-As noted in Article 9 — -Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Jamm, I thought this bill was tabled. -Yes, and I called a special session and un-tabled it. What is up with the roller skates? -I was about to attend a roller-skating birthday party for my husband, but this is more important.
-Yeah, I don’t care. I’m a ‘blades guy. -Point of order! The councilwoman wishes to speak on this issue. -Will the councilwoman yield her time so we can vote on this sucker? -No. I will not yield. Nor will I yield for the rest of the evening. -A filibuster?
Are you dookin’ on my chest right now? -No. Gross. And yes, it’s a filibuster. Okay? I am not willing to let you deprive me of… -She is filibustering on roller skates? She’s gonna be strapped into those things for hours. -I know this is a dire situation,
But I swear to God, this is like a crazy sex fantasy for me. [ Camera shutter clicks ] -I remember the first time I voted. I was in my bedroom, and I was 5. I voted for Mildred, my stuffed pig. But my cat Pancakes won. She had more funding.
Politics, right? What’re ya gonna do? How long have I been talking, three hours? No, eight minutes. Okay. -Maybe you should yield the floor. Milton doesn’t have a lot of time left on Earth. [ Chuckles ] Hey, just kidding, bud. -Will someone open my crackers? -The session ends at 11 p.m.
She has to talk the whole time, she can’t lean on anything for support, and no one else can help her. Three strikes and she is done. -This is literally the most exciting thing that I’ve ever seen. I mean, think about it — where else on Earth
Would you rather spend your birthday with Leslie? -Well, maybe the birthday party she’s throwing for me right now. -Everyone in Pawnee should have the right to vote. -Whoa! Uh, as I dissect this important and profound statement, I’m just gonna take these off for a second. -Bam! Strike one. No sitting.
[ Gong crashes ] [ Ringing stops ] -Is the gong really necessary? -Yes, it is. I love Chinese crap. Lucy Liu, Nintendo, “Gangnam Style,” sushi, et cetera, et cetera. Also, more importantly, it’s in the rules — no sitting. -Okay, fine. Well, the strike is worth it if I can take these off.
-Aw, man! -As Ronald Reagan would say… [ As Reagan ] “Well, Mommy, I believe voting rights are important.” [ Normal voice ] Does anyone else think it’s hot in here? These overalls are really starchy. -Oh, yeah, maybe that’s ’cause I turned up the heat to 90
And, uh…oh, the knob broke off in my hand. [ Laughing ] Oops. -Well, speaking of heat, we should discuss America’s white-hot passion for voting rights and the men and women who help protect them, like the local city councilwoman who is starving and thinking about her husband’s “Reservoir Dog”-themed birthday cake
And wanting to eat it really badly. -Oh, this is not a good sign. Once she starts thinking about birthday cake, she’s basically useless until she eats birthday cake. -Democracy is not unlike a cake. It’s layered, delicious, chocolate, and I want some. -Okay, she’s fading, Ben. We need to find a way to smuggle
Some mineral oil drops onto her tongue. [ Indistinct conversations ] -Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Excuse me. What the hell are you people doing here? -We represent the citizens of former Eagleton. We’re here to support Leslie Knope for preserving our voting rights. [ Cheers and applause ] -Thank you!
You are all warriors of democracy. You know, it was the first mayor of Pawnee, in 1817, who said, “All we have is the right to vote. And the right to kill Indians without consequence.” And I-I believe that half of that statement is still true today. [ Cheers and applause ] -Alright! Second wind!
We stand on the side of Rosa Parks and Gandhi and Team Aniston. One small vote for Pawnee is one giant leap of voting for mankind. -Hey! Hey, you’re not allowed to receive help from the crowd. That’s strike two. [ Gong crashes ] [ Ringing stops ] Hey, man. Leave my gong alone.
The reverb is the best part. -If I save your right to vote, you’re gonna vote for someone from Eagleton? [ Cheers and applause ] [ Crowd chanting “Eagleton!” ] -Hey, Knope, wrap it up. -I’m not gonna yield. I just… I need some time to think.
And because I must keep talking, I’m gonna think out loud. Okay, if Eagletonians vote for someone else, then it would be in my best interest to stop. Right? So they can’t vote. -A-duh-doy! Yield. -Or…I keep going. Because the right to vote is fundamental in any democracy,
And this is bigger than me, or anyone. I don’t care if I lose. No one prevents people in my town from voting. Not on my watch. The filibuster is on! [ Cheers and applause ] -I’ve read the entire charter. There’s no other way to get her a bathroom break. Unless…
We bring the bathroom to her. That’s nothing. -Well, I mean, she’s not gonna make it. Look at her. She’s dancing around like she’s a character in one of those Peanuts cartoons. -Ohhh-kay. In these last few minutes, I would like to talk about the Voting Rights Act of 1965.
While clenching every muscle in my body. Sound good? [ Liquid pouring ] -Hey, uh, Knope, how you feeling over there? You go pee-pee? Pee-pee times? -Knock it off, Jamm! -Make wee-wee? -Five more seconds! -You can do it! -Four, three… -[ Whining ] -…two, one! [ Gavel banging ] -This session is adjourned.
[ Cheers and applause ] All pending matters are tabled. -Yeah! Yes! -You were amazing. -I love you, but move — I have to go to the whiz palace. Oh, wait! -Aah! My beautiful curls! -She didn’t have time to hug me, but she could do that?
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