Wondering why I’m running down the streets of New York at night in the pouring rain with a mob of angry girls chasing me tell you when I catch my breath I turned a corner and ran down an alley only to find a dead end I looked around frantically and burst through a tiny
Door that led into a dingy Cafe which was empty except for a boy sweeping the floor quick I need you to hide me he just stared at me silently sometime today would be nice buddy what’s the magic word I don’t know hurry up that’s not one word Jesus Christ
Wrong again please please is the magic word uh no it’s Abracadabra okay I’m guessing you’re not from the mafia you want to look at the menu I wouldn’t order the salmon it’s been smelling weird for weeks just hide me now the boy shoved me into a tiny broom closet just
Before the girls chasing me burst in did Lana Moon come in here no one’s been in here for three days no wait yesterday a big ugly guy came in and cut his toenails here and left without ordering anything does that sound like Lana Moon you’re crazy Let’s Go Girls when I heard
The door slam shut I came out you really don’t know who I am I figured out your name was Lana Moon duh but no who are you hi everyone I’m Lana Moon Global sensation and chart-topping singer but of course you all knew that I don’t know what rock this weirdo’s been living
Under before I continue please like And subscribe my life wasn’t always like this in fact growing up I was a nobody with nothing much my dad was a maths teacher in a public school and my mom was a maid she was French and had come to America for a better life but it
Hadn’t turned out like she’d imagined pay attention Lana you have to learn fractions yes Lana it’s very useful to know that half your father’s miserable salary goes to rent and one cell goes to bills how much is left for buying us something nice do the math and feel disappointed algebra is important this
Equation can help you calculate the gradient of the slope yes Lana let’s calculate the slope of your life going downhill and you just skip slop baby clearly my parents didn’t get along and even though I loved dad I was with Mom on how useless math was I was actually
Obsessed with singing but my parents were either too busy with their jobs or too busy arguing to notice one day they were fighting when I put my headphones on in my room and started singing a ballad myself don’t wanna be all by myself anymore
As I belted out the high note I saw my parents in the doorway their mouths hanging open that was you singing it was you no Celine Dion’s hiding under my bed oh my God Celine is here dad of course it was me you don’t get sarcasm do you
Oh my baby you have a gift you’re going to be a singer a superstar we’ll talk about this after she finishes high school and college do you know how many singers fail I’ll run the numbers on the probability of success wait wait how you say in America oh yes shut up man mom
Took on extra cleaning jobs to pay for a professional vocal coach and soon she was signing me up for talent shows Open Mic nights at cafes and singing competitions and then everything changed in the 12th grade when I won a big national competition I received a huge
Cash prize signed up with a talent manager Chas and got a record deal in New York you’re ruining her childhood how can you make her drop out of high school she’s almost 18 and what good as I don’t support this decision and I won’t be going with you two some people
Are meant to live small lives forever and you are one of them but it won’t be me or my daughter I was really sad that Dad didn’t support me and her family was breaking up but I just couldn’t let this opportunity slip away before I knew it
It was on a crazy roller coaster ride I was recording songs singing on TV shows giving radio interviews and when my album was released it hopped the music chart and launched my career into the stratosphere overnight soon I was touring and singing to sold out stadiums
Every time I stepped on stage and the crowd roared my name they had to pinch myself this was real I was a star but it turns out a roller coaster isn’t all that fun if you can’t get off two years later I was getting tired and wanted a
Break we’ve got concerts lined up for the next three months we have TV appearances brand endorsements a small break it’s not possible right now you’re on top of the world Lana and we have to make sure you stay there but one night as I performed for a huge crowd I found
Myself singing off key and I forgot my lyrics then during my final number this huge Spotlight turned towards me and suddenly I couldn’t stop blinking I stumbled backwards in confusion and crashed into a bunch of dancers who crashed into the band Chaz ran on stage with my bodyguards and whisked me off to
A hospital after a thorough examination the doctor told us that my excessive blinking was triggered by exhaustion and stress and I needed rest Chaz had to cancel my commitments and I went off to Hawaii for three months one day as I was sunbathing by the pool with Mom Chaz
Came running have you seen the music charts lately you’re almost at the bottom relax have a pina colada people love me this is Showbiz Lana you go from hero to zero in seconds there’s a talented New Girl in Town and everyone’s talking about how she’s gonna be the
Next big thing he wasn’t kidding the girl with some exotic foreign Beauty who wrote her own lyrics and played five different instruments and America was obsessed I still had my fans but my popularity was definitely taking ahead what do you mean you found another face for your makeup brand Yolanda Moon’s
Backup singer ever heard of a thing called loyalty okay then jump off a cliff I returned to my work and started recording again one day after my session Chaz dragged me off to my dressing room and I flipped out when I saw who was inside I’m guessing I don’t need to
Introduce myself oh my God you’re you’re Xander the lead singer for the hottest boy band in the world come on and I have a poster of you in my bedroom and now you’re here in the flesh no scratch that it’s my mother who has a poster of you
In her bedroom no wait that sounds way worse it’s okay I have a poster of me too I’ve heard your songs Lana you’re very talented who me yes you also I was wondering if you’d go to dinner with me tomorrow night she’ll be there I can
Speak for myself Chaz um yeah I’ll be there the next day Xander whisked me off in his limo to a super exclusive restaurant and sure I was impressed with the food and Xander stimples but we also had a lot in common this life can be so lonely it’s hard for regular people to
Understand it does get overwhelming sometimes but we’re also really lucky I love your positivity you look beautiful by the way Xander took my hand and butterflies fluttered in my stomach the next week Xander sent his private jet to take me to a beautiful Island Town we spent all weekend on the beach talking
And laughing the night before I left we had our first kiss under the stars then he asked me to be his girlfriend and I was so caught up in the moment I just said yes Xander and I moved in together and we became the new it couple we were
On magazine covers we were doing interviews together and the paparazzi were obsessed with us my album sales were through the roof again and Xander and I released a duet that the public went wild for life was perfect but soon a new side of Xander started to show
Itself Are you seriously wearing that to the gala this is chanel from last year’s collection looks like someone gave you those clothes as Charity please go change it’s not a good look for me I thought sander was being rude and superficial but I changed anyway to
Avoid an argument but he only got worse it became more and more controlling telling me what to wear when to smile how much to eat who to talk to why do you talk to that woman on the phone so much um because she’s my mom how come you
Don’t talk to your family I ditched all those Bottom Feeders years ago all anyone wants for me is money I honestly felt a little bad for him but I hated his attitude with me I felt suffocated and like I wasn’t my own person anymore soon we had an interview on a popular
Late night show and Xander was unbearable he kept undermining my opinions and interrupting me or just talked Non-Stop about himself as we walked out of the studio Xander took my hand but I shook it off what are you doing you know the paparazzi is always watching so smile don’t tell me what to
Do and I’m not going home with you we’re done Xander excuse me do you understand what it means to be my girlfriend there are girls far prettier and more talented than you who are dying to be with me I hate it when your eyes start doing this
Blinking thing you look so stupid make it stop I’m having a serious conversation here no Xander this conversation is done and so are we as I turned away he tried to stop me but I pushed him hard the paparazzi went crazy around us and I jumped into a cab and
Fled the scene I checked into a hotel that night and as I sank into the bed I felt relief wash over me I was free but the next morning I woke up to a hundred angry voicemails from Chas when I turned on the TV I saw the video me pushing
Xander being played on every News Channel and he was crying Lana was only with me because of my face her manager set us up because her career was tanking I really fell in love with her though I did everything she said bought her everything she asked for
But after the interview last night she told me she was seeing someone else Lana moon is a cheater a liar and a gold digger that jerk I checked Twitter and Tick Tock and found thousands of comments calling for a boycott of my album and tour I moved back to my own
Place and released an official statement saying Xander was lying and just couldn’t accept the relationship was over my fans were supportive but his fangirls were insane they were camping outside my house chanting protests and egging my windows after a week of this nonsense I slipped out one night
Climbing over the back wall but as I was sipping my face favorite latte at a cafe some of those girls spotted me it’s her I can’t believe you treated Xander that way you need to apologize to that precious angel that’s when they started chasing me and I ended up with the crazy
Boy in the weird Cafe his name was Kenny and he offered me a dry sweatshirt and a cup of tea cause I told him my story he was fascinated especially when he saw Xander’s picture whoa you were dating this guy I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone so proportionate because those
Cheekbones you could grate cheese off of them sorry sorry went off on a tangent we hate this guy he’s a toxic piece of garbage thank you how come you don’t know about all this I don’t have any social media accounts I’m a theoretical physicist in an advanced level
University program so between that and my multiple jobs I don’t have much time for a stupid gossip not that your life is stupid this was really interesting and it’s nice to meet a pop star it’s been nice to meet someone so ordinary wait that came out wrong no I’m pretty
Ordinary and I’m okay with that is it okay if I come hang out here sometimes I’m always alone here I could use the company the noise created by Xander’s fans started dying out and I returned to work but in the evenings I started slipping out frequently to the cafe and
Even though we were poles apart I found Kenny the easiest person to talk to he listened attentively and always gave the best advice he was smart and funny and even cute but clearly unaware of it and he really seemed to love my songs after I finished the new album I decided to
Take a weekend break on an exclusive Island Resort where no Paparazzi would be around and I invited Kenny Kenny was loving the resort but he just wouldn’t come into the pool I could show you some disturbing statistics about how much pool water is actually just pee there’s
No and here and I’m not peeing there’s a lot of life-threatening bacteria in that water that can travel up your nose you don’t know how to swim do you yeah you caught me I’m a loser I’ll teach you I’m an expert no thanks come on just jump
Into the pool I’ll catch you you jump into the pool I’m already in the pool jump at me you jump at me I literally had to drag him in and force him to learn when I thought he was ready I pushed him towards the deep end Kenny started flapping around like a crazy
Duck but he was actually afloat oh my God I’m swimming you’re doing so well keep going soon he was swimming around like a clumsy mermaid and then he circled back to me laughing wow this feels amazing thank you thank you and then suddenly he kissed me and I kissed
Him back we broke apart and stared at each other but just then Xander turned up at the pool what are you doing here are you stalking me maybe is that a crime uh yeah when I found out you were coming here with a plus one I had to see
For myself you were cheating on me all along just as I’d suspect did why else would you break up with me cause you’ve been acting like a jerk for months so you decided to cheat on me with skinny pasty nobody hey that’s rude what do you want Xander just some pictures to prove
My claim I got one of you two kissing that’ll work you’re invading my privacy I want you to delete it sure after I posted it what’s happening to your eyes Lana is that the first time you’re seeing miss blinks a lot listen dude if you don’t stop bothering Lana right now
I will punch your face it won’t hurt that much because I’m not that strong but it’ll still be embarrassing for someone like you to get punched by a pasty physicist give it your best shot chicken legs no one is doing anything as I stepped forward to stop him I suddenly
Slipped on some water and hit my head and then I blacked out when I finally came around I was in a hospital with Chaz and Mom beside me oh my baby you’re awake where am I you were taken to a hospital on the island but we had you
Transferred to the city you’ve been unconscious for three days we kept the news quiet though how are you feeling I think I’m okay then take take a look at this chess shoved a phone in my face and the picture of me kissing Kenny was everywhere sander was claiming it was
Taken by a private investigator while he and I were still together this isn’t true and that Maniac posted this when I could have been in a coma who was this boy you’re kissing I’m entitled to some privacy no you’re not you’re a public figure Lana and I’m your manager I need
To know everything about this boy before I decide how to handle this story he’s a nobody okay just an ordinary guy I randomly met a distraction I only invited him to the resort because I didn’t want to be alone don’t drag him into all this drama he’s no one
Important of course I lied to get Chas off my back Kenny meant a lot to me and I wanted to talk to him about us before I made anything public I texted Kenny but he didn’t reply soon after I was released from the hospital and went to
The cafe and sure enough he was there hey why haven’t you replied you didn’t want to know how I was doing I knew you were fine okay then Kenny we need to talk yeah and I’ll go first Lana I don’t think you should come around here or
Keep in touch with me oh so you don’t want to see me anymore yeah because I’m just an ordinary guy you randomly met and hung out with so you wouldn’t be alone right I came to see you at the hospital and I heard you and Chaz
Talking listen it’s not it’s fine I am ordinary and I have a lot on my plate I don’t want to be in the public eye and I don’t need distractions you and I belong to two different worlds and they’re never gonna intersect so let’s just back off before anyone gets hurt okay if
That’s what you want okay I felt kind of heartbroken but maybe it was for the best he didn’t want this life and perhaps it was better for me to not be in a relationship right now but on the bright side Karma hit sander soon he started dating the Exotic foreign singer
Who recorded him acting crazy jealous and screaming at her and she made it public Xander got dropped by his label and the same fans who’d hated me brought out their pitchforks for him instead I got a lot of support and my new album did amazingly well but my success felt
Hollow and I called Dad one day maybe you were right all along and I should have never become a singer I never said that Lana you’re very talented and I never expected you to become a mathematician I just wanted you to have a balanced life you should have fighter to stick around
Your wisdom I didn’t think you think you’re sorry do you think I think I high school I think that sounds great honey the next day I publicly announced my career break mom didn’t protest much because apparently she was getting married to a rich music producer and relocating to France Jazz went
Berserk but I fired him I was done being pushed around and I would get back to music when I felt ready after my high school graduation I was celebrating with my friends at a cafe that was having an open mic night I couldn’t resist getting up on stage and singing and it felt
Great just then I spotted a familiar face smiling at me and I walked over Kenny it’s been a while how are you pretty great actually I finished the program with flying colors of course you did it’s lame in comparison but I just finished high school I know I made a
Social media account just to follow you Kenny all those things I said to Chas I didn’t mean them you weren’t a distraction or a rebound and you’re not at all ordinary not to me anyway I’ll see you around are you free for dinner I know this Shady Cafe that’s great if you
Want to get food poisoning and good tea we could talk more sounds good to me foreign foreign
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