My one place of Refuge request facial identification welcome thir good and hello to you H 9000 what’s your pleas today a nice cold 40 I’ll take the domestic Milwaukee excellent choice and now something for your reading pleasure I’m not in the mood for reading I just want to take a load off as you
Wish ah thank you baby got it are you down there play a hater alert shut down shut Down There you are oh I don’t know why you always in here it’s so dank and dingy we ought to do something with this place maybe fix it up as a wreck room for the whole building what a wck room would wreck this room fixing up a recck room could
Cost a lot of money I barely have enough to maintain my computerized beer seller yeah what did I say computerized beer seller I meant my pants I can say you want to get back to reading your magazine I just thought you’d want to see this letter from HUD
Let’s see T stubs you already a winner report to HUD tomorrow at 9:00 a.m. and collect one of the following prizes a 48ft yacht season tickets to hockey or three scratch and win Lotto tickets lottery tickets thank God I didn’t trim my lucky scratching Nail what oh no y’all are not getting to share my lot of millions step off super fool why would we need your Millions when we going to get get out hello residents of Hilton Jacobs I represent litvac Industries and we’ve called you find people here to offer you
The adventure of a lifetime ooh we going to go clubbing with puffy not quite you’re going to live outdoors without the luxuries of your homes for 40 days 40 days that’s almost 50 days you’ll camp in your courtyard like Castaways and compete against each other until
There is only One Survivor now show them what they won’t have you won’t have electricity but wait there’s less say goodbye to running water and as for these hair care products well my friends you are ass out so what’s in it for us I’m glad you asked our contest will be
Televised on a national cable television network with over viewers and the eventual winner will receive ah here we go lotto tickets better a grand prize of $400 goody $400 that’s enough to take care of that thing that thing we talked about last night I can’t believe it Muriel you’re going to get breast pigmentation and it’s not even Quanza yet no th good the recck room for the children Oh I thought it might be a
Surprise a rec room Super’s going to get us a rock room okay mister we’ll play we’ll follow your rules and we will outwit outplay and Outlast each other until only the best of the best is left standing I’ve only got one question I can cheat right two weeks ago litvac industry sent
11 residents of a government subsidized housing project on the adventure of a lifetime they leave behind their homes and all contact with the outside world their goal is to compete against each other and become the [Applause] Soul Survivor survival in the hood is brought to you by litvac Industries whether it’s tobacco toxic chemicals or Internet porn we’ll be there to give America what it wants when they want it the tenants were divided into two separate tribes one led by marel stubs the other headed by her husband they’re
Good we decided to name our tribe the sun tribe tribe since the sun gives us warmth strength and life yes I name my tribe Sanford after Fred G Sanford a great entrepreneur faithful husband devoted father and staunch enemy of Rober who better to inspire My Tribe juy get back to work you big
Dummy I’m new much of the time in my house just feels natural it doesn’t look look natur come on super it’s been 2 hours where we go to sleep tonight what we going to eat I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know everybody stop looking at me
I’m no good at this I’m a man of ease and comfort my idea of roughing it is sitting on the toilet without a magazine H I know who I’m voting on people please the hood provides us with all we need to survive refrigerator box boes on High
Ground Will Keep Us dry and allow us to repel any invasions and when it comes to food the free range organically grown meat it’s everywhere you look Smokey I appoint you Special Assistant to the tribe leader you’re good at this game thanks super what game welcome sord and Sun tribes to your
First reward challenge in front of each one of you is a plate of nasty ass Sushi oysters on the half shell some shitake mushrooms woo boy just smelling this is likely to make me hurl and y’all have to eat it I ain’t eating the shitaki why can’t we just eat
Bugs now the first team to clean their plates will be allowed one hour in the building to do whatever they want plus you get the Chow Down on a homecooked meal of peach cobbler and grape Kool-Aid cobbler and Kool-Aid in my Boiler Room ready and go Come on take you do it if you love your boiler room and the sun tribe wins that’s right that’s right that’s what I’m talk about what I had a big lunch and we’ll put a bumper pool table here and some bean bags and maybe a little TV over there if
We all stick together I know we can make this happen oh no a boiler room it’s like Muriel’s got an alliance of people behind this recck room thing well two can play at that game I’ll get my own Alliance and the best part is she’ll never see it
Coming I will crush you Muriel do you hear me I will crush you what are you yelling about third good oh got to Go Mel’s rec room Alliance is an evil thing which must be stopped I need to start rounding up some votes get some friends on my side that water looks pretty heavy let me lighten the load for you see that juicy I’m always here for you who came running when you got stuck
In that slurpie machine the paramedics yeah but who called them and now I need you to be here for me here’s the plan every third night after competing in a survival challenge the losing tribe would hike 12 flights of stairs to the rooftop to take part in tribal Smackdown
Where they vote one of their own out of the project I’m voting for BB because well you got to pick somebody and I do hate her I’ll vote for B because we and the super have a secret Alliance the tribe has spoken BB bring me your ceremonial
4y I don’t want to hang with you tripling fools NOA Hai lady you know you got to pick somebody and I do hate her go Elias get busy it’s your birthday hay lady on the third week the remaining members of the Sanford and Sun tribes merged into one Muriel hello th
Good I’m just so happy that after all this struggle and division we can finally unite As One Tribe with one goal uh right right and the goal is well the wck room for the children of course of course this game is all about the children this isn’t about secret
Alliances or dirty backhanded alliances or even sneaky brilliant alliances to undo the plans of others it’s 2:00 time for our secret Alliance meeting Alliance are you planning something thir good Muriel I’m surprised at you how could you even suspect such a thing this is your husband th good old stubs and the
Old stands for honesty I would never do you that way baby oh goody UJ I ever talk about the alliance in front of other people day so Muriel has her Alliance and we have ours we got to get more votes for our alliance and then we can kick mirio
To the curb faster than a black family of Denny’s but if we vote Mrs stubs off who’s going to cook get fresh water and remind me to take my medicine I ain’t had the heart to tell you juicy you lost your medicine for the last 5 days we’ve been giving you Tic
Tacs oh super your lion scheme is sneaky dishonest and revolting finally you’re talking my language Count Me In ow oh sorry I stepped on your foot that ain’t my foot ooh I wondered why you only had one To and the winner of this race will get this immunity from prosecution which means you can’t be voted out even by a jury in Santa Monica if miror wins immunity I can’t vote her off I’ve got to finish before Muriel well that’s never been a problem [Applause]
Before why why qu your crying NY boy I think I’m pulled a ham string oh ham th good and mirrior are neck and neck as a head for the street [Applause] Lose now our contestants must select the television from the inventory of local entrepreneur tarell hey this is my TV and there’s a little one from our bedroom no no thought about the back of a truck now here brother let me help [Applause] you oh no you know Muriel I can’t wait
Until tomorrow why is that because I love you more every day oh goody that’s beautiful so what do you say we put down these TVs and walk to that Finish Line hand in hand like man and wife we’ll share that immunity that sounds perfect and the sad thing is she’s the brains of
The Relationship so third good rumor has it you set up an alliance to that question I plead the Fifth Dimension Muriel which one of you heartless backstabbers voted off my wife Muriel my wife Murio sin pudding you were supposed to vote for muria I voted my conscience and my conscience what’s pudding third good Mario third good well that makes three for third good three for Mario one last vote
Mario oh no not my Muriel please take me instead that can’t happen right Muriel the tribe has Spoken with Muriel stubs gone her recck room Alliance quickly begin to Unravel the tribe has spoken Sanchez finally As Time wore on morale got lower patience wore thin and nerves were frayed ay I thought I told you to guard the water sorry I forgot no stay away from the water oh great now juicy is forming an alliance with shariq I wanted to form an
Alliance but she said she got hurt too bad her last Alliance and she needs time to get over it you know I got to see her bra strap well chunky and grumpy can no longer be trusted it’s a sad day when secret alliances shamefully forged in darkness are not respected I refuse to
Be ignored like Danny Glover Hell in a cab I got to start getting me some immunity hey open up Ready huh whose picture is on the food stamp I don’t know Mariah carrot white or black I don’t know name a [ __ ] Le Blockbuster I don’t know all right that was a trick question Oho yeah I’m the next congestion on the prises right this is our last immunity
Challenge each of you must keep at least one hand on Babs at all times if you let go of her even for a second you lose the winner will decide which of the other two must leave good Luck hungry must Eat Dang all right Avery it’s you and me I want you to know I’m never letting go of this crackhead the only way you win is if you pry my cold dead hand off her all you had to do was ass sucker she took a hand off she took a no off I Win I’m just glad that whichever one of us wins we both going to use the money to put in the new recck room what’s so funny what oh uh just thinking about Cedric the Entertainer white people say hello black people say what’s up yeah that’s funny now you got one last challenge
Survive the other contestants they will be voting for the person they feel should win the money the jury will have a chance to ask you one question or make a statement after that you will have the chance to pay off the arresting officer resulting in the loss of all evid
Oops wrong card uh you’ll get to say your peace Muriel you want it to go first my question is for the good is there anything you regret about how you played the game no there isn’t anything you would do differently no isn’t there someone you would like to apologize to
Apologize you oh uh Muriel you’re right I have wronged the one person in this world who has never done a single thing to hurt me Cedric the Entertainer I’m sorry I unintentionally dissed you earlier and I apologize from the bottom of my heart oh okay guess my way the closest guest
Will get my vote super I don’t know 140 well I just have a statement from the beginning I watched you walk around trying to be everybody’s friend acting like you were innocent it just makes me sick if you were lying on on the side of the road dying of thirst I wouldn’t stop
To give you a drink I would pull out my shotgun and then I would make a neckace with your ears and toes and then after the rats had picked your bones clean and the Flies had laid eggs in your eyes and that’s what I think about you Calvin Banks Mrs Avery it’s me
Juicy oh how I juicy baby how are you darling we’ve heard from those voted out now it’s your turn fellas tell them why it should be you who wins the loop I like to win so we can put in a wreck room cuz we deserve a safe place to keep
Us off the streets we are the children we are the future and we could saw like eagles if grownups could only learn to understand us W well that was touching but if TV has taught me anything is that you must earn your enemy’s trust in order to get over on
Them just like the pilgrims did to the Indians and the a Ross to The Supremes so I say to you if anyone deserves the money it is I the man who played the game with his mind heart and soul oh and since I’m your supera if you
Don’t vote for me I have your butts evicted naap W thank you and peace Out Well let’s do this they’re good juicy healthy super they’re good juicy juicy and now for the final vote which will determine the winner of $400 in a brand new poniac ack keychain third good congratulations third good you are the sole survivor I did it I won I cheated Baron Square now
I get to keep my boiler room and the $400 is all mine well T don’t forget the government’s going to take its share Walter please I haven’t paid taxes in 20 years they haven’t caught me so far and I see no reason why they would catch me
Now they screwed me over in the editing I’m really not that bad a guy well 15 days down 15 days to go a it’ll go by fast and I still can’t figure out who ratted me out to the IRS they haven’t caught me so far and I see no reason why
They would catch me now I don’t see any reason either goodie who wants to play bumper pool I’ll play soon as I for the she my pudding come on Walter we’re only behind by two touchdowns right we can beat these guys come on yo ladies yeah get your metam
Musil drinking Diagnosis Murder watching theend covered booties out here boys there’s no call for rudess let’s show tubby and adopted that we mean business hi and Tina Turner One Mississippi B two Mississippi B three Mississippi B four Mississippi b car damn over here thir car Chas I’m open throw the ball police
Car game on BL and Hudson recovers the ball touchdown I can’t feel my legs car oh there they are O oh another cold one oh yeah that’ll hit the spot oh you know they didn’t beat us cuz we suck they beat us cuz we old yeah we’re slow We creaky and with gray and I can say this because you’re my friend I believe I’m developing some
Man boobs they’re good there you are baby just called a Gloria’s had another one of her spelles I’m going to go spend the night there oh no that poor old deer are we in a whe I mean uh you go and uh take good care of her you’ll both be in
My thoughts and prayers oh goody Burger I’m right here and don’t be peeing on the furniture woman never forgets a Thing thank you Hilton Jacobs all right now I sat through all your songs now when do we all put our keys in the Hat it’s not that kind of party Mrs Avery I’m kind of surprised by the turnout here th good back in the day if we had played 10 minutes we’d already
Have our group is lined up oh youo the night is young now I’m going to open that door and admit our adoring public oh my God is someone killing a cat in here nah it’s just super playing those lame old BL Blues lame the blues is real black music not like your Eminem
TLC DMX AAA KFC and the WB real black music is Howland wolf and Albert King oh it’s Sam Cook Otis reading and Mr Marvin Gay super sa gay all right you boys can laugh but we were once good enough to play The Amateur Night contest at muddy guys
Barrel House Blues Club did you ever win let me answer that question with another question shut up okay well you know what it’s not us it’s this place Walter we need to go visit our old neighborhood and Rib it up like we used to Muriel’s gone I can party like it’s
1979 we can start with a bite to eat at the old Rib Shack and shoot some pool at one ey Jacks is there a place we can go disco roller skating qu I like to Roller Boogie Sanchez you can leave your sequin shirt in the closet because we are capping off
This night by turning the muddy guys and winning that amateur night yeah we’ll kick out the jams and rock the house we’ll tear it up and tear it down we’ll turn the mother out we’ll Bust the Move we’ll tear the roof off the sucker we’ll do the thing with the guy who’s funky
You know in funking town oh hell you win again right Right mind if I give it a try how did you do that well I did wants deliver a paper on multiplan Geometry to the Royal Society or did I dream that anyway I can be a roie like I was on the Jackson’s Victory Tour and if I can get
Babes for Cheeto I certainly can get babes for you yeah Smokey that sure is nice of you but there’s just no room for former crackheads in the car that’s okay I can fit in here easy if you hear screams it’s just me hallucinating gentlemen the 2001 th good
And a stubton can’t hold back the wind tour is blowing through town yeah all right boys while we’re out you’re in charge wow we’re in charge these keys are our passport to a World of Magic and Adventure yeah let’s go find super dirty magazines yeah pull over at the First Liquor Store you
See let’s see you got your choice to five I got the booze b just liquor and liquor and ammo and on your side there’s booze b 2 and Jin B all right boys last chance for food Beverages and supplies but remember only the essentials a man needs his
Chips a man likes his root beer a man can do without crackers how about a foam hat a man needs a home pregnancy test and a little bad your s oo maybe get some beef jerky put back the bad yourself well thanks for picking up the
Tab Walter I didn’t get it I didn’t pay and all Sanchez did was looking muscle magazines shotgun no way Sanchez you’re in back no shotgun thanks for the air ho colors appreciate it my Lord we just shoplifted we just shoplifted I feel 28 again this road trip is like a time
Machine and we’re getting younger by the minute Jimmy give me that beef trip no way it’s mine don’t make me come back there so so make Jimmy stop looking at me wow just being back in the old neighborhood makes me feel like a new man water pull over time to get our youth
On I can’t believe it a old cornner teeth remember the hours we spent checking out the ladies saying hey baby hi honey yeah we had all the good lines then the fuzz would come by and hassle us well look Walter right here is where we wor grooves in the wall from being
Frisk assume the position young man look it still fits Now give me some skin my brother we still got it I thought we were going to get some ribs a nice light snack will help me get my wind back now hold on I’m sure the Rib Shack
Is right here the corner of Martin Luther King Avenue and Martin Luther King Boulevard so where the hell’s homie rors well the bad news is it’s gone the good news is it’s been replaced by a mid paror you know th good man does not live
On ribs low ow come on boys we didn’t come down here to have our bodies rubbed by beautiful young women we came down here to feel good let’s go check out the old Pooh Hall oh no it’s just another crack house just another crack house why this place
Want received a coveted four Rock rating no more than 12 to a room a complimentary dumpster breakfast but look at it now yeah the CIA really let this place go to hell looks like old father times laid down the same ass beating on our old neighborhood that it
Has on us you stole that kind of talk Walter once we’re at Mighty guys singing about our miserable wretched lives we’ll all feel a whole lot Better oh look at this one Calvin she got a great set of arms you mean legs dummy right right I keep forgetting Super H na down there this Mrs Avery what are we going to tell her we’re doing down here we don’t have to tell her nothing we’re in charge remember so
There a dead rat in the hallway and it stinks just make your breath oh hello children have you seen your filthy friend the super uh Super’s out but don’t worry ladies we got everything under control so are you going to take care of the Rat we’ll handle it just
Like the super would yeah we’ll get to it when we get to it so buzz off your old hands buzz off is that so maybe I’ll treat you the way I treat super oh lord they’re faster than the super I got to raise my I game up a
Not that’s the third time we’ passed the same burning fire station we’re farther away from money guys than when we started we’re lost th good now get a hold of yourself it’s not as bad around here as you think great Scotty pipping by Walter now out of gas ni going thir good what
You’re blaming me it’s your car and you never put more than $2 of gas in at a time we had plenty of gas until we got lost man then never want to ask for directions what’s up with that and now we’re stuck in a stall car in a war zone
We might as well have Targets on our backs who you baby stop your crying we are perfectly safe here ooh why you see that as I speak we are under the warm watchful out of this City’s finest ain’t no one going to die for the love of God turn around and drive home Now okay starting now no one’s going to die now okay Now low red high rise Y’all shouldn’t you boys be home in bed if we went to bed who would watch the building now why don’t you girls make yourself useful and go fix us something to eat we’ll be up on the roof talking about man stuff cars football ladies arms legs
Hey I think it’s time we taught those two puny punks a lesson right I’ll take out their voodoo dolls and Pierce their eyes with the pins of blindness maybe a little less of a lesson H I say we move out and try to find gas
Or help or at least go back to that massage paror third Good’s right we can leave Smokey behind the guard to gear kind of where like some kind of horrible scarecrow I heard that we’ve gone 10 steps and we’re still alive I’m afraid to go any further there
Could be gangsters and hoodlums and THS so what gangsters and what gangers and and what who in the hell you think you are prancing down my alley like that look at what we got here Cyrus how you want to kill Him come on man let’s cap them now s Miss it’s always now now now with you you got to enjoy the process man first you raise their hopes up little check it why don’t you boys just beat it really hell no see what I just did there man
I’ll never be as good as you you can’t thinkig it that way man you just got to be the best dong gangster yo can be Y run for it never mind find me forget about me save Yourself everyone over the fence get going Walter move it and you look after mual for me oh done and done thanks for the green light buddy what do we do now s follow me gy rabbits boys boys I think there’s a burglar in my apartment you have to do
Something you’re the man in charge just as I thought why don’t you just go to bed like a couple of little girls well go ahead he’s in there as we speak you go first we’ll do gun knife subpoena 1 2 three shoot all right subpoena confiscates good get in
Here all right boys let’s be reasonable here what you don’t realize is that when I was young I was a lot like you not too bright no future uh still kind of funny looking especially you Pie Face I guess the ugly bus hit you coming and
Going anyway my point is if you kill me you’ll be killing the part of yourselves I’ll be sure to shoot the pot that’s not M oh we’ve been here too 10 minutes there no burglar besides who want to steal this jump when the devil is she going to come
Leaping out of that closet and scare them until they pee look Voodoo action figures cool I got super o he’s got Kung foru grip uhoh okay that’s kind of weird somebody start the music I’m ready to go tie bow on your ass [Applause] what the funkadelic’s going on I’m an AB rotating American how’d I do that I mean not show damn well I think we can all agree not to talk about this right it would be so cool if these things really work here comes a body slam oh yeah yeah oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah get off me let’s add that to the
List of things not to talk about ther can we just quit this nonsense and go home quit you guys want to quit why third good stubs has never quit a thing in his life hey fellas where have you been I got gas directions and a Mocha
Frappucino for each of you oh way to go Smokey and where’d you get the money let’s just say I liquidated a few items it’s a night full of Miracles boys and we got one Miracle left in us that’s winning us an amateur night Smokey on to muddy
Guys well I don’t see any burglar I guess we scared him away typical woman overreacting oh I got it they set up this burglar thing to try and scare us if you want to scare somebody right do it yourself Calvin would you be a lamb and hand me that terrible Cyclops powder
From the Shelf well go on men you’re in charge handle him well hello beautiful you’re certainly a sight for sore eye as it were and you as well Ian there it is Muddy Guys Famous Barrel House Blues Club clothes hey you bu wake up what the hell’s going on here why is Mudd is
Closed great now we’ll never know allow me super I’m a bit Rusty but I still speak crack but he says that muddy got into some trouble with the law back in 96 and the club’s been closed since then he expressed his surprise that you didn’t know and he asked if you have any
Change man oh man what a wasted night well I guess it’s true what we’ll never be young again I’m sorry guys I guess even though we feel young at heart we’re nothing more than a bunch of old farts I went off in the night in search of my
Youth found out I’m just long in the tooth pick the wrong time to run out of gas my favorite rib joint is not serving ass my head spun round and I breathe fire SM get sold off our doors of tires have you heard the terrible news I ain’t got nothing left to
Lose you don’t want to walk in my shoes I got the super the super Blues b l e w s the super Blues what the hell you doing playing Blues on my sidewalk when you could come inside and play them on the stage money guy not so loud these days it’s Emanuel
McGregor now com in before I change my mind well thank you thank you very much we are th good and the stones the stubton I thought i’ recognize you boys how long has it been 25 years man you used to suck he remembers us the years
Show have done a number on you fellas the St tones I remember were young thin and handsome and couldn’t play Blues to save their lives he said we were handsome and now look at you all tore up and ugly but now you can play looks like life is finally giving you something to
Sing about well you mean to say we’re not getting older we’re getting better better is a big word friend but you can play a little money guy says we can play a little did did you hear that we can play a little yeah so why don’t you play
A little more 1 2 3 4 I’m telling you this dude had crazy stupid Kung Fu moves like a tubby Jet Lee and his head was all spinning around in circles if you could only hear yourself you’d quit just like I did hey you guys want to buy some card Doors smells great Muriel are you baking my favorite cake well th good it is my birthday boy you only know one tune my birthday my side of the bed my underwear now did you at least get the birthday candles like I asked you oh isn’t it enough that I’m throwing you this
Surprise party tonight by the way don’t show up till 8 or you’ll ruin the surprise there good were you in the cookie dough earlier nope and you can’t prove it and he’s cleared the Green Canyon Calvin watch it you could have ruined my portrait of nula man if you like nula so
Much why don’t you just go rap to her oh how does one rap to an angel you got to let her know you’re a player a Mac a bimp dead oh tell her how you can fit 12 hot dogs in your mouth at the same time
H I can see I’m just in time juicy you’re not going to impress some girl with an enormous amount of wiener right I got to be sensitive and caring about her feelings no no no women say they want sensitivity but what they really want is stuff you’ve got to give her
Presents I think I got it check out my flow uh Hey DOA I got you a gift where’s all the candy oh I ate all that stuff so you could get right to the prize it’s a tattoo want me to lick your arm I want you to buzz off
Oh okay you can keep the tattoo oh happy birthday to you happy birthday Muriel this is a great party Muriel what are you thinking her for I did all the work except for the food decorations and imitations oh Mrs Avery it’s a picture of you and me and your partment man it’s
Not just a picture it’s an alibi see I’m holding today’s newspaper if he dies tonight no jury would ever convict you yeah that’s real funny you hate me haha real original yeah don’t worry Muriel my gift will make up for all this crap oh juicy juicy you only took two pieces of
Cake what’s wrong baby NOA dissed me today it made me realize I’ll never get a girl maybe I’m better off being a confirmed Bachelor like Mr Sanchez huh well I bet you’re just too grown up for a girl nul’s age trust me juicy most women like mature men hey Mel
Pull my finger oh they’re good too late don’t worry about nula Juicy you’ll find a sweetie of your own I know I’d be lucky to have a man as smart funny and handsome as you are you still down in the dumpster about that girl you see what you need to
Do is find a woman in a bad relationship that way you do nothing and still look good by comparison you know the kind of guy I’m talking about rude selfish insensitive they’re good I need your help not now Muriel I’m trying to make fatty feel better well Muriel time to open your
Birthday present have you been a good girl this year well I think so but I can be bad if you want me to be uh why don’t we just open your gift I can’t wait to see it I really outdid myself this year an idea like this is one in a million
Now I know how the colonel must have felt when he invented the chicken a sweatshirt not just any sweatshirt a beer cozy sweatshirt you see the holder on the front keeps a 40 cold longer but I don’t drink beer that’s the beauty of it Muriel I do and
When I wear this sweatshirt you won’t have to go to the fridge as much it’s all about you I see your speechless with joy can’t believe him go this sweatshirt all his things wait a second she doesn’t like the sweatshirt how could that be I’ve
Got to find a way to make this up to mirel knock at the door right when I’m thinking about Mir the sweatshirt that is most inconvenient oh great beautiful flowers from Muriel what am I going to do with these I still need a way to get back on
Muriel’s good side I’ll throw these flowers away then get back to thinking are those what I think they are uh what do you think they are why flowers from my husband uh happy birthday I knew that ridiculous shirt was just a joke you planned this
Whole thing of course I did what do you think you have some kind of secret admirers ining you Anonymous flowers muel has some kind of secret admirer sending her Anonymous flowers gentlemen it takes teamwork to play baseball but my enthusiasm is toilets now when a man plunges his
Toilet he has the right to expect that he’s the only man plunging that toilet and what I ask could be lower than plunging another man’s toilet one of you has the hot foral and the sending of flowers so let me get this straight you’re comparing your wife to a
Toilet Sanchez it was you wasn’t it actually I’ve never been attracted to women well I suppose that comes as news to No One you let me finish women who are married to my friends fa God you know what I like and let’s face listen Muriel don’t got
Back thir good I’ve always loved Muriel I frequently fantasize about her naked and at your funeral she’ll think I got eight hands but not until you’re dead now that’s a friend so none of you guys sent M real flowers well I guess I’ve got no reason
To hit anybody in the head Sanchez has a fly on his neck oh good what the M hell you Jackson uh here Muriel I got you another special something it’s no use I’ll never catch him oh good he’s out of shape Too juicy there’s no one behind this post oh you’re a murial secret admirer yep guess that means you’re going to open up a can of whoop ass on me oh no no no juicy it just means that you and I need to have a manto mansiz boy talk and now
Come here and sit on my knee woohoo holy mother of Mary J BL look juicy now I think it’s cute that you you have your little and large heart set on Muriel but remember she is taken I guess it’s just that we connected on a very deep emotional
Level now anyway the bottom line is you and I are friends and a friend doesn’t try to steal another friend’s girl except in special situations where the friend’s going to be away all summer and the girl’s father owns a liquor store I’m glad we’re still friends oh we are
And friend I do hope you find someone real soon and when you do remember to take it nice and slow uh just like your metabolism hey Muriel I got to talk to you about something better watch what you say or I may have to put it in my
New homemade Journal you gave me Journal right right those idiots they misspelled your name no they didn’t oh yeah well listen about the gifts now why don’t I give you a nice long foot rubb and appreciation of all your generosity ooh a little foot Nookie oh oh yeah that’s the
Spot hey we got Fritos uh no but because you’ve been so good to me later I’m going to deep fry your favorite sandwich B wlt bacon without lettuce and tomato uhhuh so goody what was it you wanted to say about the gifts uh just it there’s plenty more where they came from now
Since you’re down there would you mind taking care of the jam between the market Piggy and the roast beef piggy how’s your little back holding up a pretty good then you’re not walking fast enough move it laser and juy what are you doing well you told me to take
It slow and nobody’s slower than Florence here well that’s true but still you might want to find somebody who has all her original parts I heard that well not really but I saw your nasty filthy lips move juicy I’ve been thinking about our conversation and I think I was a little
Hasty it’s not fair you don’t have a shot at Muriel but I thought friends didn’t go after each other’s ween oh please we’re not really friends oh oh we’re more than that we’re brothers and there’s no law against two brothers going after the same woman it work for
The kennedies and it’ll work for us wow the kennedies okay what should I do should I go talk to her no no no no definitely not talking is step four right now you’re in step one giving gifts Anonymous gifts what step two more gifts what about step gifts gifts and more gifts H Juicy what are you doing here no hey Muriel after you shave my face I thought it might be fun if you shave my what you got there they’re good I just got your latest present I love it where’d you get it uh you know the the house of uh
Uh excuse me the name is pancakes yeah the International House of Pancakes they sell paintings at the House of Pancakes all right you caught me I might as well tell the truth I didn’t buy that gift I painted it myself really and why would you paint a picture of me and
Juicy and then sign it love juicy thir good you better tell me what is going on right now all right the jig’s up the gifts were all from juicy woo I feel better now that that’s over now let the Shaving begin oh they good I am so Furious right
Now I could say damn well see I said it oh come on Muriel it’s the thought that counts and you thought the gifts were from me I suggest you take some time and think about what you’re done think about what I’ve done think oh Muriel knows I’m no good at
This uh super I believe you’re lying in my guest house yeah it’s just that I’m having a problem with Muriel and I feel pretty bad mhm and um how does that make you feel I guess I should have told mirel who the gifts were from and I
Should have told juicy that she wasn’t interested and I should have been more super super please you shouldn’t all over yourself you need to get out of the problem and into the solution I ought to go apologize that will take massive amounts of psychoactive medication after all drugs
Help me foret about all my first rule of Fight Club is don’t talk about Fight Club uh Smokey I want to thank you but since you’re freaking out and punching yourself in the face and whatnot I’m just going to back away slowly and avoid eye
Contact so you see juicy it’s not that I don’t like you it’s just that I’m older and I’m already married I understand uh Hey juicy why are you here I called him down here th good so I could set things right oh well good juicy I’m sorry I took credit for your
Gifts I was wrong that’s okay the important thing is that they made Mrs stubs happy anyway I got to get going you treat her right hooray things are back to normal th good Orin Thal stubs you are the most selfish person on this planet at first I
Thought you were just taking credit for Juicy’s gifts but now I see you were manipulating him all along you’re lied to him and you’re lie to me but Muriel a 10-year-old boy knows more about romance than you I I I can’t stand even being around you right now I’m staying at
BB’s well life can’t get any worse can it super I locked myself out again and I’m naked can I come in I can’t stop understand M wants to go stay at the sisters good I don’t need her I’ll be just fine by myself h can a
Tuna can opener I know these two go together somehow I can handle [Applause] this good night goody you devilishly handsome young verile stud well thank you Muriel I love you I love you too now don’t forget to bump booties this is ridiculous I’m going to go bring my wife home that’s the manly
Thing to do marriel please please come home you’re juliia to my Romeo wee it to my George S fre to my Roy third good get up you are embarrassing our race miriel it’s me your sweet baby third good I’m a changed man I’ve even been watching Oprah so now I can
Remember your spirit while I help you wait to Exhale and get your groove back talk is cheap they’re good if you really love me you’re going to have to prove it prove my love that should be easy if I can prove my innocence to three separate juries I can certainly prove my
Love to one woman w baby you’re so you all the time every time I see you Ang above just can’t get enough it’s 10: a.m. some people have to sleep around here I don’t care I’m staying out here as long as it takes to prove my love to Her super you okay not really well hey I see you with nula good for you yeah when I saw how happy I made your wife I realized I’m pretty good at Roman and women I wish I was right now my plan is to stay out here without showering or changing my
Clothes until Muriel takes me back yeah well that could work um do you have any other ideas you know just to hear no can you help me walk with me they’re good why you dress like that no Muriel I know I’ve been a jerk lately so I thought you could use a vacation
And I know you’ve always wanted to go to Europe and meet Queen Latifa but it’s too expensive so I brought all the countries to you welcome to your European Vacation I don’t know they good I’m still upset with you please Muriel just give me a chance our first stop is Rome calvini juano to The Fountains th good I don’t see how this just play along to your left we have the Leaning tenament of pizza hi you two love birds thanks for the help Papa Hudson no problem super if you want later I can help you make the earth Move to the right you’ll see one of the famous flamco dancers of Spain oh wow they good you really did go to a lot of effort oops take cover looks like we just crossed into war torn B here next up Venice welcome to Smokey’s Gonda slw rafting ride rafting oh I hope the currents aren’t going to be too rough
Don’t worry most of the Rapids are level one except immediately after Thanksgiving dinner when there’s a preponderance of number TW uh Hey Smokey would you favor us with a little Melody Melody is not working tonight but uh I think Babs is available I mean sing us a song you damn former crackhead
Oh when the moon hit you I like a big Peach of bride at your Mor they’re good I have to admit you’re starting to win the over and finally Muriel I give you Paris oh sir good my favorite that’s right and look there’s a hunts back in Notre Dame
Hello stupid Americans your table is there you even made the waitress rude oh this really is like France yep and I even made your favorite French food spaghetti and check out this wine it’s CA Kean tonight’s been absolutely perfect uh Muriel I got to come clean now even
Though I did all this stuff for you they were Juicy’s ideas I have ideas of my my own but I’m always afraid they would never be enough the only lame thing I could think of was to tell you how much you mean to me and how much I love you
I’d understand if you want to leave me for juicy th good that’s all I ever wanted to hear well that it’s okay to leave me for juicy no that you love me I don’t need any fancy gifts or presents I just want to know that I’m appreciated
You are Muriel and from now on I promise thir good stubs is not going to be selfish anymore Eighth annual HUD ball yeah Hud’s balls really swing though last year’s ball got pretty hairy but with the Heatwave that was one sweaty ball I’m funny when I’m alone can you beat our reigning king and queen of the dance contest H look at him King Los of the 14th and queen
Laquifa Big Talk coming from a guy who won’t even enter you’re the king of excuses they good to say anything to get out of that contest what was the last year baby he ate a hamburger and got Sheila Eola busy day busy day nope too busy Mrs Avery anyone home
Cuz if there is I won’t Snoop but since there’s not I guess I will hey little white children haven’t seen one of you in the project since well never oh SOA what are you doing putting Your Filthy Hands all over my little white children don’t give Miss me oh ah now
Calm down miss a no reason to throw a fit no I guess you’re right super I’ll throw this this is the big one looks like I got no choice I better do CPR heaven after all I done I still got into this place thank God for affirmative action hello Florence I’ve
Been waiting for you Frankie Watkins is that you Madame may I have the honor of your first dance in Paradise Frankie you should know better than to ask me that I like it better when you just take It still nothing time for the dreaded mouth to mouth please don’t die Tyra Banks a few good friendes D agrees with me oh I can even bend over without any pain if that interests you at all I hope you’re not a vegetarian because here comes some to Super hey you’re not
Frankie why aren’t I in heaven I brought you back from the dead uh I was never here she how was the hospital did you like crapping in a pan uh cool Wills Mrs Avery yeah uh BBE you could hit the halfpipe with us later oh that’s so sweet but there’s only one
Thing I need from all of you and that’s for you to kiss my shy black ass and that’s for you super you’re brought me back from Heaven just as I was dancing with my one true love you saw Mr Avery hell no Frankie Watkins girl I met him 60 years ago he
Was a photographer for the National Geographic come to town to take pictures of the bridges as it turned out the only pictures he took were of my bridges Mrs Avery you were bad yes I was young a professional dancer and life was Grand well if it’s dancing that makes you feel
Good why not enter the contest at the HUD ball it looks like you still got the moves oh you better believe it Miss this is Miss Avery’s Dance World and the rest of you are just squatting in it all I need is to take one of you filthy losers
And mold you to be my partner oh please as if your D wearing extra packet of sugar stealing down in the tub slipping old rle butt is in a match for me and Jimmy far good has a better chance of beating us leave me out of this speaking
Of dancing ho how’d you like to dance with the Snowman I don’t even get that shut up Sanchez and you too I’m tired of all your trash talking about the D contest you want to show down cuz we’ll throw down and you will will go down
That’s the low down on this ho down really I’m not following this bring it on Old Woman how much money do you want to bet this isn’t about money it’s about Pride honor things you can’t buy at the 99 Cent Store like you did your wife that’s it
Woman you just ordered up a Beatdown then it’s all people spread the word tell everyone Florence a is coming and I’m bringing hell with me oh it’s 3:00 time for dinner in my suppository come on Shere I can’t do it alone darling goodie I was thinking about the
Dance contest at the HUD ball and I thought maybe this would be the year we could enter ENT my butt if you think you’re going to shove that ball down my throat you’re sadly mistaken well I guess I thought that if you took a couple of classes or maybe a couple of
Dozen it would be fun nope B there good you just this is important to me I would like to dance with my husband now if you don’t want to be seen dancing with me Mariel please let me tell you a story about the last time I danced in public
It was the saddest day of my life our wedding day you don’t have to tell me this th good I was there now pipe down I’m telling the story here now it was ominously enough Friday the 13th so I said Padre you never told me where to kiss the
Bride oh sorry didn’t know there were cheering here anyway let’s give a big hand to Mr and Mrs third good stubs as they enjoy their first dance together just long you to me stop moving you have put me in a TR in that my helmet he’s having a f
Don’t worry goodie you’re doing Great where are you honey they good my n maybe you had had to be there but it was sad I know it was sweetie but it was 28 years ago don’t you think it’s time to get past it Muriel it’s like I said to the judge no contest well since you
Refused to be my partner I guess I have no choice but to ask Mr Sanchez fine Muriel it is fine thank you Mr brette um we’ll call you sure I know you show B people that means I get to be Miss A’s partner right I like to do an interpretive Dash
Called Shari’s the bom sh Sh now who’s next we’ve auditioned everyone what my pride is on the line I’ll be a laughing stock if I don’t find a partner who can shake the booty like I can wait there is another the dance is strong in him dance to The are you sure Thor good doesn’t mind that I’m dancing with you oh Thor good doesn’t care about dancing sometimes I think he doesn’t care about anything but you’re quite the dancer Emelia Oh look at Muriel oh happy and smiling I haven’t seen a face like that Since these are words no man has ever said before but I wish I was like Sanchez Oh it’s never too late to learn something new why just last week I learned the F the theme from Star Wars I am going to learn to dance and be mural’s partner in that dance contest Mrs Avery can you teach me how to dance of course I can you got talent
I saw it in the way you dodged my blows when I was trying to kill you in my apartment but if you’re going to learn from me you’re going to learn my way my word is law I’m the mentor and you are the mentor and then when you are one with
The dance you’ll be my partner in the contest at the HUD ball your partner but I thought I would for sure whatever you say that’s the best idea I ever heard why nothing would please me more than to be your partner in that contest that’s just happening because
I’m so excited by the idea of dancing with you baby baby baby baby where did you go tell me pretty baby baby I want to know you you must Reon where did you go I’ve been looking High I’ve been looking I’ve been going baby baby baby baby what did you do did you go and give your heart to somebody I want to Know bye George and Wheezy I think you got it I do I can dance super we are going to kick some serious boot at that dance contest you and me are going to be bigger than the Nicholas Brothers bigger please me and you I learned how to dance
So I can dance with somebody I like my wife but you promised me Mrs Avery I think I made it very clear at the time that I was lying lying huh then we got a problem because you owe me this whole thing started because you were so cruel
And thoughtless that you saved my life you took me away from the one place where you can smoke drink and have sex as much as you want yeah heaven was like prison only better oh look I’m sorry that you’re not dead I mean that I really wish that you were no longer
Living but here I am still living in this place where everyone thinks I’m just a nasty old woman that’s why I care about this dance contest cuz there’s still a young girl inside me who wants these people to know that once upon a time I was
Somebody Come On th good you can do it you can turn your back on a desperate woman in her hour of need you’ve had plenty of practice with Muriel back turning almost there no wait I’ll do it I’m very disappointed in you th Good now give your dance partner some sugar gy what’s the matter I have to tell you something Jar Jar Binks is coming back in The Next Star Wars movie movie and I’m Mrs Avery’s dance partner in the contest what I know jar stinks can you believe it you’re entering the
Dance contest with Mrs Avery but ever since our wedding I’ve been asking you to dance with me that’s why I took lessons from Avery so that I could dance with you but then she told me about this young woman living inside her and at first I thought alien cool but then she
Got all Indian looking at the garbage on me so clearly you can see I had no choice but to be your partner you do what you have to do I’ll enjoy my night with Mr Sanchez well Muriel I’ll be dancing with you in my dreams where’d you get that suit Sanchez
The Goodwill as a matter of fact I did really me too hey you know next month that’s supposed to get the winter 85 collection baby winning this contest is going to be easier than you on our first date yeah you have to be a brain damaged dop not to vote for us
Hello we’re the judges for tonight’s contest you’ll be judged on form style and the shine and thickness of your coat well hello they’re good glad to see you can make it so are you nervous nervous ha if I were nervous would I be able to shake like this or sweat like this
I forbid you to consort with the Enemy but thot’s my husband you have no husband he is dead to you time to practice oh my Florence you look beautiful that’s right flojo dancers in the house ha ladies and Gentlemen let’s get ready to rumble Now where’s my dance partner shik needs a dance Partner our next couple is Jimmy and BB ho come on super we’re next I can’t do it Miss Avery it’s just like my wedding night except tonight I’m not wearing a cumber bun that says whopp it down below so that’s it you’re not going to dance because you’re afraid what you
Don’t think I was afraid when ik Turner took me to his prom of course I was but a life lived in fear is only half left I’ve just never gotten over that mess in my wedding I remember it like it was yesterday now it was ominous you got to
Focus on today super I know you can do this you got style you got s let’s go shove that Trophy up Jimmy and BB’s aspirin I need Aspirin if I’m going to dance and I am going to dance let’s do it yeah nobody puts goodie in the [Applause] Corner I think I can do the move no save it for the Finals all right all right after counting the votes the the new treasurer of the ninth grade is Benjamin ninger way to go Benji oh I’m sorry after counting the votes the three finalists are Jimmy and bib Muriel and Sanchez and thir good and Mrs Avery oh my God oh
My God act like you’ve been here before did you see me Muriel I did it I danced it was terrific thg good I was glad to be able to watch you well Muriel maybe this time you won’t have to watch All right time for the Move oh no oh I don’t think sachez and I can continue I’m okay yep look like sachez is out too that means we win no I believe there’s still another couple mirel may I have this dance ladies and gentlemen for the second time anywhere Mr and Mrs th good stubs one
Second th good and Muriel huh this is almost too easy yeah it’s like we’re competing against white people our wedding song are you sure baby I haven’t been this year or something since I got drunk and asked you to marry Me the dance is with you good and you feel it too cuz you to let me know so follow me down on the floor use the moves they good something I sa use the move your filthy [Applause] dummy we can it we St to oh c that was so lame people are
Calling in with pleases to stop come on man come on I got you this is why I don’t like you on top and the scores are 10 10 3 2 1 a perfect score plus you saved a little money on your longdistance bill congratulations to our new Champions thir good and Muriel
Oh goody thank you this was such a special night yeah well I had a time in my life I’ve never felt this way before hey that’s kind of catchy I am one righteous brother thanks for letting me dance with Muriel oh don’t mention it that part was
Just gravy the important thing was I got the cold Co SZ maybe being alive ain’t bad at all Avery I think this might be the beginning of a beautiful friendship yes I think it’s time oh my hip no ending sight to the heat wve people 103° in the shade and that’s
Especially dangerous for the El the infirm and the otherwise incapacitated and that’s the truth Ruth I feel sticky all over so when are you going to get Hood to fix our air conditioning oh please people ain’t nothing wrong with little heat it’s all about your outlook when life gives you lemons you grill burgers on the hooded on it’s too hot for
Burgers yeah I’m not even enjoying this he you boys sound like y’all need to hook up with the ice cream man yeah don’t tease the boys you know that an ice cream truck never stops in our neighborhood it will Today I have a visual fat man and little fat boy you are go ice creamer ice creamer ice cream juicy watch out don’t run in and Aura near the street don’t worry I am fine yes the whale is beached Harold and M get Busy can is open Roger rerun d what’s happening Operation Desert Storm is Go I’ll be in charge of packing the fyles you be good and stop on this block from now on here there you go all right give it up for the man with the Good Humor the Eskimo pod Piper known to his wife as Mr s of every woman’s
Dreamsicle oh it’s not the heat it’s the humiliation oh goody you tried there’s a chunk of popsicle stuck to the sidewalk mine you have to go through me I got it the hell you do who else wants some that’s Daryl’s last strawberry it’s time for us to
Regain our dignity I’m going to March right down the HUD to beg like a bage for government money for air conditioning you go goody that’s right just as AC drove OJ away from the heat the AC will drive the heat away from us when HUD hears my passionate
Plea on behalf of my suffering people why I predict their hearts will be touched and their tears will flow like [Laughter] rain I’m crying I’m laughing so hard oh my goodness I can’t even say next someone come over here and say next for me allow me next way to go th good going home empty-handed just like Spike Lee at the Oscar hey th good what who’s that how do
You know my name oh we’ve had our eye on you for a long time even during my private time I can’t help it A man has needs step into my office well mama always said not to get into a stranger’s car it’s air conditioned but mama’s dead look good my company’s prepared to
Give you that air conditioning that you so righteously need ooh something for Nothing free lunch Yi you’re not some kind of pver are you all we require is a little something you never use and won’t even miss no you can’t hear Murio oh hey I get it you want My Immortal soul
No no not that are you sure cuz I think we can do business going ladies and gentlemen with special thanks to my number one man the bad mama jama with the hammer that’s me y’all and to my nice friend at litb back Industries I present coolo old crocodile cigarette advertising on our
Building Fair good how could you how could I this Billboard’s the answer to all our problems besides it’s not like they’re giving away free cigarettes thanks for all your help sir good cigarettes have the bad juju I lost my voice my wife my whole life to
Cigarettes I’ll take a case of the 100 you won’t be seeing me with those things my body’s a temple my favorite time of year was when we observe the high holidays this sets a terrible example for the children she’s right come on kids let’s kill a super now look I know everyone’s a
Little hot under the collar the temperatures are rising and I understand that but before everybody hit their boiling point I suggest you All that’s right people fresh cool air from a machine why I see nothing but clear skies ahead top of the morning widow Avery uh Mrs ho good we were just talking about what a hero you are well maybe someday they’ll build a monument to Great janitors like me Mount flushmore
Love this Frosty cool air woo my high beams are on they’re good I’m worried those tobacco companies aren’t dummies they put that sign here to get our people to start smoking especially the children Muriel please that’s not how appetising works it doesn’t get inside your brain and tell you how to live what
What I thought we all promised we stopped doing this 6 months ago true true th good come quick it’s the children they’re just standing there staring at the cigarette head it’s like they’re mesmerized I’ve been staring at it for an hour and I still don’t see anything
Dirty look man right above the chin is the be the two eyes make the o oh under the nose is a t and his teeth make the why it says booty that’s how they make grown-ups think cigarettes are sexy cigarettes aren’t sexy your mom’s sexy your boys mural here is worried
You’re going to smoke because of his ass now that’s ridiculous isn’t it word super we learned in school that cigarettes off for punks we studied it for two months last year right after we studied President Abraham uh uh Lincoln no the guy with the wooden teeth who
Sent the man to the Moon anyway don’t worry we’ve been educated right What you doing T staring at Coolio and thinking about booty I don’t know why I don’t know why not that one ad in jet where Coolio hooks up with his babe she is the bomb I mean yeah I know she’s a cartoon and she’s a crocodile but I
Would really like to have sex with her you know you know who I like is that fabric soften the bear oh so now I’m a freak I don’t know there just something about Coolio that speaks to me yeah okay that’s enough conversation with the big sign see you around third good
Later you’re the man around here since you got that AC third good Lord is that you I knew you’d sound like Barry White it’s me your M man Coolio crocodile and I think you deserve a big reward remember back when you were young goodlooking and got all the hottest
Ladies well I remember remember being young but I’m a little hazy about the ladies come on now think back you remember oh yeah yeah yeah yeah that’s right I remember now I I hit all the parties I drove a fast car and for a while I solve crimes in Miami with a
White guy that’s the third good I’m talking about and you could have it all again by having just one minty fresh Coolio cigarette really damn straight Sanchez left the back by I left CL all now go ahead and Puff Daddy well I suppose one couldn’t hurt you’re smoking now baby hey that is
Minty Fresh and it is like a potty in my lungs you’ve come a long way baby They good you’re smoking it’s all good baby smoking is fun look smoke rings smoke squares smoke bunnies smoke out my ears and I learned this one in the strip club Fus pull up your pant I think you’ve lost your mind and check out this great Coolio crocodile gear I get it
With the Coolio cash it comes with every pack if I save up 100 points I can trade them in for 50 points sir good if you want to turn your lungs black that’s it Muriel I’m just keeping it real on the inside well I’m telling you to keep it real
Outside Mr lot R is coming here I wonder if he remembers our little fling it was a pretty long elevator ride and not going up what oh thank goodness I thought I freed Mandela again if you’re going to smoke that in here Me and Mrs Jones are going
To be smoking too thr out of my own home smokers have rights too you know we should do a million smoker March short March not up here freeze smoking police that’s real cute boys now run along we he said freeze he’s reaching for his lighter
Fire 41 Shots to put out a cigarette you think maybe you boys are getting a little overzealous super please don’t smoke we don’t want you to get sick and die well now are you going to quit or do we have to get NYPD on your behind boys
You got to understand I can quit anytime I want watch I’ll quit right now it’s just that easy now here I’ll quit again so don’t you worry about me I just keep these for some more quitting later I’m so glad you decided to quit th good I’ll do whatever I can to support
You let’s talk more marshmallow fluff relax your mind I said your mind I just need something to do with my hands I’m right here sir good maybe I’ll get me one of those patches tired quitting is hard oh Smokey how did you beat your addiction it was easy Once I had the love of a good woman and for $20 you can get that very same
Love I did it Mel I’m smoke free I feel real born like I got a new month-to-month lease on life hey the wall chip I better paint the whole building I got to go buy 40,000 gallons of paint you’re going to go sneak a cigarette aren’t you yep down in the Boiler
Room the one thing you can say about third good stubs is he’s not a quitter Where’s th good I know he wants to see Mr Lou Ross who knows but wherever you smell smoke th good won’t be far away I Smell Smoke not even lit yet it must be in a few seconds hand smoke Earth Wind and Fire In The Boiler
Room I must have started with one of my cigarettes this is all your fault solid brother you’re the man is that the only thing you know how to say I got to do something and quick okay hold on now stay cool relax Ah that’s better right on tap that
Ass do you smell something a man can’t you ever just let it slide not that it smoke super is at it again we’re tra I smell that dirty th good in his cigarettes H there he smoking his nice party that tobac company’s giving us looks like the basement’s on fire fire
We better get down to the front row ladies and gentlemen put your hands together for the silky sounds of Mr Lou Ross you’ll never what tonight’s has been canceled please do not rush Mr L roll’s helicopter g i tougher take mey good boy no no no come back now uh-oh we’re
Trapped looks like I’m about to have my second painful burning sensation of the day everyone I know in Love Is On The Roof plus Sanchez BB and Mrs Avery I got to somehow push my way past them to save Muriel H always wondered why that is come on we’ll be safe in Here a Coolio crocodile flame proof pajamas specially made for smoking in bed well that’s a good thing I sent away for these instead of the beach balls get out of my way old woman without Children First Look Out move now don’t panic people don’t panic the
Monster oh hi th good now listen up people I got a plan to save all your lives we’ll use Mr L roll’s microphone cords the safety lines and climb down the Coolio sign it’ll be as easy as climbing down the side of a burning building holding on to slippery little
Cords it’s crazy but it just might no it’s just crazy but let’s give it a shot all right everybody wait your turn are you first Mrs Avery I want a medal for swimming back in high school I could hold my breath for 2 minutes Mrs Avery
We not in an upside down boat we on the top of a burning building I’m just making conversation you jackass I can’t wait any longer I don’t want to die oh it’s so big how about a small k I’m okay well that was fun but we better
Find a way to put this fire out gentlemen if I may we have a water tank and we have an air conditioning system that goes to every room of the building we take the copper piping from the AC feed the water in and use the existing ducks to flood the building and thush
The fire Smokey keep your insane jabbering to yourself now everybody over to the edge of the roof we can spit this fire out Fire’s getting closer but it’s still nice and cool in here I’m going along with the majority here but I still say I can pee that far
Okay smokey so what’s the rest of your plan uh what plan go oh great juicy stop complaining about how we’re trapped in the janitor supply closet it’s not going to help the boys something tells me they’re trapped in the janitor supply closet the water will drown them they’re
Good don’t talk like that the fire is sure to get him first no won’t somebody save the Cher at least the anyone he’s got a future oh dear Lord dear Lord people I started this fight with my cigarettes I Le I figured that out 20
Minutes ago and now I got to save those boys I’m going in walk blow the water tank and exactly 60 seconds whether a minute’s gone by or not Muriel you must do me this honor promise me you will survive that you will never give up
Promise me now and never let go of that promise oh goody a kiss for luck astray mouth ah o dead rat o dead person got to clean this out sometime yep right turn ah straight down from here just in the nicotine of time it’s super what are you doing with in here I
Saving your lives uh and some magazines 30 seconds all right we’ll make a run for it through the hallway but it’s full of smoke you’re right here we’ll breathe through these cigarettes no way man we get hooked we won’t light them you little babies we’ll just breathe through the filters
Coolio’s filters have the north tar system a revolutionary new technology that does something or other what if it stops my growth we’ll take that as a blessing 2 1 zero we they made it pay up damn super saved Our Lives no cigarette saved our lives but supera gave us the
Cigarettes so can we just agree I saved our lives and not analyze it to death and U you boys were right all along about smoking maybe you saved my life too damn it’s cool in here these bad boys could cut glass woo I feel much better since I’ve quit smoking and I
Learned a valuable lesson about advertising and how to see through their seductive lives oh Muriel sent you up could you bring me another of those quartz of Milk Christmas is such a peaceful time I’m always so sad when it’s over get in there and burn Muriel I’m burning these blind monkeys unless you speak up that was are my grandmother’s Angel too late now I’m sad they’re good you’re experiencing What’s called the post holiday Blues
Trust me it’ll pass and you know there’s still New Year to look forward to hey that’s right and this year’s the New Millennium I can’t remember the last time we had one of those this calls for a party I’ll go to HUD for some Supplies poy supplies H let me consult the manual let’s see supplies comma party ah here it is next hey hey come on it’ll be a safe party no no one’s going to get hurt we just fire our guns straight up in the air the bullets disappear in
Space fine then throw your own party the only thing Hud’s required to give you for New Year’s 2000 is this Millennium safety kit ooh it’s endorsed by Gloria Gainer see you next Year I know you’re all excited about the party and you’re going to love the I came up with now what’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think of New Year blackard peas and collet greens champagne Dick Clark’s big ball no no no the Beach come on people think logically
What do we do every New Year’s we drink and what happens after we drink we throw up and how do we throw up in waves and where do do we find waves the beach he’s got a point now to pull this party off we’re going to have to share
The responsibilities and form committees I’ll make the food and I’ll give the food flavor next is entertainment Jimmy you’re good with that but you got to keep it legal just tie my hands why don’t you kids why don’t you handle the decorations doesn’t matter that we’ve
Never seen a beach you know how at beach don’t you make it like that but without the baseball bats I’ll help the children I can make it just like Haiti they’ll be swaying palm trees white sand and pools of color okay good everybody’s got something to do I don’t sorry Sanchez
All the jobs are taken well if that’s it I could help someone okay who would like Sanchez on their committee anyone anyone cricket oh wait a minute is Walter here no good shouldn’t have gone to work Walter all right we need to come up with some party games something int Electro yet
Stimulating I know we’ll do strip chess yeah oh yeah as in Bishop takes Queen night toon for you see it’s stupid because that move would be suicide get out okay guys we don’t have much time so let’s work as fast as we can green one here red one here blue one
Here a no no no no this is all wrong just put the freaking sprinkles on the freaking cookies you freaking freak it was when Mrs Avery kept hitting me and hitting me that I started feeling you know maybe people don’t want me around well that’s ridiculous you’re
Just being too sensitive well I’m about to close the door now ornamental I still need something to do if it’s going to stop you from spotting off at the neck fine you can uh uh ATT take care of this wow thanks they good survival that’s should I go over and report back
To you oh God no why don’t you write up a memo and hand it out without talking could I [Applause] possibly Hey third how about a couple of cold ones you got It attention everybody attention shut I’m it is now 11:58 exactly 2 minutes to the New Millennium people let us take a moment to reflect on the past thousand years we began in the Dark Ages a time of ignorance get on with it I’m missing my reruns all right all right the future
Begins in 10 9 eight eight eight eight 3 2 1 happy New oh my God what’s going on what’s happened to the power the lights are out all over the City [Applause] What happened to the lights super what’s going on don’t you read your Bible it’s the Rapture oh Lord why didn’t I read my Bible let there be light all right all right just stay calm everybody great the power’s out for who knows how long and we used up all our
Food for this party now there’s no need to panic we have heat and light from the Flaming coconut trees and plenty of drinking water put them out put them out use all the water oh great now what do we do huh we wait a respectable time then we start eating each
Other so make him stop sometimes I don’t know why I put up with you people page one access to checks food stamps and supplies will be indefinitely interrupted as H computers are not y 2K compliant what’s y 2K what’s compliant I me a Lord give me
String all the stores have been sold out for days but fortunately for you someone had the foresight to plan ahead and the generosity to share with his friends oh really thanks Sanchez okay every man for himself no no people away that food has to last hey not so much meal oh this
Ay how much toilet paper do you need the city may have stopped making water but I have it thanks Sanchez we’ll see you later going to need some ban cherries to go with my powdered ice cream what the my food my Rules these are your ration packs for the week now the powdered food can be eaten as is the water is to unconstricted throat should you choose to eat the powdered food what do he say 8 oz of water I may have a hump but I
Ain’t no camel I need more I know this all seems a little severe but we can get through this if we just just exercise a little self-denial in a healthy sense of fun well those are really one in the same aren’t they Migos don’t look so sad our unity
And Trust will see us through now if you would all please turn away while I hide the key oh that’s coold there are no feminine products in here does he know anything about women well look on the bright side there’s also no water for us to Retain so then the doctor said wrecked them damn near killed [Laughter] him yeah no matter how many times I tell that joke I still don’t get it no I’m serious when of the wasn’t that a glorious breakfast yeah yeah nothing sticks to the ribs like two
Raisins We got to go third good yeah see you around thir good I don’t get it they good I’m helping everybody out yet they still don’t want to be around me be honest is there something wrong with them well Sanchez believe it or not most people
Find it hard to feel love and admiration for somebody who gives him soap made from fish heads every part of the Herring is useful you’ve been using toothpaste made from their bile duct and you didn’t seem to mine I thought you would all respect me for my resourcefulness and strict
Discipline much the way I respected and dreaded my own father Sanchez you got to work on your people’s skills a little try to be nice to the tenants reward them for putting up with your nonsense uh uh uh inspired leadership yes reward them and I know
Just the way my father will be ashamed of my weakness but I’ll do it thanks for the banquet Mr Sanchez this was really nice of you no need to thank me any good leader knows to be generous to him do you really need a thir helping us have a good
Time they good isn’t it customary to publicly thank the benefactor oh oh yeah yeah right right hey everybody let’s all raise a glass to the man who made this possible the hostess who’s throatless the man with the spam Sanchez yeah all [Applause] right what’s going on thank you for
Coming out tonight I just want to say I’m proud of how we’ve all pulled together during this time of Crisis it means a lot to me to know I have your support and love you don’t have our love you have our food bb bb you’re drunk better than being drunk with power like
Mr microphone don’t give me that shush you were all saying it earlier the only reason any of us was nice to you tonight was because we was tired of el like astronauts I got a half of mine to uh thank you the comedy styling of BB ho give it
Up so it’s like that back in Kua my father had a saying bite the hand that feeds you and it’ll be the last bite you take you pitiful little mama’s boy why can’t you be more like your brother and the same goes for all of you except for that last
Part so enjoy your meal for it will be the last one you get from me and another thing Oh len on I’ll trade you this beef jerky for those batteries Dam oh yeah yeah yeah baby going to be smooth tonight oh Don’t Be Afraid come forward my consiliary tells me that you want some some soap what happened to the soap you were given uh forgive me it was so small I I I dropped it and it it fell through the silence you shall have your soap it will
Be a favor from one friend to another oh thank you Don Sanchez You know my friend I’ve always admired your Juju stick oh well uh then maybe you can borrow it sometime I mean won’t you please keep it as long as you like Do Sanchez I would like to express my gratitude for inviting me to your home and may the Underpants you give me today be masculine ones let’s oh thank B the founder of the feast and thank the [ __ ] cat Boutique who luckily had a sale on edible underwear a week before this disaster
Struck juicy that ain’t even a real State don’t care oh that’s it we have to put a stop to that Tyrant before we all starve he wouldn’t be so high and mighty if he didn’t have that stupid key to the supply cage well then we’ll just have to take it from [Applause] him oh No looking for the should I kick him About I’m going to pick the lock he’s going to pick the lock he’s going to pick the lock tell him it’s big br I just don’t get it how can VES always be one step ahead of us yeah it’s almost as if someone has been ratting us
Out in exchange for food aha you got Cheeto fingers what should we do with her I say we greas him now hold on before you reap and torture me think on this I know exactly where he keeps that key forget it we can’t trust her don’t
Worry she won’t sell us out cuz if you do it’s going to be snuff Doggy Dog lucky okay Mrs Avery you come back with that key Or BL the do say change they own to me sorry lucky ow get him Sanchez your reign of terror is over you have no Richard right to treat us this way you native son of a [ __ ] now where’s the key you heard him give us
The key we will die before we give up our precious key won’t we Turnell I don’t want to die I don’t want to die get up you pitiful little mama’s boy and come out tell the pr I what’s the matter with your voice box there’s nothing wrong with it at all the Key that’s not the key to the food cage idiots that’s the key to my gun [Laughter] cabinet uhoh give us the key saying cheers or be prepared to meet your filthy maker uhoh you in you In no I win say hello to my little friend our plan works Sanchez we got the drop on him shut your pill hole you old Bat I released this lever and the whole building comes down I tried to make you love me now you will fear me and this city of Darkness I am the only one who can give you life what the lights are back on they’re on all over town it’s
Over but I’m still the only source of food oh a truck’s pulling up to the grocery store let’s get uh does anyone have a spare grenade pit hello I can’t put the grenade down unless I replace the pin I’m serious hey maybe this will Work Calin wait up come on come on come on private Hudson prepare for battle why do you always get to be the general because my daddy shot three Vietnamese he was robbing a nail salon war is hell now let’s do an equipment check you got your grenades ready to spread death sir then
Let’s take that enemy t Private Hudson sir take the night vision goggles and keep a lookout for the enemy do you have any dire goggles you have your orders report sir nothing yet sir all is clear enemy in sight enemy ins sight fire fire fire oh oh oh oh Calvin juicy what the hell are you
Doing in this old car it’s our tank but don’t you know better than to go playing in someone else’s property a super it’s abandoned well just because you find something abandoned doesn’t mean it’s yours hell if that was the case I’d have 11 kids now hey third good check it out this
Car’s in pretty good shape I bet we can get it running with a little tender loving care yeah we’re treat it like a baby hey shut up shut up that’s better okay let’s take her back to the projects and fix her up but that’s not fair we found it first oh
Quick you crying you kids won’t even be allowed to drive for another 8 years they’re good that’s what the judge told you too shut up and push Sanchez okay fellas looks like we’re dealing with 3.6 l and a V8 I say we start on the 40s and save the tomato
Juice for blood and marage at Sunset boy it’s been a long while since I spent time under the hood of a car it’s been a lot of time spread over them ah yes assuming the position oh cool you guys are fixing the car can I help mm- you’re just getting the way I
Won’t get in the way I can help you come on tho let the kid hang out it’s break time what are you thinking boy what I’m just trying some beer don’t you know drinking is illegal at your age yeah or that it can cause severe erectile dysfunction but you guys drink well
That’s cuz we know how to hold our liquor how’d you learn that by drinking since we were your a look if you’re through asking stupid questions make yourself useful hand me that screwdriver wow this is cool I’m really helping out mhm it’s a good way to keep
You out of trouble yeah here boy run down to Gibson and buy us some more being smokes oh and uh give me some condoms cool sheep skin not latex Hey Calvin you want to go to the arcade I can’t no no it’s safe now they arrested trench Co Willie no I have to go help the guys restore their car oh can I help too I don’t know you might hurt yourself and start crying hey I
Don’t cry you about to cry now aren’t you no not if you let me come look man the guys and I don’t need a bunch of little kids jocking us oh but since you’re my boy I’ll see if I can hook you up all right all right thanks Calvin you’re my best
Friend don’t do that oh try it again hang here I’ll see if I can get you in hey s now Calvin yeah not now juicy it’s no use she’s not working did you P gas on the carburetor duh of course they pulled gas in the what’s that boy it won’t crank unless the
Carburetor has gas to ignite you got a private oh here let me show you try it now hey look at that go boy give it some gas no not too much you don’t want to flood it where’d you learn all that boy I take
Auto shop you know to get out of gym we have auto shop at school yeah it’s right next to the wood shop we have that too yeah what about the only kid who goes through the trailer classrooms you really saved the day juicy yeah good job
Man W I feel like one of the guys hey super remember when I held the flashlight for you that helped a lot right oh yeah yeah in fact we can use your help right now really yeah go get us a six-pack some chips and uh juicy what can Calvin get for you What so then the rabbit says wrench wrench wo That’s a classic because the rabbit and the rench just I think that thing needs tightening use a wrench sorry I’m late nobody told me we were working today sorry little bro I guess we didn’t think about it but who’s
Been getting your drinks and stuff from the store hey everybody luck is back come on boy bring the drink yeah all right now that’s a retriever hey Calvin tomorrow’s the inaugural drive you want to go you bet I can’t wait now thanks to big man here we’ll have her up and run
In no time hi Calvin oh hi juicy I was going to come get you but the fellas needed my help just between us they’re not very good yeah well I guess everybody’s not lucky enough to be in special ed classes if you want I’ll put
In a good word for you with Miss Louise maybe I could get you a rug Square by the window boy am I thirsty here have a sip of this the guys won’t mind really wow yuck that’s nasty juicy are you drinking beer oh I’m sorry I was just
Hey Hey Big Man had his first taste and he handled it like a champ too but but aren’t you going to smack him you said drinking was bad a kid I don’t know what the hell I said you know I always get on my high horse when I’m drinking I got
Shotgun hey Calvin we’re just about to take her out for a first spin you want to come um I don’t know I’m kind of busy okay bye hey come on hey I got sh hey come on now wait wait I just remembered I can go if you want me
Too yo baby y Fri to go with that Shake I tell you nothing beat cruising with your boys it really brings back memories huh guys you said it brother-in-law they you want to drop out of high school all over again hey let’s show these good people the Dark Side of the Moon well I think they’ve seen enough
Burer you can come in now okay I’m Stuck that’s what I’m talking about Calvin I thought you were out driving with the guys no they wanted me to but there’s nothing exciting about driving in a new souped up hot rod car are there is if you got the New Jersey State Police on your tail and the
Lindberg baby in the back seat we need a big strong man to help us out you interested sure whatever quit squiring this is played ooh big words coming from a little boy wearing a dress let’s try [Applause] this okay juicy now this movie may have some nudity I hope you’re mature enough booby
Alert booby alert yes we have Chi thanks for the memory yeah baby put them on the glass it up it up that’s what mama Likes park in that spot there but that py c exactly you’re crushing my damn legs well it’s about they good you’ve been out all night well we had to wait for juicy to sober up so he could drive us home how good I know I know we stayed out too late but he’d
Never seen an R-rated movie so we took him to the Late Show of American booty you mean to tell me he saw bad boobies while I’m washing our suers Racing Stripes H didn’t have to tell all my stripes what you doing juy I’m just fixing up a
Ride your ride please you still wearing cross colors you ain’t got the duckers for no car I got the keys Don I uhhuh so what fool let you drive don’t worry about that you just worri about how fine you going to look sit next to me at the
Drive and movie I’m feeling you you are you you you two better not see a scary movie cuz juicy peas in his pants I do not oh is the baby going to cry come on baby Cry cut it out Calvin she likes me come on nula I show you some real driving Calvin what are you doing you can’t drive that just because you can’t drive drive by yourself doesn’t mean I can’t maybe you’re not a big man after all a bigger than you tell them
NOA um you two a couple of Scrubs and um I’m out no wait don’t you still want to feel me oh good job Calvin oh you pushed me oh you pushing me now h get your hands off get up above me what was that I was comparing you no I mean what was That we’re going to die now I’ll never get the third B witha this is no time to you’ve been a second base Vana you going can we just concentrate on the car please I’ll stare you hit the break is this it it’s on the floor you idiot okay okay that’s the gas It’sit a break it’s on the left my left to your left what was that I don’t know I think we hit a speed bone I think I found a break easy don’t lock it up a [ __ ] do you realize what we did we drove a car pushing that pinging Ping we joing they they jocking me hey sexy mama oops sorry Mister uh maybe you better St for a while uh-oh we have to get some gas we have to get some gas money first maybe someone left your wallet in the car that’s stupid juicy what kind of fool Will leing
Is there anything in there she got a AAA card oh wait there’s only two A’s on there is there any money this a su wallet hey there’s a hiter maybe if we give him a ride he’ll chip in for some gas oh I don’t know if that’s safe I
Mean what if he’s on a cross country Killing Spree he can’t be a serial killer stupid he’s black now push The Brak need a ride mister man I’m glad y’all came along oh my God the police they must have seen us gas JY hit the gas sorry Mr
Come back here you got my money those racist cops are shooting at us no it’s the brother shooting well I’m sure he has a good reason he probably prob had a rough Life Calvin yeah should you be driving the car is that another speed pump it is now oh yeah oh we’re dead they’re going to kill us they’re going to they’re going to go lord of the flaws of my piggy ass JY would you please shut up I need some quiet time to
Think what’s that beeping it’s coming from that Bag oh my God a bag of money why is it Beeping okay okay I got it under control everything’s fine juicy hold on Don’t Panic this is all your faults it never would have happened if you didn’t make fun of me in front of Nola hey hey I wouldn’t have made fun of you in front of Nola if you weren’t
Showing off in front of super and the guys I wasn’t showing off I just thought stuff about cars you’re good at everything why can’t I have something I’m good at but you’re good at lots of stuff no I’m not you’re always making fun of me
And saying I’m a baby and tell me what to do yeah well that’s what I’m good at H but I can’t do half the things you do like what like fixing cars and and you’re good at math and nobody can speak in burp language like you can thanks Calvin that makes me [Laughter] feel what ma’am look at this car everyone’s going to find out what we did they’re going to send us away I can’t go to JY Calin I’m too s for juy we’re not going to juie I’ll get us out of this now this is what’s going to
Happen you’re going to fix the dent because you’re good at cars right oh no come on juy say it say it I’m good at cars I’m good at cars that’s right now I’m going to get my blue butt out of the car and find a phone then I’m going to call
The one man who can help us get rid of this mess who’s that the man they called The Cleaner okay I’ve assessed the situation and I’m pleased to report it is cleanable but it will require your help so listen up you skinny I’ll need some number n
Medium Bristal brushes chubby get me an all natural shammy cloth and lastly Dr morphus we can resume our Eternal combat tomorrow but right now I got to help these two lobsters cleaning hovercraft okay you all have your orders let’s go chop chop oh man how’s he supposed to help us
Clean the car excuse me but if I can clean out my pants three times a day I think I can handle your little accident okay mhm and first we need a little of this cleaner and then a little of this shent isn’t that dangerous well yes if you don’t get the proportions just
Right perfect come on juicy we can do it ourselves now you run and get your tools and don’t let anybody see you I’ll start cleaning right going to need some Rags there right back where the grown-ups left it we did it Calvin we did it together that’s the story I’m
Going to use if I get caught hey there it is thank God it’s still here and in one piece well uh of course it is why wouldn’t it be super oh we just heard over the police scanner that a car matching this description was involved in a bank robbery tonight well uh it
Couldn’t be this car because this car was right here all night long right juy uh yeah right here this very spot where you parked this super safe and undented especially in the hood really well if I parked it here then how come the stain from when I changed the
Oil today is over there a so boys how do you explain an automobile moving itself H uh aliens yeah aliens is good maybe we should all go to our homes before they come and uh abduct us bye I think they bought it what the not so so fast boys since when do
They make blue jeans with blue Bank die number two okay I’m going to kill them uh there’s a really good explanation for all of this yeah and it’s all right over there get go get him get the big one he’s got a wait a minute right Here hello oh this is so exciting a new baby in the projects yeah but we ain’t responsible for it it’s not like we as parents right no of course not I wonder what BB and Jimmy will name the baby not th good now there’ be no good reason to
Name him th good th good what’s gotten into you stop toying with me woman if you know something just say it I don’t know what you’re talking about you want me to say it for you fine B rap me what it happens marel I’ve learned to
Live with it why can’t you my God are you saying you slept with my sister okay I can see you on me here’s the truth BB and I may or may not have had sex and if so I may or may not be that baby’s daddy
You’re not mad are you NOP okay I deserve that okay now we’re even are you as turned on as I am get out okay so you blew the door and Big W is going to be cheesed you can’t spend the rest of your life looking over your
Shoulder so are you going to run like a filthy coward or save your dignity and face Big W I think we both know the answer to that I’m out of here I Now Pronounce You man and Wife oops sorry force a habit okay you’re wired for sound as soon as sweet Les sells you the drugs I’ll bust in and arrest them and I’ll have the evidence safely stoed away in my veins it’s going to take more than a locked door to keep me from the makeup
Sex you need they good I told you I don’t want to see you oh please please baby baby I love you so much I miss you I’m nothing without you and you’re hungry and I’m hungry I haven’t e since I left you got to take me back well I’m
Not a completely coldhearted person and just to show you that 25 years of marriage mean something I’ll give you a chance thank you honey a long marital nightmare is over not so fast BB is having a DNA test if you’re not the father I’ll take you back but if you are
The father I never want to see you Again okay he’s gone let’s go this is day one of the Hilton Jacob’s project we’ve traced the bougie man back to his lair and we’re going to record all the evidence we’re going to stop the bougie man’s killing sell the tape and make a killing of our own we’re
In oh man I bet he keeps the kids and cents like B and when they’re all gone he’s got free r kids oh my God it’s a candy he makes the kids sell let’s get out of here not yet candy doesn’t prove anything we still haven’t found the the bathtub full of
Ice I’m so scared I’m so scared I’m so scared I’m so sorry I got juicy into this I love you okay man what you want I want the voices in my head to stop selling me aluminum sighting voices what kind of stunt you pulling yes that is my final answer
Reges well wait a minute you wearing a wire oh great now I got to go do some killing okay I married a US citizen now can I have my green card husband’s name and ioio Sanchez Senora I suppose that’s a Minnesota accent actually I once been a very lonely winter in mines shut
Up oh here’s a shock you’re not a citizen either what but my late wife esperansa she was an American citizen and you were married for two full years as required by Law funny story see actually she died a week before our second anniversary I meant to apply for a hardship case but I had to have my Lynx removed that week hey that is funny next at least we have each other what’s the worst they can do to us now my
B come on hurry up you damn filthy boss going somewhere big wet I’ve been waiting 50 years for this date nobody double crosses big Wall-E and lives don’t kill Me smokey hello cop it’s it’s time to die wait we have to stick together Josie where are you I’m coming Josie Joseph no well this is it there good if the doctor says you’re the father I’m leaving you okay everyone I have the results of the paternity Test and now some exciting scenes from next season’s the PJs I can’t believe the ship’s Captain had the authority to Grant US citizenship and in all our marriage I can’t believe he was just a sweet guy who likes to eat candy while taking ice baths I can’t believe big Wy
Had a fatal heart attack while he was choking me on my neck I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter I can’t believe you know karate Smokey that wasn’t karate that was withdraw rule H I can’t believe it it’s not totally uncommon you see anxiety caused by not knowing whether you had slept
With your brother-in-law caused a false alarm it’s what we in the medical community call an hysterical pregnancy mhm hey that is hysterical okay nurse you can send in Mrs hoe now but doctor that was Mrs hoe Oops very good I bought you a new toothbrush today yeah got it Mariel and I’ve already upgraded it to electric now brushing your teeth is fun and now to rinse with some ice cold Ling just come to bed what is that what’s going on there’s only one logical explanation the mother
Ship has landed just like booty predicted I’m sure it’s not aliens it’s probably just the police goody come back to bed look I’ll be back in a few minutes but now it is my Celestial duty to spread my Fone throughout the Universe attention Mothership on behalf of the brothers of Earth I welcome You get a excuse me sir you’re standing in our shot hey what’s going on out here we’re shooting a movie for line pictures has chosen your projects as the location for a movie oh really and I’ve chosen your ass as a location to put my foot if you
Don’t get out of here now turn those lights off people around here have to get up and look for work in the morning don’t worry sir you won’t even know we’re here damn Right boy am I beat good night Mia boy do I feel refreshed nothing like a good night’s sleep R and shine riam Winkle time to make breakfast th good we just got in bed those are the movie lights what hey this been going on four
Week I got half of mine to go out there right now and show up they make daytime look like night and night time look like day I don’t know if I’m skipping my day job or my night job hey what’s going on they’re shooting a love scene in the lobby and
We can’t get into our Apartments this is ridiculous they can’t keep us from coming and going in our own building only the health department can do that now come on all right that’s it you shut down I want you to pack up and get out by 9:
Cho or you going to have a hell of a Tana bro on your hands no we we’re sorry we we don’t mean inconvenience anybody look we have a few roles left in the film why don’t we let you people audition for them huh we can be in the
Movie do you need a narrator I once appeared on sabado gante movie W it sounds like fun out of my way maybe a little bribe will work on their F minds but not me now why don’t you take your F and shove it up your what The Jackie Chan you didn’t tell me it was a Jackie Chan movie I love Jackie Chan he’s my hero I got to get into that Movie okay everyone let’s get started no your name is Toby NOP shrip Goble ball shrip shrip attention everyone I’m eron Davis director of the film we searched high and low to find the perfect neighborhood to shoot this film and yours is number [Applause] one what’s this movie called hellhole 2
The land that hope forgot yeah all right now let’s get started shall we I have a great deal of experience in playing the assassinate black maid well I’m sorry there’s no part like that in this movie where land of gosh Mr D you don’t better put one of those in or I
Don’t know what I going to do about you see that’s enough next wait wait wait I also played a funky grandma with wraps a h a hop I broke my hip now I got to hop oh where’s the casting coach I’m th good stubs Chief superintendent of the hon
Jacobs project did you have something prepared Mr Stars oh yeah of course uh first on my resume under special skills please add unicycling snorkling and British accent p pip BMP Uncle Riv thank you oh you’re welcome what would you like to see next uh how about my landlord of the
Dance we’d like to see you leave nailed it I want to play the gang leader and I want to play the weak pathetic pimp whose hoes don’t respect him what what kind of movie is this there’s nothing but gang bangers hoochie M thieves ain’t they any positive roles
My character got time off for good behavior I knew it we’ve been had damn entertainment industry what are you talking about can’t you see what they’re doing this is how Hollywood gets you don’t you realize that Hollywood is responsible for all the society’s ears maybe the movie will be a good thing it
Might bring jobs and money to the local economy but at what cause so the movies can portray us as gangsters That Ain’t Us here you just have to look at the liquor bill ball to see how we really are cool and successful and happening with the ladies it’s the liquor
Companies that are our real friends that and cigarette Billboards that promise if you smoke their product you’ll have a nice skinny baby so what are we supposed to do I tell you what we break their cameras destroy their equipment and vandalize their trucks we’ll teach them
To portray us as violence no justice no movie no justice no what do we do now sir don’t worry I’ve been through this before all we have to do is make them feel like their voices are being heard just find the loudest most obnoxious goofball to be your community Le on to
The film which one that Clown okay the camera moves in on his cold Steely eye as he surveys the barren landscape of the projects and action wait wait wait on action C something wrong Mr stubs you mean chief technical advisor stuff yeah you got someone here getting shot over their jacket that doesn’t happen in the projects anymore
If people die in the project they die of natural causes like heart attacks or routine traffic stops okay what would you suggest well why can’t he work for a living save money and buy his own damn jacket mhm I tell you what we’ll shoot it both ways that’s good that’s good now
See we got a monog going here oh one more thing here have a hell hat ooh thank you oh and about to see with the sports bottle hey thanks welcome to the Dream Factory Muriel care for a bagel it must be some kind of Hong Kong donut I’ve been
Looking for you all day I’ve been down here all day learning about how to make movies you see that guy over there he’s called the gaffer and that’s Jim the rigger hey rigger Jim he’s a h riger charge they’re good haven’t you been monitoring these people are shuuk they
Honest and have integrity and they wouldn’t try to slip anything objectionable past me okay crackhead raise your Uzi and action what about that what the and You Jacky my cut cut cut cut what the hell is going on he’s back somebody give him a hat something wrong Mr stubs it’s
Something wrong you got a crackhead in a dumpster killing everybody in sight that is so 0’s project hey what’s the hold up look just give this homeless guy some money and let’s get on with it actually this is the janitor from the projects he’s been on our ass all day saying we
Aren’t showing the projects the way they really are well he does live here maybe we should listen to him I should why not you the expert not that well thank you Mr stubs wait wait I mean Mr Jam you can call me Jackie wait you Jackie call me third good well I’m sorry
Jackie I’m just uh really excited to meet you you know you’re my hero and all I go to all your movies I’m always the first one to yell out don’t go in there Jackie even though you’re not a brother I got your back well give me my back
Back that’s rich you’re rich and I’m poor now I’m sad tell me another joke to cheer me up is there something you wanted to say about the sea Mr stabs we need to get back to work hey don’t talk to my buddy tur like that I really want
To hear what he has to say really sure well Jackie why does it have to be a crackhead fire in a gun why can’t it be a more positive image for a black man I understand to good there’s a lot of racism directed at us Asians too that’s
Why we have to work harder to excel at school yeah that can’t be easy especially with that stupid ass Chicken Scratch y’all got to learn what oh you funny you remind me of uh that Jimmy Walker dite yeah you know I get in this friendship right now oh sorry gotcha
Dynomite that’s rich you all right so good let me ask you something see it doesn’t really look good for me to go around beating up positive role models you know I got to beat up a bad guy I’m supposed to be the hero well I understand you have to beat up somebody
I guess you can beat up the crackhead after all crack is bad crack is what come on now dance dance step on better better But instead of one crackhead there should be 10 come on work with me here this is a Jackie CH movie bust that window bust the light
Hello he’s a crackhead give the crackhead some crack I can’t wait to move I just want to shake it to the put some gold on those seat you call that a Blood sh It they called Chop Sticks you just pick up the food with the sticks and put it in your mou mouth it’s called a fork you just twirl it around and put it in your Mouth keep it real now Moving thank you all so much for coming now what you’re going to be seeing is what we call a rough cut of the final film but first I want to thank someone who really made the difference on this shoot our technical adviser who taught us what the projects are really like my
New best friend th good stubs on behalf of my good friend Jackie Chan and myself enjoy our film we hope you love it long [Applause] Time [Applause] Hey that’s me Yeah That doesn’t look like the projects I know they made it all look filthy filthy fil mles Fair good I hope it gets better than this yeah I hope so [Applause] too such crime such poverty it’s beautiful that crackhead Jack mon goone oh well just another day in the project way to go technical advisor thanks for selling us out yeah you really didn’t make it look like a hell hole the home that th good stubs
Forgot wait wait I can fix this uh would anybody like a hat they’re made in Korea by Jackie’s people huh huh well let me God Dam Walter I’m supposed to be The Keeper of the image the project is a bad enough place to live without people making it look like
A bad place to live well why don’t you talk to the Dior oh him he’s completely unreasonable he won’t even talk to me he won’t even let Jackie talk to me it’s like he just want to release his big movie and make lots of money and he
Don’t care whose Hammer told you step on uh ther let me ask you what would happen if say hypothetically speaking now hypothetically a police officer stopped by the production office and found that there permits wearing an order or perhaps he discovered some illegal drugs or maybe a body that’s been
Missing since Labor Day weekend well I guess you’d have to confiscate the film but I don’t think any of those things are going on there ah but suppose a corrupt police officer showed up Walter you do that for Me come on well what happened uh hypothetically speaking suppose a corrupt police officer went down to the production office and was offered a high paying job as a security guard they bribed you now hold on before you go throwing around an ugly word like bribery I got a few
Questions to ask you about a body that’s been missing since Labor Day I think we understand each Other and now get me a spin right over here get this right down to the studio and be careful it’s the only negative oh look here while I do that would you do me a favor and read this screenplay I wrote it’s kind of a hyper violent version of Lolita what the hell now third good you ain’t thinking about trying something funny like taking this film negative what do you mean the film isn’t there yet I sent it an hour ago well find it say goodbye to your flim there’s only one man capable of writing this Stop so good what are you doing throwing a little roast in your h No fire in the dirty stinking Hole say goodbye to your beloved Phil you’ll have to get past me and my two Widow makers Chan so good I thought we were friends remember Dynamite why are you trying to ruin my movie my job was to protect the image of this neighborhood and I screwed it up your movie is not the projects if you want to see the projects look over there and look over there that’s the
Projects and over there that’s the wait hold Jackie don’t look over there anyway you see what I’m saying Jackie I’ve lived in the projects all my life people in the projects don’t have a lot but the one thing they have is pride and when this movie comes out it’s going to hurt
The pride and Souls of a lot of good decent people who are going to kick my black ass I wasn’t trying to hurt you well I was a minute ago but you were coming at me with those Widow makers what was I supposed to do okay thank God you’ve got the film
Give it to me you know I think these people are right we should reshoot some of this movie forget it Jacky I’m the director and I say I’m not going to change frame one of this film well you know who I am I’m Jackie Chan and I’m very good still
My friendship with this janitor is worth more than your $50 million summer blockbuster now you have to deal with both of us I’m sorry you feel that way let me introduce my crew The Clapper the gapper and I believe you know Reger Jim so good let’s do some Kung Fu jacket
I don’t know karate but I’m no crazy see you at the movies he’s getting away when catch him like this what do we do who’s the black private dick who’s the sex machine all the chicks shaft you damn right all Right oh it’s too late to good he may have the film but I have the tape I guess that movie is what you you call a bomb hey could you show me how to do that in time thanks Jackie you know you’re a real hero just like in the
Movies no man you’re the real hero because you look out for your community you know what I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship I think so too th good hey if you ever get to Hong Kong look me up here’s my address oh thanks hey this a chicken scratch oh
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