Hey guys welcome back to dabby girls after hours episode six wow and I am still loving doing the podcast I know are you yeah yeah and although I actually look forward to it in the week I was going to say we filmed the other day for dabby girls and you were like
Dabby girls after hours you nearly like said after hours I think I was joking oh no I was Jo it was a it was a bit Banner no it’s not great Banner but yeah oh joke again yeah always why realize cuz it weren’t that funny so I couldn’t tell
It was a joke if you could just make your jokes a little bit more funnier then I would know to laugh okay that would be really helpful we’re about 10 seconds in and she’s getting at me I was going to say weirdly I actually like it
Feels like a treat coming to film the podcast each week because it’s also it’s just a time like just me and you were out the office away from the kids and it just it almost feels like a bit of a date yeah cuz we just sit and talk for
An hour and it’s it’s actually quite nice therapeutic the car ride here is nice and yeah yeah it’s just nice although we talk a lot about business and then all of a sudden we’re like right what we talking about on the podcast it’s like making notes on the way here but
Yeah I to be fair I’ve actually had a really good week uh because we’re filming this today it’s the end of the week even though it’s uploading on Tuesday so yeah so what do we do this week well we had a busy week at work
We’re in the FI of it with designs so we’ve made a lot of decisions which is really exciting for D very stressful but quite exciting um because obviously we have an IB for tri trip coming up which we’re taking which no one knows about yet so this you’re announcing it for the
First time I can’t remember pretty sure this is the first time we said it okay then let me take it back a bit we are going to IB there you go that’s the energy we’re looking for with 10 influencers which is just going to be yeah so it’s a deu soul skin influence
Trip it’s our first ever Brown trip and we are so excited and the influences we’ve got are just going to be I I just know it’s going to be a really good group we’re going have so much fun yeah a lot of the girls coming on the trip
Are people that we’ve already worked with or we’ve gifted to or they’ve been to other events or we know them um so we actually went for lunch the other day with Tennessee and Megan mclin I I always feel like I’m saying her serame wrong it is mclin right yeah I’m pretty
Sure not mlin yeah oh see oh anyway you guys would know Megan and Millie um mclocklin so Millie was going to come but she blew it out last minute no it wasn’t last it’s couple days you know I’m over it I’ve forgiven her um no it’s
All good so yeah so they came for a lunch with us and we were just discussing plans for the IB for trip yeah because we’ve never done a brand trip obviously they’ve been on brand trips that and it was more from my peace of mind where obviously I’ve been
Planning it with the help of L our social media um we I was just nervous that I’m making all the wrong plans so I felt like if I could just go and talk to them like this is what I’m thinking of the itinerary and nothing was changed it
Was like you are so good at planning events parties like you’re just also whatever you’re involved in is always fun a no it is though isn’t it I always like when we did other influencer events for like we did one at the O2 box we went to lizo concert and everyone had
Such a good time and you were like life and soul theart you know I’m not good at taking compliments this feels really awkward of like just I can cuss you out for a bit it makes you feel more comfortable no I actually was going through um videos with Lily talking
About the event and then I worked out like oh there’s a lot of videos and I’m actually now on the table on the chair like dancing by the end of the night and I was like and embarrassingly like I haven’t actually had a lot to drink I
Don’t really drink a lot I have a couple of drinks you don’t need to drink to have a good time I do like when I go out I just I don’t know I’m just one of them people I feel like kind of awkward so I just once I get smashed like I’m great
I’m having a great know if we’ve mentioned that on here but I do feel like that’s where we’re different because you as a person day today is a lot more confident like talking like speaking um what what’s it called like public speaking I wouldn’t be able to do
We’ve spoke about it I can’t even answer the phone but going out on a night out you find you’re not as confident as I am like I could just go I can talk I can make friends in the club I couldn’t just get up on the dance floor and just I I
Wish I could like I watch and I’m like I love I love watching you on the dance I’m like you’re having such a great time and I’m like I wish I could be like that and I can only really be like that once I’ve like I’m pretty drunk yeah although
I did look back at our wedding video and I was like like Sarah you’ve got to put down the gun fingers but I’m back in the H Dan with the gum fingers yeah yeah again standing on a chair I was up on the chair like wa with my gum fingers in
The air yeah but I but that’s what I’m that’s why I’m confident about the I for trip because I know it’s going to be good vibes like everyone come in um he’s going to just have a great time so yeah although I feel like it takes me on to like this mom guilt
That I’m really going through because obviously before starting deu and soul skin and thatby girls obviously I didn’t actually work I was always a stay-at home mom which I I loved being and it but then I did start to worry that I wouldn’t really have a purpose and then
Naturally it’s just become that I’ve become such a role in the businesses that I’m now working three or four days a week and being away from the girls and then obviously the influencer trip and stuff like that like I’m now dealing with a new feeling that I’ve never felt
Before which I’m sure a lot of moms can understand that this mom guilt I feel so guilty when I’m out at work but also it’s more of a guilt because I’m enjoying doing what I’m doing and being away from them so it’s not like I have
To go to work and it’s really hard you know like yeah that feeling cuz that’s that’s also Mom guilt but I’m enjoying it I like to walk out the door and go to work and be around everyone in in the office like I feel like a new person
That I didn’t even ever experience before because it just have an adult conversation when I’m in the office so it’s really hard to like I can yeah and I see you dealing with it and I can see you battling with it and you you like I’ve loved watching this kind of
Transformation of you of like just seeing like your confidence grow in knowing that you are actually good at running this business with me and in the beginning you you thought you weren’t you didn’t think you had much to offer and now it’s like seeing that but at the
Same time not being with the kids and knowing that also you don’t have to go to work like it’s obviously it’s tough for you but saying that I think you really do set a lot of boundaries and you are really good at that you most
What I think you come in office two to three days a week is it three days yeah three days it used to be two and now it’s it’s three days a week yeah and you are very like if there’s something going on on the Thursday like in the office
You’re like no like no I do day I have a day with Maddy and sometimes if there’s not a lot going in on on a Wednesday you’ll say no like I’m doing this I’m taking Maddy here I want to pick the girls up from school whatever so I think
You have a really healthy balance so I don’t think you need to feel guilty but I do get that yeah and I do try to if I finish I try to get home and yeah you’re not you don’t stay in the office like really late like I do but you you’re
Like well there’s nothing else for me to do I’m going to go I’m going to go and be with the kids which I find really hard you’re right but I mean so don’t judge me when I’m in I beefa on the table gum fingers in the air don’t think
Mom guilt isn’t going through my head it is but like I it did question it made me question like do dads get Dad guilt is it something you feel or yeah Dad has to go to work dad is like I mean obviously that’s stereotypical it is stereotypical and we’re generalizing but for the
Purpose of this conversation let’s just generalize yeah yeah yeah so I have actually for the first time ever been dealing with Dad guilt I never used to have it and I think the reason is is because I don’t have to work as hard as I
Do like I don’t know how to explain this I when we just had the YouTube channel we like we made a really good income and it it was and it gave me freedom in my lifestyle to be able to spend more time with the kids and now that’s turned into
A business we have deu we have soul skin and it’s kind of like we don’t have to do that yet we are yeah and therefore I do feel guilty because I’m kind of like like what you’re saying is in like if you had to go to work you probably feel
Less guilty because there’s not an option right yeah obviously I have to work but I probably don’t have to work as much as I do yeah and I don’t know like that so sometimes if I’m at home cuz I normally leave quite early in the morning for everyone’s up but if I leave
The house and madd’s there like this morning and Maddy says where are you going and I’m like oh I come I come she’s like I come I come I feel so guilty because some days when I do that I think a like I could spend the day
With you but then I’m like but there’s all this to do so I am struggling at the moment with again that comes with your ADHD of your list being too big if you know you’ve got a to-do list you wouldn’t be even be able to enjoy your
Time with her because of that list so you got to kind of also work at the balance yeah I do think I see you struggling in that you struggle more with this than me but you struggle in that you’re like it goes so quick I would regret not just having more
Fridays off with Maddie or Thursdays or whatever day and doing something with her because it goes so quick before you know she’s in school and I know and I know that’s something you’ve said to me like I the the interesting thing about having an 18-year-old and a 2 old at the
Same time and everything in between with the other girl yeah is you do know how quick it goes like when you just have small kids like some of my friends they have like say like they might have a 5-year-old and a three-year-old people will tell them it goes quick but they
Don’t know that because they don’t have the experience I have the experience of blinking and Casey going from a one-year-old to an 18-y oldold and be like where did those years go and so and I’ve mentioned this on the Vlog before like just like I know how quick it goes
But for me that’s why as well like the when we go on like we do go on a lot of holidays and I’m like I really treasure those moments they’re really important for both of us that’s where we switch off we completely switch off and we are just ful it’s it’s
Quality what I do want to do is I do want to start having more time off to spend with Maddie before she goes to school although even like um having more time after school with the girls like you really want to start taking Chloe ice skating because we went ice skating
At the weekend for the first time with Chloe cuz she she um so Grace does ice skating on a firsts day with a uh coach and she’s got really good so Chloe’s like I want to do ice skating so we took her at the weekend and like how Blown
Away was we like seriously she you not have thought for one second that this kid had just got in the ice for the first time ever she was skating she was spinning she was so was unbelievable like ridiculous yeah so now that’s a thing she wants to do she’s got fun
Funny thing that she doesn’t like lessons she doesn’t want to be like Grace but she want soon as you say oh do you want to do lessons she’s like no she’s like unless like she’s amazing at gymnastics which everyone who’s watched our um de girl she’s not had any lesson
Never had less she teaches herself she’s now really good at roller skates she’s good on skateboard she’s good she hates but anything where you’re like let someone teach or lessons she hates group stuff like yeah she does struggle with that yeah she’s funny like she’s got
Kind of got a bit of like Grace’s anxieties I think around school which lessons give heard that I think so so yeah you need to try and put it in your diary that every certain day you take out IE skating cuz well you’ve seen me on the skates yeah I’m not going to
Teach her nothing I also like I’ve been taking the girls swimming a lot like the three little ones I’ve been taking them swimming quite a bit lately and it just reminds I used to take case and Grace swimming like quite a lot and I’m like I
Do it and I think why do I not do this more often with them I hate God annoys me like you hate swimming so much yeah I honest cold so cold I’ll be honest there I don’t think any parent really enjoys taking a kid swim I don’t enjoy it but I enjoy that
They enjoy it I’m counting down the minutes I’m like how long have we been in here is this okay to leave now I i’ I go soft I do took all just swimming I just struggle I took all three of the little ones Swimming by myself yeah the looks of uh admiration
Oh my God they looked at me like I was a superhero and I just pretended like it’s nothing that’s how I big deal that’s what I do yeah it’s good no it is good but it was it was it was a bit touch and
Go you know trying to keep an eye on all three kids and you know one’s under the water splashing around it won’t happen again I won’t allow this to happen okay cuz I can’t I can’t deal with the anxieties although I have had a really really damn week this week you’ve been
On an emotional roller coaster I have I my I don’t know what it was like so obviously I’ve been on my period this week like well that’s what it is that whole um we soled we’ve solved the problem no no but normally I’m okay I I might be emotional but this this week
Just felt different like I felt so different I can’t even explain it it just it hit my mood so much more than it ever does normally I just felt quite flat like yeah with it I could see that I also I think think like not that this is about me because obviously this
Is about you but it is quite um refreshing these days I feel like when you say I feel like this and it’s my emotions it’s my hormones it’s my period not I feel like this and it’s your fault because I feel like Years Gone by you
When you’ve gone through that it I feel like I’ve been a little bit of a punching bag in them situations because a lot of women don’t realize their emotions like yeah so what I’m saying to my friend it’s nice cuz the reason it’s nice is cuz it’s so easy to like be
There for you support you give you a cuddle but when it’s taken out on me it’s like really difficult to like try and be there but then also on the flip side it’s not nice to be a woman and and then when you’re there is a situation
And you may say oh it’s cuz you’re on your period never do I say that not anymore you used to because yeah some of those times I might have been right want to hear that yeah some of the times they might have been but sometimes I’m saying
So it’s nice that you recognize it and I don’t have to point it works well now fig a lot of things out in our marriage it’s taking a while but we got there I was out with my friends and they said that they feel the same like for some reason this I don’t
Know if it’s you know what people say about the moon or whatever you also you you get quite short sometimes when you’re you’re in those moods yeah so you know like we little things really get pet peeves and again it could be because I was on my period but being one of my
Pet peeves and I’m not a greedy person like I’m I’m not but you’re not I am I am with chocolate okay I am I yeah I don’t like to share my chocolate but Joey doesn’t share food but my thing like with pet peeves that is when you
I’ve gone out with my group of friends and one of the friends I’m not really I’m not really that hungry so I’ll just get like a little a little nibble like Okay cool so me and our friend we get a bigger dish to share between the two of
Us and then when the food she comes my friend is then like oh actually I am hungry and then we’re now sharing the distance between two between three and I’m just like it it’s it really stresses me let’s hope that friend’s not watching yeah no that’s why I’m no but it’s just
It really stresses me out I’m like just get yeah you came home and you was like Furious yeah like again it must just get the food like it’s that whole thing of like oh no I’m not hungry I couldn’t but then eat it I couldn’t Poss I’ve seen like people say that about
Couples they do that but I’m not really like that I don’t eat what you like do you know what this off topic but it reminds me of something when we were younger like when we first started dating you were so weird about eating around me right so like when we first
Started dating we were like 15 16 yeah we would just go into like town or whatever and just hang around and obviously we’d always like I’d always be like go and get a McDonald’s right so we go get a McDonald’s and then I’ll be like oh like what do you want like you
Know some it’s my treat like and you’d be like no nothing no nothing and I’d be like I I’m thinking I’ve been with you since 9:00 this morning it’s now like 4 p.m. I’m pretty sure you’re ready to eat there’s no you can’t tell me you’ve
Eaten like he like no no no no I’m like just something like let me at least get you some chips like something I’m just going to sit here and eat this meal like an ice cream something I did used to get an ice cream you would then get like a
Sunday but you were so weird about it used to feel so bad I used to feel I felt bad we haven’t long been together so you saying that one I didn’t have the money so obviously we’ve spoke about my childhood I didn’t have much money so
Back then obviously I don’t know what it would be equivalent to now but back then you had a shilling I was yeah it was that long ago I don’t know what the equivalent but I had a shilling I had a p had pound I had a pound I
Don’t know what that would be now was that like a f would you whoa no I don’t wait we’re not that old I don’t know I’m talking like I don’t know what okay so back then back then sah used to get a pound every day in like the school
Holidays or whatever I’d have a pound but the bus would be 40p so it was where I got the bus there and the bus back and have 20p for a Chomp or um or but me I would you would I’d walk there cuz I wasn’t that far and that would give me a
Can of Coke and a marsar so that was what I would have on a Saturday when I’m out of my friends I would never be that one that would like ask yeah like get me food and just assume you’re going to pay no but I was your boyfriend like that
Was I know but I just like you also didn’t want want to eat in front of me as well it’s weird yeah but also going back to our our when we were first dating you know for the first little while while we’re dating I thought you’re just not really into me you’re
You don’t actually really like me that much like I had so much insecurity because I would invite you around my house you would always say no right and I would invite you to parties i’ be oh there’s a party this Friday like why don’t you come like no and you wouldn’t
Give me a reason you’d just be like you would say it almost like no like as if you just don’t want to like no no FC no I’m right actually and I was like I’d say to my friends like I don’t know like when we’re together it’s great like
Treat mean keep him Kean I was like but she doesn’t ever want to come to a party with me she doesn’t ever want to come over to my house I like I’m not sure she actually lik no so I actually had to be in at a certain time I had like a curfew
My but you never told me and I never told you I was embarrassed that I had I can’t even remember the times say I had to be in at 700 but a lot of my friends were allowed in at like 9: I don’t know I can’t don’t hold me to the times but
So if you’re saying to me oh let’s go to party and it don’t start till half eight I’m like can’t go but I didn’t want to say oh I’ve got to be in then that’s actually pleas yeah so it’s more like no I’m cool like you go without me but it
Would have been nice if you just said if you just told me like I’ve got a curfew then I would have been like cool I won’t go to the party we’ll just go back to your can I just tell you the the funniest thing is actually when the
First like so when we first met we went to it was on 18’s Club I think yeah we were there got on really well and we arranged to meet in Kingston in the games room which is where we used to hang out so games room was the spot every hang so fun they
Don’t have that now our kids don’t know but that was just so so good so loads of kids our age so the next day I don’t know why I’ve never had them before this and I’ve never had them after this but I got my mom to came R my hair that had
All these plats now I always say I can’t have my hair scraped back cuz I look like my dad anyway so I go to the games room feeling pretty cool in my camro and then you I’m sit on the bench and you come this is the day after we met
We’d only met the day before we got on really well so I’m like yeah I’m meeting Joel like at the games room you come up say hi to everyone and then go in down the games room I’m like oh my God she doesn’t like me I just completely me and
Then someone came down to you and was like oh you didn’t go and say hello to Sarah like she’s really upset and you’re like where’s Sarah I was like what Sarah was there I was like what the one with the game R like what that was Sarah yeah
That was me yeah I did not recognize you at all but also do you know what it was is like I felt really I just turned up I think I was with like one other person and you were like a group of six girls
And I I sort of intimidated by my no but you know it was kind of awkward like I didn’t really like want to stop and just have a conversation so I said hello to the girls that I knew and then just went downstairs and I was like yeah I didn’t
Know you there oh and he was actually really cute remember you used to leave school early on a Friday and pick me up from school yeah do you remember that there was one time again you I used to Bunk off school on a Friday you came on your
Own you had your like your BL is it Bluetooth is that what it’s called like you were talking about your phone to your ear yeah but I didn’t the equivalent of airpods these days yeah so I didn’t realize so I’ve come up to you and you’re talking and I’m like what
What are you saying like and you’re like like caring on talking as if like soon she’s going to realize and you’re like I’m on the phone I was like oh I was so embarrassed you used to get so embarrassed so easily and then yeah that’s why that’s why you didn’t come to
My house as well right yeah because your your mom had this like a doorbell where like yeah I think most people had no no no not like yours you would buzz it and then somebody from the inside would say hello so again it comes that talking on
The phone i’ be like hello it’s Sarah Sarah who come see would say Sarah even when we do you know what even when we’ve been dating for months and months right you still no wait you hold on hold on you have to finish the rest of your doorbell wasn’t just that and
They would say that it’s then they would buzz you in and just open the door and you’d be walking in I wouldn’t know where you was you didn’t like I just felt like back like on my house you it was such a small little house you knock
On the door you open it everyone’s in the front room like hi that’s way more intimidating at least with mine the door would be buzzed open you could come in you could come straight to my room and not see anyone I would literally walk through your front door into your whole
Family watching Coronation Street but I soon did realize that I would come on a Friday when your mom would do a Costco trip because the amount of cookies that she had was delicious and it was um fish and chip shop Friday yeah that was good they were good I liked that your mom
Used to have her friends come over with all their kids and would get fish and chips or it did sometimes be a Chinese that’s other thing when we first started day you had never ever tried any adventurous food like literally you had your first Chinese with me first Indian
First probably Tha Mexican anything like but play to you like now you eat all that stuff whereas some people if they’ve been brought up a certain way like they wouldn’t try all that stuff now you love it yeah my mom my it’s come from even though my mom used to cook
She’d cook separate meals like my dad and my older sister would have like the spicy like chili conies and stuff like that my mom would make her and US little ones like a bit more not spicy what would you call it Bland spaghetti ball and Ace M yeah sometimes but your mom’s
Quite plain she doesn’t eat like pasta and rice no no Pastor no rice yeah so yeah that’s uh that’s how I introduce you to foods of the world shall we say you’re welcome thank you thank you for that and I’ve introduced you to desserts because you was never a dessert family
And now we were always like a starter and a main and your family would literally save themselves for the dessert like the dessert was like the main thing for them when when we go to a restaurant we would look at the desserts first to see like what you’re having for
For dinner make sure you room for the for the dessert and I and if I it’s still to this day if I go there and it doesn’t have a great um dessert then I would be like ah all right I’ll get start in a main like not really yeah so
Yeah I’m kind of greedy with the chocolate that’s another story of you talking about I actually didn’t I remember going to my friends we was in primary school and I was with her her auntie and she said right I’m going to get you all McDonald’s and my friend was
Like yeah I have chicken nuggets and chips whatever and I literally was like I don’t know what McDonald’s do because my mom was always like homecooked meal that we didn’t really people going to feel so sorry for you after this episode aren’t they no you lived on a pound a
Day remember YouTubers used to do that that did you know about that video living on a pound a day Sarah lived that life guys okay yeah and also what was the other thing like not knowing what to order off the McDonald’s menu because you never had a McDonald’s yeah well I
Then I then did after that like my auntie would throw her kids a McDonald’s party do you remember McDonald’s part was a thing oh yeah rald McDonald and stuff like so then I back when life was simpler and you could just go McDonald’s for your kid’s birthday party that’s
Crazy is it my gosh think of the money we would save that’s actually mad that you could take your kit you could be like we’re having a birthday at McDonald’s yeah that was a good time you’re going to get a Happy Meal a balloon and you’re going and you’re
Going to be happy about it I’ll so happy with that and then that’s it see you later see that’s why I’m easily um pleased you’re not yes I am no you’re not yes I am you’re easily pleased yeah well you think I’m high maintenance I wouldn’t say high maintenance as much as
Like I feel like I’m trying to think of examples like you’re you’re not high maintenance but you would you would never like when you’re talking about the kids’ birthday parties you are so extra oh I am to them but I’m still talking about me you doing for me like you never
Go extra for me because I’m not some Diva that like what that expects it to like what I do for the girls is different to what I I would expect for myself I don’t expect you to do what I do for them like yeah I know what you
Mean because talking of my childhood like as much as we say about the pound and whatever like cuz I know it it doesn’t make my mom and dad feel nice when they hear is they do feel a bit guilty of the childhood but I love my
Childhood and I would never change it I think it’s made me who I am and the way I am with the girls and that I am thankful for everything I have but um I agree you had a great child I mean I had a great childhood I’m not saying I
Didn’t no but you did like despite um not having that much money when you was growing up like I really admired like your family and just like always family time so important the the simp like really showed that the simpler things in life was what it was all about yeah and
I know it sounds so cliche but like your family would do I’m trying to think of examples of things that your family would do that would be like I really can’t think what is an example of you what do you mean like like a weekend we would have just all
Gone to Richmond Park for a walk like or even uh like a even like a trip to crispy creams was like a treat and it was nice like we even did it even like when we had the girls like we were then all ring and be like should we all meet
Up at crispy creams go and get a donut like but it’s saying that that my Christmas my mom and dad always made it so special we’d come down and there was always so many gifts yeah now those gifts could have been really cheap or whatever but it they made us feel so
Special and taking that that’s what I like to do the girls on their birthdays and Christmas that feeling yeah but this is where this is where me and you don’t necessarily agree because you you do spend quite a lot on their birthdays and Christmases and I’m and like I’m like
But you didn’t have that much spent on you yet you loved it but you always like well I spent more on Casey so now I’ve got to get Grace more stuff or vice versa and I’m like they have so many good presents and you always stress yourself out you’re like Noe it’s not
Enough it’s not I remember one I think we might have spoke about this I don’t know I’m sorry guys if we’ve already spoke about this but I remember one Christmas when case and Grace were really little Grace is probably like one and Casey would have been I don’t know
Two or three but I was like shocked at how much you had gotten for Christmas and you opened everything wait I’m talking let you opened everything right and I was just like say I really feel like you’ve gone a little bit overboard this Christmas and you’re like yeah and
Then you opened a cupboard to go and get something like a you know like a cupboard where about a week after no it’s w a week after it’s on the day no I I I know that it was it was afterwards and I came out yeah it wasn’t on the day
Was it not on the day no all a week later she opened a c and there was a whole another black bag of presents she oh I forgot I even got these and I’m like that’s how you know you’ve got too much no but that come from as well back
Then we didn’t have that much money so started my shopping in like the September yeah no I did I started back in September and started just stocking things up so I had forgot about that bag but yeah no to be fair to you though like you make an effort you do it for
The girls it is even now like I really love to spoil the people around me like my my family my friends I do anything for anyone like it’s like yeah and you you you were like that as well like it’s nice I think yeah it is nice it is nice
I know I feel bad sometimes when I say it cuz I’m not trying to have a dig at you I’m always trying to say like don’t stress yourself out like they’ll be so happy with this cuz it’s almost like you’ve done enough and also I feel guilty because then I’ve not been
Involved in the present mind I think from all the people I spoke to it’s very common that the dads aren’t involved there’s like I saw like it going like a trend on Tik Tok when it’s like they’re just as a surprised as being just as surprised as the child and I sometimes I
Pretend to know I I know we got you that and if I would just happened to be with you by chance when you were shopping like not because I was involved in it but just cuz I happened to be with you and you bought them something I really
Make out like yeah well when we were looking for that present for you I really was thinking like should we get this or this just to really make youv like no but this Christmas was harder because the girls have sent me lists and I was like fine I’ll just get what they
Want their list and then Casey goes to me I really hope you did like my birthday like and you’ve got me a load of surprises cuz she was really good at that my birthday so now I’m like [聽__聽] like I’ve I’ve got you all these things
But now I’ve got to get you surprises as well and I can’t she expecting it weren that she wanted more no it was it’s just that she was like I like you bought stuff that I didn’t know was coming yeah she didn’t know I’d bought her the stuff
Of her list no but um yeah yeah I one Christmas I did actually buy all the girls my own gifts and I love that and I haven’t done it since and I really want to do that yeah so I’m going to do that again that it feels nice it was nice
Does feel nice yeah feels thoughtful I actually feel really crap when I all the presents and I’m like I wasn’t involved in any of that yeah I mean I helped pay for some of it like you know that’s my contribution but yeah I think that takes
Us on to the argument we used to have I think we got through it now but um we were thinking that it could be good to touch on it to how we got through it was the making plans each weekend and you feel like you long we were talking about cuz
This actually came up the other day when we were friends and I was like it’s something that we used to argue about a lot when we when before but now we’ve got it sused and I think I can’t remember why we with friends so like for
Example I think as the woman like the woman naturally just makes plans makes plans for what the kids are doing what’s happening at the weekend um and especially with obviously we we now know you have ADHD we didn’t back then but just you would never make plans you
Would never think ahead so the plans that would so okay so what this is this is what would happen is Sarah would plan ahead with her girls and they would be like Oh I’m going up for dinner with friend I’m even talking like family like no I’m I’m going to cover everything I
Got this I thought we on sorry I thought we was on the wrong no no no we’re no it’s the same thing so you would make plans for your friends like whether you’re going Cinema you’re going out for drinks you’re going dinner yeah you’d make plans like a week two weeks in
Advance oh month yeah in the diary right and then you’d also make plans at weekend like we’re going to go and do this with my family we’re going to go we’re going to go here we’re going to do that we’re meeting up with my sister
We’re meeting up with my mom and dad and I am incapable of making plans ahead of time so I would be like a I’d get home from work and be like kind of fancy going out for dinner with one of the boys or whatever so I’d be like I want
I’m going to go out for dinner tonight and you’d be like well just like that like you like you can’t just you can’t just up and leave and just go out for dinner and I’ll be like well why not like you went out for dinner with your
Friends like the other day and you’re like yeah I planned it ahead like you had noticed you knew and I was like so this would go on and out the weekend I’ll be like I don’t want to go like I don’t want to go and do that thing that
You’ve booked us do I don’t want to go there like I well what do you want to do I don’t know I I don’t know but like maybe I just want some like maybe I want to go shopping maybe I need to get some new clothes or something right this
Didn’t happen often but what was happening is you weren’t like I can only make I can’t make plans I can only act spontaneously right and you wouldn’t allow me to right then I would get frustrated because I’d feel like I’ve got no life outside of I felt at one
Point being a mom you feel like you’ve got to have everything planned and no but it’s just also it’s how you’re either wired that way or you’re not right so I would like you would be like yeah you can you just need to plan ahead so I like okay cool that’s fair enough
And then I just wouldn’t and I literally at one point I think I said to you I feel like I’m living your life like I’m just doing and but at the same time argue all the time because i’ be like happily take control let us know what
We’re doing this weekend and then we come the weekend nothing plans we have nothing to do like so I think we’ve now but then what I said is like I basically can just like look you have to allow me to operate the way I operate and I allow
You to operate you so yeah if I need to make plans spontaneously you just have to let me do it because otherwise I’m never going to do anything yeah that want to do yeah and then you kind of understood that yeah I do understand it and I don’t do
That often by the way like maybe once a month like we’re not talking about every sat I was actually going to back you up because you don’t do it and you don’t see your friends enough um you’re not very sociable anymore with your friends and I actually try to encourage it like
Yeah you do you actually have no idea but I text Steve this week I’m like can you arrang your boy night it’s been a while like I can’t actually plan it no because you just you just I know you don’t have the the space in your brain I
Think to even think about that and it would be last work family think it was 7:00 the other night you’re like but it’s not on the cinema at 9: but again other your friends have now families who so I’ll message in my boys group and I’ll be like who wants to go cinema
Tonight 9:00 p.m. they’re like it’s 7:00 p.m. like I’m like how can I just I’m putting the kids to bed I’m doing this or whatever um so yeah so I have done that because I do think it is yeah you are actually do you know what you are actually very
If I say oh I want to do something you know I’m not going to actually do it and then you’re like you’ll try and book it and plan it for me no and I think that’s I think we’ve said it before like it’s very important for us both to have time
Away from each other um and the families and be our own person yeah cuz like you like you you do not loads but you do quite a lot of like weekends away and stuff even with like your girl like the girls or you’ve done it with like Casey
And Grace or with your mom or your sister or whatever which is really nice and then I might just randomly be like it’s just it’s like I’ve said the girls want to go skiing with you this year and I’m like book it and it’s still not
Booked I’m like it so it’s in lock it in like just literally book for I know but I also hate committing to things I it I can’t commit to something that far in advance I’d be like I kind of think because you keep pushing me you’re like
Book it book it book it and I kind of think in the back of my head and I haven’t actually said this like why do I need to book it because it w happen we forget why can’t we just book it like one why can’t we just book it up when I
Booked New York I got such a good deal on the flights that’s how we flew business because I got them in the February sale I would never have paid the prices to fly business that’s how yeah but we don’t need to fly business
To no you don’t need to no no no but I’m just saying like that was part like the girls loved it it was part of it anyway no that’s not part of it but isn’t it just to be organized the girls know because their lives are so busy to
Trying to then find something yeah but I think what we know is we know we’re going to go I just don’t don’t feel the need to book it right now cuz I don’t know where I want to go and I don’t know it just I me personally I think I book
It a week before but also what is nice because you kind of do like these weekends away I don’t really do a lot of that but then when um when my friend Rollin said to me oh like should we go to Miami it was so last minute it was in
The summer and you were just like yeah go enjoy yourself and that is that is like so ni and such a huge change from where we used to be yeah and again it came to down to the communication because we were always biting heads of
It but when we sat down and we spoke about it and then I like yeah actually you don’t work like that I work like this and you then realized I have to be the one to make the plans otherwise nothing will happen yeah it it was coming together and understanding that
The less I was doing the more I was then resenting it when I was doing things that I I didn’t want to do this but then at the same time I really appreciate and I didn’t want you to stop making plans cuz I’m like I actually really
Appreciate you make plans I don’t want you to stop I just need a bit of flexibility here where I can just be like I want to go do that and and now the it’s it’s even a lot more pressure because Sophie with her autism is really
Needs to know what she by the way just to make it clear like Sophie hasn’t actually been officially diagnosed with autism but the score are saying it’s highly the doctor thinks that she does have because she had so many other issues autism was almost like the least
Of our like and I think as she’s get older I think that’s becoming more apparent that yeah it could be that that’s what affecting her so she likes to know routine so it used to be on a Friday she would like what’s the weekend now it’s getting to the point where it’s
Like on a Tuesday she’s counting down and what are we doing at the weekend and so now we do need to get a little bit more we need to be a bit more planned and yeah it’s harder but yeah yeah but talking of I just want to go on to my um
Oh I was just going to touch on I was just going to say something I don’t want to start preaching on this podcast about what makes a good marriage but we have been together long time married to me is the only thing God surviving um surviving Sarah so
Basically what was you Pro me off I was going to say it’s funny right because that issue with like the whole plans and whatever went on for years and it would cause arguments every now and again it only really came down to one solid conversation and the rest of the years
We haven’t had that issue yeah it is mad how much like you know people it’s such a cliche you say commun like in a relationship communication is key Comm you hear it so much you think yeah all right what is the actual answer to this but like it’s actually
Crazy how much one conversation can solve as long as both people are willing yeah to understand and that’s what I was going to say it I think the reason we work is because we’re always Okay let’s listen to the other person we got like two sides to every story there really is
Where the way you you take something is it like a personal thing and you need to try and understand how and why that person’s taking it that way and why it’s affecting them that way to then come together yeah I always say that like with an argument um I I’d say to the
Girls if they’ve had an argument with somebody I’m like listen to them what have you done except and try and put that back there’s a really good saying yeah seek to understand before no I’ve butchered it I so nearly had it go on seek to understand seek no this is it
Seek first to understand before no basically before before Oh no such a good quote and I’ve butchered it quote it’s such a good quote dude dude I’m telling you bro I’ve got a t on my you sound like the turtle from how old are you understand then be
Understood you know what I’m saying yeah and actually that has actually really helped because in in an argument if you first of all try and understand what the where the person even if they’re wrong understand where they’re coming from my dad’s advice oh this is turning into
Like couple’s advice we should write a book these weren’t even points that we were going to talk about points are like we should not write a book no one more thing to do more mom guilt oh gosh yeah imagine no I was thinking I wouldn’t be
Able to write a bloody book I’d be terrible my English language and spelling would be terrible yeah but that’s what you got me for not too bad no my spelling is not too bad my handwriting is terrible I don’t think I’d handw write a book though I was I
Don’t think we’re actually going to write it no were we not okay cool no I was actually going to say my dad’s advice to us was like the relationship have to be like a seesaa it has to be equal if one’s tilted it’s not going to
Work do you remember yeah but yeah I was just going to go on to my I don’t what it’s called again the bit where you annoying me what’s it called oh my God honey we need to talk okay it’s not that difficult is it I know but it’s just
Not we did say there were other ones you chose that one no you chose it and I went along with it okay we’re stuck with it now no um no because I was just going from that of where I’ve had a bad week of feeling a bit down and obviously the
Plans when we was going swimming because I did actually go um I felt wait wait one second she did go but she sat on the side didn’t get help get them ready dry and that’s that was a lot for you you didn’t get in the you’re welcome I sat
On the side you’re what I got in the freezing cold pool was life God like that’s more you know how cold the pool is at our JY yeah so why do you think I don’t get in cuz I have my burning hot guys honestly patches of redness when I get
Out you’re actually really frustrating me you never get in that pool you get in the baby pool and it’s it’s like a jacuzzi in that only jacuzzi it’s like a Jacuzzi it’s like a Jacuzzi no it’s only a Jacuzzi because you’ve been in the freezing cold pool you never get in the
Cold pool list a mom even got out from the baby pool went to me oh it’s cold in there I was like yeah he’s a loal bar no for you who who literally okay the G the pool in our gym is so cold that me in
The show after you and it’s cold it’s like you’ve I have to turn it right up you have cold water you have a cold heart listen the pool in our gym is so cold that me and Chloe have got this technique that we do we get in the
Shower by the pool and we turn it on freezing cold we have a freezing cold shower oh my gosh tell me more you make me want to go swimming right now so that when we get no wonder I don’t go so when we get in the pool it feels warm yeah
This actually works wow for about a minute yeah then you’re back to being cold you got you got to keep it moving anyway what I was going to say honey we need to talk is you need to listen to this bit oh god of like sometimes when
We leaving the house it is a little bit frustrating I know where is this going that you don’t take any control you know the kids need to get into the car you know they need their shoes on and I’m having to tell you even my mom says oh
If they’ve got to leave the house you they won’t have left for about half an hour it takes about half an hour to get out the door it’s known because I’m literally like Joel shoes on Sophie Chloe shoes on Joel coat like can you get them in the car like can you just
Like do you know I actually I 100% agree with you on this one when I don’t like it when it’s so easy I think you’re now when we are leaving the house or something say If you were like oh we’ve got to be somewhere at 12 yeah I won’t
Even look at my watch it could be half1 12 and we should have been there half an hour ago and if you’re not trying to get us out the door I just assume it’s not time to leave yet I never ever take control of leaving the house I never do
No it doesn’t do you know what it is is like and I’ve noticed this about me I’m either like I’m such a uh what’s the word passenger in no passengers I take a backseat that’s the word yeah yeah I take a backseat in everything unless I’m like in charge like someone’s like
Proper like put me in charge right if someone else is in this situation and they’re like taking control I take a back seat I I find it so hard mentally to either be like I’m either just following orders or I’m the one leading it I can’t be also doing it with you I
Don’t know why it’s just a weird thing in my brain but you also really stress about being late for stuff when I’m just like it’s not that deep you’re lot time are so late but I was brought you stress about no but you stress about things that isn’t like because people can find
Actually find it quite rude if you’re late like I know I know that but I’m not really talking about those scenarios I’m talking about scenarios where like where were we going SK ice skating right and we were late right we were running late there was nothing we could do it wasn’t
What we like I was saying I don’t care we’re late it’s like we are running late we will be late okay there’s nothing we can do about that you having the major hump with everyone in the house and making it more stressful like let’s just
Do what the steps we need to do to get out the door and let’s not like you were making it so much worse let me finish please let me finish this please let me finish this okay you were making it so much worse that I was my rationale is
Like we are late nothing we can do about it so there’s no point in like stressing about it and also you were like yeah but I was like we’re meeting all of your family at ice skating when you get to ice skating you got to put your ice
Skates on you got to like they could all they don’t they will not be waiting for us to get there they will just get on the ice and they’ll be like oh look they’re here like I’m not it’s not like we’re going for dinner and everyone’s waiting to order I’m like I don’t
Understand the extreme stress that you were going through so firstly it’s the fact of we would be that bit quicker if you was just like okay let me just get the kids in the car and you sort out the b I was doing that at that point at that
Point I was doing that and you was you were it’s got me to can I also just make one point we weren’t even late no because we got there early okay so there’s major road works and the and the A3 was closed cuz we were going to the
Guilford one there was the A3 was closed you had to go a different way so instead of a 20-minute drive it was was going to take an hour but then when we got in the car whatever traffic was telling me an hour had now cleared up and it was only
40 minutes so that’s why we weren’t late because the traffic c yeah but do you not do you think I’m like I’ve said you’re right do you think in any way I’m right what I’m saying yeah no I I do agree feel free to say it sometimes no I
Do say you’re right in that I don’t need to stress I can’t help it some yeah but you know like also cuz I let you talk one second my mic is on um the yeah you made me Oh’s that basically the thing I was saying is like with the ice skating
It’s only a time slot so I don’t want to like we’re going all that way sitting in all that traffic and if the kids have got an hour on the ice skating no it’s like an hour and a half and trust me I wish it was an hour 45 minutes was on it
That whole time and she loved it you didn’t have to get on there in the end she I get who what in the end she was on with Grace you didn’t have to get on with her in the end in the end of the session it sounded like you didn’t even
Get on with her like I just sat on the side who sits on the sidelines and watch their kids skating or swimming like who does that me at swimming because it was I skating’s cold yeah I got a coat on I can wear a coat I lay it up I was
Prepared for the for the cold okay I’m going to get you a wet suit cuz you know they’re warm if you get in a pool in a wet suit you don’t feel the cold what about then you coming in no I’m getting you a wet suit no you’re not that a
Waste of money don’t do it I don’t want to wear I’ve got one you can wear mine it’s got a hood won’t fit me it literally goes over your head as well let’s go on to some dilemas come on get me some juicy dilemas out cuz I feel
Like we could yeah save the world now I doubt it we probably going to give some terrible advice one day someone’s going to sue us CU their whole life went bad because of the advice we gave them all right so we have a dilemma oo make it
Juicy I don’t make it ju I just read what comes in we’ll make it juicy to it Jak help my part they’re stuck oh God you’re annoying help my partner is amazing at helping with our daughter and works fulltime but he is so lazy capitals at anything to do with
Housework I watch our daughter every day so I technically see that as equal to his full-time job but trying to get him to do anything in the house is a task he will roll his eyes and act like he’s taking a job off of my load when I completely believe just like parenting
Jobs in the house should be equal but he doesn’t believe the same it’s starting to affect our relationship as I feel like I’m trying to juggle so much oh well my advice would be that that we always say that we’re a team you and me
We a team yep you used to go to work and I would be at home with the kids which is a hard job and I think when I’ve gone away the weekend you’ve then realized what hard job it is in trying to maintain the house and stuff um and even
When the girls are growing up I’ve encouraged that them they’re a part of the team so they’ve always had to have chores to do so my way which has worked with you like before how to train a husband yeah how to train a husband episode one no um
On a serious level it’s and I even gave my friend this advice recently actually was to explain to him to him look like when you get home from work this is what I’ve still got left to do dinner bath bed bit of washing this and that like
Explain what it is and like I can’t sit down and chill with you until this is done so this is the list write it down and if we could both just get through this list we can can then chill together and watch a movie and I feel like once
You understood it was like that because you would then want I hope well you did you’d want me to sit with you and chill in the evening and it you realizing that I can’t actually just not do these things because if you don’t do them it impacts the next day impacts like the
Week like there’s certain things like washing you can’t leave in the washing machine like washing the washing um dishwasher there’s a lot of things around the house that need to be done I think just writing that list of why do you look like you don’t agree but it’s
Worked for us is that what it’s worked for us I don’t know but I’d say like now I don’t have to write the list I think we still do a little bit struggle with this a little bit sometimes if I’ve had a long day I actually and I say like
It’s a bit of a problem like sometimes I feel so lazy like when I get home from work I literally feel like I just want to crash on the sofa and I’m literally like and I always say like I feel like as soon as my bomb hits that sofa you
Could be anywhere in the house and you will literally shout my name like Joe like yeah but that’s why I feel like you’re good cuz you you come home now because of the way we’ve done it you’re come home and say I’m feeling like this what needs to be done before I
Sit down once I sit down it’s a no so I so I would say that do you know what I think if a lot of guys were honest which I probably wasn’t honest with myself before like I probably would have felt like I think in our younger years I
Probably felt like I’m at work all day you’re just at the house looking after the kids I’m finished my work that’s your work right that is such a wrong way to think about it because if I was honest with myself and you said cool how
About I go out to work and you look after the kids all day I wouldn’t I enjoy going to work yeah like I love being with the kids that’s not the issue but I can’t I I find it so hard to be like a to be I would find it so hard to
Be a stay-at home Dad I really would struggle with that keeping on top of the house keeping on top of the kids like I would really really struggle with that so I think if I was honest with myself I’d say actually I do when I’m out at work
Although I’m working it’s kind of like me time obviously I don’t know what his job is but it is a bit of me time right yeah that is quite nice so to use that excuse of like oh I’ve been at work all day it’s kind of like yeah would you
Rather have been at home with the kids dealing with the house kids washing this and that the honest answer is probably no yeah so I think having that like helping him to realize that that what you’re doing at home as a stay-at-home mom is a lot to manage and it’s not that
Enjoyable you’re not just at home just playing with the kids all day no and also even if you are like it gets boring after a while let’s be honest like playing with the kids there’s only so much you can play with the kids then you
Start to think okay I’m kind of dumb I do think that explaining again of just like like this is what we’ve got left to do yeah so I we manage this up so we can first of all there’s a few jobs there’s there’s a few jobs which I’m like they
They’re kind of like those are jobs that I can do I’m happy to do you’re happy for me to do them there’s certain jobs which I don’t do in you wouldn’t be able you’re not very good at knowing where the toys go for example I find it really
Hard to like tid but like the kitchen you are kitchen I’m on it dishwasher washing the sides putting every like cooking dinner I I’ll cook dinner yeah I’ll tidy the kitchen or even like you’re on a Sunday evening I say like you get the girls into bed I’m going to
Sort all their uniforms and Lun boxes I do like bath yeah bath the kids bedtime all that stuff what I’m not good at just working out like I’m really not good at like going okay where does all this random stuff go like tied in the playroom I’m like please I can’t do that
I don’t know where it goes and I’ll will be in there for like 3 hours crying my out so I think just the communic I think the communication I think as well like what we saying earlier like the other person you’re there’s only so much you
Can do if your partner’s not willing to understand where you’re coming from and potentially try and do something different but I will say to you yeah look I’m feeling very I want to go and sit and watch Netflix just tell me what
I need to get done so that I can go so I can do that you’ll be like just these three things or whatever and I’ll be like call and I’ll do two of them sit on the sofa get shouted out about the last thing get up do that and then we’re good
Right yeah but again I just been team being a team communication communication being a team book coming soon it’s going to be called communication is key it’s probably a book already team is there’s no me and team there is that there is a me and team there’s no iron team we’re
Working on the book title to be honest it’s a working title can you not promise people a book cuz there is no book coming there will be you just won’t know it would be like written by SAR and Joel and you had no input and it would just
Be like completely it does as well as this on Spotify number one book goes on one I can feel like a Dell for a minute I’ll I’ll be happy until you read the content of you’re like I did not sign up today but anyway that’s all we have time
For today so guys if you are enjoying the podcast I would massively appreciate if you subscribe to the channel if you leave us a review wherever you’re listening to it it honestly helps us so much and yeah we’ll see you next Tuesday at 6: pm. I said CH so CH day guys day
Guys bye random by at the end yeah
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