way back what about well plans for the future what she wants to do oh here you are dad you think it would be nice if I had the candy already and open for her well that’s very thoughtful of you son but I really believe she’d enjoy opening
It herself oh bye Dad Bye And you’re welcome for just as long as you want to stay Thank You Dorothy I’ll try not to be in any trouble oh don’t be silly and Grace this is would you mind calling me Gracie George that’s what Papa always called me well of course not
Gracie this is Hazel Burke our maid and Hazel this is my cousin Gracie bter how do you do I’ll try not to be any trouble oh for Pete’s sake don’t say that it’s going to be fun having you with us I have a feeling that we met at Missy and
Mr be Wen well I’m not sure I was the one in the picture hat remember green with the lilocks on it as I’m sure she can’t remember a hat after all these years well I thought maybe she might it was real gorgeous everybody was looking
At me I bet you remember how Missy and Mr be looked indeed I do they were the handsomest couple I should say they were and look at missy she ain’t changed a bit you certainly haven’t darthy oh well that’s not true but thank you just the
Same and look at Mr B he must have put on 40 lb a I think you’re a fine figure of a man George well thank you very much Gracie now will you please show Miss Baxter to her room yes sir if you’re tired after your trip perhaps you’d like
To take a nap oh I never take naps Papa didn’t believe it them oh well then you come down whenever you’re ready we want you to make yourself completely at home oh thank you darthy I’ll try not to be any trouble oh for heaven’s sakes Gracie
Gracie we are very happy to have you with us the only thing we insist on that you not be late for meals Hazel well what I meant is you know I like to serve everything pipe and hot I won’t be late Papa always insisted upon promptness and
Everything oh terrific come on I show you your room if you don’t remember my picture hat maybe you remember my dress it was a yellow chiffon had 12 yards of Ruffles on it gorgeous I made it myself cousin Gracie talks a lot about her dad doesn’t she well she took care
Of him Harold until about 6 months ago why didn’t he take care of her he wasn’t very well darling and he was quite old do you know that he would have been 92 on his next birthday GE did he leave her much George a little more than his personal effects they had
Been living on his pension but now that stopped poor thing what is she going to do I’ll try to find something for her but she’s really not trained for anything she’s just a sweet gentle inoffensive soul I wish a little of her attitude would rub off on Hazel really
You hit the mayil with your umbrella I sure did you know Lil har was only 10 months old I didn’t want no stranger kissing him but some of them politicians is pretty unsanitary what did the mayor do oh he yelled for the police and the crowd gathered news men
Photographers oh how awful oh no when the man saw the crowd he jumped up on a park bench and started making a speech prais in motherhood oh was terrific I nearly voted for him myself now what would you like for lunch oh anything at all Hazel I don’t want
You to go to any trouble oh do you mind my saying something Miss B of course not Hazel and I I wish you’d call me Gracie okay Gracie well uh what I was going to say was this you know you got this tendency to kind of run yourself into
The ground you know what I mean and when people like people they want to go to trouble so as they’ll know they like them I never looked at it that way Papa always said that children should be that sounds silly doesn’t it well now that you ask me yeah you know you’re
Kind of my age and I ain’t exact no spring chicken Papa had such a a strong personality a wonderful personality I guess you could say I’ve been dominated by him I’ve never really asserted myself well it’s about time you started now what was it you wanted for lunch come on tell
Me I’d like a a jelly omelet oh I love jelly omelets and I haven’t had one in years why not Papa always said sweets were oh I get it well you’re going to have one this noon boy and it’s going to be a dooy oh heel that looks delicious well I
Hope you like it hey you are Missy did you wash your hands Boy Yes AEL you was working in the garden Mr be did you wash yours yes Hazel and I don’t need any lessons in personal hygiene from you now will you please bring my lunch yes sir I
Don’t understand how she can speak to you that way George Gracie I’ve been fighting it for years after all George is head of the house well Hazel knows that Gracie it’s just that she feels so much a part of the family that that she’s constantly stepping out of line
Well there you are Mr B oh that looks very good Hazel now go on dig in everybody before it gets cold oh it’s delicious this is good Hazel oh Hazel it’s perfect well I don’t think it’s so perfect I can’t taste any jelly yours is plain Mr be you know he has this
Terrific weight problem Hazel I want jelly in my omelet now Mr be will you please take that to the kitchen and put some jelly in it is that an order that’s an order okay you’re the boss but it’s just going to be a dab Dam I can’t believe my ears George she’s
Being nice to him because you’re here that isn’t what she meant I put up with it because well we’re very fond of her if any woman had spoken to my father that way why I don’t know what he would have done I fixed it Mr be so don’t you touch
The jelly I’ll just put it over here in case you want some more jelly on your omelette Gracie Gracie well now who gave you permission to call her Gracie oh I did George I asked her to oh would you rather I hadn’t George oh no of course
Not if it bothers you I’ll ask her not to Gracie it doesn’t matter at all I can just barely taste a jelly she said a dab George here George help yourself s you should have things the way you want them my goodness you’re the man of the house yes yes yes I am
Wow you know Gracie you’ve opened my eyes with your help I think we can open Hazel there’s going to be a new regime around here George Yes she’ll be bringing in the coffee any second oh Gracie would you put this at the other end of the Table and I go bowling twice a week really sure and over the weekends I go roller skating or maybe I play a little volleyball at the Y that sounds like such fun my goodness I almost dropped it well suppose you did it wouldn’t be the end of the world anyway
Oh you don’t know how my papa was about that he was Furious if I broke a blate what else do you do oh well up until a couple of years ago I used to give the fellas jiujitsu lessons over at the old large Hall boy I sure hated to
Give that up was pretty strenuous oh sure the building inspector said the foundation just wouldn’t take it anymore excuse me gra back your residence oh hi M I was waiting for you to call are you going to go to amusement park with me tonight oh for Pete’s sake of they’re
Going to have 12 dinner guess they ought to give you some help well maybe you can go next time bye M you’re going to mus for tonight oh yes great fun boy maybe they won’t let me in I won so many copy dolls last time how
Would you like to go along with me tonight oh I’d love to I have been to an amusement box since I was a little girl it’s a date what have you been doing for fun well my main hobby was making po holders po holders Papa felt that sewing
Was a nice hobby for a girl but you know something Hazel it wasn’t much fun well we’re going to start seeing that you have a little Hazel oh excuse me is there any coffee left oh sure want a cup no but George would he’s in the den oh
Well I’ll bring it in to him Gracy um are you too tired to go out tonight oh no no she’s raring to go oh wonderful well George pulled some strings and he was able to get tickets to tonight’s lecture at the University on Oriental
Art oh that was very nice of you well he thought you’d enjoy it wait a minute Gracie which do you want to go to the lecture or to the amusement park well if George went to all the trouble of getting tickets no I said which do you want to go to well
The amusement park but if GE then that’s where you’re going to go I’m sorry Missy but I asked her first okay well of course George won’t mind we just want you to do anything that’ll make you happy Gracie thank you darthy we’re going to have a
Ball you know what I want to do hazel I want to ride the roller coaster why are you riding to Uncle Robert it’s not Christmas son I do write to him other times I’m writing to ask if he has a place in his bookstore for cousin Gracie I thought
You called The Flower Shop about a job I did son but it seems that cousin Gracie doesn’t quite have the qualifications now would you mind running into the living room Okay George uh I asked Gracie about tonight oh good well she said she’d rather go to the amusement park with hazel if but you don’t mind well I don’t mind of course it’s a little hard to understand but I don’t mind I mean if she wants to go out with hazel I suppose
We should be grateful she may file off a few of Hazel’s rough edges and then what did you dream Three Blind Mice there you three blind mice Three Blind Mice blind See How They Run See How They Run they all ran out the Wife world [Applause] Mitch Mitch Mr would you mind holding it hold everybody who in the world is that is that you Charlie yes Hazel that’s Charlie BR from the dry cleaners oh George we’ve been having such fun well Gracie I’m glad hey Hazel let’s do faka
We are not going to do frah joer who’s that this is Mr bter is this gravy on your brown suit I don’t know what it is have it clean Gracie I I think it is gravy Mr Baxter all right Gracie I don’t mean to spoil your fun
But I’m trying to write a letter and it’s very difficult to concentrate with singing going on right outside the door oh George I’m terribly sorry I don’t know how I could have been so thoughtless well Gracie it’s not that serious no of course not do you think Mr
Be some kind of a grouch he’s got a terrific singing voice himself oh Bonnie I want you to meet Miss Grace Baxter Mr be’s second cousin this is Bonnie Hatfield he ain’t married how you do why don’t we all go out in the kitchen and have a cup of coffee
Would it disturb anyone if we sing out there oh of course not Gracie good we’ll do faka and roro your boat I know one called Mr finegan do you Mr Hatfield I wish you’d call me Barne I will if you’ll call me Gracie all right graci oh
Baronnie you have you been to the amusement park lately not lately no Hazel maybe you’d like to come along with us tonight gee I’d like to I can’t wait to get on the roller coaster I want to sit in the front car you were so right George Gracie is
Going to make a great change in Hazel how is Hazel going to change dad well son I think that through exposure to cousin Gracie’s quiet manner Hazel that’s cous czy isn’t it yes I guess she’s leading her isn’t she Dad yes boy Hazel CR her Already oh that roller coaster was such run what do we do now well let’s look for hazel oh look there she is I wish you’d stay away from here Hazel I told you I didn’t want to shoot tonight you called me over and D me to shoot backwards sure I was trying to
Break even I never saw it’s luck it ain’t luck I’m an expert rifle shot I’ve been shooting like that since I was 9 years old hi Hazel oh hi gra did you get enough of the roller coaster how’ you like it it was wonderful we were in the
Front car and I felt free as a b oh well well what would you like to do now come on you want to try shooting this booth is close to you Hazel I told you I didn’t want to shoot tonight I’m just bringing you some customers oh how’s
About it folks test your skill win a Cy doll uh I don’t think so guns frighten me well why don’t we go to the next Booth they got slingshots oh that might be fun see you later Mickey don’t hurry back hi Smitty look Hazel I asked you as
A person I don’t want to shoot I was just asking my friends if they want to Hazel you’re a pal what do you say folks three shots for a qut go ahead Grazy well all right you better take down those please why I might hit one that’s the
Object lady that’s a Target but won’t they break oh we can afford it lady they’re not that easy to hit go ahead Grazy all right here it [Applause] goes it’s your did good shot Gracie hit it and I broke it and I smashed it into a
Thousand pieces oh sure you did oh that feels good give me another Marvel lady I broke it and I smashed it and I busted it and I smashed it gra take it easy that feel so good give me another marles here you go lady I did it again what’s the idea
Hazel who is this D some ringer oh don’t be silly I want to shoot another quarters worth well all right hey Hazel yeah what do you want Mickey come will you what do you want if you’re such an expert rifle shot let’s see you do a
Little shooting from the hip I told you I didn’t want to do any more shooting tonight listen Hazel give me a chance to break even all for PE come on Hazel fair’s fair oh all Right I wish you’d stay away from here Hazel in a row beautiful gra I’ll take another quarter’s worth you will not I don’t know who you are lady but I wish you’d stay away from Here I lay awake for hours trying to find an answer it’s very unlikely Uncle Albert will have a place for her she she simply hasn’t the personality to be a sales lady anyway I’m afraid you’re right George she can’t take dictation she can’t type and she certainly can’t
Do factory work oh no that would be out of the question I guess we’ll have to accept the fact that from now on she’ll be living with us would you mind well it wouldn’t be honest to say I’m Overjoyed but she’s nice George and I think we’ll get along just fine thank you
Honey I’ll talk to her after breakfast shall we Go morning cousin gring good morning Harold we’re having pancakes this morning oh boy that’s my favorite breakfast not for the F Grace I’m all ready sure Hazel Dorthy George breakfast did you wash your hands Harold yes cousin Gracie then sit down good morning morning gra well how
Was the amusement park last night oh it was terrific you two sit down thank you Gracie that tie doesn’t go too well with that Su chge what that tie oh well maybe it doesn’t I’ll uh change it after breakfast I think a red room would look
Nice maybe it would uh would you pass me the sugar Gracie please if you don’t mind George from now on I think I’d like to be called Grace oh well anything you wish Grace I think it sounds more grown up than Gracie don’t you Dary well yes I think I do
George isn’t that the third Spoonful of Sugar you put in your coffee yes but don’t give me a way to Hazel you’re not fooling Hazel George you’re only fooling yourself it’s no wonder you put on so much weight by the way darthy might I borrow your car after
Breakfast well yes Grace of of course Hazel’s giv me a lead on the job and I don’t want someone else to get their f a job what kind of a job the mates quit over at the D Hills the maid are you sure you want to be a maid Grace oh very
Sure Hazel says It’s a Wonderful Life don’t you Hazel oh sure especially if you’re lucky enough to work for nice people like the dun Hills or the backers well thank you Hazel the main thing is starting off on the right foot well that’s important in any job sure you
Tell them right off you want your regular day off and you don’t want any unexpected guests for dinner easy on the syrup Mr be and that you won’t wash no windows and you want your own tele set I remember that tie don’t go with that
Suit Mr be I know Hazel told me Grace told you oh yes it’s hard to tell him apart suppose I talked to the hotel manager would that H what well yes I did say that well I I met it but I well wait just a moment Mr Butterworth wants to know if
We can invite Mr Mrs Durham to be our house guest for a few days when well tonight now they’re already in town but they can’t stay at the hotel why not Mr Butterworth I just spoke to Dorothy and our guest room is empty so I’ll be right down to the hotel to pick
Them up no no no trouble at all and give my best regards to Mrs Butterworth goodbye your boy sure has a nerves inviting guest without giving us notice Hazel I don’t like the idea either but since Mr Butterworth thought it important enough to call from San Francisco we have to give them some
Consideration well I’m still waiting to hear why they can’t stay at the hotel you did remember to make the reservation didn’t you oh yes that isn’t it Mr Butterworth didn’t go into detail but he did say they were pretty upset because of the hotel’s attitude toward their little
Rodney you mean there’s three of them Mr and Mrs and their little boy let’s see like it if he’s as old as I am that would be great well I don’t know whether it will or not Mr Butterworth also comment that he certainly understood the hotel’s attitude toward the little monster by
There come on Missy maybe we can finish the game before the guests get here whose turn is it mine and if I got a dooy of a word if I can just Spell catastrophe Hazel is brought you By quiet Rodney there there Rodney you know Momsy won’t let anybody hurt her little boy that’s r yes and these are his parents I mean the owners Mr Mr Ashen Durham my wife Dorothy my son Harold and this is Hazel how do you do how do you doing uh won’t
You sit down thank you that’s a good boy you see these nice people aren’t going to hurt my precious baby oh you Mr backer lovely home you have here Mrs Baxter thank you for inviting us well you’re welcome I just hope that you and Mrs Durham and Rodney enjoy your visit
Here with us that hotel manager had no heart at all expecting my darling to stay in the basement kennels why we haven’t been separated for a single night have we dear your dog sure isn’t very friendly Mr dur uh oh well you’ll get used to him
You want a bed his I think it’ll be nice if you made coffee for everyone now yes Hazel U maybe they’d like a slice of that fresh coconut cake you baked oh nothing to eat thanks we had dinner on the plane but uh coffee would certainly
Be welcome I’ll have it in a jiffy you just relax I’ll be right back if you don’t mind please serve it in our room and bring a bowl of warm milk for Rodney we’re a bit tired after our trip so if you’ll show us to our quarters Mrs Baer
Oh oh yes of course right upstairs [Applause] Way Son H how would you like to help me with their luggage sure [Applause] Dad well we uh got all their luggage Upstairs now look I couldn’t help it I had to bring them here where’s Harold well he’s outside visiting Smiley oh boy it’s a good thing that dog was out of the house on Rodney got here why why Hazel if those two meet that’ll be the biggest dog fight you ever saw and if
Anything happened to little Rodney little Rodney he could take on King Kong exactly George is the relationship between Mr Butterworth and the durhams Mrs Durham is Mrs Butterworth’s sister well then why didn’t the durhams go to their house you know the butterworks are out of town well I can understand that
They left town as soon as they heard the durhams were coming with little Rodney Hazel that have nothing to do with it I don’t think I still don’t see why we should be inconvenience by Mr Butterworth’s relatives we can’t just tell him to go sleep in the Park oh
George besides Mr DM’s business is very profitable to our Law Firm it is is it certainly is Mr DM’s here to look for a site for a new Factory so inconvenient or not we can’t afford to be inhospitable to the derms how long are we going to have to put up with
Them well four or 5 days maybe a week a week George we can’t keep Rodney and smiley separated for a whole week I know so I think maybe you should take Smiley to a boarding kenel the first thing in the morning oh oh no no not me you’re
Going to kick Smiley out and keep little Rodney it’s the only thing we can do under the circumstances oh well excuse me I got to take little Rodney his warm milk well you can see it’s the best solution can’t you don’t explain it to me George you explain it to Harold [Applause] hey Dad is it okay with you if I let Smiley sleep on my bed tonight the way Mrs Derm is letting Ronnie sleep on hers uh son uh uh sit down uh let’s have a little talk sure Dad well now first I want you to know that Mr Durham
Is a very important man oh he doesn’t act half as important as Mrs durm oh well that’s not quite what I was getting at the point is we want to make them feel welcome and I think it’ll be best for everyone if if we sent Smiley away
While they’re here send him away why well you can see how Rodney acts he’d never get along with smiley but dad smiley lives here well son uh uh think of it this way we’ll be giving Smiley a vacation a vacation from what oh he’ll like that boarding kennel it’ll be something like
Going off to summer camp believe me son uh I uh I wouldn’t do this if I wasn’t convinced it’s best for everyone you understand that don’t you I guess so well come along get your coat and we’ll take him over there now you can explain it to him on the Way I didn’t even hear George get up this morning what time did he and Mr Durham leave 7:30 and and Mr Durham says that be getting up this early every morning till he finds the sight to the factory oh the sooner the better that that dog kept me
Awake most of the night what’ he do he snores I can hear him right through the wall I don’t know how they can stand it oh that’s why Mr Durham wears them things what things earplugs he was still wearing them when he came down to breakfast this morning that sounds like
A good idea I think I’ll buy some for George and me you know Missy I think we was kind of hard on Mr be last night he feels terrible about Smiley he doesn’t like Rodney being here any more than we too I know that’s what I figured so I
Decided I’d cooperate and make it easy on everybody that’s right Hazel if we meet the situation with a little less resistance we’ll make it more tolerable for ourselves good morning good good careful in the dining room come on in well good morning to you too Ronnie oh well I’m sure sorry to hear
That but you’ll feel better when you see what I got for you poor baby he’s just like his daddy always grouchy until after he’s had his breakfast oh well he’ll cheer up when he sees what I got come on I wasn’t sure what he liked best so I
Got them all oh that’s too bad but I’m sure they’ll let you exchange them Rodney doesn’t eat dog food he don’t I’ve made a out his menu to guide you for breakfast he has four Poached Eggs six slices of bacon crisp one piece of buttered toast cut into bite-sized
Squares for lunch a pint of cottage cheese for dinner either a sliced tenderloin medium rare or sirine tips no caviar no he doesn’t like caviar but occasionally he enjoys a shrimp cocktail and of course he always has a bowl of warm milk at night so he’ll sleep
Well well Hazel and I I want you and Rodney to be comfortable while you’re here and we’re very anxious to cooperate aren’t we Hazel yeah po Poached Eggs coming right up just orange juice and coffee for me you can bring everything right upstairs whenever it’s ready come
Rodney dear hey wait a minute you mean everything you mean you want Rodney serve breakfast in the guest room we always have breakfast together together in our bedroom at home Rodney will feel less upset if we continue the same routine here poor baby he’s so sensitive like Missy says we’ll we’ll
Cooperate Splendid and after breakfast Dorothy I thought it would be great fun if we could go shopping at some of the better stores with Rodney no unfortunately he doesn’t like shopping he’ll be much happier here with hazel oh boy I can hardly wait isn’t that wonderful Rodney Hazel must be Sagittarius we
Sagittarians are more sympathic with Rodney than any other zodiacal sign you know I’ll hurry and get ready so we can leave right after breakfast come Dear that’s Mr be’s favorite chair get out of There oh s me down it’s just Bonnie the mailman well now that’s more like it hi Bonnie is that you Hazel don’t worry bnie I’ll get him here now here now sit it down you here come on you can come down now Bonnie oh no not till you lock that dog
Up oh well he ain’t ours he’s just visiting come on you P down Ouch come on come on like that all keep locked up in the cave Rodney did that yeah just like he was shot out of a gun and chased a grocery boy up the tree just like he did Bonnie well then what happened well the grocery boy stayed up the tree until I
Got Rodney back in the house just like Bonnie did things are sure differing around here since Rodney came yeah that dog is just taking over everything you know last night he wouldn’t even let Dad sit in his favorite chair I guess he’s taking that over too oh sure today the
House tomorrow the whole neighborhood we’re going to have to do something about that dog before it’s too late all right Harold if you’re ready we better go hi where are you taking him Missy over to the kennel oh come on now no matter how much he misses Smiley the
Kenel ain’t going to take harn to board oh hael what’s so funny I just going over to the kennels to visit Smiley Hazel after that Mom’s dropped me over at Freddy’s house I ain’t staying there all night oh well wait a minute here take this to him some candy
Thanks that candy for Smiley not Freddy [Applause] I’m sure it’s going to be a lovely party right this way ladies and gentlemen oh Hazel how nice I thought you might like a little snack in in case they served you dinner late oh so delicious I’ll have two right away drinks or appetizers appetizers silly come on in s
Down Mr B I fixed it so you get your favorite chair tonight that’s what you Think how’d you get him to do that dogly P it gets him every time well uh Mr Durham um have you had any any luck in finding some property oh my yes several pieces oh that’s wonderful yes but it’s only the beginning oh now the Dickering starts and it looks
Like it’s going to be some time before any of those owners come around to my price well I uh I believe that the Maple Avenue property is not too far out of line I uh think it uh perhaps it won’t be too long before they accept your
Offer well you never can tell about these things George from now on it’s going to be something like a game of poker just going to have to sit back and wait it out well I do hope it won’t take too long Ashton you know how difficult Rodney can be when he gets
Bored if you ask me he was born bored oh I just noticed the time if we don’t leave now we’ll be late now you be a good little boy while moms away Asel first thing in the morning I want you to call the Exterminator and have that chair [Laughter] [Applause] Fumigated Hey Zo it’s okay Bonnie is safe I got them all tied Up run for it bnie you can make It come here you know Romney ain’t so dumb he just been raised wrong where the rod spoil the child you know what I mean now just a minute Hazel oh I didn’t buy no Rod to be him with if that’s what you mean Mr no this book tells you how to
Train a dog and this special College helps you do the job but Hazel Rodney’s been spoiled all his life he’s a little old to change now well the book says a dog is never too old to learn Hazel I admit there are plenty of things Rodney
Should be taught but you’re Don toon and I’m just the girl to teach him that us humans has got to be ayed no no no Rodney I paid 495 for that book r no no there there dear there good morning Hazel just um put it on the table there the
Sunai oh dear he did it again the poor baby had such a restless night he sneezed four times you don’t say the poor darling’s completely exhausted this morning so I think you better let him rest now Hazel and serve his breakfast later on are you kidding you mean
Because he sneezed four times he too weak to eat oh I do hope he isn’t going to start suffering with his allergy again I never heard of an allergic dog Rodney’s another one of those unfortunate cases the doctors can diagnose but don’t know how to cure
Yes it’s a sort of combination of asthma and hay fever that overcomes him and when it happens all we can do is head straight for Maine straight to where after all else had failed the doctors recommended Rodney have a change of climate the only place he could get any relief was main don’t
Say Ry darling you’re feeling better look Hazel it isn’t his allergy after all no it is come here baby mother will serve your breakfast right away before it gets cold you want to buy what that’s right uh six of them no no you better make it
A dozen and they got to be in bloom I guess I could find some for you and that vacant lot in back of the gas works but I got to charge you for potting them oh it’ll be worth it I’ll pick him up this Afternoon what she suddenly so happy about it can’t be she’s learned to like serving breakfast in bed to a dog mom she feels so sorry for a baby good morning I don’t think he’ll eat a thing the poor darling’s allery is back he had a terrible night oh
Oh you packing we have to leave for main just as soon as I can finish it’s the only way Rodney can get any relief well we want to get in well as fast as we can anything I can do to help goodbye MRH I’ll send the papers to me in Maine
As soon as you close the deal and thanks for putting us up I will goodbye byebye I can hardly believe they’re gone they left in such a hurry I’m glad now Smiley can come home yeah but I feel sort of guilty about the dirty trick I pulled on Rodney what dirty trick
Look Hazel that’s rag we yeah I planted it as soon as I heard about Rodney’s allergy I hope he gets over quick don’t worry Hazel we won’t report you to the sbca as a matter of fact I’m going to recommend you for a citation from the spcp what’s the SPC hey well
That’s a society for the prevention of cruly to people especially mail men Harold Let’s uh pick up Smiley that’s what I’ve been waiting to hear dad oh the sun we better get rid of that rag or they’ll be shipping you off to Main I’m the floor Walker Madam may I help you are you kidding where’s the sales lady buster [Applause] darling you’re absolutely gulping your food oh well Hazel and I are going to be watching the fight on television and I want to be finished her dinner in time is she going to watch on the living room s yes uhoh what do you mean uh-oh well while
You’re watching the fight there’s no problem but afterward you always disagree with her over what to watch that’s true because she likes the silliest shows but still still I wanted there watching the fight tonight is it a championship bout oh no it’s just a couple local boys down at the Armory but
One of them’s a terrific New Prospect named Killer Davis greatest Prospect in years he’s going to fight tiger Burleson tiger burlson isn’t that the one Hazel always bets on well yes you know how loyal she is and Tiger’s a friend of her nephews when Hazel suggests our usual
Bet tonight she’s in for a big surprise aren’t you going to B certainly I am but instead of the $1 I’m going to suggest we make it five you’re trying to get even on today I think Hazel and I are just about even as it is
I think $5 is too much Hazel probably won’t bet you she’ll do it she always bets but tonight I’m the one who can’t lose this Davis is a cinch how can you be so sure inside information you see the elevator operator in our office building was at
The gym the other day while he was there tiger sprained his right hand now believe me a fighter without a right hand is in worse shape than a dancer with one foot oh this D still slaughtering oh I’m sorry to bother you just before you go in the ring Tiger but
I want to know if that pus helped your hand ah I thought it would yeah cuz I used it on Mr B when he bunged up his hand oh that’s okay tiger I just wanted to check up you know before Mr be and me make our usual bet good [Applause] Luck how did you like the way I hey you didn’t drink your milk I don’t care for any tonight milk’s loaded with calcium and you got those I do not have brittle hands you’re just wearing that cast to collect autographs you better drink your milk darling I finished mine oh for for Pete’s
Sake that’s the way Mr be you going to watch the fights tonight I am I was wondering if you wouldn’t like to get a little bet going you know just to make it interesting I think that might be a range Hazel I kind of favor tiger
Burlson he’s a friend of my nephews you know yes I know I favor killer Davis well now ain’t that convenient that puts us on opposite sides shall we make it our usual well I was thinking for tonight we might increase a a little okay with me you want to make it a
Dollar and a half what do you say we make it $5 $5 he must have been nipping at my cooking Cherry I have not we never bet that much no confidence in your fighter oh sure I just want to take advantage of you I’m so far ahead
Of him now it’s pathetic oh no you’re not isn’t a bet or isn’t it sure it’s a bet any guests dropping in tonight no not tonight why don’t you come in and watch it on our set oh well I can’t even see the fighter faces on that little 10 in of
Mine ladies and gentlemen for our feature bout this evening we present two upand cominging young Fighters for your enjoyment in the white trunks killer Davis a good boy a sucker for a right cross who’s going to hit him the referee no the referee be too busy lifting your
Man up off the canas why don’t you move over I know you like to sit in the middle oh thanks ly and in the black trunks tiger F That’s my boy he W last five rounds beautiful dream W to me the boys are in their Corners waiting for the bell and
Here’s Sam masin to give you the blowby blow description Sam the boys meet in the center of the Ring Davis flicks out his left tiger blocks the punch with Davis throws around house right a left a right back tiger against the Rope Tiger goes into his shell but those blows seem to be
Getting through to him well Hazel I’ll say this much for a tiger he makes a good punching bag thanks Mr B I’ll say this much for Davis he’d be a pretty frightening opponent in a game of pity pack that is if he played with little Harold the ah left by Davis another and
Another your bet big enough that’s right Mr B you got to think of the househ Bild those are jarring him a hard right to the rip I don’t know what’s the matter with tiger tonight but from what we’ve seen so far those boys shouldn’t be in the same ring oh this tiger is
Hopelessly outclass you know I think I like chocolate ice cream best of all Davis seems to be in complete Command tiger hasn’t even tiger flicks out his left Davis counters with it tiger throws right cross and Davis is down what the referee is coming get up you bum four more ice cream
Missy s get up 8 9 10 and it’s all over for killer Davis a good boy that fight was fixed it should fixed Your Wagon if you ain’t got the five I’ll put it on your tag Mr I have the five oh thanks could your mind turn your
Head okay now what do we watch don’t you have some dishes to wash I got them all rinsed and stacked I’m going to do them before I go to bed oh I see TV courtrooms on tonight shall we watch that no Hazel I don’t like that
Show oh you must have caught it on a bad night it’s usually terrific last week they had this sweet little old lady with a bead bag who was a we are not watching TV courtroom being a lawyer he’d be fascinated say in 15 minutes can Mutiny is on I already
Seen it so have I hael but I believe it’s worth watching again yes that’s a wonderful picture I’ve seen it four times four sure it’s a great picture but when you see it that many times there’s not much you can get out of it you know
What I mean Mr B yes Hazel gets to the point where the engine ain’t no surprise anymore is that my point Mr be yes Hazel oh that cast is so great I could see that I don’t think you got my point what I mean is can we watch something else
Hazel Mrs bton and I are going to watch K muy now if you want to watch something else you ever said in your own room oh sure well I guess I’ll watch TV courtroom I’d like to watch the roller skating races but on that little set of
Mine I can’t see any of the infighting find my left shoe you got it Mr B oh for a piz here oh I sure hope my picture don’t start flopping over that where the picture gets Landy get both of those at once and it can ruin a show he good night
Hazel good night Hazel well this is our television set darling of course we don’t have to watch Kane Mutiny no we don’t but yes we do as a matter of principle Hazel can’t expect to barge in her and tell us what she shows to watch she didn’t barge in here
George you invited her in to watch the fight with you oh Dorothy I’m not talking about just tonight well our set has a perfect picture and hers has flop over and wait a minute you’re right I’m going to eliminate that excuse for watching our set right now what are you
Going to do George I’m going to tell her to bring in a repair man in the morning there’s no reason in the world why her set shouldn’t be in perfect condition maybe we should buy her a new one Dorothy you can’t throw out television sets like use cleaning tissues she had
That one a long time it’s plenty good enough we’ll just get it fixed and that is [Applause] all come on in I’m decent as I would like to you decide not to watch K Mutiny no we’re going to watch it but tomorrow I want you to call a television repair man and have him put your set in perfect working order oh no Mr B that ain’t
Necessary I was just reading this ad my applied mechanics learn television repair and your spare time Mr WMC of Seattle Washington earned $500 the first month thinking of writing in for the course eel don’t be ridiculous uh let me see what kind of a picture you get
Here after you turn on the knob you have to hit it up in the corner there hit it yeah loosen it up [Applause] [Laughter] [Applause] this is awful you should catch it on a bad night how long has it been like this a month or two maybe well why haven’t you
Said something well I didn’t want to bother you you got enough on your mind Hazel I want you always to come to me when you have problems and as for this set well it just isn’t worth repairing tomorrow I’ll buy you a new one you
Can’t afford it Mr be of course I can’t afford it but your insurance is due this month I know when a man takes out insurance late in life the way you did you know that eats up quite a chunk Hazel believe me I can handle it did you
Pay your doctor’s bills certainly well then you got the mortgage du and Harold’s college fund and your good blue suits getting awful tacky you need a new suit and Missy wants that sofa oh no Mr be I don’t think we can afford it this month angel I know whether I can afford
It or not I can and I’m going to buy you one and that’s final darling K Mutiny is just coming on did you tell her to send for the repair man I did not I put my foot down we’re buying her a new set well no Rosie I haven’t decided what
Model set I want but we’re going to buy it this morning I’m wearing my new green gabardine so Mr be will be proud to be seen with me well I don’t know well don’t you think my mink is a little stylish for daytime excuse oh what Miss see George is almost ready oh
All right uh I got to go now Rosie be sure and use those nose drops you’ll feel better in the morning well you’re all Gussy up too you going with us oh I wish I could but I have to meet a client at the Lamp Shop
Oh Rosie say she thinks I ought to wear my cloth coat with a mint collar don’t you think that sort of show off at daytime oh I think that would be perfect makes me feel just like a movie star you look lovely in it that’s what they keep telling me down
At the bowling alley well here it is I keep it loaded with more course I don’t want no Mor using it as an or dir you think they’ll notice the smell well they might yes oh well it’s a good clean smell I’ll put some of my cologne
On it that ought to hide it tell Mr be I won’t be a jiffy all right I don’t want to overdo this stuff expensive George oh is she ready yeah she’ll be right out do you know what I heard her saying to Rosie on the phone
She said she was wearing her new green dress so you’d be proud to be seen with her really oh that Hazel’s all right you know on the way downtown I think I’ll take her to shoemakers and get some of that good coffee she’ll love that oh and one other thing George she’s
Wearing her coat with a new mink collar and it just reeks of M balls so pretend you don’t notice well I’m a little sad why don’t you look nice you smell it yes my best cologne imported from Japan the land of romance it’s very nice isn’t it George
Yes very nice it’s what makes all them oriental women so inscrutable angel I think we better get going okay see you later Missy are you opening the windows Mr be I didn’t know you were such a fresh air F fresh air is helpful Hazel person’s life can depend On only the finest of materials have gone into the set and the record player is steering of course it’s called oriental night what do you and your wife think of it she’s not my wife we ain’t even engaged you to letting these silly rumors get around I work for him M his domestic
Engineer this looks awful expensive it’s just been reduced to $895 what are you out of your mind just course he’s got a pleasant face don’t mean he’s stupid he just want something practical for my room right Mr be right we’d like to see something in a table model television set with remote control
Without remote control 21 in screen 17 in all right if it’s electric right this way folks now is there any particular finish you would like on the C yeah Mahogany it’s so classy the rest of my stuff is all junk you heard it the elephant’s graveyard well my room is where all the
Old Maple Furniture goes to die please now this is a very fine set mahogany $1 18950 oh that’s a dog I think this one here will do very nicely that is unless you might have something that’s yes I am sorry sir this is our least expensive set well all right I’d
Like to see a picture oh no that ain’t necessary Mr B Hazel I’m paying for the set I want to see the picture pict would you mind turning the set on no just forget it Mr B are you going to pay cash yes if the picture is all right and and
$950 is what you’re willing to pay huh yes well now we got that set now uh we’d like to see some color sets color sets are you out of your mind I’m not going to buy you a color set I’m not asking you to but you’re not going to
Back down on the $1 18950 are you no Hazel if the picture is fine then I will run well I’ll pay the rest and with your $19.50 and the money I got here I can take care of the down payment and the rest I can pay on time right I’m sure it
Can be arranged Madam right this way please maybe if you get a color set too he’d give us a real bargain I am not interested in a color set no I guess you don’t need one if you want to see it you can always hang around my room Right hi Mr backer am I first no Rosie they’re a good half a dozen ahead of you well I would have come to the back door but Hazel said that I know she painted the back porch this afternoon boy I’ve never seen color TV before well excuse me
Mr another first nighter yes another one seems to me the least Hazel could do was answer the door I told her we’ get a darling it’s her first night with her new television set don’t tell me that’s all she talked about while she served dinner you didn’t know it’s the color
Set Dad yes Harold yes and Dorothy I don’t ever want to hear of her climbing up on that roof again what will the neighbors think she was putting up the antenna she should have gotten a serviceman to do it oh George is’s trying to save money I don’t care I
Would have paid for it oh no not again Hi l do you know that one man asked me if this was the Hazel Burke [Laughter] residence hi hi Harold what’s that oh just about cookies I know Hazel be serving coffee hey mother can you finish that puzzle
Alarm I think so why I’m going in Hazel’s room and help her watch her new TV everybody seems to be helping Hazel to watch a new TV set oh she called a few of her friends a few she was on the phone for an hour I know because I tried
To use it I want to confirm our bridg with Bob and marget Waters oh this ceases to be funny I’ll get it darling I think this was the opening night of my fair lady am I in time time oh excuse me he invited me over to watch the Perry Como
Show oh that is UND denied sure Haz never miss it she’s president of the local fan club you know I know you’ll just make it right in there and through the kitchen darling did you know that the pericom show will be on in a few minutes
Good he’s terrific I War up to set well I I was thinking why don’t we go out to Hazel’s room and watch it in color we’ve always watched it on this set what’s wrong with this set well it doesn’t show the color the costumes of the sets or even Perry’s
Eyes who cares what color his eyes are just joking darling well you can go out and watch it I’ll stay here all right George I’ll be back right afterward who cares what color his eyes are to stop to this now look here Martin I tried to call you
Earlier about the bridge game but our phone was tied up come in come in how are you George fine how’s the hand oh come along great where’s darthy well she’s in Hazel’s room but I’ll call her and we get started right away well we didn’t come over to play bridge Hazel
Ask us over to see a new TV set yes I called her about a recipe very Como on you mind if we go right out we don’t want to miss anything I suppose you don’t no no no no you go right ahead oh well aren’t you coming it’s a color
Set I know it’s a color set no I I have some work to do we’ll see you later George bye bye Bye evening Mr back hazel good evening uh she asked you over called me at work come in thank you I’ll show you the way you know frankly I don’t see what’s so marvelous about this color television you were excited at the store oh I wasn’t so excited well you
Pull up a chair and sit down in front of the set I just pretended to enjoy it to please Hazel but when Hazel wanted to leave you wouldn’t go well it was right in the middle of the program besides it happens to be one of my favorite shows a cooking program for
PE you know you ought to run for district attorney right through that doorway thank you hi Mr in hi Hazel I brought you some posies and we go the right direction one of my favorite songs dream along with me excuse me I just want to put these in Water oh hello Mr be oh I was just getting a drink of water oh you want to drink milk I don’t want milk why don’t you come in and join us no thank you Hazel Frank gall’s just coming on you know where you hear his voice and Perry
Looks up at the ceiling I am not okay Asel what color are Perico’s eyes thank you very much Madam the set will be delivered tomorrow morning Mr thoron oh good morning Mr backer don’t tell me Hazel’s having trouble with her sex she’s only had it one month no it’s working fine
Unfortunately unfortunately yes I hardly see my family anymore they’re in Hazel’s room watching it almost every night tell me Mr thoron uh how soon can I get delivery on a color television set well then should we watch this special oh that’s fine with me should I turn it on
In a moment son you see the best part of having this color set is that has brought you and Mommy back into the living room believe me I was lome watching television Alone Oh Boy George why didn’t you come in his room and watch because I didn’t want to’s going
To be on in a couple of minutes yes Hazel we know we intend to watch it you want to come in my room and watch it Missy oh I think I’ll stay here Hazel oh sure you got your own color TV now what about you Harold no thanks I’m I want to
Stay here well okay Hazel yes Mr B now you can turn on the set son okay come here why don’t you sit down and join us you mean it of course oh thanks I like to sit in the middle [Applause] Hey lady lady who me yeah you you know what n o spells no it spells no that’s what I said p a r k i n g no parking oh well well I was going to pick up my boss there was no place over in the park look
Lady that sign Don’t Say No Parking St going to pick up my boss it just says no no part say ain’t I met you someplace before maybe it was at the policeman’s benefit circus I go to all them policeman’s fairs and I know some very influential people in the police force
Sergeant galaher and S all right I’m moving the car I’m moving it what about them taxi cabs out there oh what about them well they’re in the no par and Zone too lady they got to unload passengers yeah well I got to load some and and and if you’re going to
Give me a ticket well then they deserve one too okay uh but let’s start with you first oh no no no never mind never Mind it’s been nice meeting you Mr well it’s been a great pleasure meeting you sir yes sir I have I’d like you to have this copy of my autobiography tells how I made my fortune well thank you sir I’ll certainly study this as a married man I
Could use a little of your Golden Touch I think you like it thank you bye Mr Katie bye you sir Mr B oh hello hazel I’m sorry I was late but I was hunting for a place to park oh that’s all right I thought maybe you
Hadn’t received my telegram oh no we got you wi I was to meet you at the airport and then go with you to the office oh where’s the car about three blocks beyond your office what thanks to the efficiency of the local police force H
Did you see who I was just talking to there no who William Samson Katie the millionaire the multi-millionaire affectionately known to the Bureau of internal revenue as Midas oh where is he I want to get a look at him oh no Haz he’s gone he just shook my hand and left
Oh let’s see your hand I thought maybe it have turned to cold no not yet but I think I better keep in a safe deposit box tonight and what’s this his autobiography A Billion to one when we got on the plane in New York everyone was crowding around him
Asking questions but all he would say was if you want to know anything about me just buy my book oh I got to read that oh you wouldn’t talk to anyone on the play except me and we became very friendly for your charm huh well it wasn’t actually my charm that started
Him talking it was rather an embarrassing accident oh what happened well Hazel I’d rather not discuss it so come on let’s go oh no Mr B tell me what happened I said I’d rather not discuss it the thought of it but still turns my stomach upside
Down all the way to the office he kept saying I don’t want to discuss it I don’t want to discuss it so I just badged him until he discussed it well what happened well you see he was sitting on the plane next to this Mr Katie and Mr Katie was just sitting
There you know he wasn’t saying anything just grouchy and grumpy until lunch came along you know and Mr be started to eat his ice cream what flavor ice cream you they serve you on a plane well I don’t know sport harl don’t interrupt well anyway Mr be picked up this little paper
Cup and poured it over the ice cream you know he thought it was strawberry syrup and it was ketchup ketchup on ice cream that’s what Mr Katie said do you eat ketchup on ice cream oh for heaven’s sakes well you got to admit it ain’t the tastiest way to start a conversation but
Mr be was too proud you know to admit that he made a mistake so he said yes and ate it oh it sounds just like George so after he ate it and and kept it down Mr Katie said I admire you you’re a man like me you’re an individualist well I
Can think of a better word so then there was buddies and he gave him a free copy of his autobiography oh it’s got a little ketchup on it I better get that Off hello yes uh several women in the lobby to see you sir usual kind yes sir dad bastard I’m sorry Mr C cannot be disturbed at the moment I cured the day I ever wrote that autobiography it the most stupid thing I’ve ever done yes sir well don’t be so
Quick to agree with me argue well actually it wasn’t your fault sir it was the Publisher’s idea yes trying to make me seem more human warm and appealing he called it yeah just a harmless little lie to give me a better Public Image believe me I didn’t build my fortune
Being warm and appealing well perhaps that particular passage could be deleted from succeeding additions no the damage is done and I can just see about 10 million bomy brained romantic women reading that Li their jaws hanging open their eyes popping out cheapers creepers what’s the matter
Hazel I got to call Rosie why well just read that for yourself oh no I think I’ll run over there I can’t wait for anything as slow as Electricity Hazel did you get me out of the bathtub to ask me that well I just want you to tell it just the way you always told it well if you think I’m going to stand here and get pneumonia you got well I I can’t tell you what I
Know cuz I got to prove something so you just tell it the way you always told him well I was driving along and I saw this man standing on the highway what year was that Hazel if you’re trying to find out how old I am again you can just
Forget it I’m 30 through go on go on keep talking well I gave him a lift to the bus station and when he got out he said lovely lady or was it beautiful lady well never mind just just keep talking well he said lovely lady henceforth whatever I get in
Life I shall owe to you I was standing on the highway not knowing which course to pursue so I let fate decide would somebody give me a LIF to the east or to the west and you know who that was no who William Samson Katie oh don’t be
Silly it was a bum no it says so in his autobiography he owes all his success to a mystery woman who gave him a lift to the bus station on what highway the highway of life no mine was Route 22 that’s the one he mentioned I tell you
It was you and all these years he’s been searching all over the world so he could repay you so now you just get dressed and get into your prettiest Dress I don’t know how I could have been so stupid just to let you talk me into coming down Mr Katie’s Hotel oh wait till he sees you he’ll probably fall flat on his face and kiss your feet I’m Mr Katie’s secretary come in please but
I haven’t told you who my friend is yet she’s the mystery lady in Mr Katie’s book come in please how do you know she’s the mystery lady who isn’t everybody is the woman in brown over there bought him a dinner when he was hungry the lady
In gray gave him a suit of old clothes and the lady in red gave him some secondhand advice come in please I really should ask you to take a number as you come in like a butcher Shop Mr Baxter yes Mr Lan’s here to see you Henry Logan chairman of the art museum board yes sir well please ask him to come in Mr Baxter how do you do sir we met about 6 months ago at one of your sister’s parties remember oh of course I
Remember a mutual friend called me to say he saw you on the plane this morning with Mr Katie who seems to be a very good friend of yours well actually no not really we just exchanged a few words uh please won’t you to sit down which is
More than I’ve been able to do he has a singular reluctance to talk well you can hardly blame him most people are after him for personal gain and so am I or rather as chairman of the art museum board I’m trying to help our city oh in
What way according to Katie’s book he has several houses around the country he has one in New England he hasn’t been in for 20 years yes I know in that home he has paintings by Raphael tishan Tinto and a couple by rembrand at least so
I’ve been told they might as well be an outer space as far as the Public’s concerned now if we could get him to donate them to our art museum we dedicate a special room to Mr Katie of course well it sounds like a wonderful
Idea but I uh I don’t see where I fit in there’s a vacancy on our board and you being such a good friend of Mr Katie here an hour quiet ladies quiet quite quiet please now now now if we can just clear this area and would you mind backing up
Please that’s fine just back up now and please be quiet because Mr Katie has a few words to say to you I canly wait can you quiet quiet here is ain’t you excited Mr Katie quiet quiet please please ever since I wrote my autobiography I’ve been through this in
Just about every town in the United States to avoid a ride in the hotel lobby I wait until everyone’s here and then I read the statement right ladies it’s funny thing to say is it I never seen anyone of you before in my life don’t try and talk to me because I’m not
Interested in anything you have to say don’t write me letters because I’ll only put them in the waste basket don’t telephone me because I won’t answer it not one of you will get one penny out of me I have nothing further to say until I read this to the next shift goodbye ladies
Right didn’t you hear what I said yes I heard what you said and it wasn’t until you said it that I had anything to say will you kind of get out of my bedroom well I’ll admit that some of them women is phonies just like you said an after
Your door but some of them is like my friend Rosie that thinks they did you a favor and I’m not so sure they didn’t out slapping at them like that ain’t very gentlemanly like lodging into my bedroom isn’t very llik out well you got to admit that that woman in your book
Had had a had a had a pretty good claim on you and if she got a lawyer she just might make it sick money huh yes and I have a friend it just so happens a very good friend who’s a high power attorney and a big wheel lawyer and he’s
Like there’s one in my bedroom she’s a troublemaker a real Troublemaker well I’ll get her out well that won’t be the end of her I know a troublemaker when they see one what’s the name of that lawyer I met on the plane uh Mr Logan you simply don’t
Understand I hardly know the man now I can’t just pick up the phone and snap my finger like that and say Katie I’d like to drop by your hotel to discuss a little matter excuse me Mr Baxter but Mr Katie’s on the phone he’d like you to stop by his hotel to discuss
Something Well Mr Katie there’s absolutely nothing to worry about worried I’m not worried I just don’t want some crack butt starting in lawsuit like I said there never has been such a woman nobody in my life has ever helped me I wouldn’t accept it if they tried there’s no legal case no
Lawyer would be fool enough to try it even for publicity that’s what I figured but I wanted to hear a lawyer say it Troublemaker that’s that’s all she is Troublemaker shall I order your dinner sir yeah the usual ham sandwich and potato salad yes sir you mean that’s all you eat for
Dinner I hate Hotel food but I can’t go out to a restaurant because of all those dead blasted women well now I happen to have one of the finest Crooks in the country perhaps you’d care to join me at my home for dinner no if I gave my stomach anything
Beside ham sandwich and potato salad it would think I was trying to poison it you know it’s uh quite possible that Mr Logan chairman of the art museum will be dropping by you might spend a pleasant evening discussing art I understand that you’re an art collector no I used to be started
Collecting paintings but I had the time for it all my stuff is locked up in a house I have in New England running up tax bills by a million H well as I say this cook of ours can turn out some remarkable things can’t you make fried mush
You mean you like fried mush like you like ketchup and ice cream boy I sure threw a scare into him you didn’t mention George’s name oh no I just made up some hard boy a lawyer that didn’t like to see women pushed around boy when I got through with him his
Knees was shaking and His Hands was trembling and his lips was quivering and he threw out of his sweet oh I was going any way come in Mr Katie for some reason I don’t seem to get enough fried mush but when you told me how well your cook
Takes care of your house guest let me take your suitcase as I was saying about those paintings Mr Katie you know I never even tasted dried mush until about 10 years ago down in Texas oh is that right well come on I’ll show you the guest [Applause]
Room I guess I better be going home oh what your hurry I thought you said your folks was eating out tonight yes Rosie why don’t you have dinner here with us you won’t be in the way Mr Baxter and I just plan a quiet evening at home yeah
Hang around I want you to see Mr Bee’s face when I tell him what I said to Mr Katie oh boy you’ll get a bang out of it you know he’s got a terrific sense of humor Hazel you know how to fry mush hi I didn’t know you were home are Mr back
Look some things are happening awfully faster around here so let’s skip all the hi Mr bees and how are you Mr backer and get straight out on the mush no no no wait a minute first things first hael will you take some clean towels up to
The guest room George you didn’t bring a house guest home without warning us no I didn’t well that is yes I brought him home but I didn’t invite him he sort of invited himself well maybe I did invite him but I couldn’t help it it just naturally
Grew out of the mush that’s why he’s such a terrific lawyer boy can he confuse the jury Hazel will you take the towels up to the guest room oh yes sir it just so happens we got the flat work back from the laundry today well hurry up Hazel Mr Logan will
Be here any minute who’s Mr Logan well he’s chairman of the art museum you met him at one of ded’s parties why does he have to stay in our guest room George doesn’t he have a home of his own Dorothy I invited Mr Logan here to discuss some paintings and if he gets
Them I’ll probably end up on the board of directors of the Museum oh darling that’s wonderful but why does he have to stay in our guest room not Mr Logan Mr Logan isn’t here yet it’s Mr Katie who’s in the guest room William Samson Katie who he called me today because
Some crackpot woman was causing him a lot of trouble what’s the matter my lips are too dry to talk I think I need a glass of water me too me too that’ll be Mr Logan now Hazel Mr Katie would like fried mice for dinner I’ve told him you’re the greatest cook
In the world so please don’t fail me those paintings will be a great benefit to our city come on darling what are you going to do hazel I don’t know but if my bed wasn’t so low I’d crawl come here Mr Logan thank you nice to see
You again Mr back yes isn’t it Mr Katie here yes he’s upstairs he’ll be down in a few minutes shall we go to the living room thank you Rosie couldn’t you take these up to Mr Katie oh no Mr Katie saw me today as well as you yeah but I made a deeper
Impression on him oh come on you you take him up to him oh no not me I like like you Hazel but I’m no fool about you I certainly have to congratulate you I can’t think of anyone else who could have brought Mr Katie around so quickly [Applause] Well honest Mr Katie this ain’t no trick of Mr Baxter out listen why don’t you take one of these towels and put some cold water on your face it ain’t good to be purple in the face for so long out would it make you feel any better if I was to
Offer my sincere apology ouch the only reason I said what I said to you at the hotel was because you were so Frosty to them women you know and and if they thought that they was the mystery woman in your book that blasted book I lied and I’ve been paying for
That lie ever since no woman ever helped me and no man either I don’t know one Nichols wor of gratitude to anybody oh now you can’t say that I said it didn’t I I’m Aon see I’m proud of it oh there’s no such thing as a loner in this world I
Don’t think we should sponge on one another but someone can’t do without another human being I can certainly do without you out There you see like I was saying you need somebody to help you open the door you put that thing back in oh sure I will but I just want to point out that you’re getting help from somebody I’m not asking for help I’m telling you what to
Do and I’ll pay you for it oh no I wouldn’t take money for helping you out I just want you to admit that that another human being is helping you like the poet says no man is an island unto himself and the human race has lots of
Peninsulas but no Islands I’m not going to stand here listening to poetry Through the Keyhole he’s a little eccentric sounds like he’s doing the twist well maybe that’s how he works up an appetite for a fried mush as he’s quite an Individualist okay Mr ktie you win you can pay me for opening the door that way you won’t have to feel grateful you can pay me a dime but I won’t keep it I’ll give it to charity oh Dad bless now see what you made me do where are my keys
Well here here maybe I can give you a hand get me some scissors well I maybe I could help you prior get me some scissors well there ought to be something here somewhere but you see like I said you do need help like I said
No man is an island unto himself and and and and you can’t even cut off your own necktie unless another human being hands you the scissors you should have had plenty of time to freshen up by now Mr wait Mr Katie Mr Katie wait no don’t go
M Mr Katie any old day you’ll get my paintings for your Museum any old day Mr be there’s something that you ought to know you know that alleged crack plot that woman that came to the hotel it it wasn’t you Your decision to leave tonight instead of tomorrow no man is an island un to himself I beg your pardon ever get your tie caught in the suitcase and have to cut it off no sir not since I’ve been wearing both ties ever get caught in a
Room without a door knob well no sir I always make sure there is a door knob ever have a woman recite poetry to you through a ke no sir I’ve led a very uneventful life well we better hurry sir we only have a few minutes to catch the
Plane good night missy good night hazel good night Mr be good night backy residence oh it’s you yes it’s me no I don’t want to talk to Mr Baxter you can give him this message you can tell him he can have those dead blasted paintings he can I’ve been trying to
Find a sucker like Baxter for years for 20 years I’ve been paying insurance and taxes on those dead blasted paintings now he and his dead blasted SE can pay all those dead blasted bills wait a minute I want to get him to the phone he’ll hello Mr B Mr
Be where’s Mr be he’s in the guest room oh what’s he doing in there trying to get out will somebody please find the other half of this door knob Mr B I got good news for you you’re going to get watching heel yeah get out of here I’m hun Good morning Hazel hi Missy tell Mr Bee I’ll have his breakfast ready in the Jiffy Hazel you’re not fixing this for George I sure am all his favorites fried apples French toast and them cunning little sausages for heaven’s sakes you know on a diet Hazel he’s only supposed
To have oatmeal and skin milk oatmeal and skim milk oh for p sake a man’s got to have a little fun or life ain’t worth living especially the way the poor man’s been knocking himself out working for Mr Griffin these past few weeks hael you’re limping did you hurt
Yourself oh boy I’ll say I did I got up to get a drink of water last night and I didn’t turn on the light and boy when I went back into my room I made a leap for my bed and when I was in the middle of
The air I remembered i’ moved my bed that morning oh for heaven’s Sak you could have broken something don’t tell Mr be anything about it cuz I don’t want him worrying about morning Hazel oh hi Mr be did anyone else hear that awful thud last night it woke me up I thought
It might have been an earthquake but I don’t see anything about it here in the paper why don’t you go inside the dining room and read your morning paper Mr bab I’ll come in in a minute with your oatmeal and skim milk [Applause] All right Hazel I’ll let you out here oh ain’t you coming in with me no I’ll wait right here in the car I have a few legal problems to think out and this is as good a place to De them as any all right you just sit there and mull them over
Hazel yeah now how can you get the things at the store for Dorothy if I Haven giving you the slips oh yeah here’s what she wants at the market the things from the drugstore and the Dina oh look who’s going down the street who Mr Merck the scout master if you run
Fast enough you can catch him why should I well well we got to find out about tomorrow night you know Harold taking the tender foot o we got to find out if we all got to be there and what time it is you know and what we got to wear
Hazel I hardly think it’s going to be a white tie and taals Affair yeah we got to find what you know whether the ceremon is going to be at the meeting house or around the campfire and we got to know all right Hazel I’ll give him a
Ring you want me to handle it for you well yes Asel thanks I’ll appreciate that and don’t you worry I’ll get all the dope oh you better take this L of the Stu Missy want He M mer oh hello hazel I I want to get the DAT you know me about tomorrow night tomorrow night yeah when Harold takes his Tenderfoot old oh well I I thought you knew knew what well Harold isn’t eligible to become a Tenderfoot huh well he hasn’t passed his tests he hasn’t
Even attempted to take them what as a matter of fact i’ I’ve been expecting a call from his father oh but his dad and me thought he’d passed all his tests he seemed to feel he wasn’t ready well that don’t mean he ain’t boy he can’t miss
I’ve been teaching him the nuts I could do them in my sleep I woke up the other night I was tying my stockings to the well you understand I I I can’t force a boy to become a scout if if Harold feels he isn’t ready if he’d rather wait but
He is ready he is ready he knows all the 12 points of the Scout Law and the Scout slogan and the scout model and he can repeat the Scout Oath On My Honor I will do my duty Harold’s supposed to be the Scout not you yeah but you said he ain’t going
To be a scout well I’m sorry if he doesn’t pass the Tenderfoot test well perhaps youd better have his father get in touch with me now if you’ll excuse me I have an [Applause] Appointment Leslie do you know where Harold is I don’t know I saw him about an hour ago well I don’t care where he was an hour ago I want to know where he is now well I told him I had to deliver my papers and he left I don’t know where
He went well think Leslie think if you want to be a Boy Scout and track down Indians and bears you ought to be able to track down your best friend I think he went over in the Park well Mr Griffin H nice to see you come on in oh thank you George isn’t here he drove Hazel down to the supermarket Market oh well she’s the one I came to see I have a present for Hero Mr hello George oh hello Mr gin where’s Hazel Hazel yes well off hand I can’t say but judging from the direction in which he was going and the ra speed she was traveling I’d say she was somewhere Due West of Chicago what are you talking about while she was trying to catch up
With the scoutmaster uh trying to find out about Harald becoming Scout oh Harold is graduating from Cub Scouts he’s going to be a Tenderfoot say that’s great I think that’s wonderful every boy should be a scout well Hazel feels that way too you know she’s learned how to
Tie every knot of the books so she can teach Harold and she has everything else in the house TI to not too including my shower curtain I never got to be a scout myself all my life I’ve wanted to one I still do you know I don’t ordinarily
Tell people about it but I had a very difficult childhood when I was 11 years old Mr Griffin will you excuse me but there are a lot of Frozen things in these bags and I’ve got to get them in the refrigerator I’ll help you George we won’t be b a second Mr
Griffin he’s told us once he’s told us a million times about that difficult difficult childhood of his he had to quit school and sell papers on the corner of Maine and spring streets and he find he saved up $100 well you know I don’t often tell
People about it but I had a very difficult childhood I had to quit school when I was 11 years old and go to work I sold papers at the corner of Main and First streets Maine and spring and then I huh you sold papers at the corner of M
Spring that’s right it was spring uh well anyway I saved up about $150 $100 each that’s right it was a $100 even say have I told you this before boy have we got trouble hello hazel oh hi Mr Griffin boy have we got trouble what do you mean I just met Mr Merrick
The scout master and he said Harold ain’t going to be a tender foot Scout he ain’t passed his test what yeah that’s what I said only louder but I thought har well where is he I don’t want to talk to him I don’t know where he is and
His friend Leslie don’t know where he is I’ve looked every place place he’s upstairs with a Squeeze Box Hazel I thought you were keeping your eye on his test I thought you were Mr Griffin Would You pardon us for a minute I understand here I’ll just leave this
For hazel you can give it to Her I have to practice for the school orchestra son uh what’s this about your not passing your scout test I didn’t take the test why not because if I took them I’d pass them well that’s a general idea ain’t it or have I been knocking myself out for nothing son what are you
Getting at Leslie failed his not test and he couldn’t remember the 12 points of the Scout Law but what difference does it make if another boy Leslie isn’t just another boy he’s my best friend if I passed I’d be a Tenderfoot and he wouldn’t Harold in school you don’t hold your
Grades down to the level of the lowest student Li could have made the baseball team easy but when he found out I was going to be on the second team I saw him drop fly balls on purpose so they put him on the second team with me and he’s
Two years older than I am too but you see sport there’s a difference Hazel please as Scout is loyal and I’m loyal to Leslie well if you want to be loyal why don’t you help him show them how to tie the kn I tried to help him this
Afternoon but he had to deliver papers son I think your loyalty is a bit misplaced if you ask me Mr B we’re going about this all backwards meaning what well Leslie ain’t got no Mom and Dad to help him he lives with his aunt so what
You and me and Missy ought to do is to roll up our sleeves and do what and pitch in if they pass that test by tomorrow afternoon they’ll be tend tooot Scouts by tomorrow night but doesn’t have time to study he has to deliver papers oh the heck was delivering papers
If he doesn’t deliver them he lose his job where there’s a will there’s a way right Mr be Hazel for once in my life I agree with you 100% all right come On boy you didn’t throw my newspaper on the porch you threw it on the sidewalk I uh was trying very carefully not to break any windows I distinctly told the newspaper to throw it on the porch and not on the sidewalk if it rained it would get wet well Madam
Surely you’re not expecting it to rain on a day like this how can I tell until I read the weather report in the paper no rain today that’s Nice okay leie let’s practice the Scout off okay on my honor I will do my best to do my duty uh Hazel want you to go down to the store and buy some TV dinners for her she’s making out a list in the living room okay now Leslie let’s
Get back to the Scout Law uh number eight a scout is cheerful he smiles whenever he can a scout is cheerful he smiles whenever he can I was going to need some money for them TV dinners you know oh all right I’ll see if I can find
My purse oh you ain’t done those half hitches now listen Leslie what you need’s concentration give me the 12 points of the Scout Law and explain in your own words the meaning of each the Scout is trustworthy loyal helpful Hazel now wouldn’t it be simpler to just
Put up a teleprompter oh I’m sorry Mr be I sometimes I get so busy thinking I don’t realize I’m talking and vice versa well the not test is next I’ll get the ropes oh we’ve been in such a wh I completely forgot it until this very
Minute Mr Griffin wants you to have this five shares of stock at his company oh why should he want that well he said it was an appreciation for your helping him get through that Siege with his stomach he said he couldn’t have done it without your custard five shares of blue chip
Stock oh he said it will go up five or 10 points tomorrow because of that murger George handled five or 10 points boy that’s the kind of a nest egg I like the kind that hatches overnight he did it Des Ed the Scout lock and he told
What it meant Dad said it was perfect say we better get in there the Rope test is next I sure hope he passes oh come on here theop all right Leslie let me see you join two ropes with a sheet [Laughter] [Applause] band Well welcome back to this uh here let me see you tie that rope around that stick with two half Ines hey there are more knots in your face than there are on the Rope oh it’s no use I can’t do it no I just can’t do it list you’re letting yourself get rattled it’s really very simple oh I can’t even do something simple that’s
Why I’ll never be a scout I’m dumb oh no you ain’t don’t you ever say that again oh come on now Scout doesn’t cry the Scout is brave that’s why I’ll never be a scout look he’s just tired it’s late why don’t we all go to B will get up in the
Morning and try it again H that’s the best idea come on come on go to bed come on good night Harold night night night Hazel maybe we can persuade Harold to go ahead and take the test on his own and count Leslie out just like that well it’s the time element that’s working
Against him after all what’s the rush well all his friends is being made tender foot Scouts tomorrow night that’s what the rush is there’s nothing can break a kid’s heart like being left out of something all the other kids is doing all right we’ll try it again the
First thing in the morning I won’t go to the office I’ll stick right with it that’s a stuff Mr be but there’s one thing I’m sure of there is nothing wrong with Leslie he can tie those knots as well as any other boy all he needs is the right Incentive [Applause] Well you boys all ready for a little snooze room good night AEL good night well before you pop off I got a surprise for the both of you cookies no one share of stock for each of you stock yeah in Mr Griffin’s company I was going to give
It to you after you passed your test but I decided to give it to in advance that’s how sure I am what good a St what good well for your information stock is worth money how much right now one share of that Stock’s worth about $35
3 and it’s liable to go up five or 10 points that means five or 10 bucks more boy I know you boys won’t let me down even though I did give you your present in advance that’s what your dad calls an incentive [Applause] sport yes Hazel well incentive you wanted incend if you got Hazel I didn’t say come in I just said yes Hazel what are you talking about hazel well Mr be saying what Les needed was an incentive to pass his exam so I got thinking of them five shares of stock Mr Griffin
Gave me I know Dorothy told me so I decided to give Leslie one of those shares of stock as an incentive Hazel don’t do it huh don’t ever give a youngster a share of stock why not because I remember what happened to me what happened on my 10th birthday my
Uncle gave me a share of stock and it almost ruined my life why why because I kept expecting to become a millionaire when I went up a point I got so excited I got sick when I went down a point I was so terrified I got even sicker up
And down up and down I was a 10-year-old schizophrenic oh George stop exaggerating no I’m not exaggerating I couldn’t think of anything else but that share of stock I was late for school every day because I stopped off at a Brokers to look at a ticker tape oh
George oh I mean it so Hazel please whatever you do don’t give a youngster a share of stock Night well thank you I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this and I’m very sorry to have called you so early in the morning but was very kind of you to say that and thank you again goodbye who is that darling Mr Merck oh the scottman I
Just set up an appointment for both boys to take their tests this morning uh Mr Merck said it would be more convenient for him to come here George you know perfectly well Leslie I’m using a little applied psychology oh can psychology tie two half hitches darling there’s something about the human mind that
Rises to an emergency if you give your mind its own way it’ll think of a million reasons it can’t do something but face it with an emergency and it’ll always come through well come along let’s get down to breakfast and another session with those knots well let me run
A brush through my hair I’ll be right down the New York Stock Market had an uneven opening until word came that morning morning Dad Al Leslie you better hurry up and those funny papers breakfast will be ready soon oh I’m not reading the funny papers Mr Baxter I’m
Reading the stock market oh he just announced it all on the stock report Griffin industri is open Five Points higher we just made $5 a piece boy I’m making more money listening the radio than I am delivering papers dad has has a book in his Library about how somebody
Made millions in the stock market we better start studying Yeah heel I know I know you went ahead and did it in spite of what I said I did it before you said it I’ve talked to them till I’m blw in the face but I can’t get their noses out of them stock quotation and I set up an appointment
For them to take their test this morning I took a cold shower to get myself all toned up to meet a challenge well you can’t say you ain’t got one it says you can buy stock on margin you don’t have to put up all the money
That’s us boys boys put that book Away now let me explain something to you about stock it’s a two-way street sure it can go up but it also can come down ours is going up it’s a good Street the stock market is the backbone of the American economy but anyone who thinks
It’s a getrich quick scheme is in for a shocking surprise but this book says never mind the book now boys listen to me true your Griffin stock went up but that’s because I handled a very advantageous merger but Suppose there hadn’t been any merger for instance
Suppose Mr Griffin had tried to do it himself and had made some boneheaded move suppose since in some nitwit it blubber brained way he’d managed to wreck the merger well then instead of that stock going up that stock would have come right On Mr G nwit BL brain b [Applause] head you want some more float in Island Mr Griffin bone head you’ve been saying that for 2 hours n when well George was just trying to take Leslie’s mind off the stock Market Mr Griffin so he could study for his not tense the blba brain
Mr Griffin you said you always wanted to be a scout maybe I could arrange it at my age well you’re too old to be a scout you’re even too old to be a scout master but maybe you could be a scouter what’s a scouter well they’re men that are
Interested in scouting who help out in things like Transportation would I get to wear a scout hat maybe we ought to start practicing the Scout hand class when the Scout sign see you hold your fingers like that and finally a scout is revered W well that’s excellent Leslie and now
For the final test Nots join these two pieces of rope with a sheet Bend Mr mer excuse me don’t interrupt but could I have a few words with lley before he does the Rope test well it Is you know Harold could pass these tests and and you know why he ain’t taking him it’s because he wanted to be loyal to you so if you want him to be a scout you know what you got to Do now join those two pieces of rope with a sheet [Applause] Bend now tie this rope to this post with two half Hitches that’s just fine Leslie and now this rope tie to this post with a clo Hitch excellent congratulations Lesley everyone now for the next candidate yes sir On My Honor I will do my best to do my Duty well I got the kitchen floor all watched follow me I’m the leader oh dear I hope he doesn’t lead them through your clean kitchen oh he won’t I locked the back door see we ought to talk Mr be to painting this woodwork I him off [Applause] The Yooo anyone home oh hi Mr B Miss’s playing bridge oh I’d like you to meet a couple of friends of mine this is Mr George baxton my boss and this is uh Joe Cook and then his brother Ben nice to have here Mr bton thank you I bowled opposite Joe last
Night boy that’s how we met oh he’s terrific if I hadn’t been on my toes I never would have won is that so well thanks fellas give me a ring when you got it all figured out we could give you the bad news right now Mr Baxter bad
News what bad news oh it ain’t bad news Mr be is good news they’re going to do a wonderful job for practically nothing wonderful job of what didn’t he know about us coming here well I’m sorry Mr Baxter we understood you wanted some painting done I was just going to get an
Estimate Mr B you know there’s no sense talking about it until you know whether you can afford it gentlemen I’m sorry you’ve been put to this trouble but I have no intention of getting the house painted no trouble at all Mr Baxter we love giving free estimates come on Joe bye
Hazel well I wanted you know is to have the woodwork painted Mr be Hazel I’ll decide when it’s time to paint the house it one thing I hate is stingy woodwork you know Mr be ain’t as if they didn’t come highly recommended all right Hazel please not now
Okay Mr B just because their prices low don’t mean that work ain’t top quality Dorothy yes it’s okay okay Mr be I’m going I’m going I just I just wanted to apologize night George I told you it’s just as much my fault as it is Hazel’s the woodwork does need painting we’ll have
The whole house done at the same time next year I don’t believe in doing things peace meal it’s more expensive twice to bother and people are never satisfied with the results all right George if that’s the way you feel I’ll forget about it and see that Hazel does
Too will you I’ll talk to her a wonderful woman but she’s stubborn as a bulldog she gets an idea gets it between her teeth and just won’t let go it’s nag nag nag all right George I said I’d talk to her oh no it’s after 10:00 now if that’s
Griffin barging in hear this time of night calm down George you don’t know it’s Mr Griffin yeah I was beginning to think nobody was home hey Miss are you sure you got the right place where’s George George baon I’m his cousin Charlene Charlene well why didn’t you say so I’m
Hazel I’m real pleased to meet you Mr B guess who’s here I’ll put your bag up in the guest room hi hello hazel just a moment you’ll have to forgive me but uh have we ever met before Oh for peete’s sake Mr she’s your cousin Charlie’s brother’s youngest Charlene you heard cousin
Charlie speak of her oh of course uh how are you Charlene this is a pleasant surprise uh so glad you dropped by George take Charlene’s coat um I’m glad we were home you really should have let us know you were coming Charlene it would have been
A shame to have missed you didn’t you get Mama’s letter no uh what did it say she must have forgot to mail it you know mama no I don’t you see uh cousin Charlie’s branch of the family moved to the Midwest long before I was born uh just what did your mother’s
Letter say Charlene excuse me boy am I beat I’ve been traveling that bus for two days and nights wow look who just joined the party the doorbell woke me up and I’m hungry oh that’s all right Missy he can have a sandwich and a glass of milk can he
Charlene this is our son Harold nice to meet you hi cousin Harold this is smly don’t be scared if he jumps upon you mama always say she’d rather have a skunk in the house than a dog your room’s all ready what do you want tea or
Coffee make mine root beer I’m afraid we don’t have any root beer you don’t have any root beer well I’ll get some tomorrow well don’t put yourself out on account of me cousin dthy like mama always says I’m just one of the family I’ll take whatever you have where’s my
Room I’ll show you boy I’m going to sleep for a week there’s so much you can do with soap and Water oh hi where is everybody at 11:00 Mr be’s at the office and Miss’s at a PTA meeting and Harold’s doing his arithmetic exam oh any breakfast left oh I’ll get you some ain’t that Missy sweater and slack you got on my stuff’s all dirty from the trip
Here I’ll give you 50 cents for doing it I don’t want any 50 cents isn’t that the nicest thing I should have known though you know Uncle Charlie told Mama just how good you were to him but I didn’t expect you to do my washingt and iring
For nothing I’m going to tell cousin George just how good you’ve been to me would you please go inside and sit down in the dining room I’ll fix your breakfast uh just a couple of eggs easy over and some bacon and one slice of toast I got to watch my Figure hello Hello darling oh hello dear sorry I’m late it’s all right Dinner won’t be ready for half an hour good it’ll give me time for a shower George you’ll have to bathe downstairs Charlene is in the shower oh no well would you bring me down some fresh clothes dear oh
Well I hope there’s some hot water left George she’s been in there ever since I got home I’m sorry I should have told you about cousin Charlie’s branch of the family long before I asked you to marry me at least she’s clean well she can’t be planning on staying too long she only
Brought one suitcase well she may have come with one but I bet she goes home with two hey the r on but Charlie that’s a special International broadcast from Europe it’s coming from tar you really want to listen to that stuff yes we do oh if you don’t mind of course not
Cousin George I just go and watch my program in Hazel’s room help yourself takes all kinds to make a world I [Applause] guess Dorothy couldn’t you suggest that she do her nails in the privacy of her own room why don’t you suggest it George she’s your relative well if you call a
30second cousin a relative I’m telling you Dorothy I can’t stand much more this me neither you only have to put up with her in the evening Dorothy couldn’t you find out anything about how long she’s going to stay George I can’t just come right out and and ask her why not
Because it wouldn’t be polite she’s your family no and I couldn’t either Mr be Miss’s right she’s your relative will you too stop rubbing it in no no son no you won’t uh Hazel’s right it’s my responsibility ad a boy Mr B and you want to know what to say to
Her you got to use psychology you know according to my book on psychology you got to hammer at her weak points now she’s Vain and lazy Hazel please please now I know something about psychology I’ll handle it my way yeah but Hazel well good luck Mr be I’ll make it
Very clear in a nice way that enough is enough when well uh tomorrow night right after dinner why not right now and miss the Symphony so after that I worked at the City Cafe as a waitress yeah as a waitress just when we thought that things were all right with us I got to fall on the stairs in that movie house and hurt my back I mean just one bad piece of lock after another but mama
Says well that’s too bad Charlene but it doesn’t do any good to brood about the past well that’s just what mama say I think Charlene we should have a little talk about your future now you’ve been with us for almost a week now really time certainly does fly when you’re
Enjoying yourself doesn’t it but but that’s terrible I had no idea I’ve been imposing on you so long not at all we were very pleased I hadn’t written Mama since I got here you don’t mind if I B something stationary do you C I mean you
Know Mama’s a wor what with me being her youngest in all but I better get this off right now while I’m thinking about it and cousin George I’m going to tell mama just how nice you’ve been to me she sure is going to appreciate it I thought maybe you’d like some hot
Coffee thank you Hazel now Charlene would you bring the tray over here and if you will sit down please that letter to your mother can wait now then just how long long are you planning on visiting with us Charlene well at depends on what on how soon I
Can get a job well that shouldn’t be too difficult uh what kind of work do you do oh well I’ve done all kinds of work cousin George until I had that terrible accident a couple years ago and hurt my back and all but what I really want to be is a
Model A model well you know there isn’t much chance for a girl like me living in that hick town that Mama and I live in but when the insurance company paid me my settlement mama says to me Charlene this is your big chance you take that
Money and you buy yourself a bus ticket and you go and visit your cousin George and he’ll introduce you to a big magazine publisher who’ll give you a job well that’s the most ridiculous thing I ever heard of in the first place I don’t know any magazine publisher and in the
Second place to be a model why you have to well it’s a very specialized field you you have to have special training oh well I’m I’m I’m willing to go to school cousin George and I’ll pay you back soon as the first job I get I’m sure you
Would Charlene but I’m not an any position to finance your modeling career well it wouldn’t mean much to a rich man like you now you listen to me Charlene we were very glad that you were able to come and visit us for a few days however are you planning to turn me out
On the street cousin George it wouldn’t look very nice to have your own relative go on relief on relief well there ain’t much else I can do I mean what with my week back from the accident and all are you trying to Blackmail me why cousin George what a horrible
Thing to say to your own flesh and blood what if I had money do you think I’d surely stay here and be insulted like that when a body’s pouring and down on the luck she can’t afford to take offense so I just forget all them awful things you said cousin George and I’ll
I’ll try yes I’ll try not to to think how bad that you hurt my Fe I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t heard it with my own ears she wants me to put her through modeling school modeling school Charlene I think the only way we’re
Going to get that woman out of this house is to burn it down oh no that ain’t legal but I know a way you do hey so what is it I’ll do anything you say anything anything all right Mr B just answer me this question if this wasn’t your house
And you didn’t have to stay here how long would you stay in a house that was being Painted Asel you guarantee that’ll work oh the paint is a friend of mine and besides I got a in psychology Bandit I Sila oh don’t be a fe partner it’s just your old friend tond what are you doing with my suitcase well I’m I’m moving you downstairs to my room it’s just temporary cuz we’re going to be painting in here we’re going to be painting the whole house ain’t that well
Okay to start in the bathroom H well just give us a couple of minutes Joe okay but make it snappy better step on it if you’re going to get a shower better take your suitcase if you’re ever going to find Anything How we doing H oh fine don’t forget what I told you to say lay it on thck hi sport how are you feeling well it’s fun to stay in bed when you don’t have to oh you don’t have to stay if you don’t want to but if you get up remember
To look real sickly well how’s this Mr Baxter it gives me great pleasure to present the Oscar to you for the best acting of the Year Oh here miss let me help you with that oh thank you my name is Joe Joe cook a Charlene Baxter a pretty name for a pretty girl thank you Joe haven’t I seen you someplace before Charlene I I don’t think so I never forget a pretty face oh thank
You well you want this in your room don’t you ha oh no no no I better take it unless you ain’t afraid of catching something Charlene I got harl in our room I’m afraid he’s coming down with a measles measles what’ you put him in there for well I had to put them
Someplace I got your coffee already but I’m afraid we don’t have no cream what the Milkman must have skipped us this morning you boys are ready for a coffee break sure Hazel working by the hour We’re a no rush to get finished Ben coffee’s ready okay Joe be
Right there I’m sorry these Donuts ain’t homemade but I can’t cook nothing with all these flies in here sorry Hazel can’t paint with screens on the window oh we don’t mind do we charene he come on sit down you sure we never met before she just got here last
Week doesn’t she look familiar to you Ben well uh sort of yeah she does say you come from Hollywood shene why no I thought maybe I seen you in pictures that’s it she’s a movie actress we’ve seen you in the movies well no that is uh we’re just amate
Things a little theater you know I’ve never been in in pictures Well if you haven’t they’re sure missing a good bet with you right Ben they sure have how long’s it going to take painting the house I mean couple of weeks maybe a bit longer a month no
More you know everybody keeps telling me I’m very photogenic but you got to have pull to be in pictures I still think I’ve seen you somewhere are you sure your picture hasn’t been on the cover of one of those fashion magazines my wife buys I don’t think
So you want to go to New York they’re just waiting for a good-looking young woman like you well I just been thinking about that they don’t take them as old as Charlene do they old she doesn’t look a day over 18 well I’m a little older than that
Well I heard they ask for your birth certificate and if you’re over 30 they don’t take you no matter how goodl looking you are is that so I heard the same thing oh but Charlene’s got plenty of time speaking of in the time you boys better get moving or this house is going
To be a mess for a couple of months okay Hazel thanks for the coffee see you later Char you know come to think of it you look a little like that Susie Parker you know that picture of her with a big black hat and the fur coat and the diamond
Necklace I’d go to New York in a minute if I had the bus Fair had enough to live off of oh well would hezel if you’d loan it to me I’d pay you back me on my salary well it it wouldn’t take much I still got some left over for
My settlement with the insurance company well even if I had it I wouldn’t give it to you well they’re not the only ones that tell me I ought to be a model you know I happen to know you’re over 29 I won’t be 30 to the middle of next
Month well I wouldn’t give it to you anyway cuz Mr be would be furious with me he was saying just this morning that you’re going to make this your home he was yeah he said he didn’t like it at first it was kind of a surprise but now
He’s got used to it he kind of likes it he did that’s funny so you better get all them ideas out of your head about going to New York and being on magazine covers you know there’s something more important in life than going to Hollywood and having fur coats and
Diamond necklaces and stuff like that well I didn’t intend to stay here forever oh well that kind of puts the kibos on all the plans Mr B and me made what plans oh nothing come on tell me Well he said how you needed a home and I wasn’t getting
Any younger and if you was to stay here you could work for your bed and board and then I could take things easier he expects me to do housework ain’t so hard once you get the hang of it I could show you how the backers like things you know and then I
Could retire the way I’ve always been wanting to well he’s got another thing coming Hazel oh oh don’t go Charlene Mr be never forgive me if you did you put that down you’re just upset because the pains have made all this mess and that Harold’s made be coming down with
Something contagious but it can’t go on like this forever you know give me this listen things will be back to normal soon I’ll give us another chance please give me the suitcase give us a chance what’s everybody yelling about you do have the measles you get
Right back in bed come on now well I want cousin Charlene to take care of me h you you get away from me here let me see your for it’s only crayons well I’ll have to admit the Cook Brothers sure know their business well if you think that’s good you should have
Seen them working on Charlene hael if I were wearing a hat I’d take it off you you were right as usual well not all together Mr B just take a look at that ceiling oh yes you know as you’re always saying to Missy don’t do no good to do things peace meal
All that nice woodwork just makes the ceiling look awful now look here Hazel as long as we got a mess here anyway Mr be the pains are still in there you can’t Hazel well all he has to do is say no I don’t want you to so much as
Mention the subject again but Missy we can do it so much cheaper if we do it all at once Hazel oh boy one thing that makes me mad is to have somebody walk out on a fight Mr BX said you’d want to pick out the colors of the walls and
Ceilings he didn’t even hear all my Reason What he got in this thing Jim lead pipe Mr Garrison now look we’ll never be able to lift this under the truck just rest a second look Mr Garrison if you just let me talk to you nothing you say is going to make me change my mind now we’re not
Staying in that house another night let’s try Pete now look Garrison you you you entered into a contract to buy this house in good faith what I enter into I can back out of no it’s no use too heavy we’ll have to take the drawers out now look this house is perfect for
You and your family you liked it your wife liked it I never liked it no kids around here well this is everything dad here’s your keys Richie will you hold them for a minute and then put that thing on the truck Garrison this is a choice location a choice neighborhood
Where else can you find such such charm such such a character do you know that parts of this house our authentic pre-revolutionary Colonial okay now Easy Does It hey hold it Pete Mr Garrison you hold it too I’m I’m not interested in your sales talk it convinced me once but that
Was before I lived in that place are are you trying to say I misrepresented that place has everything you said and plus one feature you forgot to mention a genuine authentic pre-revolutionary ghost I I can’t believe you’re moving out of this beautiful home because of a
Ghost how are we going to get the drawers in Jim well we’ll have to move the dinette set and put the drawers in give us a hand Richie yes sure did I know you’re too intelligent to believe in ghosts well I realize I am also intelligent
Enough to know that I haven’t had a decent night sleep in weeks my wife cries all the time the kid are scared of the Shadows the little kids not me I’ve seen a lots of times and I’m not scared but there’s no such thing as a
Ghost you just call it whatever you like there’s something in that house playing on that squeaky Piccolo and banging on its tin plate moaning and carrying on well there has to be a simple explanation all right then you just find it I’m moving out look we got a neat place in our old
Neighborhood but it it it seems so unnecessary you won’t reconsider them absolutely not Richie put those chairs on and and where are the keys of the truck I laid them down in one of the drawers EAS follow down down Neptune this is Mr Baxter hi Mr Timmons it looks like I’m
Losing my neighbors just when I was getting used to having someone live next door I wonder why the house didn’t appeal to them they insist on moving because of the ghost ghost That’s mighty narrow minded of them after all the ghost was there before they Were N Oh Mr Steve you home already I haven’t even thought about your lunch I’m not home for lunch Hazel in fact I may never eat again what are you doing home a grown man moves out of his house because of a ghost have you ever heard of anything so ridiculous not lately well
Who moved out the garrisons the people who bought the groer place right and a ghost chased him out well that’s Garrison’s story what sort of a spook is it supposed to be the Hungry Ghost Che sounds like you sport it’s a local Legend the original owner of the house
Jed groer was with uh George Washington in Valley Forge you know mean he got so hungry there that when the Revolution was over and he came home he could never get enough to eat according to the stories old Jed still comes back bangs on his mes tin makes a big pot of
Stew and begs to be fed he doesn’t sound very scary to me that’s even sad oh maybe he quiet down if I fixed him a good meal well it might be funny to me too if if if I wasn’t caught in between Garrison who’s repudiating his agreement
And and my client who sold him the house oh it ought to be easy to get the Garrison to stay if you can just you know get rid of the ghost oh and uh how would I do that we just spend the night in the house well I don’t intend wasting
My time chasing after some ghost that I don’t believe in don’t you really believe in ghost Hazel well I got an open mind SP but I never heard of a ghost that wasn’t a practical joke a publicity stunt or a case of nervous indigestion uh Mr Baxter Le swon oh come
In Mr swon what can I do for you I repres represent James Garrison in his family represent as in lawsuit that’s correct uh Mr Garrison is suing to recover the money he invested in a house purchased through you which has subsequently proved to be unlivable he’s
Suing me you and the former owners mhm but he can’t do this I mean we’re certainly not responsible for a ghost that exists in in in Garrison’s mind now the ghost was seen and heard by every member of the family now furthermore we have a number of reliable Witnesses now
Look you’re an intelligent reasonable well-educated man Garrison’s upset now if if if it’ll just calm down and talk this over sensibly I’m sure we could work it out mhm well in addition to the suit for the recovery of the investment uh we are also filing against you and
The former owners for $50,000 in Damages $50,000 yeah to uh compensate for the inconvenience discomfort and mental anguish suffered by my clients M because of the ghost exactly why sue me why not Sue the ghost now he’s named as codefendant look there there is no ghost
Well we’ll have to see about that Mr Baxter yes we sure is ectoplasm will Mrs SW $50,000 Daddy please can and me come with you Susie for the last time no now this isn’t a game it’s strictly business but I want to see the ghost there there
Isn’t any ghost now then why you spending the night in that house Uncle Steve I’m I’m going there not to see it I I mean I’m going there to prove there isn’t anything to see oh boy Steve darling well how do I look fine honey fine well I wasn’t quite sure what was
Proper for a ghost hunt oh Mommy gets to go with you oh darling I’m just going to keep your daddy company I don’t see why we all can’t go look kids kids now this isn’t a picnic it’s a very serious matter a $50,000 matter I put your sleeping bags in the
Car and I gave you an extra flashlight and your first a kit and here’s a midnight snack and I gave you a nice big Theros of coffee by hazel good night Susie Harold nice see you in the morning bye grups have all the fun yeah they too old to enjoy
It devil EG no thanks Sure is cozy look hael even put some marshmallows in in case we want to start a fire in the fireplace I think we can manage without the marshmallows honey what are you listening for nothing nothing what makes you think I’m listening for something no you just look
Like you were listening look look look honey now we’ve been over the entire house from attic to seller right right we locked all the doors all the windows nobody can get in right right Okay are you thinking about you know who of course not oh we’ certainly been having lovely weather haven’t we well it’s unusual for this time of year how about that Sandy kofax another no hit game it’s going to be a tight race for the national league Barbara the
Baseball season has been over for weeks Hazel said talk about baseball weather look honey let’s try to get some sleep huh Come [Applause] On Dave you think of something else honey it’s not going Away Stay oh Steve I thought I told you to stay in the living room oh I was scared scared of what the the the wind the wind is that what it was sure sure sounded like YY doodle to me put in a b honey come On Maybe if we uh if we talked about something like like Politics the wind oo he’s banging on his mess Tin what are you doing what don’t you smell it it’s like stew cooking your imagination run away with you onions it’s onions Steve Yeah Stay here honey I’ll check Upstairs Bab Bab well I’ve heard of hearing ghosts and seeing them but I never heard of smelling them that’s a new one for me it was stew cooking Hazel and I didn’t imagine it I guess the ghost wasn’t taking any chance of going hungry again G there has to be a perfectly simple
Explanation Tell the part about seeing him again and how he held out his plate and moaned how did he moan was it like this yeah that’s enough that’s enough were you scared daddy why would I be scared of something that doesn’t exist then why didn’t you stay in that
House we left because of your mother well I was scared and I admit it I told you you shouldn’t take me along with you well let’s all go next time there won’t be a next time oh you’re not going to give up now Mr Steve oh I don’t
Intend to give up I’m hiring a private detective oh but why spend all that money when all you have to handle it please and I won’t be home for lunch bye darling bye honey a little more practice and we’ll have you haunting houses well it may seem funny this morning but last night
It wasn’t funny well you should see this ghost Hazel I want to I want to get his recipe for early Americans Too Hello there hi uh Neptune manura mind your manners don’t worry they’re very friendly yeah so I see are they all yours oh yes I used to have 14 14 well I live alone since my wife passed on and the dogs are a lot of company 14’s more company than I
Want be quiet Apollo fascinating names well I taught Greek and Latin for many years before I was retired my name’s Marshall Timmons hazelberg manura has beautiful eyes that’s Neptune excuse me you like dogs yes yeah sure but usually one at a time are you interested
In this house well yeah I work for Mr Baxter oh he must have been quite upset when the Garrison’s moved out well I’ve seen him happier come stay stay here You uh want to clean the place no I just thought I’d take a look around I don’t think you’ll see the ghost this time of day no I understand he likes the night shift you ever seen him Mr Timmons no I haven’t had the pleasure he uh he
Doesn’t seem to be the visiting kind oh just sits around cooking Ste and playing his F huh you’ve been in this neighborhood long about 30 years oh and the Hungry Ghost has been scaring people all this time no the the garrisons are the first ones to
Have seen him or heard him in recent years we just gathered that he gave up when electric lights came along funny he should suddenly pop up yeah I suppose there’s no telling what a ghost will do yeah sort of unpredictable like a woman oh no oh well none
Taken well one of the things I like about women being unpredictable is well it it keeps life more interesting oh boy old Jeb sure had a lot of storage space you must have had those shells just lined with goodies sounds like Mr ghost is working all the time there we
Go that’s Richie one of the Garrison boys he must have been hiding in the house when we came in I suppose perhaps they still have a key well maybe he came back to pick up something he forgot but why was he hiding well maybe just wanted
To throw a little scare in us I guess he just an amateur ghost aren’t you going to look at the rest of the house no I’ll come back tonight when the Hungry Ghost is walking night him met [Applause] You Y went to town riding on a pony stuck a feather in his hat and called it macaroni thank dood mind your step Yan dooodle Dandy mind the music and the stepping with the girls be handy oh now my voice wasn’t that [Laughter] Bad Stew’s Ready All right Mr ghost now let’s get better acquainted hold it it well that outfit doesn’t do very much for you Mr Timmons well Miss Burke please let me explain well and you must have been pretty nervous when I was poking around here today where do that LE to well there there’s a hole
Underneath the Hedge out in the backyard in the old days it was a road cell do the Garrison know about it no made it pretty handy for you didn’t it popping in and out as a ghost I didn’t mean to cause anybody any trouble but you don’t
Know what the garrisons did oh yes I do I went down to the animal regulation Department after I left you and I found out that the garrisons had filed a complaint against you and they took away 11 of your dogs oh not only that they threatened to have Neptune Apollo and
Manura taken away too and you thought you’d scare them instead well I I didn’t think it would work at first but then I was desperate once I get started I I enjoyed it you played a mean f I’ll say that for you I just hoped that the garrisons
Would sell the house to somebody who wouldn’t mind my dogs I didn’t mean to get Mr Baxter in any trouble uh honestly I didn’t please believe me oh I do does that stew taste as good as it smells that’s a specialty of the house would you like to tie some yeah I
Would oh why don’t you answer that and I’ll I’ll dish out enough for both of us Hazel Hazel tons you where’s Hazel um Miss Burke oh hi Mr steeve you’re just in time for the specialty of the house house Hungry Ghost Too well everything’s settled the garrisons are moving back in and Mr Timmons has agreed to reimburse them for what they spent moving out and in but what about the dogs oh they’ve agreed he can keep the three of them and I think from now on there’s going to be a lot
More understanding on both sides I knew you’d work something out Mr Steve everybody’s happy but the lawyer weren’t you even a little bit scared oh no why should you be scared of something you don’t even believe in Hazel Hazel Hazel just now in The Upstairs Hall I
Saw a ghost a what I did honest I think it’s on the stairs look look look look uh-huh uh you were saying you’d never been frightened by a ghost well I wasn’t scared by a ghost oh no no look what that ghost little dirty shoes is doing to my clean cheek
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