How’s the garage sale going Quagmire pretty good just clearing some of my stuff out of the basement it’s amazing what you find when you clean your basement Peter are you almost done down there look what I found that’s wonderful Peter now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go do some
Skywriting hey look at all these videos Mr kagar selling wow the best of the world’s wildest police chases and it even has the one with the Flintstones amazingly this drunk driver turns left into oncoming traffic he narrowly misses hitting a pedestrian who jumps out of the way just in time now
The driver can add a tempted battery to the charges the driver turns right into the parking lot of a drive-in movie theater at this point the dinosaur in the back seat pokes his head up through the roof and the driver places two small children on top of it now he’s not only
Endangering his own life but their lives as well the driver total the car and makes a run for it but the pursuing officers are prepared running from the cops Yaba daa don’t hey Quagmire I think I might want to buy this ham radio off you sure Peter
That’ll be $50 50 bucks all right fine I’ll buy it man this is a bigger rip off and shrunk he dinks they already been shrunk happy Birthmas Peter you’ve been fiddling with that ham radio for seven weeks take a shower I can barely get any reception on this stupid thing so far the only station that comes in is some British guys reading news from places I’m not sure exist today in kazakistan a peaceful demonstration turned to
Bloodshed as members of the toili tribe flooded kenow Square in remembrance of the third anniversary of the holmesburg massacre but finally some good news out of neighboring kandui as locals there have reached an uneasy alliance with the bordering trola Bubsy wubsy Dal and now with sports he is frle trom wibbler from
The World of Sport the [ __ ] spinky wampers flumed the flowing boying weling clompers 70 fluff to 40 flab at the tone the time will be 26 railroad I’m not sure about any of that you know Dad I saw that movie White noise and they said you can use empty
Radio static to talk to dead people you idiot ghosts don’t exist wait a second they might hello ghosts come in ghosts hello hello who’s this this is Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan the guy that used to bang that 70 lb witch Ronald Reagan former president of the United States oh my
God hey quag guess who I’m talking to right now Yep Brian will you take me down to Baby Gap I want to dress like a small douche no maybe tomorrow or Tuesday but you said you do it today I’m kind of tired well for God’s sake cancel my Tuesday appointments sure thing Stewie you want
Me to move it to another day no no just cancel it okay we’ll do who the hell was that H there was another Stewie right there oh yeah well you know I’ve been so damn busy lately my schedule has been so packed I felt like I needed some kind of an erand boy
To do all my nitpicky pain in the ass stuff so I cloned myself you you cloned yourself will he a deaf what so he’s an exact copy of you well not exact I have to remain Superior so I bred out some of the intelligence made him sort of a
Simpleton you know I call him [ __ ] Stewie would you like to meet him would you like to meet [ __ ] Stewie uh yeah I guess [ __ ] Stewie come here and meet my friend Brian hey there Stewie oh what’s that you got a friend oh I’m always happy to meet one of your
Friends dear God how do you do please to meet you I’m [ __ ] stey he’s got quite a grip hey [ __ ] Ste it why are there no [ __ ] accountants because they always come up short oh another good ones Stewie I don’t know where you come up with him
Isn’t he wonderful and all I have to feed him is a crude peanut paste watch this it’s not much but it’s healthier than what people ate in the 50s steak and donut sandwich please you want cigarettes on that sandwich what do I look like a Mary yes I want
Cigarettes okay next up on the stage let’s have a big karaoke welcome for Peter and Ron okay this is one of our favorites hope it’s one of yours Don’t go breaking my head I couldn’t [Applause] oh honey if I get rest baby you’re not Don’t go breaking my head you take theight
Off oh honey when I knock on your door oh I give oh sorry I didn’t realize somebody was in here what the hell oh hello Brian oh there’s your friend Brian hey Brian I sure did enjoy talking to you the other day I’m just making sure Stewie is nice and clean for
His trip to the playground this afternoon we a little bit of a problem earlier because [ __ ] Stewie was stooling in the tub wasn’t he I did some poos I did some poos I didn’t mean to but we’ve rectified that now and everything’s fine this is really weird I
Mean it’s one thing to have him help you out with a busy schedule it’s another thing to let him wash your back well he does more than that Brian [ __ ] Stewie give me a bubble beard look at me I’m George Bernard Shaw that’s awful funny Stewie I don’t
Know who George Bernard Shaw is but you look like an old Stewie Stewie enjoy your weird bath I told him I did the poos even though you did the Poo Stewie did I do good Stewie that was very correct of you [ __ ] do it you’re a good helper
And what a lot of people don’t know is that I was Jane Wyman’s first you might say I broke her Jane Wyman Reagan is a delight he sure is and you know what else the ghost of Reagan is going to be the new fourth guy in our
Group I’m all for that what other stories you got Reagan well I remember the time I invited Ed Sullivan to the White House he sounded a little something like this Hey Ron tonight we got a really big show ah Reagan does impression that’s right and you know who
Else does Impressions Rich Little in fact you ought to go see his show at the Mohan Sun casino next Saturday at 3 p.m. and 5:00 p.m. wait a second yeah no what Peter that’s not Ronald Reagan that’s rich little you’re rich little he must
Be on his own ham radio ah well uh you know Ed the kids say you got to go viral to promote yourself these days so this is not Reagan no it’s Rich Little he’s an impressionist he’s been screwing with your head well this thing is worthless like my Palestinian alarm Clock hey Peter what’s up hey quag Maya uh listen I’m here to get my money back for that ham radio whoa whoa whoa whoa slow down there partner all sales are final yeah but you were Agamemnon with me during the sale what I just saw that
Word somewhere I wanted to use it look Peter why don’t you just go home before you get hurt well I’m clearly not the only one who was dis satisfied with his purchase whoever bought that baby from you obviously didn’t want it a baby I didn’t sell a baby look there’s a
Note Glenn this is your child next time wear a condom jerk oh my god well now hang on Quagmire there’s no guarantee it’s your baby gity oh I say that well the DNA test results are back this little girl is definitely your baby Quagmire what am I supposed to do I I
Don’t want a baby look somebody’s got to take this kid off my hands I I can’t be a father well Glenn you don’t have a choice this baby is your responsibility now I brought you a basket of things to get you started there’s baby clothes
Some toys and some books now if you have any questions we’re right across the street hey what’s going on not really sure what I’m supposed to do with you there’s some frozen steaks in the freezer bathrooms down the hall to the right uh if you ever come home and
There’s a tie on the door it means I’m frogging someone so give me at least a couple hours you Smoke Stewie what are you doing here I thought you were going to Bobby Stallings birthday party look I hate that kid and I hate children’s birthday parties I sent [ __ ] Stewie in my place what a great little party Janet you know I’ve never seen Stewie come out of his shell so
Much oh no it’s not on his tail it’s on his face I’ve ruined it oh no well that’s okay though somebody else will come along and get it right thanks for coming to my birthday party Stewie oh I wouldn’t have missed it for anything I’ve never been to a party before want
To watch me blow out the candles I would love to see that and gosh Bobby I’d love to play with some of your birthday toys but only after you’ve played with them and only if you say it’s okay you know Stewie I got to say that clone of yours
Has coming pretty handy I uh don’t suppose you’d consider making one of those for me would you maybe what would you be willing to do for me what do you want take your index finger and your thumb and lightly grip the base of your tail what
Lightly grip the base of your tail with your index finger and your thumb and then slide your fingers up the length of your tail to the tip why because that’s what I asked you to do it’s kind of weird is this some kind of sexual thing nobody said anything about sexual
There’s nothing sexual about it I’m just asking you to perform a simple task take your index finger and your thumb and lightly grip the base of your tail and run your fingers along the length of your tail you mean St broke it nobody used that word this is not a stroking
Motion this is a completely nonsexual thing I am asking you to do in a completely nonsexual way squeeze the base of the tail lightly with your thumb and index finger and then while continuing to squeeze run them up the length of your tail to the tip and I’ll
Make you a clone I only have to do it once I’ll tell you when to stop I don’t know why you’re sto nobody told you to stop give me a little smile your lips look a little dry why don’t you wet them a little bit my God you’re so weird all right
I’ll make you a clone Buddy oh she’s a beautiful little girl Glenn have you given her a name yet yeah I named her Anna Lee but I’m probably just going to call her annal for short that’s funny thank you anyway thanks for all the baby stuff hey what’s that big tarp over there oh that was Chris’s
Blankie from when he was a baby yeah he was a big kid almost split lowest in half coming out of her it’s true I never mentioned this because I don’t want him to feel bad but after he was born they had to rearrange most of my organs oh
Yeah he dragged half a Lois right out with him yeah the doctor said I’ll be lucky if I live past 50 but Chris is healthy and I thank God for That oh there you are Brian all right you ready to meet your clone am I ever I’ve got a to-do list three pages long for him okay now I want to qualify this by reminding you that as with my clone the intelligence level is reduced a bit
That’s good we don’t want him thinking too much yeah well I might have dialed yours back a little more than I ought to have what do you mean Brian meet [ __ ] Brian hi Brian you got some stuff you want me to do for you oh my God yeah
That’s kind of what I said too you know I I’ll be honest with you Brian here’s what happened I didn’t really want to do the work so [ __ ] Stewie sort of did it hey Stewie how’d the Clone turn out Brian I can’t go to the bathroom by
Myself will you please help me but I’m good at other stuff hello candy hi Glenn come on In So how long you been in Beauty School two months well tonight we’re doing Facials oh God hang on a second okay okay stop just stop crying stop crying analie oh no wonder you dropped your pacifier you have a baby yeah it’s a long story damn kids kept me up every night for two weeks now where were we giggity giggity
Glenn you fell asleep so I took off it’s probably for the best I’ve never had sex before and I probably wouldn’t have been much good at it that’s it that kid is out of here hey there’s another note Glenn this is your child next time wear a condom jerk oh
That’s the note from earlier I need a file cabinet So it’s just not working out me being a father and that’s why I’m wondering if you and Lois would be willing to adopt the baby uh oh boy Quagmire I don’t know that we can do that we we can barely take care of the tool we have now now
This is just a suggestion just throwing it out there have you considered abortion uh Peter I think it’s too late for that oh don’t let the Press put the scare in a Wade vogs has not been overturned yeah but you can’t really abort a live baby oh boy they have got
Got you Glenn Glenn give her back to God yeah Peter I’m going to go ahead and move the conversation forward is there any way you guys could take anal no Quagmire we got enough kids of our own plus old Brian over there right buddy I
Sharpened a pencil in my bum and now I need a Bandaid you’re doing the right thing Quagmire all right Quagmire just so you’re clear on the law once you give this child up to the adoption agency you can no longer B it hello sir do you wish to put this child up for adoption yeah it’s not
Working out I need to get her out of my hair well we can help you there is it a boy or a girl it’s a girl her name’s Anna Lee oh beautiful name let me take her from you well go on Quagmire give her the baby I I will I I just
Oh here she uh she’ll go to a good home right oh yes she’ll be somewhere safe right like you’re not going to put her with sand people right you mean like from Star Wars no no no no no Brian I didn’t know if you wanted a
God’s eye but I made you one uh okay thank you did you wash my car like I asked no but I hit it with a rock okay thanks Brian I think my jaw is falling off oh oh go Stewie what is happening to this thing oh yeah turns out the Clones
Aren’t too stable Brian I’ve been having some trouble with mine too hey Stewie everything sounds like Rushing Water and I can’t stand up so very good yeah I figure they’ve got less than a minute before they dissolved completely hey Brian knock knock who’s There well I hope that doesn’t happen to me he took my dry cleaning and I have no idea what he did with the ticket yeah this was not a fruitful Endeavor I’m not proud of this but I need to lick that up this will be great Quagmire a NY bar
Is the perfect way to celebrate your first night without a baby yeah Peter this is great I feel like myself again I’ll tell you my life was so dominated by that baby I’m glad she’s gone yeah you know sometimes you just got to make a decision and go with it like when I
Decided to try that radical penis enlargement Peter I don’t think Brian your objections are duly noted now hit the gas you know that would never work again in a million years don’t need it to Brian That stripper has a rash on her ass just like Anna Lee used to get all right yeah and that other stripper sitting on that guy’s lap just like Anna Lee used to do I guess and that stripper only has one tooth just like Anna Lee
Quman are you feeling okay I don’t know I think I might have made a terrible mistake I abandoned my daughter why did I give away my only daughter oh God you’ll be fine we shouldn’t let this ruin our night let’s just enjoy the strippers I guess I just hate the way
That one gets so into her work you boys have been very naughty I’m going to have to assign you extra homework darn it fractions are so hard what’d you get for number four she said don’t share Answers all right here it is 625 Maple that’s the family that adopted Anna Lee hey wait wait guys well it’s just me and my old Nemesis First Step Hey Joe what you doing you out for a walk I hate this block H there she is there’s Anna Lee hang on Anna Lee I’m
Coming it’s them look at her she looks so happy almost like she belongs there they look like a real family I can’t take her away from from this what’s happening he’s not going to go through with it it’s a nice family and the kid will be better off here oh
That’s sweet what’s the inside of the house look like Colonial Furniture is pretty good possibly imported area rug oh that’s nice a bit pricey but for the money you’re spending you know it’s not a bad way to go yeah for the money you ready to go Quagmire yeah you know I got
To tell you I think you did a good thing well I guess I just realized it’s not about me this family is what’s best for Anna Le this is her home now I got to let her go I’m proud of you Quagmire thanks man hey who knows maybe I’ll bump
Into her in 18 years what did You oh yes I slam it and you can suck it Joe that was our last ball and don’t worry Mr moose will help us out won’t you Mr moose fine knock knock pingpong [Applause] balls hey hey guys look at me I’m covered in balls just like just like Sharon Stone ah you beat me to it man I haven’t had this much fun since I was in that Broadway show I’m a Wolverine and my hatred keeps me warm a wolverine so you Russians best be
Warned shooting come he’s drinking deer BL peeing in the radiator look up there here comes a really angry Russian helicopter hey [Applause] It has been a Red Dawn hey Peter Lois called to remind you to pick up Meg at the roller rink no we’re just getting started oh Meg is my least favorite of all your children it’s all right we’ll just move the party to the skating rink who’s sober enough to
Drive uh okay who’s drunk but that special kind of drunk where you’re a better driver because you know you’re drunk you know the kind of drunk where you probably shouldn’t drive but you do anyway because I mean come on you got to get your car home right I mean I mean
What do they expect me to do take a bus is is that what they want for me to take a bus well screw that you take a bus I’m that kind of drunk Shotgun Dad where have you been I’ve been waiting for over an hour grab some what there bub daddy and his friends have been drinking and we’re going to keep on drinking until we each uncover repressed memories of sexual abuse by a trusted religious official oh that’s crazy talk oh my God Minister
Washington how could you man look at all these chicks oh wow wow if I were a woman I would press my bare boobs up against glass in public just for the sexual thrill the sexual thrill how do I stop use the rubber stoppers on the
Front hey baby how’d you like to share a pair of skates sure oh never mind boy you look a lot better from the back you jerk oh hey baby you want to go somewhere no no no no no wait wait Quagmire remember what’s on the other Side that was awesome oh my God that was completely by accident that was great fun I don’t even remember why we came but I had a ball I look forward to reminiscing about this tomorrow Dad wait you forgot me again you need a lift oop didn’t answer me quick enough
Remember those sweet warm New England Summers remember sipping lemonade underneath a Shady Tree remember when you hit that pedestrian with your car at the crosswalk and then just drove away peid Farm remembers but perid Farm ain’t just going to keep it to peid farm self
Free of charge maybe you go out and buy yourself some of these distinctive Milano cookies maybe this whole thing just disappears mag what happened F ass and his drunk friends left me at the roller ring you know this wouldn’t have happened if I had my own car M people
Have always found ways to get around without a car look at Iceman honey where’d you go when you went out last night uh just over to Tom’s house played some poker had some bruskies you know really then would you mind explaining that at least they know how to touch a
Man oh walk away you know Peta maybe me having her own car isn’t such a bad idea I guess so what I have been trying to get a sewing machine for months but she gets a freaking call just like that I hate this place look at all these Hummers what
Kind of jerk would drive one of those dude this car kicks ass and I can watch Madagascar while I’m driving what kind of music do you like lauia hippo hop woohoo yeah baby dude those animals are so funny they make me want to merge without
Looking yeah rums F hi there can I help you folks yeah uh my daughter’s looking for a car that goes with her personality yes are the new Bic cutting mobiles in yet this is a 1996 sedan excellent gas mileage airbags and amfm cassette I love
It Dad this is the car hang on a second mag what can you tell me about this one oh that’s just an old tank I use for those commercials where I declare war on high prices now about that sedan yeah yeah hang on there slick now I see your
Game we come in here wanting a practical car but then you dangle his tank in front of me and expect me to walk away now I may be an idiot but there is one thing I am not sir and that sir is an idiot now I demand you tell me more about this
Tank well if you’re looking for Quality then look no further that’s more like it tell me what are the Tank’s safety features what a goodlooking question 3 in of rein for steel protects your daughter from short-range missile attacks I see and does the sedan protect against missiles it does not ah you hear
That me yeah it does not protect against missiles see these These are the questions this is why I’m here Peter you can’t be serious this is a 30ton war machine still not sure did I mention the tank is a tank sold okay Lois you can open your eyes B
Balls I bought a tank are you out of your mind let me show you how a gun Works what the hell no no no no no no hey Peter can you blow that towel rack down here thank you Jeff Daniels and Bill pman star in Neil Simons the even couple I ordered a pizza I hope that’s okay sure I love pizza this half of the apartment is mine
But if you want to come over here that’s okay too this isn’t spaghetti it’s Linguini you’re right it is I always get those confused hey all of us are human I’m glad we’re friends yeah this is really working out there’s no conflict in this movie when are you going to get rid of
That stump I’ve been asking you for months to get rid of that stump I’ll do it all right just get off my back she’s gone we can finally be together but Tim I’m rooted to the ground we’ll find a way way we’ll find a Way oh my God it’s hot Brian did you turn off the air conditioner just open a window air conditioners are harmful to the ozone layer ah Brian please save your hippie BS for the winter months okay morning civilians General Griffin reporting for breakfast Dad it’s not
Fair my money paid for that tank and I haven’t even gotone to drive it yet jeez M you always got to ruin my good time just like basic cable we now return to show girls yeah on TBS ah all right Meg you got a feel for the controls now give it a little
Guess oh great it’s here that mirror I bought on eBay oh my God Joe my God what happened it just ran over me you bastard I don’t know where you got that thing but I’m impounding it look at you you look like a half empty toothpaste we now return to the Ghost
Whisperer I don’t understand why do all you ghosts come to me you’re you’re really you have a knack for we we just trust you I can’t believe you let Mr Swanson confiscate the closest thing I had to a car relax Meg it’s not the worst thing I’ve ever done you remember
That favor I did for that park ranger hey boo boo let’s see what we got in this picnic basket tell the other Bears what you just saw well I don’t care cuz you know what I’m going to do I’m going to get a job and
Buy a real car you know I read that they’re open in a Superstore USA across town maybe you could get a jop there no no no way you cannot work there Meg giant mega stores like Superstore USA are ruining this country they don’t pay their employees a decent wage or give
Them health benefits oh yeah all gay guys hate Superstar USA what hm Welcome to The SuperStore family Meg glad to have you thanks I’m really excited to get to work now let me just go over a few Basics you’ll earn minimum wage no overtime no health benefits and
Every day at 3 you’ll need to give sloth a Baby Ruth oh it’s nearly 3 now here you go you’re beautiful I would go out with you if I wasn’t already in a committed relationship Ship hey guys what’s going on oh Peter Superstore USA is taking all my business mine too in fact the only guy in town making any money is that guy who makes tumble weeds y’all laughed at me y’all laughed at me well who’s laughing now what do you think of this that makes
Is you attractive yeah well maybe now you guys are seeing what I’ve been trying to explain to you that megga store is a big evil corporation that means nothing but trouble for this town oh man this is the worst thing to happen to this town since that roving gang of Tom
Brokar looks like someone’s a little lost everyone I have some bad news Superstore USA has their own Brewery on site and can sell beer at a much cheaper price so management has decided to close down you mean I’m out of a job again I’m sorry Peter man this sucks worse than
Easter Sunday at Richard Gear’s house okay find the Easter egg I know where it is it’s in your butt no yeah I know the story it’s in your butt Mr Griffin if you just look on the ground for 5 seconds I’m sure you’d find it nope in
Your butt look I’m tired of this stupid rumor Mr Griffin Mr Griffin you know what just get the hell out of here f Weirdo so how was work today Meg Peta you lost your job because of the superstore you shouldn’t blame Meg and you can stop making that fart sound every time someone says Meg so how was your day exploiting the town’s resources Meg Meg [Applause] Meg me me me me me me me I’m not going to sit here and take this I’m the only one in this family who has a job yeah like she’d get paid for that what did he just say to you nothing there was well it’s like if you forget it it’s nothing
Meg hello I’m Tom Tucker and I’m Diane Simmons at the top of the news Cog is suffering its worst Heatwave in a century that’s right Diane we now go live to Ali Williams with the black you weather report how are you beting eating the heat Ali swiming home thanks Ali in
Other news Cog will be experiencing rolling blackouts to help meet Superstore USA’s extensive power demands oh in fact Channel 5 has just received this message from the electric company hey you guys we’re going to turn it on we’re going to bring the power it’s coming down the line strong
As it can be through the courtesy the electric compy the electric [Applause] compy contrary to those upbeat lyrics The Electric Company would like us to emphasize it will not be bringing you the power great rolling blackouts now Superstore USA is siphoning off all the City’s power and it cost me my job mine
Too Superstore USA has their own paper route a new paper boy done gone and broke my Sternum a this sucks that damn Superstar is ruining everything you know instead of sitting around complaining why don’t we go down there and protest that’s a great idea Brian all we need is some magic markers poster board some plywood actually Superstore USA has all that stuff we can just get it There there’s one of them now take that for stealing jobs from hardworking people dad what the hell are you doing we got a message for you we’re here we’re quear get used to it uh actually Peter get get Peter I don’t think it’s working people are still going into the store
Well fine then I guess I got to go in there and drag them out one by one all right who the hell is in charge oh oh what what is that I’m feeling that’s our industrialized air conditioner wow when I walk into Superstore USA I get the Sensation that
I’m standing on a Mountaintop with the wind blowing through my head my God look at this Wonderland of treasures what would a guy like me have to do to be part of this magical world you are trespassing on private property and I must ask you to leave what are you out
Of your mind leave this lot losers unless you want a licking and we’d love to deliver that licking right fellas yeah love it a lot I’d love to lick a lemon lollipop in Lily Hammer God I wish the power would come back on boy me I am so looking forward to this job Peter I can’t believe you’re working for Superstore USA how could you sell out like that because Brian they have an industrial size air conditioner look dad this isn’t going to be a cakle
Right I’m your supervisor M me I promise I’ll do better at this job than I did on the SATs come on do math Dad I need you to Dad what are you doing me me look me look I am so freaking good at coloring I know I’m not
Supposed to go outside the lines but I do anyway because I like being myself Dad dad Dad oh God it’s so hot Brian and spit on me oh that’s nice now tell me I’m scum how will that cool you off God it’s awful in here this is even worse than getting herpes from a toilet seat Joanie it’s me oh hey you know I had such a
Great time with you last night listen there’s something I have to tell you I just got back from the doctor I have herpes I think you should get yourself checked out oh my God will you stay what will you stay with me even knowing that I have
Herpes yes I will Joanie yeah I don’t have herpes I just needed to know that you’d Stay only what I want to I’ve had it the only place in town that’s got power is Superstore USA while the rest of us are left to bake in the heat there’s got to be something we can do to take that place down don’t worry Brian I think I’ve got an idea
Uhhuh oh yeah Meg you’re doing a great job in fact I’m promoting you to assistant manager really oh my God thank you so much now your first responsibility is to fire that employee boy I’m a little chilly I hope no one notices but that’s my Dad what’s more
Important to you your job or your family and don’t pick the obvious one oh hey guys I was just catching up on some plunging nipples dad um go on Meg what are you waiting for Dad I’m sorry I have to say this but you’re a fat ass who’s completely
Incapable of Performing the simplest tasks but you’re also my father and you’re the only one I’ll ever have so I’m not going to fire you Mr penisb BG I quit penisb BG yeah yeah get it all out of your system Meg that was a wonderful thing you just did for me I can’t
Believe this is coming out of my mouth but I love You So you got a tank big whoop want to fight about It I’m glad that Superstore USA is gone that place was nothing dad can you help me with my math Mr Shackleford says if I don’t learn it I won’t be able to function in the real world okay now what you got to do is go down the road past
The old Johnson place and you’re going to find two roads one parall and one perpendicular now keep going until you come to a highway that bisects it at a 45° angle solve for x math math my dear boy is nothing more than the lesbian sister of biology hello sir enough with the
Fourplay sailor what are you selling well I was going to try to sell you some handsome cream but I can see you already bought out the store go on so perhaps you’d be interested in something every homeowner cannot be without volcano Insurance go on according to my uncle
Who’s a real whiz with volcanoes a volcano is coming this way I too have an uncle come in how much is this volcano insurance I I don’t know uh let’s let’s say $200 $200 just more than I spend on all that handsome cream I don’t have that kind of money what
About that jar of money no way hey that’s low as his rainy day fun ah come on it never rains in Rhode Island well yeah but I’m pretty sure we’ve never had a volcano either well don’t you think we’re overdue for one toou sh salesman no the hell are you doing
Watching you sleep cutie pie why you sick sick little Moo Cow well you shall watch no more Stewie my glasses I can’t see a thing without my glasses why won’t you let me get laser surgery because I just don’t think it’s safe okay I just need to make
A quick incision here and we should be all done Mrs Wilson Luke use the force really cuz I was just going to make use the force Okay are you happy I’ve never been happy oh don’t worry honey we’ll get you a new pair tomorrow yes and in the meantime here’s a little vision test what is this a poopie or a tobleron we now return to girlfriends on Lifetime Barry was over last night and
He don’t tell me he left the toilet seat up oh I ran into Frank it’s funny he fought in Vietnam he’s an exorcist but there is one thing that terrifies him commitment oh mij you’re my third best friend in the whole world World third who are the first two Ben and
Jerry lifetime television for idiots Peter did you take the money from the family jar who me yes me couldn’t be then who yeah I did it I bought us volcano Insurance volcano Insurance that’s ridiculous oh that’s the same thing you said when you talk me out of getting that Cloud Insurance look at
Them up there just plotting picking their moment so Bill we attack tomorrow yes tomorrow I mean it this time I do too Peter that was our emergency money and your daughter just so happens to need a new pair of glasses Lois no one really needs glasses you are glasses that’s
Only to fool the man from the draft board I can’t believe you squandered that money I swear sometimes I feel like I’m married to a child what can I say about my beautiful bride except milk milk lemonade or around the corner fudges Made you better watch who you’re calling a child Lois because if I’m a child then you know what that makes you a pedophile and I’ll be damned if I’m going to stand here and be lectured by a pervert can you believe it Cleveland Lois thinks I’m bad with money she’s got
A point Peter you’re the white version of a black guy who’s not good with his moneyy Guys and Dolls drinks are on don’t me oh where’d you get that this loots thanks to my stock broker Ian Greenstein he made some smart Investments that really paid off that
Guy is to money what Miss and Margaret is to let me buy the drinks quag M my accountant Lura Rosen blat just got me a huge tax refund and tickets to bring in the noise bring in the funk the noise was good but I thought they phoned in a
Lot of the funk wait a second Rosen blat Greenstein she saying I need a Jewish guy to handle my money Peter not every Jewish person is good with money well yeah I guess not the [ __ ] ones but but why would you even say that the shark value she Cleveland is edgy and is
Offensive good day sir mother you know how I hate asking for money but mother Peter’s an excellent provider no mother I do not think I’d be better off married to a chimp I don’t care how well that chimp across the street is doing really well yeah okay I guess you can
Tell him I said hi but but don’t make me sound desperate I got to get a green Steen or a Rosen BL of my very own nothing else has worked so far so I’ll Wish Upon a Star wonderous dancing Speck of light I I need a you Lois makes me take the
Wp cuz our checkbook looks like crap since I can’t give her a slap I need a Jew where to find a bom or Ste or Stein to Teach Me How to Wine and do my Texes though by many their AB hord Hebrew people I’ve adored even though they killed my Lord I need all You hi my name is Max Weinstein my car just broke down may I use your phone now my trouble are all through I have you hey I prayed for you Max Weinstein and here you are okay listen uh thanks for letting me use the phone thanks for Space Balls yeah well if there’s
Anything I can ever do for you you can’t Leave What do you want Financial advice Financial advice how the hell did you know I’m an accountant hello Max Weinstein look I’ll do what I can but I don’t know why you think I can get your money back he Max Max Max let’s let’s not deny our heritages you’re Jewish
You’re good with money I’m Irish I drink and I ban homosexuals from Marching In My Parade now help me get my money back oh it’s you um I’m not in right now please leave a message beep man I hate these things uh yeah hi this is Peter
Griffin uh I’m sorry I missed you uh Peter play with this look sir I have reviewed this contract and it offers no coverage at all it just says volcano Insurance over and over again and down here in small print it says he’s signing it he’s signing it I can’t believe it so
So just refund this man’s money and we’ll be on our way I don’t have your money how about that money no way that’s Lois’s rainy day fund a damn it so you couldn’t date her cuz she was a Tickler a Tickler and you’re not a stickler for a Tickler not a stickler
For a Tickler not a Tickler stickler not a Tickler stickler tick TI where the hell is the remote hey honey guess what I got back the money from ‘s glasses really oh honey oh hello this is my special friend Max Weinstein he’s Jewish oh my how exotic thank you
See here’s your rainy day money and I balanced our checkbook too you balanced our checkbook yep isn’t that right Max H oh yeah sure he did it wow I’m going to go call my mother right now and tell her to tell that chimber across the street look how low I’ve sunk taking
Credit for something a smart Jewish person did oh that’s okay Peter no no no people have been doing that for too damn long it is the white devil that has propagated exacerbated instigated instigated line it instigated our hatred like a Buick God wa what was I thinking
When I agreed to this it this is so degrading it’s I this is worse than the time I was at the Friar’s club and soon’s retainer fell out of my pants Lois I appreciate the marshmallow and fish casserole but I’m sorry I I I can’t eat this oh because it’s not
Kosha yeah let’s go with that can sui and me be excused he’s going to help me with my M homework Chris he’s just a baby oh and you’re a regular Road scholar where was it you Gra graduated from again M the University of du I can
Help you with your homework son oh my God is there nothing you people can’t do I mean you know I in manual labor Peter what a ridiculous thing to say they built the pyramids you’ll have to excuse Peter he can be a little tactless sometimes yeah it’s like the time he
Soiled himself at that dinner party I was so sorry to hear that your father passed away yes it spread through his body so fast but he’s at peace now and the whole Uhoh well there’s only one thing that’ll top a great dinner like that operation may I play Mom thank you but I can’t stay it’s Friday night I’ve got to go to Temple Temple ah like Indiana Jones F you just pick it up already what they better not be expecting us to give money cuz cuz I already gave a church last Sunday and I’m pretty sure it all goes to the same guard Peter Max it was nice of you to invite us along your husband’s got a
Good heart Lois but his views on Judaism are a little misguided I’d consider it a mitz for to educate him a little no no no no I don’t think so it it’s not that I have ideological differences I’m I’m just not a hat person hey look I didn’t know the
Principal of make school was Jewish hey is’s Bill Knight a science guy and half of Lenny Kravitz Optimus Prime he’s Jewish jeez Max I don’t know about this I went to Catholic school I’m not sure this is allowed a what the hell oh dear sister Mary Joseph it appears Peter Griffin has end the synagogue Lock and Load Brides of Christ excellent Excellent hello oh we’re not Jewish but I hear you people have such lovely servfaces oh oh my God I I I didn’t mean you people I I didn’t mean oh my God either I know I know he’s your G too and on this day the Sabbath We Gather here to Uhoh well that was so nice A good sermon and such beautiful songs yeah it was just like that other Jewish musical we saw a Fiddler on the Roof sounds crazy no but here in our little village of anatea you might say each one of Us con con well there’s my cab it was nice meeting all of you a thanks for everything buddy wait Mr Weinstein I thought you were going to help me with my homework I’m sorry son I have to go but I’m I’m sure you’ll do just fine I
Don’t know Max the kid’s not exactly an honor rooll student watch hey he did it see Peter you took me in fed me dinner came to Temple me you’re a nice family I have faith that Chris will grow up to be a real MCH Lois I just figured out how to make
Sure Chris becomes a big success please tell me this doesn’t have anything to do with Tony Robbins oh no I learned my lesson could you sign this book please Tony Robin’s hungry oh Lois I’m going to make Chris Jewish what are you talking about he thinks of Chris is Jewish he’ll
Become smart Peter you can’t convert someone because you think it’ll help the grades now I don’t want to hear another word about this where are we going son it’s too late for me and Meg’s a girl but for you the sky the limit we’re going to take
You down to that synagogue and turn you Jewish okay Chris Duck Mr Griffin I still don’t understand why exactly does your son want to join the Jewish faith I don’t know he’s he’s by curious I appreciate your interest but Judaism takes a serious commitment Elliot here has spent years preparing for his bar mitzvah this Saturday a bar
Mitzvah perfect how much for one of those you can’t just buy a bar mitzvah it requires a lot of study can we skip that part I mean come on if Chris knew how to study he wouldn’t need to become Jewish in the first place right right
Right don’t worry dad I don’t need a bment but I’m okay just the way I ow ow ow and we got no time to lose there’s got to be some place in America Amica where you can take a solemn spiritual ceremony that begins a lifetime commitment and blow through it in about 20 Minutes all right Dad so how do I look at my new glasses how should I put this in an attic somewhere there’s a portrait of you getting prettier wow someone needs a nap after lunch it’s straight to bed Stewie this isn’t the first time my wit is gone unappreciated and in the comedy
Competition Stewie Griffin receives three and a half Stars Challenger Sinbad receives four stars we have a new Champion Sinbad Stewie uh any parting words um you know I I got beat pure and simple you you are a very funny man men be acting all like zombies at
The mall God ain’t that the truth where’s your father and Chris it’s not like them to be late for lunch I think they left a note Brian what do you know about this nothing I know when you lying to me Brian no no I swear mag takes Stewie
Upstairs what what do you what are you doing oh you don’t know that either last chance Brian they’re ah they’re in Vegas getting a quicky Bar Mitzvah what well hello is forgive me for pointing quick I need to borrow your car I’ve got a bar mitz for to stop no
Problem let me grab my keys here they Are oh Chris in a few minutes you’ll become a smart successful Jewish man I could make a forkin joke right now but this is a solemn occasion and besides there’ll be plenty of time for that on the ride back oh I got so many of them too I I
Know I know sh but later Who my H stop this travesty right now so Bar Mitzvah are travesties huh no my son getting bar mitford is a travesty he’s doing it for all the wrong reasons well look here Hershel we got us one of them self-hating Jews nothing I hate worse than a Jew who doesn’t appreciate her
Own Rich Heritage come on Mora let’s get [Applause] her I’m sorry Lois I just just wanted our son to be Jewish so he’d be smarter then maybe his wife wouldn’t be sorry she didn’t marry to Chimp next door oh Peter just because Steven makes more money than you doesn’t mean he’s any
Smarter and I think Chris will do just fine how do you know that because I have faith in him the way I have faith in you besides a person’s religion is no guarantee of success I see what you’re saying the Jewish are just like us no
Better no worse yeah and as they say zo iron M gck what I think what he’s trying to say is everything’s going to Be I say it’s 4:00 away with you Ste change it back now forget it Jolly Farm review is on it’s the latest indoctrinating pum for children with not enough to do hey shut Up wakey wakey children good morning mother Maggie the sun has risen on another day in Farm let’s see what life’s Rich pageant has in store for us she has the voice of an Angel not to mention a balcony you could do Shakespeare from Play Your Song Melody sheep to Aid the little one’s
Nourishment but play softly for pengrove pig wishes to read aloud his magic tone that holds every book ever written these were difficult times for the children of ipswitch when the lollipop famine cursed their Pleasant Village how can you stand watching this it’s drek and you know it
Oh don’t have the guts to respond huh no intelligent defense of this unmitigated crap commercial I’m going to get some gram crackers welcome back to kiss form Rhode Island Public Access is most popular show about kiss Lois hurry it’s back on calm down Peter you know I wouldn’t miss
A second of this okay let’s take a call you’re on kiss Forum kiss rules wo okay good call good call all right hey you’re on kiss Forum yeah um kiss sucks whoa oh oh ho trace the call Trace the call yeah um they suck big time man they bite ass
Wait a sec I recognize that voice is this Dennis the young lead singer from sticks come clean man yeah yeah it’s me it’s Dennis Dennis you jealous douche how about I crank a little Detroit Rock City and play Cale away and we can see how they stack up side by side huh you
Want that you high voice bastard we’ll be right back after this hey didn’t see you come in we’re just getting into shape for our upcoming tour we’re playing Five big shows in 5 days so if you rock and roll why why don’t you just sit in the corner huh go
On so if you’re a kiss fan and you live in the Northeast come out for all five shows of what we’re calling kiss stock oh hella Northeast it’s times like this I curse the fact that we live in French Polynesia no Peter we’re in the Northeast we are and kiss is coming to
The Northeast that that means um that means no no no no Lois don’t help me it means we can do something come on Peter you’re almost there we can go to K hey yo Lois what I’m packing for kiss St and I can’t find my favorite underwear you mean a pair with the rip in the right button Cheek from when you stepped on them pulling them up in that airplane bathroom from when you had the
Trots no no a pair with a hole in a left butt cheek from when I held it in for 2 hours cuz there was that extra long Palm Sunday Church sermon and I thought blowing gas would offend Jesus so I let it go in the vestibule after Mass and it
Sounded like Louis Armstrong oh bottom draw children Tell Mother Maggie what you want to be when you grow up a scientist a novelist a Cambridge D what’s my future coming from these squalled surroundings getting into a fight with some dude at the laundromat because he was hitting on my my baby’s
Mama I should be there not here London hey Dad can me and make stay up late every night when you’re a kiss dog you can do whatever you want son just don’t eat from the candy tree he’s right to caution you I feed on children you don’t mind watching Stewie
For a few days do you Brian nah ever since Jolly Farm review came on he’s been pretty distracted it’ll be a breeze well bye everyone I can’t believe my stupid parents are going to spend five 5 days falling stupid old kiss around it’s painful not half as painful as a tire
Iron upside your head what I’ll miss You hey Stewie what do you want for lunch dear stupid dog I’ve gone to live with the children on Jolly Farm goodbye forever Stewie P.S I I never got a chance to return that sweater Lois gave me for Christmas um I I left the receipt on top
Of my Bureau I’m probably over the 30-day return limit but um I’m sure if you make a fuss they’ll at least give you a store credit or or something um it’s actually not a horrible sweater it’s just I I I can’t imagine when I would ever wear it you know oh and I
Also left a button on the bureau um I’m I’m not sure what it goes to but uh I I I can never bring myself to throw a button away I know as soon as I do I’ll find the Garment it goes to and and then it’ll wait a minute actually could it
Have been from the sweater did that sweater have buttons H well I should wrap this up before I start to ramble again goodbye forever the PPS you know what it might be a little chilly in London I I’m actually going to take the sweater oh my God one of these planes must be going to London queue up children spit spot here the tickets miss these are all ours thank you spit spot Albert Hall meet and two veg Big Ben Dave Clark 5 spaming eggs a baby’s arm holding an apple pip pip [Applause] cheio Hot towel yes thank you well come on what the hell are you doing here I’m taking you off this plane think again Rover great I’m stuck on a transatlantic flight with a petulant runaway how could this get any worse you know what I hate about flying the peanuts first of all
You can’t get them open who are they trying to keep out of these things and what’s the deal with the razor blade slot in the bathroom are people actually shaving in there hi Andy Dick here excuse me I’ve got to get my bag up in the overhead bin here oh whoa no
No wow that’s Wacky yeah no that wasn’t so bad was it did you sleep at all yeah a little U I couldn’t sleep a wink my pillow smelled like farts but that’s all right because we’re in England uh-oh well I don’t get it where are England’s verdant Fields it’s Rosy rump maidens and bucktooth solicitors about
3,000 Mi that way we’re in the Middle East where are we going I don’t know I’m not exactly familiar with this particular Arabian Village stuff for sale bad cheaply made stuff for sale Americans you like movies I’ve got dude my car is not where I parked it but
Praise Allah we are not hurt camel for S this one owned by a little old man who only drove it to mque on Sundays just had its knees replaced great buy one and let’s get out of here what do you mean buy one all I’ve got is 50 bucks we’re
Going to have to distract them Follow My Lead You and I are so awfully different too awfully different to ever pal do you want to go first yeah I’ll go your favorite hero is the marad do you want to talk you get a stiffy from Felicia Rashad one time I
Have a style flare just look at my hip hair oh yeah that that’s quite a nice do there oh thanks for me to poop on what oh come on you look like Charlie Brown bite me Snoopy there’s not a whole lot that we”ve got to
Agree on cuz I love the strains of a classical score and I like that singer who looks like aore Ricky Martin love them you and I are so awfully different too awfully different to your heads as massive as a meteorite very funny you have a weenie
Like a Christmas tree light I bet money you’ll marry a honey who’s pretty and funny and her name will be Ted oh gay joke I just work with what you give me you might think we’re in sink but we stink as a do well cuz you get a kick out of Carnage and
Guts and you get a kick out of stroking your who you can’t say that on TV what ego never mind we’re too different to [Applause] Ever oh man we’re screwed we’re lost in the desert we have no food no water and our camel is dead from exhaustion and I had named him and given him a backstory Chucky had the biggest hump of all the camel in his village and he was picked
On for it but then there was a terrible drought and Chucky went to the Oasis at Great risk cuz he was like that and he drank and drank and stored enough water in his massive hump to slake The Thirst of the entire cut the model and crap
We’re in trouble here it’s already below freezing and it’s getting colder we’re going to die unless unless we do something drastic what we have to slice open our camel’s stomach and shelter ourselves in his entrails if it’s a a Chucky I won’t do it look we’re going to
Die if we don’t all right oh God it’s like Olen wells’s autopsy all right just hold your breath and go what are you doing wiping my feet I don’t want to track any sand inside once you get it in there you can’t get it out
Oh oh God I just threw up in his lung look I know it’s gross but when you’re you’re desperate and you’re staring death in the face you have no other choice but to oh there’s a comfort in really yeah good luck for us huh you know actually once you fun the organs
It’s kind of cozy ah isn’t this exciting hey anyone got a light thanks Peter look this DAV D the nudest well hey there Griffins Dave Dy what a pleasant surprise don’t tell me your kiss freaks too kiss army soldiers since 1977 how about you 76 I don’t
Think anyone knows more about kiss than I do um I’m sorry what was that Peter it’s not important let him answer Lois I said no one knows more about kiss than I do fellas please keep it civil I’m not sure I like the tone of your voice Dave
Well throw down if that’s what you want named Jean Simmons special effects Mentor Amazo the magician what high school did Paul Stanley go to New York High School of Music Paul and Jean’s band before kiss Wicked Lester what year did KISS appear in the gym neighbors Halloween special trick question it was
Paul Lind and it was 1975 now recite the magazine ad that brought Peter Chris to Paul and Jean’s attention Dr willing to do anything to make it Rolling Stone October 1972 Exemplar rck and [Applause] roll how in the hell are we going to get out of here are you going to finish your
Red paste no what about your sweet crusty thing no you can have it no more balloon for you I am sick of you tooling around the village in that thing honking at the girls blasting your 1980s American rock music that we got here last week but father go to your Palace
Are you thinking what I’m thinking oh yes just wait until they have to suffer through Jesus Jones P not that the balloon oh yes the balloon let’s take it wow I didn’t know it really looked like that neither did I such lovely printing Too oh Lois here comes the best part rock roll and have a wonderful time is that it oh no no it’s a and something something all day right oh man I’ve lost all faith in mankind music is dead to me now hey now’s our chance let’s do It boy is that Track 29 can you give me a shine I say where the hell are we Pop pop it’s a time to get up and put on your hat it’s a stupid head pop all right okay God pop the floor is not a hamper man good now it’s a time to go on the balcony under the rest of the people No all right all we got to do is find the American Embassy and they’ll help us get home home I have no intention of returning to that disgusting H with that intolerable woman that fat slob and that insufferable dog oh you’re right here aren’t you oh well I stand by it my
Future is with jolly Farm you really think that don’t you I knew it okay we’ve got three days until Peter and Lois get back from their kiss concerts let’s go to Jolly Farm yeah now you’re talking you make a the pop look like a fool God will make you pay Smite them
Is a cooking something Up I say Brian look three rows down what is that Tom Bosley what would Tom Bosley be doing on a train in Switzerland I’m I’m almost certain Tom did he look I don’t know well if I yell you have to watch Tom Bosley no it’s not him huh besides its beautiful historic
Architecture Munich was the home of many great writers such as Thomas man you’ll find more on Germany’s contribution to the Arts in the pamphlets we have provided yeah uh about your pamphlet uh I’m I’m not seeing anything about German history between 1939 and 1945 there’s just a big gap everyone was on vacation
On your left is Munich’s first city hall erected in 15 wait wait wait what are you talking about Germany invaded Poland in 19 39 we’ were invited punch for served chech for Poland well you can’t just ignore those years Thomas man fled to America because of Nazism strangle
Hold on Germany nope nope he left to manage a Dairy Queen a Dairy Queen that’s preposterous I will hear no more insinuations about the German people nothing bad happened uh is is that a beer hall oh yes Munich is renowned for its historic beer hold why is everybody glaring at us why Lois
I’ll tell you why your your FAA last night at the concert was so upsetting I had to call a university Professor to tell me what phrase I should use to describe it use FAA thanks Professor you’ve been living a lie all these years you represented yourself as a kiss fan
And why to make me look foolish no to make you happy I wanted to share in all aspects of your life Peter but I just was never that big a kiss fan yeah I should have guessed that when you were willing to press up is pet to Chris no
One wants to be pet to Chris Lois not even pet to Chris I guess I’m just not as cool as you thought I was I guess not oh I’m exhausted come on let’s get a coffee oh the smoke is so acurate a man can hardly breathe in here you should
Get some hash man you can’t go wrong oh not true ground meat can go very wrong for me very quickly and everyone in this room will suffer the consequences you are out there man in The Ether yes well I’d love to further pursue our Pala but
I’m not fluent in frea so I’m just going to turn back over here back towards my table say are you hungry you know I wasn’t when I came in but isn’t that so funny I’m getting there yeah same here I think the only reason we die is
The dude dude I know what you’re going to say and I am so completely wait wait wait wait wait wait wait sh the only reason we die is because we accept it as an inevitability do you think I’ll ever find the right woman oh God I yes man come on dude you’re
Great Peter are you ever going to forgive me Lois I am obligated to keep loving you so I will take my rage out on my own body let’s go to Denny’s oh man I don’t believe it kiss is here we don’t deserve to be under the
Same roof with them let’s go well all right I guess I could fix us something when we hi Lois do not address kiss unless they address you first oh my God hi am wit it is you uh which one do you want me to sign left or right no no no
It’s Lois Lois pmid I knew you before you changed your name Lois I don’t believe it it’s been ages hey guys this is the girl I told you about you know I knew her before we formed kiss loose Lois cool loose Lois a legend herself my grand slam was supposed to be with
Sausage I never realized you were Jean Simmons the rockar you look great Lois anyone nailing you now yes my husband Nails me this is him Peter you are Gods yeah thanks right hey we’re recording some tracks in Boston next month you should uh come on by we’d love that I I
Mean Jean your big rock star bye wow such a small world he was a nice boy and he’s still nice listen Lois uh what I said before I’ve never been more wrong in my life you are the coolest girl in the world my wife did kiss and J kyes what nothing there it
Is the BBC well this is it I’ll say goodbye to you now well have a good life Stewie oh I shall oh hey I meant to ask you did you ever find out what that button on my Bureau was from oh yeah Chris’s denim jacket ah I like that jacket it looks
Good on him okay then so we’ll keep in touch sure well I have your address see you oh there’s Happy Hill what the deuce pengrove pengrove Pig pengrove I’ve come to live on Jolly Farm oh my the magic to well it’s it’s cardboard and and there are no words there are
Just what is it you’ve drawn here oh that’s oswal owl slamming mother Maggie in one of them Chinese baskets dead br oh mother Maggie thank God something’s terribly wrong who stinky brat is this what well that’s not your voice your voice is lyrical like the
Gentle strum of a loot piss off you gry little wanker a fake it’s not real I thought it’d be best for you to find out on your own kid I feel like such a fool don’t even look at me hey come on you want to get some ice cream that’ make you feel
Better right you want to get some McDonald’s you want to take a dump in mother Maggie’s shoes okay let’s go take a dump in mother Maggie’s shoes Jolly Farm is on Stewie don’t you want to watch the Stewie who love Jolly Farm is dead Megan meet the Stewie who loves funky fruit Hats oh turnning up Mom and Dad are on hey we’re back here with more kiss Forum I’m here with the Griffins and they got something really exciting to share yeah my wife here did KISS get out of here and to God oh Peter how does that make
You feel I feel like I’ve done kiss too Danny and it feels good Lois you got any tips for the young girls in the audience tonight well I guess the best advice I can give is that you never know who’s going to grow up to be famous so just
Make yourself available cool cool well that’s our show for tonight let’s go oh this is so exciting you know this is the 10th Year my father has raced his yacht in the Newport rata man I hope he lets me on his team this year I haven’t been
Part of a team since I was with the four Peters [Applause] Come on Stewie let’s go yes yes I’m just checking the mail I say here’s one from the vet give me that good Lord worms you have worms worms I don’t have worms all right I just got checked for worms oh wait no I do have worms Oh god oh what
Am I going to do I can’t afford the medication for this well you could ask Lewis and the fat one no no no you you cannot tell them about this please Peter is not very discreet with private matters hey everybody Meg just had her first period Peter shut up it’s 3 in the
Morning what the hell’s going on out there damn it people are trying to sleep I’m just saying I’m proud of her she’s a woman yay yes Peter that’s very hot and I’ll deal with it in the morning but right now I am exhausted just please don’t tell them you know perhaps you
Should worry a little less about your pride and a little more about the creepy crawlies sha shanking their way out of your balloon knot come on kids off to Grandma and Grandpa’s house thank God I finally get some time away from the evil monkey in my closet [Applause] [Applause] easy Mrs BS Mr Carter La griefing Lois darling it’s wonderful to see you hi Mom hi Daddy Grandpa hello everyone how you Mr punish Peter I see you’re still fatter than holy hell ah you can read me like a book so which of the Latin countries are
You from the one with the Civil War the one with the cocaine or the one with the fancy hats isn’t this fun Peter you and I get to stay in my old high school room wow this looks just like my room at home yeah except for all the trophies and
Pictures of friends H that’s the second most impressive trophy I’ve ever seen and the Grammy of her album of the year goes to Justin Timberlake H it actually goes to Nelly Nelly wow Mom were you a miss teen Roe Island I sure was me when I was 16
Years old in fact your mom was offered a modeling contract really why didn’t you take it well I wanted to but your grandfather wouldn’t let me but Daddy they offered me a contract my girl is not lowering herself to modeling that sort of UNC activity is below this family now go away I’m
Busy fnsw the usual Sir feeding the worms are you Stewie shut up all right yes I imagine those little fellows are enjoying quite a feast you know what’s interesting I’ve only been alive for 6 weeks I know nothing of the world Beyond this dog’s stomach and I still find 6 ft under
Pretentious so uh Mr pishi the uh big races tomorrow huh bet you’re going to need some big strapping men to help you with your boat are you calling me gay no no I just I just thought you might want some extra Seamon on your uh on on your poop
Deck cash scam is your way to make real money you could become rich beyond your Wildest Dreams by selling These Fine products over the phone Rich beond my wildest dreams I say I Could Be A Millionaire Playboy okay girls are you all ready to play all right then 1 2 3
Green light red light green light red light oh Brandy you’re out sorry you have to sleep with Rob Schneider tonight making cies I’ll remember that I was born in 1987 ladies and gentlemen welcome to the 20th annual Newport Riata Newport would like to extend a special welcome to all
Those here today who have children stationed overseas in Iraq I’m just kidding there they are team pmid say where’s your husband or as I call him my son-in Lord snap snap oh I’m sure he’ll be a long Daddy hi Mr pmid Peter what the hell are
You doing in my bathtub oh this is not a bathtub this is DS says pter Schmid kicker this is ridiculous I won’t have a member of my family racing in a bathtub well Daddy you didn’t want Peter in your boat so team Griffin is going to give
You a run for your money and now to fire the starting gun is recently paroled presidential assassin John hinley you fired that gun real nice John wow Jody Foster hey thanks maybe I was wrong about you maybe I was wrong about all men we’re not going fast enough loser what did he
Say hello I said you’re a loser who is this there the Finish Line we can’t let him beat us now we got to lose some extra weight quick everyone take off your Clothes it’s working just need a little more we love you honey Lois what the hell were you doing out there not listening to you for once Daddy and look what happened I had a lot of fun I should have stopped listening to you a long time ago let’s go home
Peter right behind you Hey where’s Meg what is it sir that’s what we call a manity boys or antical slang the sea Cow damn these worms oh this itch Brian what the hell are you doing oh uh uh nothing just uh some uh Pilates don’t lie to me Brian I know what this is you’re looking for an ass race first one to the kitchen wins go still got the worms eh yeah that
Stupid medicine’s 300 bucks H well let me make you a proposal I’ll front you the money and you pay it off by working for me cash scam are you kidding I don’t want anything to do with that pyramid scheme oh very well then enjoy your
Worms wait wait what would I have to do just be in my room tomorrow at 9:00 a.m. for orientation until then keep this in mind whether you think you can or you think you can’t you’re right see you tomorrow hey everybody wait till you see this oh my God movable printed type we
Must keep this from the Surfs lest they gain literacy and threaten the landed gentry what you got there my Lord nothing back to your turnips look it’s a picture of us at the Rana wow Mom you look pretty thank you Chris I thought so too and you know what
I’m going to take that chance my father never let me take when I was younger I’m going to become a model hey that’s fantastic Lois and I’ll pleasure myself to your photos me too me too ah oh God Meg that’s sick that’s your mother I’m
Just trying to fit in get out get out of this house I said now that’s good about your modeling Lois here are your pictures Lois they sure are terrific thank you Mt I’m trying to get into modeling that’s great oh oh hey get out of here hey go on get out I
Didn’t hurt anybody scat mister I no need down I’m your friend that greased up deaf guy is going to be the dead to me like business isn’t bad enough already well gosh M you ever think about sending out a mailer cuz I know where
You could get a good deal on a model I’m touching on the candy get out get [Applause] out what the hell is all this ah Brian you’re here good okay uh let me give you the rundown uh this is your work area please keep personal knick-knacks tasteful you get 25 minutes for lunch and um uh enjoy it here welcome aboard yes uh it’s Brian oh yes the new
Fellow come on in uh what what uh exactly am I supposed to do you pick up the phone and you sell sell sell but before you go thinking it’s all seriousness the first Friday of every month is wacky tacky tie day so you know start piing up some fun tacky ties to
Wear oh we’re uh we’re done here you go guys Lois could I be a son of a [ __ ] and impose on you to sign one of your flyers for me of course Cleveland oh man I can’t believe I’m sleeping with a model I’m luckier than the state of Rhode Island well I can’t
Decide what to call this place we’ll flip a coin all right heads Rhode Island Tails Kaka poo peipi Shire pardon me are you low as Griffin the Goldman’s Pharmacy girl yes I suppose I am Karen PIRA modeling agent listen sugar I’ve seen your stuff you’re a breath of fresh air in my
Stom I could get you a lot more work if you sign with my agency really oh my God how exciting well here’s my card give me a call now perhaps some young gentleman would like to light me up allow me so uh what’s uh what’s going on you
Ever get freaky with that thing or what um Brian could you come in here for one second yeah what is oh hang on hang on one second yes uh Grover what is it this has to be quick I am so pressed yes the letter G is wonderful of course and the
Number six okay okay gr Gro Grover Grover Grover Grover Grover you you know if if you’re going to shout we can just talk later okay all right you know what call me back when you calm down uh you wanted something oh yes can you go ahead and send Lois a congratulatory basket
Thank you oh and if Cookie Monster calls tell him I am not talking to him until he gets out of rehab Contraband check what are these I don’t know what do you mean you don’t know I I I I don’t know how they got there well I think you
Do know no no it d uh Derek was in here earlier he was uh making the beds he probably put them uh I was in the John you guys are Nazis man you’re freaking [Applause] Nazis sh sh well here we are Lois your first professional photo shoot oh Karen this
Is so exciting knock him dead honey hey hey Peter Griffin how’s it going I’m uh I’m hitting That hi is uh Mr Donald called Guan there please and is he the head of the household if if I could just have a few moments of your time hello oh Brian there you are uh can I talk to you about something uh yeah what is it that coffee
Mug you have on your desk that says life of beach um that’s dangerously close to the word [ __ ] isn’t it uh yeah that’s the joke oh absolutely and and nobody appreciates a joke like Stewie and uh you know between you and me I think it’s a stitch but some of the other employees
Have found it offensive other employees who else works here besides me you that’s who works here dinner is almost ready kids wow Lois look at you you’re like Britney Spears except you’re not a fat guy I get it Dad how could you be okay with Mom parading herself around like this I mean
She’s half naked it makes all women look bad Meg who let you back in the house oh Karen come on in Lois I got your new head shot and I set up a shoot for you over at glamour next Monday but sugar you’re going to need these to stay on
Top diet pills Karen I’m not going to take these I don’t need to Lois sooner or later every model needs a little boost huh I just want to make sure you got everything you need hey you like Pez sure hey who’s putting together a puzzle cuz I just found a hot
Piece wow Lois you look great I’d like to split you in half like a piece of lumber oh thank you Glenn yeah Lois I’d like to wear you like a hockey mask oh you guys okay easy fellas Lois I’d like to make a caramel colored baby with you
Take it easy Cleveland take your jacket off jacket up Jack it up Jack it up Jack it up Jack all right all right that’s it that’s enough what are you doing Lois if you being a model means you’re going to be eye candy for the whole town and I
Ain’t going for it excuse me who do you think you are my father Lois I think Meg was right lowering yourself and women and something and all that noise you can’t stop me from modeling Peter this is important to me I am going to the top and there’s nothing you or anyone else
Can do about it who the hell does he think he Is come on come on go away we now return to Mm hey there sweetie I got a wax this morning and let’s just say you’re cleared for landing huh giggity Lois what the hell’s up with you lately you’re acting all weird and you’re staying out all night I was just out with some of the girls and you’re not
Going to believe this I got invited to a Vogue magazine party that guest list is more exclusive than the Garden of Eden so basically you can eat from any tree you want except this one can we sit underneath it you know I would just not go near it at All Brian thanks for showing up so promptly for your quarterly evaluation now then I’m going to do something I call the compliment sandwich where I say something good then talk about where you need Improvement and then end with something good whatever you got to do okay um uh let’s see something good
Something good something good you look like Snoopy and it makes me smile where you need Improvement you have smelly dog farts something good something good oh you really dazzled that rep from the Cincinnati office last week that is Sensational you really made me feel confident about those numbers listen if
You’re ever looking for a change of scenery we could sure use a fellow like you in Cincinnati that was you in Disguise no it wasn’t yes it was no it wasn’t fine it wasn’t H it was Mr pishman I need your help Lois is out of control I mean she’s acting
Crazier than I did that time I tried ecstasy oh Brian you’re fur is so soft oh your ears your ears are like doggies oh this couch stey your head is so smooth H how is that even how you doing that how you doing that oh everything here is fantastic a these
Clothes I’m really worried about it Mr pmid and I just figured I’d come to you since you were always good at reeling her in well Lois was always a wild stallion but don’t worry I know how to control her and I’ll help you but first you have to do something for me
Eat this pine cone well uh eat it it will amuse me how is it how does it taste it’s awful finish it eat it I hate it eat it eat it swallow it it hurts this is for Lois go On good all right we good to go Yep all right how’s my man tan here we go all set good A little B glitter for you yeah yeah that’s hot that’s hot all right let’s do this check out these ribs Lois oh yeah that’s nothing go ahead try them Out hey not Bad do you see Jimmy Smith’s in there yeah yeah that was cool so uh what do you want to see me about you know Brian there was a note in the suggestion box that says Stewie should eat a steaming bag of well I’m not going to say the last word but I
Think you know what it is look Brian a corporation is a lot like a centipede it only works if all the legs are moving toward the same end and you know what you are Brian you’re a busted leg what are you firing me and don’t think about
Coming back and shooting up the place because security has your picture what the hell are you guys doing Lois you’re not leaving this room until you agree to stop this modeling thing once and for all this isn’t going to work you guys why can’t you understand
I’m doing what I want oh geez Carter what are we doing I mean if Lois wants to be a model we we don’t got any right to Star her you you really mean that Peter of course I do I just want you to be happy this is ridiculous no daughter
Of mine is going to be happy excuse me Carter I think I owe you this that’s for giving me a book last Christmas you’re rich you jerk well Lois I guess you should go ahead and get back to your party what’s wrong aren’t you going to
Go do your little turn on the catwalk Lois on the catwalk yeah on the catwalk do your little turn on the catwalk well now that you say you’re fine with it to be honest I’m not really sure I want to do it anymore I think all I really
Wanted was the freedom to know I could and now I have it because I have you you sure do Lois what are we going to do with him hey you want to make him really mad Lois let’s have sex on his back like we used To Mrs lipstein I have bad news the tumor is malignant I’m afraid you only have 6 months to live oh my God got milk Hey listen up everybody your grandpa Griffin is finally retiring Grandpa Griffin is see that guy that smells like firewood and has those big
Gray [ __ ] willows in his ears Chris that’s a terrible word [ __ ] willows my dad worked at that Mill for 60 years that’s almost 80 years tomorrow night they’re throwing a big dinner and we’re all going to be there to honor him why we barely know him yeah how come he
Never visits us well kids your grandfather has never been comfortable with the fact that I’m not Catholic hey hey hey Dad loves all of us he’s just too busy working to show it it’s been that way ever since I was a kid and now the winners of the fatherson
Three-legged race first place Bobby Hamill and his dad second place Jimmy Lawson and his dad third place Peter Griffin and a stock of corn well now that he’s retiring me and him can finally spend some time together I want us to have one of those father
Son moments like on TV you know where we hug and the music goes la la la thanks boys just like that hey can you guys do that fluttery thing like when the Brady kids run down the [Applause] stairs I don’t want to tattle but is Bobby really a doctor mom I can’t eat I’m too grossed out by Grandpa’s ears I know they’re like a big gray Enchanted Forest kids your grandfather’s ears are not gross and they are certainly not an enchanted forest Ming Truman fit e and
Gster but seriously tonight we here at PA Tucket Mills celebrate the career of our oldest and most dedicated employee Francis Griffin Francis at Mass this morning it occurred to me that I may never see any of your faces again I just want to say that Jes loves
You but in my eyes you’re a bunch of Sinners and Slackers who are forced to hard work in all man to retire so you can take this shiny watch and shove it I adore this man and that was some speech Dad yes it’s a shame grandma wasn’t there to
Hear it bless her heart she’s on another one of her prayer missions in Las Vegas get me you five cards dud God Dam a she’s a rose it’s a pity you couldn’t find yourself a nice Irish Catholic girl Peter oh Francis this must be embarrassing for you I’m in the car
Dad now that you’re retired you’re coming to stay with us no more excuses I’m putting my foot down hey Brian buckle up hey what do you say Dad I don’t want to be a bother it there no bother is it Lois of course not it’ll be
Fun you’re a good woman Lois perhaps you won’t burn in hell after all maybe you just go to Purgatory with all the unbaptized babies hey there you go Lois you love kids look at that Lois dad’s reading Stewie to sleep just like he never did for me so God cast the pagans and
Sinners into the fiery bowels of hell where their flesh burned and agony forever and ever the end ah children love a good bedtime story from the boble it’s Charming like when God told Abraham to kill Isaac Hey that was a lovely service Francis super in only 3 more hours till school I didn’t even know there was a 5 a.m. Mass I didn’t even know there was a 500 a.m. what else haven’t you told me you know I I rather like this god fellow he’s very
Theatrical you know you know a pestilence here and a plague there omnipotence got to get me some of that uh yes we we all enjoy the Bible in this house really what’s your favorite book of the Bible uh yeah one where Jesus swallows the puzzle piece and the man in
A big yellow hat has to take him to the hospital open the store open it I say sorry Grandpa uh you might want to give that a minute or two I know what you’re doing in there and there a sin if you ever do it again you’ll burn in hell but
I do it every day sometimes twice mark my words lad you may think you’re alone in there but God’s watching don’t do it again God’s Watching Me Do number two oh man I’m a sinner and God’s a pervert Megan how was school uh good Kevin walked me home Kevin he lives next
Door he lives next door to a harlot Grandpa we were just holding hands well it’ll be easy for him to take your hand when God strikes your sinful heart with Leprosy he can take it right home with him Lord it’s great to see you kids Francis we were watching that well I’ll tell you how it ends Laura Burns the roast and God kills her for parading her bum around in those pants not a bad way to kick off your retirement huh Dad yeah the magic of baseball has brought Fathers and Sons together for millions of
Years sto’s having fun why did that man drop his club before he runs around I would bring it with me hey who wants a Fenway Frank HH nothing says please talk to me daddy like a Fenway Frank is there a bathroom here I don’t think I can wait
Anymore in a public restroom lad but I got to your soul show some restraint hey hey hot dog guy I’ll get him oh no no Dad they bring him to you well I don’t need my food brought to me I’m not a broken down old mule I can
Still work I can still take orders oh hey hey look hey Dad hey Dad look hey Dad Dad you got it look look look a crap that was money well spent he just left without saying anything where would he go I don’t know I just asked him to buy
Me some peanuts and Cracker Jacks I don’t care if he ever gets back I wasn’t being cute I really hope he’s dead well Tom the city of Boston is examining its conscience tonight in preparation for a visit from the pope that’s right Diane and I’ll tell you
What else will be examined this [ __ ] yes the RH Island [ __ ] Society will be sponsoring free checkups for this year’s [ __ ] Awareness Week don’t know why they went with such a suggestive name they could have just as easily gone with rooster Diane I’m telling you something must have happened to him he’s probably
Hurt or or lost or shanghaied by pirates that Renegade pirate ship captain by the ruthless pegle Swan tun heer calm down it’s his first night of retirement he’s probably out enjoying himself he’s in jail Dam my God are you okay God p usn’t a large name in vain he’s okay thank God
Seems he broke into the Old Mill after hours we found him working at a kick press dad you left the ball game with me to go work in a mill yes I want to work I want my job back but Dad you’re retired I’d rather be dead dead I’ll tell you what’s dead
Vaudeville you know what killed it the talkie pictures but you can still make it kid you just got to have a gimmick I for one I’m a tumbler here watch my round off oh hey kiddo be a sport take the pills out of my pocket and put one under my
Tongue I don’t get it Lois baseball’s always been the secret to male bonding it even worked for Rosie o’ Donnell and his father in A League of Their Own Peter I hate to say this but it doesn’t seem like your dad is interested in bonding with you all he cares is about
His work wait a second work that’s what’ll bring us together we can start our own fatherson business hey what you doing with all them BS of you Heen dummy HP why you got to be like that we cut them in half stick a Virgin Mary in them and sell them a
Shrine That’s my boy at least that’s what your mom almost told me now give me a hug before I give you a knuckle sandwich or you could just get your father a job with you at the toy factory even better idea well wish you’re a
Genius and now give me a hug before I give you a knuckle sandwich I can’t hug you Peter cut it out not Peter I’m serious Peter and this is the nerve center of the whole Factory my station I assemble our new action figure Zeke The Moody
Drifter you mean to tell me you stand here all day playing with dolls well Dad it’s not easy see see I got a Twist on his head and stick a tiny pack of smokes in his torn denim jacket any of you kids want to see a dead
Body oh wait here Dad hey uh Mr Weed Peter um listen I was wondering if you might have a job for my dad your father he must be a man of at least 70 oh yeah but he’s in great shape HH well well except his prostate tell 2: a.m. last
Night I thought a horse was using the bathroom Peter I’ll finished what’s next oh Dad you did my whole day’s work in 5 minutes we should sell you to the circus is she a freak I’ve never seen such productivity how is this possible I’ll tell you how it’s possible because this
Man always put his job before everything else his wife his health even his own son especially his own son I need hear no more everyone this is your new shop foreman welcome [ __ ] sir Le us you see Dad after all these years you and me together shy by sh Father and Son Peter
This is surely a miracle I’m so grateful hold that thought hey boys you’re on go ahead Dad thank you Jesus I have a purpose in life again hey break up the sewing Circle and get back to work my my what a thumping good read lions eating Christians people nailing
Each other to two bfalls I say you won’t find that in Winnie the Poo please don’t say Poo Peter are you all right where’s your father still at the factory he’s turning the break room into a chapel a chapel why were you all eat lunch Lois lunch is a sin taking a break is a sin beastiality is a sin I’m not sure how
That came up exactly but me me and Dad have never been close yet having him at the factory is the best I got it I got I got hey pety your dad stinks I’m working triple ship and I’m still not employee of a week how am I supposed to compete
With that hey where is she anyway well this will be for my fourth bird looks like someone’s in the zone a tough break there Jesus yep or was it boah back to work all of you what’s going on here uh dad uh some of the guys
Think that well since you took over work is no fun work’s not supposed to be fun well why not why not why not that’s Satan talking you’re a failure as a worker and as a father now wait a minute I may not be perfect but at least I love
My kids enough not to spend every minute of the day working I’m a damn good father and that’s more than anyone can say about you Peter you’ve never spoken to me like that before yeah fired well in that case I’m suing you for sexual harassment I’ll see you at
Home what do you think you’re doing lad nothing you something’s wrong with your shower the water is not cold enough I like me showers colding and a world diggers klin I think it’s time someone sits his C fluffing down and has a talk with his unemployed son if Peter needs
To talk he best go to confession and beg forgiveness for all his failings have a glorious day Peta how can you just sit there and let him talk like that he’s right Lois I am no good even my own dad doesn’t love me face it I’m going to Hell wow Adolf Hitler Al Capone John wils Booth hey what are you doing here I killed a hooker she made a crack about me being faster than a speeding bullet so I ripped her in half like a phone Buck yes the fat man’s going to hell and
From the looks of his midsection he’ll burn like a tire Dum for all eternity oh I love God he’s so deliciously evil Stewie eat your oatmeal honey you’re a wonderful husband a loving father and for some reason I’ll never understand a very devoted son that’s a nice thought
Lois but sadly it means nothing coming from you well the moment has arrived at last we now go live to Logan International Airport where the Pop’s playing has just touched down hello Boston are you ready to humble yourself before god what have you all taken a b of silence come
On then put your hands together for the one the only is Hol the [Applause] PO hey I just got a crazy idea why why why hey I just got another crazy idea mhm uhhuh mhm huh hey do you ever notic this on page 375 it says jbus it’s supposed to be Jesus right room service we didn’t order no room service well uh uh actually I I just
Want to check the Honor Bar cuz uh the last Pope we had here filled his shaving kit with Necco Wafers all right wise guy who are you look I’m I’m just a faithful Catholic man with a family crisis that only his Holiness can resolve I’ve never
Asked a church for anything but I don’t know where else to turn dust Him my heaven son are you okay yeah I just got bounced by the Pope’s road crew good thing you missed me I’m set to drive the popmobile and any slight bump on the head knocks me unconscious for a few hours I always wake up feeling fine
But it’s just so darn inconvenient to be knocked out that easily even by the slightest tap like [Applause] [Applause] this taking it off here boss take it off there Luke wiping it off here boss wipe it off there drag line wave it at the pop here Boss Wave the poop there Luke are you sure this is a Boston yeah it’s Boston see look there’s Harvard
That’s just a barn oo someone went to yell Lois put the coffee on careful I just cleaned the floor good thing ehh Leon your Holiness this is such a Nana uh please go into the living room and make yourself at home Peter what is the pope doing here relax honey I just
Hijacked his bubble car so we can convince my dad I’m a good guy you kidnapped the pope Peter this is the most Reckless thing you’ve ever done oh come on Lois what about the time I was on that airplane Peter you’ve raised the fine family yeah
Well my dad thinks I’m a screw-up matter of fact I was hoping you could change his mind he he’d have to believe you you’re God’s go-to Kai well your father is entitled to his opinion but more important is what you think look deep in your heart my son do you think you’re a
Screw up well no I’m not you know what I’m a damn good father and I have great kids well that’s not what grandpa says well grandpa is wrong Magie it’s not a sin for a girl your age to like boys thanks Daddy and Chris what you do
In the bathroom is between you and God and if you’re sorry he’ll forgive you thanks Dad good for you Peter but isn’t there someone else you should speak to yes there is scarecrow you’ve had brains all along same goes for your hon man and Christy McNiel come back to television
We miss you Peter I meant you should talk to your father you’re right you with me Big Guy Peter I go where I am needed to the Popmobile hey guys remember when we brought in that stripper for LA’s birthday and it turned out to be his son well I think this is going to to it wow it’s the PO slothful Sinners you here to work not stand around with your holy mother it’s the Holy Father I
Am not worthy rise my son you are indeed worthy for you have raised the fine son his just for life is an affirmation of God’s great love within us all wow and that’s from the freaking Pope so I guess you were wrong about me huh dad I was
Wrong all right stand by boys I was wrong about you you’ve got soft on me Holy Father even a tambourine shaking Baptist could tell this boy’s no good are you calling me a liar oh easy P if because IEX communicate your sorry back okay time out I’ve never met such an
Infuriating man you must have the patience of a saint well he’s my dad I just want him to love me Peter how could you say such a thing I love you with all me heart you do of course I just don’t like you I don’t like anything about you
I don’t keep playing you guys I think this is as good as it’s going to get Dad to be honest I don’t like you either jeez that’s a terrible thing to say I guess I am going to hell huh Peter the good Lord said to honor thy father he
Never said anything about liking him well in that case Dad I’m going to eat meat on Fridays golf on Sundays laugh at Jewish comedians and yes sleep with my Protestant wife but I won’t enjoy it and she hates it well fine I’ll be on me way
Take back your job give your old man a hug I love you Dad I know you do son what are you going to do now I don’t know yes the good Lord doesn’t have much use for an old man like me well I suppose I could use another
Pair of hands on my tour you you give Dad a job even though what a jerk he is I have to as you said Peter I’m the freaking Pope all right get back not flash photography or you’ll go straight to hell you you’re in God’s house you Heen take that tap
Off before I take it off for you well I think your father found the perfect job let’s hope so I love being a good father but I don’t want to have to be a good son again for a long long time Peter open the door and break out
The snaps guess who needs a place to sleep it off for the weekend mom oh my God no everyone into the Pod I’m I’m in a rut nothing Thrills me anymore I mean I I I can’t even think of a reason to get off the bed in the morning really you want to know how pathetic my life is i’ I’ve seen that behind the music with Leif Garrett 18
Times hey uh Hey Leif it’s been a while too long man I’m so sorry about everything man I’m so ready for a bombshell you saved my life that night but but but I was driving I I was on a road to destruction man the accident may
Have crippled me but I’m alive aren’t I can we turn off the cameras dude it’s it’s like I’m I don’t know trapped in my own life well Brian you may be too inwardly focused try thinking about the needs of others for a change why don’t you do some volunteer work oh that makes
Sense volunteer work thanks Bruce you still have 13 more minutes oh do I hm I uh I I noticed you got a new reception nice little body on her huh that’s my daughter well we could probably call this an early day Huh attention everyone due to several complaints and the two deaths related to worker fatigue I have decided to throw a company picnic this Saturday hey Derek how how how you getting at a picnic I don’t know I don’t have a ride hey John you got a two sheeter don’t you hey
Derek may maybe maybe you go with John huh huh huh for the last time I’m not gay thanks anyway Peter hey we’ll get him here right right this way watch your step okay they’re they’re in the woods the camera keeps on moving uh I think they’re they’re
Looking for some witch or something I I don’t know I wasn’t listening nothing’s happening nothing’s happening something about a map nothing’s happening it’s over a lot L of people in the audience look Pissed now remember Chris we have to work together so that our steps a this is my favorite event catch the greased up deaf guy go you’re never going to catch me you’re wasting your time forget about it go do something else see next year King me I don’t want to play
Anymore the pain I can’t live like this Brian I need you to pull the plug what I I I can’t I be my angel and set me free Please oh my God you were really going to do it I but you you nurse this dog is trying to kill me nurse you are twisted lady you you hear me you are screwed up in the head the winner of our final contest will receive a very special prize a week’s paid
Vacation did you hear that oh God ple please let it be fighting please let it be a fat contest these are tranquilizer darts I have enough here to take down Robert Downey Jr Robert Downey yes well the last one left standing wins let the game [Applause] [Applause] Beginer look at him he runs like a Welshman doesn’t he doesn’t he run like a wilsman hey there Brian hi Joe hey Bonnie chicken marcala tonight no she made that three nights ago wow that’s some nose you got yeah one time it almost got me a spokesman deal follow
Your nose follow your nose follow your nose oh I’m sorry I I no that that that was good I I just I I didn’t think you were going to go so cartoony with it well how how how would you read it oh I I don’t know I was thinking of doing it
You know good like like an actor but you know your your Way’s good too you know we could use a nose like that down at the precinct really I guess it’s just down to you and me Peter one of us is going to win that paid vacation but I don’t want to feed
Grandma bacon while she’s in the bathtub Peter are you Okay Mr Weed I think Peter needs a duck we have a winner here kitty kitty kitty kitty no drugs she’s good he’s clean well looks like that’s it except for the flight crew hey Brian what’s with the Johnny Law routine say hello to our newest nark he’s a natural oh yeah how
Good are you you’re back from Manila you had lumpia for dinner then you made love to two Filipino women and a man you mean three Filipino women no wait a second got Something this could be the real deal boys let’s do It don’t move dirt bag it’s Coke yes all right we got him this is great oh this is the rush I’ve been looking for good work Brian uh you still got a little uh oh oh thanks so Peter where should we go for your week off well I I I was thinking we
Could all go to Purgatory like we did last year this isn’t bad it’s not that good but it’s not that bad it’s so so yeah more or less hey hey Brian if cops are pigs does that make you a snage clever Peter did you stay up all
Night writing that no I got to bet around 2 230 you know what Joe said the street value of that cocaine would have been ah let’s see 4 and2 kilos uncut Nicaraguan uh 1.7 mil that area uh yeah that’s that’s that’s right you got guys
Brian’s famous I here where to go pal oh come on stop it you guys it’s it’s nothing really oh Lois your toast is ready wow oh uh Meg’s using a new conditioner he’s right like that amazing and it’s time to change Stewie oh that’s preposterous I haven’t there it is all Right stop the car over there everybody freeze this is a bust Brian this is a Sunday school class the hell it is pure Bogata bullion this is a drug ring but these are just kids oh yeah what’s your name Ricky they’re not kids they’re midgets filthy drug
Pedaling midgets oh my god look out Brian Nice work rookie you’re a credit to the force additional generic cop compliment Brian H thanks but the real hero here is God for blessing me with this nose and a few other equally amazing appendages well I better take this cocaine down to evidence oh uh hey I’ll I’ll do that uh
I’ll I’ll catch up with you guys at the Pub so it’s settled we’re taking a cruise to the Bahamas all this is going to be great cruises are the best and look it says we have our choice of cabins port or starboard listen to me I sound like an old [Laughter] salt yes though I must say I’ve always
Dreamed of a life at Sea I’m the greatest captain of the Queen’s Navy and your record will stand as be it gallion or freighter I’m an expert Navigator and you’re also a world class poof my Mana defeat is mistaken on the street for the sailor who can
Pillette on Q well despite your point of view I can thrill a girl or two but I’d rather get it on with you huh H sorry to be tardy to the party wow Brian have you lost weight you got to tell me your secret here’s a hint put
Down the fork face so how was your day my day unfreaking believable first first we nailed this bastard who had the G to hide his stuff in his daughter’s doll her doll for God’s sake oh where’s the line anymore well I got news for you it’s it’s it’s not even
On the radi R screen the days of decency and virtue are gone honey bam freaking evaporated like a dingy stinking mud puddle one one day you you you see your reflection in it and the next day it’s it’s a a it’s a it’s a damn oil spot on
Your cracked driveway staring back at you mocking you blah blah blah knowing the perverted truths that rot in the pity of your soul that’s how my freaking day was you know what I haven’t had in a while Big League Chew so take it from me mcgriffin the
Drug dog if you really want to get high it’s as easy as being yourself well kids I’m going to pass things off now to Gerald the happy and abstinent police clown hey kids you know why I’m happy cuz I’m free of s TDS that mcgriffin guy was so cool
Totally I’m never doing drugs now got milk now Chris before you go on a cruise you got to build up a base tan but Dad I heard that if you use tanning beds you could get something called melanoma oh that’s just fancy talk for sexified now climb
In hey what kind of tanning booth is this can’t you read those aren’t tanning boots that whole row is time machines oh crap where the hell is he hey Dad I’m in the Bible days and there’s a whole stadium of people clapping for me oh look my very own lion oh my
God huh must have got the wrong hat and now here’s something we hope you’ll really Like who Brian there’s no smoking in the terminal hey hey there’s worse things than nicotine pal and I’m going to find them ah patience lad it took dear St Patrick more than a day to clear the emerald AAL of snakes I’ll can the Irish crap will you Horowitz okay open it yeah
Let me go help help all right where’s a stash I’ll do a freaking body cavity search I swear sir apologize Griffin there’s no easy way to say this I think you have a drug problem a drug problem what’s this really about jealousy am I stealing your thunder Joe
Is that it give me your batch Fine By the way Horowitz you should show Joe your impression of him oh well no he’s not as good as you know my Irish cop it’s just a little thing I look at me I’m Joe my legs don’t
Work but I make up for it by having a very strong upper body well I do say that oh the old man in the sea I see you’re getting in the mood for our cruise yeah stupid fisherman sitting out there on a boat yammering to himself he doesn’t even know I’m watching
Him ah Splendid Pho Moke fiend is home everybody this is Tina what happened to you hey how about a little less questions and a little more shut the hell up you know just because you can’t feel your teeth doesn’t mean the girl can’t feel your insults hello I’m Lois Griffin Welcome
To our home so what she’s like your mom or something Tina can I get you a warm washcloth to wipe the dried blood from under your nose here baby I’ll show you the channel Lois doesn’t know about Brian would you Chris Look Away mag takes Joy upstairs wait wait that man seems to have suffered a rather serious snake bite ran
Would you please ask your new friend to leave now oh sorry things getting a little too real for the Stepford wife and and look at you two Quasimoto and lumpy I I leave more personality and tightly coiled piles on the lawn e do me
Do me next come on baby girl let’s go to the Park hey Doc what the hell are you doing here your family has something they’d like to say to you Brian I know I don’t speak up much and it’s it’s really hard for me to talk about my feelings but why don’t we start with someone more interesting Peter Brian ever since your addiction
You’ve been a jerk I mred a good old days when you were my sidekick uh so she hated my tie until I told her it was made out of 100% bauko Fiber hey Brian how about a little tie music Peter’s tie Peter’s tie that’s because Peter’s the guy all right that’s just little TI [Applause] music yeah look you you you guys got it all wrong I I I I oh I’m so sorry everyone oh God I need
Help well I guess now we know what kind of dog he is a Melancholy nothing oh wait wait wait no I I I should have said I should have said [Laughter] CH I don’t have to impress you look I’m not insensitive Lois but I I
Just don’t see why we got to cancel our cruise just cuz the dog’s a cokehead we’re not going on vacation while Brian’s in rehab we’ll just have to wait till next year a man look Peter I I’ll make it up to you I have a cousin who
Works at Club M me mind on fire me stole on fire feeling hot hot hot holy crap look at this place this is where God would come if he had to stop doing blow they have tennis courts and the full spa wow no wonder people do drugs good luck
Brian I just know you’re going to get clean H shouldn’t be too hard to get clean with all these mineral baths and jacuzzi oh oh I see the fat man makes a pun and everyone wets themselves I give you gold and I get squat dubby in the
Car that was a very productive first day Brian our goal here is to find your X Factor the element in your life that made you turn to drugs in the first place well just just having some time away to sort things out is going to do wonders thanks
Doctor what what are you doing here I’m on vacation oh and if anyone asks I’m also on smack Peter this this this is a detox Clinic you can’t vacation here why not this place is way better than a cruise you should have seen it I whipped his speed freak’s ass at horseshoes today
Peter this isn’t a vacation for me for God’s sake I’m trying to get healthy yeah okay okay all right hey hey softball this afternoon bunch of us addicts are taking on the pregnant teenagers from across the lake okay come on everyone exercise is an important part of recovery just work with the
Resistance of the water 10 more reps okay and one and two and three yeah I’m also addicted to Boobies great you this for your cupcake what it was just Carpet Fresh come on your side I’ve been observing your behavior and I don’t think you’re an addict I think you’re an idiot well I don’t pay you to think hot lips in fact I don’t pay you at all count it I’ll be
Keeping my eye on you what’s your name uh my my name uh uh uh uh p uh uh uh t uh uh Griffin yeah yeah Peter Griffin a crap hey Brian I was looking for you hey you want to go mess with the pregnant teens across the lake I I can’t group
Therapy 2:00 oh man I peaked in on one of those it was more boring than when I was a security guard for George Harrison Char in charge of days and our nights Char in charge of our RS and all right and I see I want Char and hey hey
Hey hey quiet down up there you wacky Beetle well I I I have been making a lot of progress lately I guess missing one session wouldn’t be the end of the world there you go hey what do you think they put in the bug juice bugs no they don’t come on shut Up well I hope you’re proud of yourselves 14 premature births sorry doc I I don’t usually let Peter talk me into this kind of stuff wait a minute Brian you have a pre-existing relationship with this degenerate a degenerate am I well you are a fesio see I can make up words too sister
Well I think we found your exactor what you mean Peter his behavior is clearly a negative influence on you and with your intelligence and sensitivity who whoa whoa hey I made my own mistakes all right this man took me into his home and he treated me like family he’s my best
Friend yes and look where you’ve ended up you know what I think my therapy here is complete I came here to get clean and I did so goodbye Brian it’s moments like this that make me sad you’re going to die 50 years before I Do he was a c up and we were choked up but now a happy Brian’s home chaa I am serious Lois you could be in Show Business hey Meg 18 yet no hey Chris how are you well I’m glad Bri all right Brian I feel a little guilty if it
Wasn’t for me you wouldn’t have been exposed to that junk Hey Joe if I’ve learned anything from my experience is that we’re all responsible for our own destiny and that’s why I’m leaving leaving you can’t leave I have to Peter for me I love you all somebody say something Brian wait Hold on a Second airport we now return to the adventures of Aquaman yeah hey uh can you uh grab me another beer uh yeah anything else maybe you know TV guide and you know another another pillow for your feet or something like that no actually actually you know what give me like like a give me like a doers and soda and uh you know
Try to keep the salt water out of it if you could try try you know it’s try to keep the salt water yeah we’re we’re surrounded by salt water you know I don’t it’s difficult I know I’m I’m just saying I’m just saying try to keep okay
I’ll try yeah you want me to wipe your ass too oh wow that’s a helpful tone yeah I’m just saying you know you’re kind of abusing your powers a little bit didn’t you think ridic you know what actually this is all time that could be spent getting me my beverage hey what
Are you guys doing we got to get ready for your grandpa’s 80th birthday dinner Peter calm down he’s just your father yeah but I love him his folksy RAC ISM his I don’t care where I am flatulence and the way it always seems like he’s chewing even when there’s no food in
There how you did Francis it’s so good to see you Lois you haven’t changed a bit you lying [ __ ] Francis why don’t you come into the dining room huh the table’s all set for your birthday dinner uh Lois actually dad said uh he would prefer it
If you did not join us uh you know you being a Protestant and all um he said it’s okay if you sit at the Kids Table Peter I cooked the damn dinner you know I knew you were going to react like this and that’s why I brought Bill Lumberg to
Explain it to you yeah I’m going to need you to go ahead and not complain about this oh and if you could go ahead and sit at the Kids Table that’d be great I’m just saying 70s boobs were different I don’t know you know it wouldn’t kill you to contribute to the
Conversation Dad tell us about World War I and how America defeated Kaiser permanent okay Lis when are you going to get that baby baptized oh God not this again Francis why the hell is this always an issue with you because I love this family and I don’t want my grandson
To burn in hell I love you grandpa your toenails are the same color as my school bus you really think that splashing magic water on Stewie will keep him out of hell what that kind of talker you’ll get your Heathen head smacked well that’s very Christian believe what I say
Or I’ll hurt you now you’re getting it Peter we have a problem hey hang on Lois I’m watching a movie and now back to Jaws 5 Fire Island you think we should be this far out stop worrying Mark we’ll be fine hey I’m going to eat y’all I’m
Going to eat that hairy leg I’m going to eat that one too oh I can see right up them shorts I got a whole bunch of rose of teeth to chew you with Dana Dana Dana oh now wait a minute I did have a choke kid on a raft earlier today it’s okay
Though I’ve been swimming a lot lately M yummy Peter your father won’t let up about Stewie getting baptized I am sick of him always trying to force his religious views on us all right I’ll talk to him Lois but uh you know when my father wants something it’s like sex
With Kobe Bryant you can kick and scream all you want but it’s it’s going to happen dad what are you doing there’s no crossing here every kitchen need a crucifix listen dad I I got to talk to you um Lois was wondering if maybe you
Could uh I don’t know ease up on the whole uh you know Jesus a Christ a if you catch my drift you’re a lapsed Catholic Peter your wife’s a Protestant [ __ ] and your baby isn’t even baptized all right all right look dad I I I don’t
Want you to hate me all right so I’ll make a deal with you if we get Stewie baptized you and all other old people have to acknowledge and be aware that there’s crap in the corners of your mouth I’ll think about it now let’s go old people are gross no matter how cute
They try to make them look on Desperate Housewives go ahead switch over to ABC for 5 seconds I’ll wait I’ll wait 5 Seconds oh my god did you see did you see how old and ugly they are oh my God that redhead looks like somebody pulled Silly Putty over their Knee I’m sorry Mr Griffin but I can’t baptize little Stewie today it turns out our last shipment of holy water is Tainted tainted holy water how would that [Applause] happen we’ll call you when we get a new shipment yet there’s no such thing as Ted holy water come on we’ll do it
Ourselves Stewie Griffin I baptize you in the name of the Father the Son and the Holy Ghost and Space Ghost what are you doing oh my God this is almost as bad as my bath with Kathy bits yeah I think I’m going to get out Stewie you don’t look so good oh
Baby you’re burning up oh my God Stewie Stewie speak to me don’t don’t take me to a black doctor Mr and Mrs Griffin I’ve examined your son and he is suffering from a temporary toxic anemia which has substantially weakened his immune system is he going to die no but he’s highly
Vulnerable to infection and must be quarantined in a germfree plastic environment my God you mean like John travola in that movie Oh no you’re going to take his face off like in face off well it looks like the operation was a success do you know what the best part
Of this is try licking yourself you bastard Peter he meant The Boy in the Plastic Bubble how could this have happened it’s obvious to me that Stewie’s been exposed to Tainted holy water Peter you had Stewie baptized behind my back come on honey this is no
Worse than when I rented out your uterus to those inner city Immigrants Peter you’re a complete slave to your father’s religion what about your religious beliefs huh you have a choice you know I do of course you’re a grown man you can pick any religion you want really you know Lois maybe you’re right maybe I should pick my own religion the
Question is which one I’ll tell you what you can pick a tune out on that piano Fat’s in a little Jam dead girl dead girl Fat’s in a oh no how the whizbang does the rest of it go quick make something Up paa what are all these women doing in a living room Lois I took your advice and picked a new religion I’m going to be a Mormon a Mormon are you sure come on nailing a different wife every night that’s a no-brainer oh Lois uh this is
Kimmy the checkout girl from the Korean market uh Nancy our postal carrier and you know Tiffany the filthy woman who stands downtown and screams at traffic I ate a tube of crest for dinner isn’t she funny she’s definitely the Kramer of my Mormon wives Nancy give me a beer uh
Mormons aren’t allowed to drink alcohol Peta did you just throw those women away no Maybe also in the news some trouble at St Phillip’s church that’s right Diane a shipment of Tainted holy water could put some local babies in Jeopardy sounds dangerous Tom be careful next time you’re at confession telling the priest about cheating on your wife with that Filipino drag queen well at least you’re
In no danger Diane since you only visit Church to leave your self-delivered unwashed half dead newborns on the back step coming up how to turn your unwanted change into folden money you know it’s kind of sad seeing Stewie in that plastic bubble I think he looks like
You’re bunny oh that’s it Chris keep laughing when I get out of here you’re going to get it I’ll lull you into a false sense of security like those network television announcers tonight on an all new Mama’s Family Mama’s got more than she can handle with the In-laws in
Town then a deadly fire could spell death for a honeymoon couple on an allnew hotel tonight on newart the stockings are stuffed with comedy when Bob has to play Santa Claus then the sniper bullet threatens a partnership on an allnew kagne and Lacy tonight on a
Laugh out loud Night Court Love Is in the Air when judge Harry’s old high school flame comes to town then a child’s death could mean the case of Arie Becker’s life on an allnew LA law that’s night court at 8 La law at 9 now remember kids don’t touch Stewie
He’s not allowed to have any human contact hey finish the job idiot for God’s sakes there’s no ventilation it smells like Brian Den in here I see London I see France I see Stewie’s unsightly chapped ass hey gabo I’m up here up here hi my name’s Peter I’m a Jehovah’s
Witness here to spread the good news of the story of Jesus Christ okay go ahead really wow um boy you’re the uh first person who didn’t uh slam the door on me uh okay um well uh Jesus uh was a miracle worker of sorts um he would travel from place to place putting
Things right that once went wrong and hoping each time that his next leap would be the leap home what do you think you’re doing with my wife oh Boy the pathway to Enlightenment starts with an unfettered focused mind look out what are you doing oh Oh I thought that dot on your head was from a sniper rifle Peter this spot is a sacred adornment it’s a portal an opening through which all light goodness Rejuvenation joy and
Ecstasy may enter the human form a vagina get out hey Stewie 3:00 time for The View no no no not again now let me out of here I can’t watch another second relax Stewie the doctor gave me this so you can get some exercise boy Stewie’s more wound up than Dad was that
Time he took steroids Peter could you please pass the potato damn it Meg and now back to Happy Days ah that fony is Magic I love the way he hits the Jukebox to make it work what is it Mr C F I I wanted to pleasure Maran for our
Anniversary but as you know I have erectile dysfunction oh there we go thank you Arthur hey Brian will you carry me upstairs I want to look at my toys no I’m watching television come on I’m sick all right come here oh Todd I feel like we’ll never
Never have a baby of our own we will Kelly you just have to visualize it come on close your eyes picture a happy healthy baby boy at play now put him in a magic bubble and release him to the universe uh honey now I want you to visualize Lindsay Lohan only naked and
Doing a backwards crab walk what just do this for me ah Peter Where Have You Been lad well Dad I was trying to find my own religion but it didn’t work out I have’t been this disappointed since I lost my [Applause] virginity uh-oh you want to get some
Breakfast or something you want to find religion all you got to do is look in your heart who’s always been there for you offering wisdom and Truth you’ve known him all along son now worship him oh my God dad’s right there is only one person and it’s time for him to be
Properly worshiped I Peter Griffin hereby is establish the First United Church of the fs fony if this be your will give me a sign hi I’m Lindsay Lohan this is how a crab walks it sure is fony be [Applause] praised all right Dad two days ago this
Was an old barn and now thanks to you it’s an old barn with a sign on it all things are possible through the Lord God Arthur Fonzerelli son so you’re really going through with this absolutely you know this place only cost me a 100 bucks that’s a better deal than that Aaron
Neville megaphone I bought okay I want to thank you guys for making me activity director for the day okay first of all can every what the hell the hell’s wrong with this thing uh okay uh we’re about to start the sh Peter it’s not a good idea to be
Putting these flyers all over town people are going to think you’re crazy hey how’d you like to lose a bunch of teeth I’m sorry Lois that was way more than what was called for but that’s what happens when you challenge someone’s Faith oh Peter I know this is important
To you but I don’t want to see you humiliated I don’t think anyone’s going to want to worship The Fawns is this the Church of The Fawns yes it is I read your flyer finally a religion that makes sense to me hey everyone I found him over here
There you are you would not believe the mourning I’ve had 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 [Applause] 12 what in Blazers is this I thought you said we were going to church this is church Francis a new church created by a man who was brave enough to follow his own Vision please rise now sit on it the fs be with you and also with you let us a a
Wow I can’t believe people are actually buying this hey F’s cool Brian you see deep down I think we all secretly yearn to be Italian and stupid a reading from the letters of poy to the tuscaderos yay and did Fonzi downstairs Cometh From his apartment above the garage and saith he
Reassemble will I the pieces of my motorcycle though I suffereth from temporary blindness and yay for I am Holy befriend I will sticks Downey the only negro in the state of Wisconsin amen Amen Brian what’s that smell black spray paint what were you painting oh you think you’re so funny well as soon as I figure out where I am you’re dead Brian damn it I haven’t been this dizzy since I did those helium whippets at that birthday party okay okay ready here
It goes I’m a female I have a high voice I have reproductive organs inside of me and I buy groceries Peter your religion is an Abomination I never thought you could ever embarrass me more in a church than you did at your cousin Mary’s wedding and if anyone knows of any
Reason why these two should not be married let him speak now really nobody’s going to speak up I’m the one who’s going to have to say it all right General warts but Dad you’re the one who said I should look at into my heart to find my religion yes
Real religion what I saw today wasn’t religion it was just a bunch of sheep singing songs and listening to ridiculous Tall Tales actually that is religion sh your trap Brian H you tell him why I agree with you all Peter’s done is found another way to exploit people’s ignorance and that’s just wrong
You think I’m see Brian that’s a word the F can’t say because all is right when you welcome fony into your life fony be with you I got to take off my belt and slap the crap out of him look Francis I don’t like you and you don’t like me but I
Suggest we set aside our differences and work together I have an idea of how to snap Peter out of this work together you and me sure sometimes opposites work well together in fact Peter taught me that St forward I take two steps back we come together cuz I’m dressed
Like a cat you know it ain’t fiction just a natural fact we come cuz I’m dressed like a cat Reverend Peter I got to talk to you last night I had sex with a teenage blonde and her mother well that’s quite a story Quagmire but my church doesn’t
Have confession so there’s really no reason for you to tell me are you kidding I’m telling everybody gigg goo let us pause to reflect on the sacred mystery of Richie’s elder brother Chuck who ascended the stairs with his basketball in season 1 and never came down again there’s just one problem
Peter when a religion gets too powerful it’s bound to have imitators what are you talking about hi I’m Sherman Hemley and I’ve just established the Church of George Jefferson who wants to move on up hi I’m Gavin McLoud and I’ve just established the Church of Captain stubing who wants to come on
Board hi I’m Kirk Cameron oh great you here to convert people to the Church of Mike sver no I’m here to convert people to Christianity well he was on growing pin I can’t believe it everybody’s gone well people like that are always looking for the next voice to tell them what to do
And here I was thinking I was making a difference I thought I was actually connecting with people could there be anyone stupider than me Madonna oh yeah she’s pretty stupid that that’s something we can all agree on right right absolutely yeah Francis oh major idiot major idiot yeah yeah
Well gosh you know I guess we do have some common ground here after all huh yeah and La Bonita not a real place I I looked it up couldn’t find it bought a globe couldn’t find it Well yeah that makes her a liar too she’s awful awful
Awful woman I agree yeah and she’s a [ __ ] oh yeah big time oh everybody cono ew Dennis Rodman Dennis Rodman right right yeah Rodman my God I think he lost all his money didn’t he Rodman lost you’re not you’re sure you’re not thinking of MC Hammer no no I think well
Him too I read somewhere I think it was in like like stuff is it no no no no no you know what it was it was it was on Real Sports with Bryant Gumble and they said that he’s in the poor house now yeah you think should do him now I well
Would would would Madonna do Rodman now oh yeah no cuz it’s not about the money it’s about pissing off daddy that’s right she’s got a lot of problems lot of problems yeah we are smarter we we we are smarter than than Madonna oh no question well I should probably get out of these
Robes oh look at you you’re all better that’s right Brian and you are toast I’m going to get in the gym get my lats back and then me and my friends from Cobra Kai are going to take you down man listen uh sorry I had to rain on your parade Peter
It’s all right Brian I guess the Church of the fs was just a bad idea not really Peter you were preaching honesty friendship courage and if you manag to inspire even one person to embrace those values then you are a success Dam thanks Lois but I doubt there’s any chance of That the annual Cog Star Trek convention where once a year sci-fi Buffs take their lips off the barrel of a loaded gun and spend half a day adjusting their eyes to sunlight Brian look I purchased authentic blueprints to build a Star Trek transporter that’s great Stewie you
Should get William Shatner to sign him for you no way I’m getting Patrick Stewart to sign it Picard has it all over Kirk he’s poised and measured and doesn’t wear a cheap rug rather he accepts even boldness with a quiet cool that says I am in command you are safe
With me I will cradle you in my arms through any crisis in any Galaxy Are You Queer probably Dad this is stupid I’m so bored how can you be bored this convention has everything you can even try on Lavar Burton’s viser why would he wear these who would invent these for
Him and in conclusion whether your dreams are Earthbound or set in the Stars follow your heart and make it so said the think he says on TV now the cast and I would be happy to answer a few questions oh yes somebody me me Mr steart Mr steart do do it do Ste
Ste yes you that oh yes I have a question um often times my household sponges accumulate an awful amount of buildup what can I do to prevent this that’s an excellent question it’s very important to thoroughly ring out your sponges after every usage this will prevent the accumulation of grime and
Bacteria a dry sponge is a happy sponge that’s not a Star Trek question I have a question for Jonathan Frakes I have this itch on the back of my leg and I can’t figure out if it’s a bug bite or dry skin do you take hot showers yes dry
Skin thanks these aren’t Star Trek questions what the hell I have a question for Gates mcfaden I’ve got an artisian well on my property and the water pressure is lousy any suggestions I would check the point first before reing it but remember that the summer months take a particular toll on any
Region’s aquafer depending on the local climate this is whole and that’s the last question thank you for coming you’ve been wonderful you bards I’ll get my question answered one way or another oh my God what a great costume me me come take your picture with a
Space alien guy no dad I don’t want to come on it’ll be funny what a wonderful novelty photo this will make thanks so much buddy hey how’d you make that awesome mask it’s not a mask I have the MS what you came to a Star Trek convention with the MPS
You could be infecting people with a disease yeah like that old gypsy did to Britney Spears in that Stephen King book thicker well Meg has the mumps all right how is it she was never immunized well it was 1992 and I couldn’t be bothered with anything that didn’t involve Dan
Cortez besides what’s a big deal I never got a mump shot really well I’d caution you that getting the MS as an adult could result in serious complications in some cases the symptoms could spread to the testicular glands big deal so I’ll wear shars Mr Griffin your testicles are
Not in your feet well where are they under your penis are you kidding I always thought those were two little sandbags to keep flood waters from floating into my bum no no I’m just poking at your funny bone I am quite alarmed I don’t think you realize the
Danger like the people who think it’s okay to bring shampoo on an airplane so I told Brenda I work hard I like a clean house when I come home and now I’m the bad guy oh I know exactly where you’re coming ow it’s in my Eyes see Chris come here come here look check it out holy crap no way I knowuh classic I got to forward this to my bird Meg I know you hate having to be in bed on day but your father’s bringing in the old TV hey Meg heet what the hell I
Don’t want to catch the Ms Lois here’s your TV mag it’s a little old and there’s no remote and it only gets one channel and it’s not on that channel right now Chris check it out jackass number two this whole day has been one big laugh
Riot finally up next Kirk Cameron oo to talk about God ow hi welcome to the religion Channel’s number one show Kirk and the Lord just hanging with me Kirk Cameron today I’m going to tell you why God will always be there for you even in the worst of times no thanks but first
Are you lonely unappreciated not totally happy with your physical appearance go on are you unloved do you feel like no one cares about you Meg your mother made soup for you here you go honey well you know who does love you the Lord here’s your milk Rupert my transporter is complete
If my calculations are correct the cast of Star Trek the Next gener ation will soon be here to answer all my questions wait a minute something’s wrong all right you girls ready what’s going on don’t you laugh at It good morning Mom and Dad wow look who’s finally out of our room after 5 days so you feel better Meg all better mom I was made well by the hand of God this is the day that the Lord hath made let us rejoice and be glad in it Meg
What are you talking about I’m talking about God mom I’ve been reborn that’s right folks it’s going to be a Meg episode stick around for the fun there’s the clicker no one would blame you what do you mean you found the Lord I’ve been washed in the blood of the
Lamb Kurt Cameron explained it all to me the Lord is my savior it’s that damn religion Channel she was watching it all day while she was bedridden I want to share the word of God with everyone I know starting with my family now everyone hold hands because we are going
To say grace before we eat dad would you like to do the honors are you kidding I’d love a chance to shine all right Peter this is it dear Lord please give me the cheat codes for Mike Tyson’s punch out I have been stuck on bald bull
For 4 years I tried left left up be Dodge uppercut but he still knocks me out and you know they say You’re supposed to go right B up Dodge left uppercut listen to me telling you how to play the Game all right let’s try this again it’s them I did it the cast of Star Trek the Next Generation is here to answer my questions what the hell where am I what’s going on greetings everyone my name is Stewie Griffin I’ve transported you all here against your
Will I’m a huge fan and you’re going to answer all my questions but you’re a baby yes that’s right Denise Crosby that was a warning please do not speak unless you’re spoken to now question number one what’s it like on the set the show’s been off the air for
15 years although I will say it was an awful lot of fun you know when Patrick wasn’t hogging the Limelight oh you Michael 15 years later You’ still got that attitude oh my God I am already having a fantastic time ooh hey let’s spend the day together hey that sounds
Like fun ow shut up will stop it Patrick you know I think you should all be nicer to Wi whon the way I treat my colleagues wait what I said you ought to be nicer to Wi whon you mean will weaton yes wi whon why are you saying it like that
What I’m just saying you should be nicer to Wi wheen wi Wheaten seems like a nice guy say wheat wheat now say will weenen will weenen will weenen will weenen will ween did you hook up with whoy Goldberg on the show all the time M what the hell I was watching that
It’s time for Kurt Cameron and I think it’s important for all of you to hear his inspiring message about the word of God ah again Meg you know I think it’s wonderful you found something to have faith in but there’s such a thing as moderation oh mom you sound like a
Non-believer Brian you’re a thoughtful person are you willing to open yourself up to God’s truth oh you’re you’re barking up the wrong tree Meg I’m an atheist h what that I don’t believe in God what Brian how can you say that well I just thought you knew I mean I’d never
Go to church you know how I feel about that no Brian it’s one thing to bash organized religion but we believe in God in this house I mean an atheist that’s just about the worst thing a person can be you’re not going to get anything for Christmas Brian guys I’m just trying to
Say shut up Beast I have dominion over you and I command you to believe in God I’m sorry I just don’t see any evidence I mean look at the Hubble telescope it’s discovered Untold wonders of a vast unexplored universe but not one picture of a guy with a beard sitting around on
A cloud I mean what’s he doing up There you know you keep talking like that God’s going to get you Brian he’s going to get you with the Kodak disc oh God’s going to get you with the Kodak disc I’m sorry what were we talking about Hey where the hell is my van Stewie I’m not really much of a fast food eater yeah can you read my mind can you tell what I’m thinking right now I’m thinking shut up and get a salad I want some McNuggets we’ll get to you Brent I
Want a hamburger no a cheeseburger I want a hot dog I want a milkshake you’ll get nothing unlike it uh hello yes welcome to McDonald’s can I help you hailing frequencies open huh huh okay oh yeah we’re going to get uh two McChicken sandwiches and a Diet Coke and uh what
Do you want Michael a mcdlt no I already told you they don’t make those anymore you know sometimes it’s a regional thing you could ask no McDonald’s anywhere makes a mcdlt anymore I’d love a shamrock shake if I got any of those it’s September Jonathan Stewie can I
Take this headband off no Lavar you’re blind that’s the only way you can see I’m just saying they have all the ingredients for a mcal just hang on all right there’s a lot of us there’s it’s a lot of it’s a big order what time do they stop serving breakfast it’s 3:00
Some of them serve breakfast all day no them serve breakfast all day do they have Beer hey Brian in hopes that you’ll open your heart to God I wanted to give you this cross no I don’t want a cross would you want it if I threw it over there no please don’t do that you going to get it boy no please no go get it
Boy okay give it back now Brian Kirk Cameron is the one who converted me but unfortunately he’s not available so I got his younger brother from Growing Pains will you guys buy me a case of PSE suda fed don’t you want to tell Brian about Jesus they got my picture up at the drugstore and they
Won’t sell me any suda fed I’ll make it worth your while Ben dad Ben what have I told you about training sexual favors pursuit of him look Meg I’ve had enough of this you’re not going to convert me but Brian I just want you to feel the
Joy that I feel I mean the church makes me feel accepted and safe and part of something bigger than myself but Meg you don’t need an outside voice to feel those feelings they’re inside you what you call God is inside you all of us and I just hate to see people hating and
Killing each other over their own interpretation of what they’re not smart enough to understand you see what I’m saying oh I do Brian and I think I know just what to do good evening I’m Tom Tucker our top story tonight just when you thought the world couldn’t be any
More dangerous Channel 5 News has discovered that there is an atheist Among Us local churchgoer and Junior Christian Soldier me Griffin has identified the atheist as Brian Griffin of Spooner Street here’s the reaction from City Hall shocking to say the least I’d rather have a terrorist living in
Our midst at least they believe in a god even if it’s a smelly brown God Meg how the hell could you do something like this if a man ha ears let him hear Brian all right what’s what’s the worst that could happen this is the 21st century people are
Tolerant well this is nothing probably just a random act of violence I thought only he without sin could cast the first Prius oh my God that was a close one Brian what happened I’m a parial Lois ever since Meg told everyone I’m an atheist I’m the most hated person in town I tried to rent a movie and they threw me out I tried to buy a pack of
Cigarettes and they threw me out but the most serious part of it is no bar would serve me a drink well if you ask me I think laying off the sauce could do you some good Brian yeah right if you need me I’ll be in the
Kitchen ah I hope he finds faith of some kind you know who doesn’t have all these problems maduk all he does is eat pies off the high counter next time around we’re going to get ourselves a big tall pie eaten dog Lois okay Peter Well Howard huge let’s get Howard huge great
We have a game Plan hold it together Brian hold it together come on you know you want a drink yeah come on Brian drink us come on drink me what are you waiting for yeah you big silly ass just wrap your lips around me and take a Big Gulp get to the
Chopper all right everybody got your boot shoes everybody got your balls I don’t have my shoes Jonathan we were just up at the counter why didn’t you get your shoes I don’t have my shoes either what the H you need your shoes to bowl now why exactly can I not wear my
Loafers what is the danger there because Patrick because Patrick those are the rules well I think it’s just because they want another $150 from me all right I’m putting our names in Brent no no don’t put Brent oh put Rock kickass I don’t know how to change it I already
Typed it in for M put Dirk digler I’m not going to put everyone as a fake name how do you want to do the teams how about the white guys against the black guys Patrick don’t be an instigator I have to pee Brent take Michael to the bathroom please
Okay look at me I’ve got girl boobs hey Meg guess what I’ve seen the light really yes Hallelujah I believe in God lordy lordy I believe oh Brian that’s fantastic news I know I know hey you mind Spreading the News around town say maybe down at the liquor
Store maybe down at the clam of course Brian but first we have work to do God’s work and God will be happy that you’re joining me then I say let’s celebrate the way they did in the Bible with wine red wine you know like Jesus drank do
You like the wine very much what is it take a guess I have to leave nah sit down thanks for setting everyone straight mag I feel the warm healing liquid presence of God’s genuine cold filtered Grace it was my pleasure Brian and now we get to do the work of the
Lord come on what what are we doing God’s will Brian a book burning come on grab an armful we have to destroy everything that’s harmful to God Meg I can’t be a part of this and neither should you what are you talking about I thought you’d seen the light Brian well to be honest I lied for Booze but Meg you’re a smart girl you ought to be able to see that what’s going on here
Is wrong you are not going to turn me for my faith Brian okay fine then let me just ask you this if there were a God would he have put you here on Earth with a flat chest and a fat ass I’m made in his image
Really would he give you a smoking hot mom like Lois and then have you grow up looking like Peter well and what kind of God would put you in a house where no one respects or cares about you not even enough to get you a damn MPS shot oh
No you’re right Brian you’re right I’m sorry Meg but what is there to believe in without God where do the answers come from well that’s all part of the human experience it’s what we’re here to find out and I’ve bet bet you that the real answer to the nature of our existence is
Going to be more unimaginably amazing than we can possibly Conceive oh Brian was so thrilled your gay cousin Jasper finally decided to come visit me too it’s been way too long anyway thanks for putting them up no problem Brian it’s great to have visitors except for that time Moby Dick stayed with us do you have any raisin brand uh oh no
Sorry well can you go get me some uh boy it’s kind of a pain in there we do have uh we got total and we got some raisins I mean you could like mix those together me that’d be kind of like raisin brand yeah but not it’d be like
Raisin brand but it’s not raisin brand that’d be like total with raisins in it splitting hairs here it’s not really doing it for me what time did you say your flight was oh no locks thank you Homeland Security hey bud take a break I’ll take over go smoke a fatty
Thanks this is Sierra Tango 817 Matthew mcc’s private jet requesting permission to land Matthew mccon oh sorry Sierra Tango 817 all our runways are filled but it looks empty from up here we’re almost out of fuel no no no room at all but lucky for you there’s a big new airport
Out in the middle of the ocean keep going you can’t miss it Roger that oops we look at it this way I just got you on next year’s Oscar telecast you’ll be right after Ron Howard just messing with you Ron or maybe not no seriously I am or am I no
Oh there’s Jasper’s plane where third one in line e it’s one of them new Niche Airlines hey cousin hey Jasper everybody this is Ricardo from the Philippines and my kitchen floor how was your flight ah torture 5 hours on my money maker sitting across from a gagle of sailors
Flying home on leave here I am in a committed relationship and all I can think about is having a piece of Navy cake Hello who’s that on the phone Temptation how does he always get my number I don’t know anyway I got big news and I’ll tell you over dinner Greek
On me but enough about last weekend oh I’m terrible GH this idiot will fit in with our family as badly as Peter fit in with The Proclaimers but I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more Thees yeah I’m singing I’m singing hey Chris this field trip is your chance man Alyssa is all alone she’s so pretty that if your hacky sack were my private parts I’d let her do that to him what kick him around um wait yes welcome citizens today we commemorate those Brave Cog soldiers who
Perished in the recent Gulf conflict I can think of No Greater tribute to their memories than this solid gold statue of dium the Sugar Smacks frog what that the spirit of America is epitomized by his inspiring motto smack smack sugar smack give me a smack and I’ll smack your
Back I’d also like to take this opportunity to announce extreme budget cutbacks having almost nothing to do with this solid gold statue have you ever seen such a waste of the taxpayers money you’re talking to me this is more exciting than that time me and my friends did mushrooms this is
Going to be awesome you said it man you guys feel anything yet I feel kind of funny I got a belly ache we shouldn’t have did this Man Lois darling those earrings are delicious total citch like an Andy Warhol wet dream I’m opening a museum and putting you in it they’re that fabulous you think it’s clever talking like that do you you think it’s funny talking about earrings and using words like fabulous and delicious and wet
What’s next to work out followed by a rump around a crowded room while the music goes oh I just stop hey Jasper let me ask you something when you’re in the shower at the Y is is that just like Supermarket Sweep for you guys or is there some kind of etiquette Peta stop
It God you’re more clueless than popey sir I think you should know these growths on your forearms they’re giant tumors oh dear yeah I’m surprised you haven’t realized this is not how a human being is supposed to look and the speech thing and what you’re doing with your eye uh you had a
Stroke about seven years ago that you’ve managed to be walking around all this time is nothing short of a miracle I’d say about two months okay all right time for the big announcement everyone Ricardo and I are getting married oh that is terrific it’s about time you two settle down oh you hear
That Meg guys can marry other guys now so um this is awkward but uh I mean if they can do that that’s pretty much it for you isn’t it I mean you might as well pack it in game Over H Alysa hi I I was wondering if maybe you wanted to do something sometime sure Chris I have a young Republicans meeting after school you want to come oh sure what do you do with a young Republicans meeting we help those who already have the means to help
Themselves also we perpetuate the ideal that Jesus chose America to destroy non-believers and brown people I don’t understand what you’re saying but somehow I feel Safer Carl this is Chris he wants to join our club Carl is our Chancellor well Chris we’d be happy to have you there’s just one little ride of initiation oh this is one fine day to be nude yeah this is one fine day to be nude the birds are saying Clinton have a
Wonderful spring and people walking by can stop and look at my thing oh this is one fun liberal jby jaser well if you can’t laugh at yourself I’m here at the parking lot outside City Hall where hundreds of citizens have come out in protest of the mayor’s decision to spend the town’s
Treasury on a gold frog I don’t like it and I don’t like the contraction apostrophe em as far as I’m concerned his name is dig them you’re not welcome here digm I stand behind my decision this press conference is over I can’t see you now I can’t hear you now you’re
Not here now la la la la well there you have it back to you Tom thanks Tom some damn fine reporting damn fine Diane well it’s encouraging to know that I’m not the only Mayor West who’s facing difficulties but what I need now is a diversion let’s See jingle keys my God I’m a tomato and now back to The Sound of Music Oh thank heaven the Von trap Family escaped Reverend mother I have sinned what is this sin my child oh well no harm done I too have sinned mother oh my God that’s rol what the hell is wrong with you hey I didn’t start this war but it’s
On oh Lois there you are listen Ricardo and I want to thank you for letting us have the wedding here here oh you you’re having the wedding here yeah I hope that’s okay Lois I offer them the house oh uh sure no problem hey mcbutt the
Crime dog I heard you and your little chew toy getting it on last night keep it down sorry little man Ricardo and I were playing clue and he got me in the bedroom with a lead pipe Peter I’m not sure I’m comfortable having this wedding
At the house lo I don’t know what the big deal is so they’re gay it’s not like we’re going to have a gay sex orgy in the living room that’s not what I’m talking about I’ve got nothing against homosexuals I mean I’ll watch anything with David schwimer
But the idea of two men actually getting married it just doesn’t seem right hey I say who cares you know if gays want to get married and be miserable like the rest of us I say we should let him oh no what’s wrong look some breaking news
Today when Mayor West announced he will sign a city-wide ban on gay marriages next week while controversial it has nonetheless effectively distracted all of us from the digam Fiasco the what I don’t know something about a lizard and now this look at that in the 30s they called this an uncle spinny dervish
Really I don’t know I’m just bored a ban on gay marriage oh my God Matthew MCC yeah I’m looking for a guy named Stewie Chris grab his legs I got to bury this thing wa I grab his legs I can’t believe the wedding’s off all I
Ever wanted was to get married make a home with a skinny hairless Philipino boy isn’t that the American dream don’t give up yet Jasper Mayor West only banned gay marriage so he could distract from the dium Scandal he won’t get away with it a Jasper where’d you get these
Brownies they’re from a bakery in the west CW gay district I thought they’d help my depression oh I can see why oh my God they pack so much fudge entities and look at this there’s even a couple of nuts lodged in there I’m going upstairs I’ve got to do something
Jasper’s always been there for me when I’ve needed him I am going to make Mayor West change his mind but Brian the Bible says gay marriage is an Abomination oh don’t give me that young Republican crap Chris the Bible also says a senior citizen built an arc and rounded up two of every
Animal hey yeah what the hell is this oh you didn’t really give any specific guidelines about mating did you name it what did you name it uh yeah he’s Paul yeah well it’s going to be a hell of a lot harder for you now because he’s going the
Overboard hi Glenn uh hey will you sign a petition to overturn Mayor West ban on gay marriage gay marriage oh come on two halves can’t make a hole without a hole gigg gigg gigg gigg e ting tang W bing bang eing Tang W bing bang you get off
My property you pervert uh Mr bottom tooth would you like to sign the petition oh no uh I I don’t uh what’s what’s what’s the Problem ah okay thank You Chris did you hear some dog is going around town trying to get support for gay marriage oh that’s Brian he’s got a petition really Chris you’ve got to destroy that petition why because if you do I’ll let you touch my boobs is is is
That good do do I want that oh yeah you want that well fantastic then how can I help you Mrs Griffin well I’m having a bit of a crisis I’m a very open-minded person and I’ve never had any problem with gays before but something about two gay people getting
Married I just don’t think it’s right well these questions are too big to be decided by human beings which is why God made this Film you know there’s been a lot of talk lately about homosexuals but how do you know what to believe well here are a few tips that may help you tell when you’ve got a gay so uh what’s your favorite Madonna album I like her early work if
His answer is anything but I’ve never bought one you’ve got a gay let’s take a blood sample Mr brager If instead of human blood you find a deadly corrosive acid you’ve got a Gay not this time Nancy boy wow that was interesting I also have my Giant with Billy Crystal oh God no no well we almost have enough signatures thanks to coh’s gay district Lois how’d you like to be signature number 10,000 Brian I can’t sign this why not well
Because I don’t believe in gay marriage you don’t believe Lois that’s ridiculous gay people have every right to get married well they certainly have every right to be together but marriage should be between a man and a woman well that’s not how they do it in West Cog by the
Way Lois I got a piercing over there I’m not going to tell you where but I’ll give you a hint it wasn’t my nose or my ear and it was one of my balls well regardless of what you think this is going to change mayor West’s mind and we
Are going to have Jasper’s wedding here fine then until this is all over I’ll stay somewhere else come on Stewie we’re going to Grandma grandpas fine I’ll go but I’m not missing that gay wedding I still kick myself for missing that topless cheerleader parade with a 100
Foot chocolate teddy bear in the f-16s doing aerial acrobatics choreographed to the music of Queen oh I remember that day huh should have gone to that Thing my petition what the hell are you doing I’m going to get to touch right-wing boob because of this you idiot now I’m going to have to get 10,000 more signatures before tomorrow morning what were you thinking you don’t understand Brian when was the last time
You were even with a woman uh when did the Challenger blow up 86 yeah it was like 3 years before that Mayor West here’s the gay marriage ban for your approval excellent this is so important I’m going to sign it with all capital letters It’s going to say Adam
West that’s what it’s going to say you’ll see hey buddy you can’t go in there Mayor West you have to look at this 10,000 signatures I’ve been up for 24 hours I paid off a few people and I did a few things in West Cog I’m not proud Of so it’s a show about three hookers and their mom this is very impressive but my decision stands no come on buddy you’re leaving no I can’t let Jasper down I’m not going to let you sign that go on get out of here I should warn you I have a tiny
Bulletproof Shield the exact size of a bullet somewhere on my body and if you hit it I’ll be unharmed and you’re your plan will be foiled you’ll be the laughing stock of me I don’t want to shoot you Mayor West good because I’m incredibly crafty hey what’s that on the
Ceiling now I’m over Here look this has gotten out of hand I know I I I I don’t want anyone to get hurt but you can put an end to this right now by tearing up that gay marriage ban you won’t break me 15 years ago I swallowed everything I needed to escape from a hostage
Situation a wall well no matter I’m prepared for a lengthy captivity as well I swallowed this People magazine in 1989 all right Paul Hogan tell me about the real Crocodile Dundee it’s so nice to have you home dear I can take it or leave it God this
Is such an old people house you know I mean look at this candy jar let’s let’s take a look in here let’s let’s see what you got here you got uh oh you got licorice oh that’s uh that’s a oh freedent oh that’s good yeah yeah I got
A I got a sweet tooth I think I have some freedent yeah what’s this a cough drop a luden’s cough drop is that candy no I don’t think that’s candy I think it’s a cough drop uh what else we got oh oh look at look look at this there’s a
Fishing lure in here there’s a fishing lure in the candy jar what am I am I supposed to eat this eat a fishing lure hey look Brian’s on TV and now some Channel 5 exclusive footage of the crazed homosexual gunman who’s taken Mayor West hostage oh my God
Brian’s taking the mayor hostage is this an eyeglass lens I didn’t realize how strongly he feels about this gay marriage next thing you know they’ll want to vote oh oh look at this a spare key for a Volkswagen shroo they don’t even make this anymore they don’t even
Make this car anymore whose key could this possibly be what if Brian’s right I mean certainly the love between a man and a woman should be sacred but who’s talking about love we’re talking about marriage well don’t you love mom come on Lois look at her so two straight people
Who hate each other have more of a right to be together than two gay people who love each other that’s what we raised you to believe oh my god I’ve made a terrible mistake I’ve been brainwashed like a Elizabeth Smart it’s so wonderful having her home again she’s brought
Music back into the house playing songs on the harp of course most of them about rape but it’s still nice I think I made Brian crazy maybe I shouldn’t have burned that petition oh no Chris you did the right thing it’s only a matter of time before Mayor West
Signs that bill and you’ll get to touch these oh boy I got a feeling that before the end of the day I’m going to be burying my dog whoa whoa I said you could touch my boobs let’s start with that look Peter if you can’t get Brian
To come out peacefully we’re going to have to take him down don’t worry Joe I’m good with tight situations like when I save Luke Skywalk his life okay Luke this will keep you warm until I get the shelter built you sure this is okay yeah you’re just cutting into the fat all right
Brian Peter’s coming in I’ll relax him by using my catchphrase hey what’s the happen with you what the hell was that my catchphrase you don’t have a catchphrase why you got to say it like a [Applause] dad excuse me would anyone like to play Stratego I
Have Stratego oh Peter I never meant for this to happen this this whole situation is totally spiraled out of control Brian listen to me I was wrong if two people love each other they should have the right to get married but you have to come down and give yourself up if you
Drag this out any longer you only hurt in your own cause she’s right I’m sorry Mayor West well you were only doing what you thought was right Brian and hey you’ve distracted everyone from the digam statue so I guess we don’t need this bill anymore everybody Happy well it sure was nice and Maya West to drop the kidnapping charges it’s amazing all he asked for in return was the key to a Volkswagen Shaco you’re welcome listen Lois I I really appreciate you putting your discomfort aside so we could have the wedding here oh please
I’m over all that now two men getting married doesn’t bother me in the least they deserve sure you’re allowed to bring a baby onto the golf course well Lois asked me to watch Stewie for the afternoon it’s all right I don’t think the club will mind it’s Cleveland I’m
Worried about Peter is this really necessary I can’t hardly see anything Hey look it’s President Nixon no wait it’s a black guy no it’s Nixon oh boy that was close will you please hurry up it’s 100° out here you’re a worse parent than Britney Spears I know I
Know oh the gift basket was not worth the trip not by a long shot oh I got to get that I’ll talk to you later hey uh Joe oh don’t say it Peter no I was just wondering Peter I swear to God what’s your handicap every ho that’s a joke that
Just doesn’t get old damn it come on come on come on Glenn come on get your head in the damn game hey do you think it’s time to talk to Quagmire about his anger issues with this game white man shouldn’t play sports in the first
Place hey hey hey hey that’s a stroke I just tapped my ball quag May relax oh relax oh okay oh oh look I just tapped my ball oh just tapped it again oh oh tap tap tap oh where is it oh it’s in the hole Eagle yay
Quagmire hey Quagmire you know it’s not fun when you’re like this you want fun go home and buy a monkey what is that even mean I don’t know boy we got a beautiful day for this hi Mr Herbert here’s your paper oh uh sorry Chris but I’m afraid I’m going to
Have to cancel my subscription cancel but you love this paper listen I think you’re a real nice guy but I’ve just decided to go with another paper hello there Kyle you look nice today I see you wearing your big shorts with the baggy leg holes that flutter so carelessly in
The breeze here’s your paper what are you doing here Beat It nerd thank you would you like to come inside for a cupcake and a glass of wine shut up old man M what’s going on in my pants looks like we got six more weeks of
Winter we now return to cutting in line in front of Italians hey he hey whoa hey cernus why don’t you navigate yourself to the back of the line with your feet and stand there with your shirt hey Peter how was your golf game well Lois you tied my golf shoes a
Little tight before I left the house had to deal with that all day thank you very much oh my God look at Stewie Peter you took him out without any sunscreen maybe you know the sun is dangerous for a baby skin Peter this is more irresponsible than when you fed your mwai after
Midnight Peter didn’t the little Chinese man tell you not to feed him after midnight oh come on Lois he’s so cute and he’s hungry what could happen hello I’m friend rasia kill it kill it what did you you all staring at is there something wrong with
Me wow look at me I’m a young Eartha kit President Johnson bring our boys home from Southeast Asia it’s an unwinable War dad I was wondering if I could borrow $17 Chris what do you need money for isn’t that why you have a paper route no this new kid named Kyle keeps stealing all my customers oh that’s terrible you’re a wonderful paper boy Chris and you need to remind your customers of
That she’s right you got to stand up for yourself like my great-grandfather turn of the century take on all comers Griffin all right put them up put them up are you having a bully day I’m having a bully day is everyone having a bully day bully
Yes bu oh thank God we live in this time Stewie what are you doing just getting my bronze on baby hey what do you think of my recumbent tan pose legs probably spread a little wider than they ought to be but who gives a damn this is
Just tan Stewie being tan Stewie check me out Brian hey Mr Herbert I want you back please will you be my paper customer again oh uh hey Chris oh is that my phone better go get that well if it isn’t King lard ass don’t call me names Kyle hi Kyle well listen it was wrong of you to steal my customer away from me and I want him back oh yeah look Griffin got his ass kicked what a loser I have that shirt at home you you pushed me boys boys we can settle this like reasonable and sexy
Teenagers whoever can swallow the most Talen all PM Wins oh my God Christ what happened Kyle beat me up you let that little punk beat you up Peter you should be more sympathetic remember you had a bully too when you were his age yeah you’re right Randy fure used to pant me every chance he
Got my book report is on the giving tree nerd Randy nerd Randy no Randy Peter I think one of us should go over and have a talk with Kyle’s parents I’ll do it Lois right after a healthy breakfast of juice toast and storebrand imitation Frosted Flakes featuring Terry the tag they food hey ladies you might have a park
Here I’ll only be a few minutes Stewie what is that on your lip I drew a pencil mustache I like it cuz it’s just above my lip the kind of mustache that says yeah I’ve been nude on camera whatever it come here I’ll take care of that
Sweetie it’s got spit all over it now I know what it feels like to have dinner with Martin landal what people forget about palansky is palansky wasn’t the perfectionist and pedophile or not he he was a perfectly professional person and punctual yeah maybe we could talk about
Something else you know my wife and I are very involved in Planned Parenthood which provides possibilities for people who are under privileged maybe chew your food a little champ who are all these people oh just a few friends over to enjoy this gorgeous weather maybe take a dip in the pool hey
Devon Devon come here Brian this is Devon Devon just finished directing a movie yeah it uh Stars a little actress named Joan vanar maybe you’ve heard of her right possibly you’re talking out of your ass it’s doesn’t matter Brian I’m tan hey Brian Brian Brian look at my tan
Walk Devon do you have a cigarette sure and here’s a copy of my last movie it’s essentially Brokeback Mountain from the point of view of the horses hey the sun’s been up for an hour shouldn’t we get riding uh are they still sleeping oh no I’ll
Check what is oh my God oh my God run hey there are you uh Kyle’s parents yes can we help you yeah I’m Peter Griffin uh listen apparently your son got into a little scrape with my kid oh dear they’re not getting along like an old guy in a
[ __ ] sir will you please stop staring at me where’s the rest of you so listen Chris is pretty upset about what happened would you mind if I had a word with you son not at all he’s up in his room hey there Kyle hey I’m Chris Griffin’s father hey I’m Chris Griffin’s
Father now that’s not very nice I don’t sound like that at all you’re making me sound like Michael stype listen I I just want you to know what you did the other day was wrong what you did the other day was wrong you’re not making this easy
Kyle you’re not making this easy Kyle my name’s Peter Griffin I’m a big fat dumb butt face shut up Kyle I’m Peter Griffin I’m a dorky fat numb nuts Kyle I said shut up you’re a poop noose hey Peter hey what’s going on there something wrong no no no no no no
Everything’s everything’s cool right now might be some problems later but uh we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it hello Peta did what well I best be getting to work it’s night time boy you said it all right take it easy P you get down from that tree this
Instant no you’re going to yell at me you’re damn right I’m going to yell at you you beat up a 13-year-old boy he called me names you’re 43 and you just assaulted our neighbor’s child this is a very serious situation well maybe you should have just had an abortion Lois
Would that make you happy if I was never born what I’m going to prison aren’t I what are you doing got to keep the tan up it’s not a skin color it’s a lifestyle Brian see you wouldn’t know that because you’re white as a ghost you’re haunting this house with your
Whiteness Brian they wake me up in 15 will you babe fine why don’t we go down to Coco but not too fast cuz Stewie it takes it Slow oh crap Stewie uh hey buddy I was just coming to tell you it’s time to get out I’ve been in there for 6 and 1 half hours you son of a [ __ ] don’t touch me well how can can you get up I’ll Try I can’t do it I can’t do it get the lotion put the lotion on me Brian oh uh hi Mr Furley never mind I’ll come back later now be polite Peter Kyle’s mother agreed not to press charges if you apologize hello Lois hello Claire we just came by
Because there’s something Peter would like to say to Kyle go on all right say it right Peter ow ow sorry thank you Peter now what do you say Kyle apology accepted good now why don’t you patch things up with Mr Griffin by showing him your Legos H you got Legos ah sweet Lois
Only buys me Mega Bloks there the same thing Peter you know what Lois they are not the same thing and the sooner you get that through your thick skull the sooner we can get this marriage back on track Hey listen uh sorry about beating you up I felt pretty bad about it hey
This look like a spaceship to you sort of huh well I never was very good at building things like that time I built that handmade electric razor by gluing many razor blades to this ordinary desk fan I’ll save time in my morning routine Lois I done it [Applause] again
You don’t have to apologize I would have done the same thing I mean bullying makes you feel pretty cool yeah I guess it was kind of cool you know I always used to be the nerd getting bullied but doing it to someone else was pretty
Sweet and the more you do it the sweeter it Gets cook much heah what the hell is wrong with you what’s wrong with me you’re don’t one punching yourself in the face heyo it’s not going to keep fing yourself in the face hurt yourself you’re getting a good hey stey nice sunburn God you hores Ass e hey Brian you want some Stewie jerky oh God that is disgusting I’m finally starting to peel I’m telling you Brian my tanning days are over I’m just glad I stopped before I did any real damage to my skin I wouldn’t be so sure I don’t remember you having that mole
Before what the devil where did that come from Brian what is that I don’t know of course your sunburn was pretty bad I suppose it could be the cord what the hell does that have to do with anything no cancer oh okay I I I thought you meant that’s it’s not important oh
No cancer well the mole looks benign but we won’t know for sure whether it’s cancerous until the tests come back in a few days few days I could be dead by then relax Stewie he said it looks benign we’ll just have to wait and see Jim Henson had a wait and see attitude
And look what happened to him now we’ve got wrong sounding Muppets hey Sweedish Chef oh hey Kermit what’s going on I’m hungry oh that’s no problem I could cook you something you want some spaghetti that’s like my specialty in junk yay ow Dad what’s wrong with you why are
You acting like such a bully cuz there are two kinds of people in this world Chris there are bullies and there are nerds and there are hot Asian chicks they’ll do what you want oh yeah oh yeah you better believe it buddy they will do what you want because they know they
Know what you want oh oh oh don’t be afraid don’t be afraid I won’t hurt you I won’t hurt you me big American man my point being that I’m a bully not a nerd now where was I oh yeah Dad get F coming to get you coming to get you
Here coming to get you oh in the kitchen Meg Brian I may only have one week to live and I’ve got to make the most of it now I’ve made a list of things I want to do before I die and you’ve got to help me since this is all your fault visit
Chicago Museum of Art okay we can do that Next time on your list you want to learn to ballroom dance all right if you’re going to make me do this at least let me lead fine you lead all right Then I love you what what’ you say uh olive juice olive juice olive juice you too hey you nerds want to see a puppet show Peter put me down I told you not until you sing Under Hill was lonely go Dad what are you doing to Mr swansson
Peter put him down right now Beat It Lois Peter stop it Joe is your friend shut up you nerd hey Peter look at yourself you are no different than that bully who used to pick on you are you kidding I’m nothing like Randy fure oh no does that look
Familiar oh my God you’re right Lois I shouldn’t be bullying the people I care about I should be bullying Randy fure he’s the jerk in all this like Dick Cheney when he was a Walmart Greer go yourself go yourself go yourself well that’s it for the list not
Quite Brian there’s one more thing I need you to do before I die write down my final thoughts oh come on I don’t have much time oh squiggly line in my eye fluid I see you there lurking on the periphery of my vision but when I try to look at
You you Scurry away are you shy squiggly Lon why only when I ignore you do you return to the center of my eye oh squiggly lion it’s all right you are forgiven hello oh hi Dr Hartman all right I’ll tell him thanks bye you don’t have cancer you’re going
To be fine really oh thank God oh thank God wait wait look there’s no reason we can’t finish the Memoir anyway let’s see what you’ve got so far oh you are just the worst type of person dad what are we doing here Chris I’m going to show you how to stand up to
A bully hey fure Griffin the feeling’s mutual what are you doing here I’m here to kick your ass fure I’m going to beat you and then my son Chris is going to beat you it’s going to be an oldfashioned father son beat off wait a minute dad you can’t hit
Him yeah I have MS a you hear that Chris this guy’s got a monkey scrot him and he’s bragging about it now you really got me mad no Dad sorry I had to do that Dad but you wanted me to learn to stand up to a bully well I’m standing up to you stop bullying people dad my God Chris you’re right look at me look what I’ve become I thought it’d feel good to be a bully but
All I did was make people feel as bad as Randy made me feel I’m just a big jackass it’s all right Dad I forgive you as long as you promise never to bully anyone again I promise Chris I mean you know unless I get really stinking drunk
In which case all you got to do is outrun your sister oh I like that that’s nice that’s a warm family moment I agree we can all learn something from that so um this is uh awkward but uh have we ever actually you know met I
Mean you know I I don’t even know say for example if you have a room up there you know a room I have a room you know Meg if you kill yourself now you’ll probably get a full page in the yearbook so um you know that’s something to think about oh just
Bued hi Meg you busy Saturday Night Neil you asked me out like once a day and I always give you the same answer no God I don’t think I could have been any clearer the last time I turned him down Ray your mother insulted my steak Piza
Again Neil Goldman of COG Rhode Island leave me alone I hate you I hate you anyway your mother insulted I don’t care anymore Patty after 9 Seasons I just don’t care maybe you could try not being a [ __ ] hey Mort Lois and I are out on our date night uh why don’t you give me some condoms and some Excedrin my wife’s got a headache this big you know it’s it’s like from the commercial this big only it’s my junk all right then
$243 a geez that’s more of a ripoff than that breakfast machine I bought But what was the point of all that all it does is shoot you it doesn’t make breakfast at all besides I forgot my wallet well that’s okay I’ll just open up a tab what the hell is a tab does that mean I don’t got to pay well not right now but a
Sweet hey while I’m at it give me all these copies of Marie CLA you know in case I want to rub out that easy one before I get Lois in the bed tonight Kathleen Turner’s on page 45 Kathleen Turner let’s see how she looks oh that’s a
Shame and now back to the Kids Choice voice Awards with host Paula Poundstone I choose you and you and you so come on I said let’s Go m m I’m hungry there’s a granola bar in the cupboard I want it hey hey what’s this what’s going on am I talking to myself up there oh my God Stewie just shut up and go to bed do you know what I do Meg I spit in your mouth while you
Sleep finally look mom I’ve had it I am not babysitting anymore it’s Saturday night I could be out having a life Meg if you don’t want to babysit anymore that’s fine but don’t you stand there and lie to me Meg she torched your ass man she torched your ass why can’t you
Just hire a real babysitter well I guess we could do that damn I’m terrible at meeting new people like the time I was on blind date I’m having a great time Stewie me too so uh you ready to go grab some zah uh yeah so a wild guest here but from the
Looks of your arm hair I’m guessing you’re Italian all right you guys I got eight crates of epicac from Mt all on my tab now whoever goes the longest without puking gets the last piece of pie in the fridge okay here we go how’s everybody doing good good so
Far all right all right nothing yet cool cool you know I I don’t know if you guys had any of that pie already but that is uh that is some tasty stuff that’s from the bake sale that Lois with oh one down I know somebody who won’t be having
Any I’m starting to feel funny well I feel fine I guess I’m going to be oh boy that means I win I get eat oh God why did anybody tell me oh my God my insides are on no no please no more no more Dad I’m scared get the phone call
911 Lois Lois Lois get in here okay okay I think it’s all gone I think I don’t want to I don’t want to Peter Peter I need you to hold my ears who wants Chow what the hell hey Meg you better check this out [Applause] oh God this is so embarrassing can’t believe this is happening to me ah looks like someone could use a greeting card to cheer them up I put these on my tab take a faride one the vulture thinks he’s a
Cowboy it is kind of funny hey Peter uh you got a card for if you transferred VD to somebody uh let’s see here uh yep sorry I accidentally gave you VD that’s all you got is accidental huh all right I’ll take it well first let me thank you
For answering the ad now what do you feel qualifies you to Be an Effective babysitter for Stewie uh yeah uh we couldn’t run an a that said no Portuguese but um no Portuguese so I see here you worked for a family for a number of years can I
Call the uh Herculoids for a reference I’m sorry I don’t understand the position has been filled the position has been filled thank you very much you can go now leave now I didn’t think it was going to be this hard to choose a babysitter yes if only you were this Discerning when you
Picked that happing Bruce Jenner hairo sorry I’m late can I still apply for the job my God I haven’t been this exhilarated since Brian took me to C miserab attention ladies and gentlemen there will be a slight change in the cast tonight oh no for this evening’s
Performance the role of Jean valan will be played by Kirk Cameron oh oh unbelievable oh my God how lucky are we huh hey Stewie what are you doing tonight oh nothing just watching K Cameron play Jean veljan oh my God curtain up and what do these suppositories come
In other flavors Peter are you eating those no I’m shoving them up my butt of course I’m eating them give me a curtain Peter it’s the end of the month and I’m calling your tab you owe me $34,000 what oh man how am I going to come up
With that kind of money Peter I’m waiting all right all right listen I got another idea what if I sold you my daughter huh you dropped a tab and your son can have Meg what yep all you got to do is sign this contract are you out of
Your mind you can’t sell me you fat son of a [ __ ] whoa careful getting this fish off the hookmt she’s got some fangs what do you think of that Neil Daddy bought you a girlfriend excuse me if anybody’s interested I already have a girlfriend there’s no way wait what you
Ready to go honey you rejected me too many times Meg I couldn’t wait for you forever besides CA thinks my psoriasis is sexy I can’t believe he’s over me I can’t believe I’m out 34 Grand I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter stick around more Family Guy coming up
Peter how could you have tried to sell our daughter all right Lois I don’t want this to ruin our date night so I’ll make it up to you oh Peter I’m sorry I tried to sell our daughter yeah you don’t know how hard it was to find one of those in
English tonight the babysitter comes rubert lovely Leon oh hey Lon hey what’s going on how are you yeah oh it’s just me Stewie just uh being myself self uh yeah oh oh well this here oh it’s just my package yeah just just uh just uh my package God
Delivered it I sign for it world keeps on spinning oh no oh Jenga There It Is Well I guess that’s why they call it Jenga you’re right Stewie you are so cute I can’t even stand it oh thank you I’m having a good time too I hope I
Don’t make any social faux PA like I did at Pam and tommmy Lee’s dinner party hi sorry I’m late I was visiting my aunt in the hospital she has hepatitis ooh sorry Neil is such an amazing guy we just make an absolutely perfect couple you know Neil liked me first and I was
Going to go out with him when I was ready to settle for him get your own spaz all right ladies enough chitchat take it off get in the shower and bounce around for me sweetie you Daddy and I are going to the movies tonight how would you like
Ladona babysit yes oh I’m going to wow her tonight Rupert I’m going to be cooler than Brian when he hangs out of the bowling alley that’s what I love about high school girls I keep getting older they stay the same age yes they do yes they
Do please go out with me I’m just trying to make Neil jealous I promise I’ll pay and everything yeah uh that sounds cool but I’m going to be in the hospital that Night hi gorgeous man oh you must I lock up your tongue with the rest of the silver Stewie this is Jeremy hey little man so you’re the guy who’s been trying to steal my girlfriend what you girlfriend what kind of sick twisted game are you playing at Stewie sounds a
Little cranky I’ll put him to bed ha I got your hat take that hatless now go back to the quad and resume your hacky sack T I’m not going to lie down for some frat boy Bastard with his damn T sandals and his skull Bandits and his
Aboc crumpy and Fitch long sleeved open Stitch crew neck Henley smoking his Sticky Buds out of a soda can while watching his favorite downloaded Simpsons episodes every night yes we all love Mr plow oh you’ve got the song memorized do you so does everyone else that is exactly the kind of idiot you
See a Taco Bell at 1 in the morning the guy who just whiffed his way down the bar skank ladder good night Stewie if he wants to throw hands I’ll throw hands I tell you how do how oh hey Neil and cilia I didn’t expect to see you here meet Jake my
Boyfriend I want some babies my dad lets me shoot at cats oh hi mag Neil and I are celebrating our two we anniversary oh it seems like only yesterday he was just a stranger videotaping me through the window big deal he did that to me 3
Years ago and he gave me the tapes for Christmas he gave me DVDs the production values were amazing much better than Kramer versus Predator you want him back you can’t just disappear for 3 months and then suddenly decide you want him back back you can’t have
Him well I’m glad Neil’s over me anyway I’m with Jake now right Jake maybe someday we’ll get married and you can go up on me Neil I want to be your girlfriend what I was wrong to drive you away we belong together of course I’m understandably skeptical of your new
Found affection for me you still got that contract our dad’s Drew up give me That you want to hook up buy me something oh I can’t believe we’re going out this is so cool Neil Neil not not so fast uh Meg you need to fulfill your contractual obligations what are you talking about all right Meg according to the contract every night you have to put on
My pajamas my mom’s record is 12 seconds Neil I think you’re old enough to Neil would you stop oan I thought we could watch a DVD together I picked up the first season of Jiminy Glick imagine being that guy for a day Colin Ferell so I was talking to
My wife Dixie the other day and she was saying that you weren’t a very good actor and I agreed with her now now why now why call it why would we both say that all right that’s it Jeremy must be Destroyed mom dad mom is anyone There uh little man you you in here I say I think this is how you change at tire but what do I know I’m just a baby here’s your iPod so you can listen to the streaks while you gasp for air oh The Strokes right boy this was a better acquisition than I thought we may even be able to
Put in some s this year so uh anyway um hey I made you a mixed tape I don’t have a dual cassette player so you know I had to hold the tape recorder up to the radio so the quality is kind of sucky but you know all the songs describe my feelings oh
I’m sorry Stewie I’m just upset Jeremy stopped calling me he what that blackard oh come here let me just let me just hold you for a while Stewie no that is a bad place to touch no no no no no no no but but I I you I
I no more TV well how about no more job H you hear that Miss fussy Brites I shall see you fire damn you I thought we were going to go all the way and die together like Hitler and AA Bron we do everything together yeah yeah
You got your poison M okay okay 1 2 three you you didn’t do it you didn’t do it either okay okay all right well this time we really have to do it okay all right you ready okay okay one two you want me to kill myself and
You’re not going to you suck you suck you’ll Suck hey Stewie there’s uh something sunking around in the trunk of my car and I can’t get in there cuz somebody busted the lock you have uh any idea what that’s about oh no that it’s this whole this whole crazy thing hey this is not a barn young lady
Oh I’m just so exhausted you know I thought I’d be happy being with Neil but I’m not this is horrible oh sweetheart we’ll figure some way to get you out of this Brian did you find any loophole in the contract nope it’s airtight the only way out is if Neil commits an infidelity
Well that’s it then we got to find somebody to seduce Neil oh me well if not you Lois then who Beverly D’Angelo cuz I don’t think she’d do it and I don’t even know how to get a hold of her oh hello Leon listen I certainly hope you’ll excuse last night’s
Indiscretion it was just oh my God Leon what’s that on your neck ha Lois oh thank God you’re here Lois it was all her friends they they were doing merana and heroine and they were taking eczema and touching each other Leon wake up this instant what I I don’t you know
What don’t bother Ladon you are fired well I really don’t know how this happened but I guess this is the last time I get to see you I I’m going to miss you little guy oh this is for you she she made me a mixtape oh dear God
What have I done I’ve made a terrible mistake Leon Leon Leon all right y all said honey I can’t believe I’m doing this it’s so disgusting but it’s for my little girl Dad how do you know Neil will show up don’t worry Meg I sent him an invitation he couldn’t refuse
H strange these conventions usually have segue parking hello am I too late for the Q&A yeah but you’re just in time for the TNA Miss Griffin what are you you can call me Mystique Mrs Griffin this is wrong well well well look at this Meg your boyfriend is violating
Both your contract and my wife Meg I wasn’t doing anything Mrs Griffin was just how you’re bending it I don’t care you’ve nullified the contract I’m free Free I don’t understand Meg you don’t want to be my girlfriend well I thought I did but I guess I was just jealous I
See well Meg I want you to be with me because you want to be with me not because you have to thank you Neil Cecilia it’s the gold man how about we fire up the old segue and find a nice quiet field to do long
Division in I I mean a nice quiet field in which to do long division sorry sorry everybody okay I’m on my way he’s going back to Cecilia I can’t believe I’m actually jealous I can’t believe I actually touched him I still Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter for spe foreign spe for get foreign
Spee Fore for fore spee for l soe fore Speech fore for should for spee spe for for
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