My daughter’s going to be 30 and she’s got nothing to show for she’s a moocher did you steal from your grandmother yeah did you get your mother’s credit card and run up $11,000 I did and she’s blaming her family no matter how bad I screw up I
Know Mom Dad Grandma whoever’s going to be there to fix it for me I’ve had it it’s worse than I ever expected they won’t let me do the things I want to do in life you keep criticizing them cuz they’re rich I would have been able to
Be successful if they would have just let me do the things that I I wanted to do so you steal $50,000 in a BMW this is going to be a changing day in your life have a good show everybody here we go it matters to you that’s what I want
To talk about ready in Let’s Do It Go Dr [Applause] pH how are you how are you all right I have a question for you everybody have a seat everybody have a seat here’s the question is it asking too much for your 20s somethings to be able to make their own money and to be independent Nowaday I got a lot of 20s somethings here so why are so many 20-somethings taking so long to grow up if they ever do now one theory is something called a mer in adulthood you read about this New York Times article that said this is a time between 18 and
30 which is to be used for identity exploration instability self-focus or just kind of feeling lost in between now you can take a poll right now on drill.com and let me know if you think emerging adulthood either makes sense or it’s just another excuse Barbara says she’s given her 24
Year-old daughter nothing but the best and all she has to show for it is a daughter who won’t speak to her Chelsea’s had it pretty good my parents gave me everything that I ever wanted Chelsea’s birthdays were an event when she was in kindergarten we went
Roller skating we had a costume party we hired Belgian workhorses and a covered wagon Chelsea’s dad is an orthopedic they spent $144,000 to buy me a show horse and travel all over the place Chelsea’s grandfather was an airline Captain I have gone to Peru Costa Rica Dominican Republic she’s been to Hawaii
Twice Chelsea’s Grandmother Had a jewelry store for 25 years and instead of playing with marbles Chelsea would go in and play with the diamonds and the rubies I’ve been raised in a very materialistic lifestyle my mom and dad gave me a car for my birthday I think it
Was or I’m not that’s really bad but I forget why exactly they gave me a car in the past 2 years Chelsea cost me $27,000 I was the fool that just gave her the money and now I’m paying for it I called my mom a rich [ __ ] one time
Chelsea called me a rich [ __ ] she didn’t want to be like me and my rich [ __ ] friends I said really but Mom can I have 20 bucks for gas I fear that Chelsea will not become a responsible respectable member of society she sent me to finishing school she goes
Don’t you call me don’t you call here I don’t want to talk to you and she hung up said fine I haven’t talked to her in 7 months well Chelsea moved out of her mom’s house and they have not seen each other as she says in seven months so I
Want to ask Chelsea to join us now come right in hello how are you good nice meet you Dr Phil her you know her I know Mom so why have you had no contact in s months when the last time I talked to her she told me she didn’t want to hear
From me anymore she said that she was an adult she was going to live her own life and she didn’t she just didn’t want me I said great I have been pushed away so many times I finally got the picture mhm so how do you feel about it I push out
Of my life at that time because I needed I needed space and I told her that I didn’t want her calling me I didn’t want her coming over I didn’t want her knowing where I was cuz I didn’t want her to come over and cause a scene and I
Didn’t I just didn’t want her but I missed her I need her back in my life you do you want her back in your life how do how do you feel about that right now I think she just needs me because of my checkbook I I don’t know what she needs
From me other than money are you running out of money nope I don’t need money I don’t need anything other than the fact to know that my mom’s there and she still loves me cuz she hasn’t I mean I feel that regardless of the things that happen a mother should still
Unconditionally love you and in the past seven months I haven’t even got a call just to say anything at all mhm and that’s hard have have you mistreated your mother yeah horribly have you mistreated your grandmother who’s right down here marget Hi how are you have you mistreated her yeah I’ve mistreated
Everybody in my family why I don’t for specific incidents I can’t say exactly why I did the things that I’ve done however um it’s the choices that I’ve made and I’ve been raised to a certain standard I feel all my life that I no matter what I
Try and do will ever be good enough for my family well you knew right or wrong true yeah true because you have exploited her in a major way financially right yes you you spent $111,000 on her credit cards have you held yourself to any kind of standard no not until recently well one
Of Barbara’s biggest complaints is that Chelsea hasn’t completed her J take a look at this my daughter’s going to be 30 one day and she’s got nothing to show for it she doesn’t have a GED she doesn’t have a job she doesn’t have friends that are what I consider worthy
Or that are going anywhere she has nothing to show me that she has accomplished anything in life lying cheating stealing I can’t trust her I lie because the repercussions and the consequences that I would have gotten from my mom immediately after you know telling her the truth were worse than
Just lying about it and having to deal with it later on I’m afraid she’s coming back to me and I can’t afford her well we’re going to hear what Chelsea’s grandmother has to say about all this when we come back because she’s been involved as [Applause] Well stay tuned for a special sneak peek behind the scenes look at tomorrow’s Dr Phil oh hey w Oh well we’re talking to 24 year-old Chelsea and her mother Barbara now Chelsea’s grandmother Margaret invited Chelsea to live with her and her grandfather now Grandma feels used here’s why we wanted her to have the very best Chelsea lived with us for four months and I discovered she’ stolen my credit
Cards lied to me and she stole my car so Chelsea was not being a good girl I told them don’t do it you’re G to be so sorry she’s trouble and she will hurt you and she did I told barara I could solve the problems I always watched the Dr Phil
Show I thought I knew everything she had written almost $1,000 wor of checks underneath this bed is where we found all of my mail and I was so upset because I kept accusing the bank of not sending out our statements he stole my master card the total was
$7,000 the Visa card was around $6,000 we have probably given her $30,000 besides she took money out of my purse the house is so big that we cannot hear anything she’d sneak out she abused my car every night she stole my car really and she said well I feel like I’m
Locked in and I want to go hang out with my friends well yeah they were hanging out at my expense the restaurant $110 for Hooters $89 for Hooters she set the bed up so that we would think that she was still in bed and then this place
Were just covered with clothes we opened the closet and here were big sacks of trash it was a disaster I am so angry I am so livid to think that Chelsea would do her grandmother a great Injustice okay so what do you say about all that there’s a lot of stuff that wasn’t really said there now I came back from California and I’d been living not financially on my own but by myself since I was 18 years old they took my cars away from me they took my
Privileges to go see anybody away from me everything that I had been used to for the past you know since I was 18 was now taken away from me I wasn’t allowed to go do anything but did you steal from your grandmother yeah did did you get
Your mother’s credit card and run up $111,000 I did did you forge checks on your grandmother that’s a felony and I told her she could turn me into jail she threatens me about everything that she can do and I said fine if it’s that big of a deal to you
And if you’re really that angry about it turn me in call the cops and let me go to jail for it but instead they didn’t do that so you ran up $111,000 on your mother’s credit card $7,000 on one of your grandmother’s credit cards 5,000 on
Another one of her credit cards that you stole you stole her vicadin according to her you stole her BMW so you could go out at night um you’ve run up $227,000 on your mother and $36,000 uh 332 $2,800 on your grandmother you were getting your nails done going to restaurants yeah I was
Doing anything rewound the mileage Gage on a car but is is this okay with you no I I never said it was okay at all but clearly the way that everything was being gone about wasn’t wasn’t good either I mean nothing taking everything away from me and not letting me do
Anything at all they w’t let me succeed and they wouldn’t let me fail either they won’t let me do the things I want to do in life because it’s never good enough for you said they took things away from you they weren’t your thing see that’s the problem we’ve got here
They gave me the car they gave me my car they took things away from me that were mine who bought the car my my mother and my father and it got taken away just my mother there was no questions asked my father about it at all and so you feel
Violated because they took things away that truly were yours yeah but you don’t feel that you violated these people when you took away things that were clearly their you’re spended they took away things that were mine you stole 50 Grand from these people I realize that I do
But and you have the audacity to talk about them taking away something of yours no none of this would have ever happened if I would have still been able to do the things I wanted to do as long as they let you do what you want to do
You won’t steal from them not saying in a bad I’m not saying do just whatever I want to do had a job working at a farm wasn’t good enough for him never anything that I ever do is not good enough for them I would have been able
To be successful if they would have just let me do the things that I wanted to do and be proud of me for the fact that I even have a job like that I’m even doing anything but they’ve grown up in their little ritzy like only worried about
Money and only worried about their name and that’s not me I hate that that’s not the person I want to be at all you want to be all ritzy dy I don’t want to have a bunch of money and only worry about the money and only worry about my name
And then why would you steal $50,000 you don’t value money so you steal $50,000 in a BMW grandma what do you say about all this you stole the car at night to go out and be with your friends to go to Hooters and every place else where I
Asked you if I could go and you guys would not let me go no no no that is absolutely not true true tomorrow on Dr Phil I always dream that I’m Flying flying dreams can mean that you’re trying to escape a situation what are the five most common dreams my
Husband is dreaming that I’m cheating are you kind of insecure well maybe a little bit what do your dreams reveal when we land I’m the only one that’s still alive have you lost people close to you in your life find out Dr Phil’s biggest nightmare that that’s Tomorrow I worked for a throrough bread breeder when I got out of high school my mom absolutely hated it like I was probably the happiest that i’ been in a really long time I was doing what I loved every single day but because I was just working at a horse farm it wasn’t
Good enough for her she didn’t like that at all you don’t value money so you steal $50,000 in a BMW grandma what do you say about all this you know you had every golden opportunity you took the car to the gym we allowed you to have the car
To go your mom paid for a gym so that you could get out of the we left you go to your dad’s office we left you go up town to get our mail which you later stole our mail and our statements from the credit card company and uh things
From the accountant and IRS we found underneath your bed and in the drawers after you moved out now you know that’s true yes I do know that’s true and I do know that I screwed up like I really realiz that and we didn’t lock you up you wanted to you
Stole the car at night to go out and be with your friends to go to Hooters and every place else you know all all the restaurants the this shushi bar uh I have a list of everything ski resort 120 126 times she never went skiing where I asked you if I
Could go and you guys would not let me go no no no that is absolutely not true we wanted you to exercise we wanted to no Chelsea that’s not true yes it is Dr Phil I would like her to go get exercise we paid for a gym that is not true the
Thing I’m trying to resolve here because I want you to get what you really want I mean I really do you probably don’t see me much as a friend to you right now but I just want to get the truth out here and you can’t change what you don’t
Acknowledge I’ve acknowledged that I screwed up I ack say you keep criticizing them because they’re like rich and they have this ritzy life and all of that but yet you’re stealing BMWs and going to ski resorts and all of this stuff it sounds to me like you kind of
Like the lifestyle I just like being able to be out with my friends CU you’re not steal on a BMW and going down to the soup kitchen to feed the Homeless screwed all that stuff up like I I realized that perfectly fine maybe you just going to bring me
Blame your mother for quote giving me everything I ever wanted quote telling me I was fat since I was 15 quote saying my ex would leave me for a skinny girl quote telling me I would never amount to anything and quote withholding unconditional love those are your complaints against your mother what do
You say about that I have got on her about her weight it because she’s not healthy I don’t think that she’s healthy with being overweight I don’t know what I did wrong if I just did it all at once or if it was a combination of everything going on
I I just wanted her to get her GED and get a job so she can pay her car insurance then she can have the car but right now she’s got if that’s the deal and I got the job and you said no it has
To be a job as a CNA because working at a coffee stand making good money and tips and more than I would have made working at the CNA jobs that I could have applied for was not good enough for you it wasn’t cost effective she was D
She was driving farther than what she was making money for there’s no benefits to what you were doing there’s benefits in the healthcare I was making five 500 bucks every two two weeks and tips on top of that but it wasn’t good enough because then why didn’t you start paying
Your grandma back because I wasn’t asking for any money I was paying for my gas you just sto $37,000 and I was paying for my rent you ask why cuz I didn’t have any extra money if I had extra money to pay either of you off right now I would be doing
That have you ever apologized to them I apologized as much as I can I don’t know how many more times I can say that I’m sorry for the things that I did and they take it with a grain of salt because I have screwed up so many times
In the past and I completely understand that and so but I hear you explaining it away here I I hear you saying um and not that you don’t have some issues that I think you have legitimate complaints about I I agree but you know here’s the thing when you do something so
Outrageously wrong so criminal it just kind of crowds everything off the radar screen doesn’t it yeah I mean you realize you could go to jail for 20 years for what you’ve done these are serious crimes and you’re like well they wouldn’t let me do what I
Wanted to do tell it to a judge and see how that sounds Excuse Me Miss you stole $50,000 through credit card fraud and a BMW well they wouldn’t let me do what I wanted to do do you think the Judge would say well I wish you’d have said that before we
Brought the jury in here and all of that stuff because we would we would have saved a lot of the state’s money here do you realize how noncredible that is yeah I mean you must just drive away from these people just laughing your ass off thinking they are so they just keep
Bringing me back they just keep loading me up and and then you say they she you criticize her that she’s given you everything you’ve ever wanted parents hear that and that’s what you criticize her for yeah because now that I look back on my life I see that no matter how
Bad I screw up I know Mom Dad Grandma whoever’s going to be there to fix it for me and that it will all be okay that’s why like I don’t want that anymore like I’m sick of it let let me go and let me either succeed
Or let me fail like I have to do this on my own though I had that mother gut feeling something’s not right and I knew that you would be experimenting that’s what kids do I didn’t know it was that bad she didn’t know for a fact any how we lowered the Bar when Chelsea and I get in an argument she will start to yell at me to intimidate me when I accuse her of lying especially I cannot be as perfect as you why are you like this to me then I will say oh honey and she’ll look at me don’t
Call me honey then we go from there like to 12-year-olds and then it gets worse cuz I hang up on her and now I’m an 8-year-old Chelsea has been keeping a secret from her mother that she wants her to learn about today take a look I’m living down in California I got
Really depressed at night being there by myself September rolled around and I came up to Washington to my one friend the one that had gotten me into drugs I partied with her for like a week we just did whatever we could do I think we did Coke and meth
Was her thing and so we did that and I spent probably 1,000 to, 1500 bucks on coke meth crack alcohol feed all of that one night I went out to the bar and got trashed absolutely trashed to like almost blackout point and I didn’t have
Anywhere to go so I was staying in my car in Walmart parking lots every night I’d woken up that morning to a cop knocking on my window asking me what what I was doing with my car running sleeping in the parking lot at like 9:00
In the morning so I decided to call my grandma and my mom I had been doing drugs all that weekend and I couldn’t tell my family I just told him I needed to come back up and my mom decided that she would get all my stuff and move me
Back up to my grandma’s the reality was just gone anytime I was on drugs and that felt so good cuz I didn’t feel like I had such a screwed up life what do you want to say I found the pipe in your car I knew I I didn’t know
It was that bad I didn’t know it was that bad but I had that mother gut feeling something’s not right you I found the pipe okay okay and I knew that you would be experimenting I that’s what kids do but what you put on that credit card of
Really that’s what they do but I just thought she’d do it when she was younger so that we could yeah yeah no that’s what some kids do that’s not what all kids do some kids my kid my kid did it my kid was drinking and here we
Are but she didn’t know for a fact any lower the I didn’t know it was that bad CH I didn’t know it was that bad do you understand that lying has become your second nature right weren’t you talking to her on the cell phone at one point
And she told you she was in California oh yeah and you were behind her on the street in Washington she tells me I was behind I’m on the highway I’m on the highway and she’s on the cell phone and she tells me I have to pull into the parking lot now because
I have to go back to work it’s 1:00 you thought she was in California doing what working in a dental office and she in fact was she was in my state we don’t live in California she’s in my state I’m following her she just told me that
She’s going to her job in California and she had to get off the phone and I said you know you I didn’t freak out I didn’t yell at her I said go tell your grandparents didn’t I L there’s one thing that we just need to be honest
About you are not a good thief you you you steal things and leave a trail you left receipts in your purse and in the room at their house you’re not even you’re not even good at being bad so you just might as well decide to be good I
Mean we we you got to change this we got to turn this around it has been changed in the past seven months that my mom hasn’t been talking to me well there maybe that then that’s good that’s a good start all right we got to take a break next the biggest thing Chelsea
Says her mom is most critical about we’ll be right back When I’m talking with other parents and they’re telling me about their child’s wedding grandkids career moves what they’re doing in college Awards they’ve won and how proud they are of their child and all I can do is sit there and say that’s really nice and I’m dying inside because I don’t have anything
Good to say Chelsea says her mom was very critical of her growing up I had a lot of good times up until about fifth grade I wasn’t doing good in school and that’s when my parents started fighting I felt a lot of pressure from both of my parents growing
Up my grandma owns this huge jewelry store my dad is a doctor and I pretty much felt my entire life like I had to grow up to be something amazing where I was never Chelsea but she has let herself go she doesn’t seem to have any personal s satisfaction so she just eats
And she smokes too much drinks too much and she’s gained a lot of weight my weight was a huge thing I’ve been told ever since the day I was like 13 that I was fat my mom would say that I was fat she’d tell me that on a regular basis
Almost every day because I was so self-conscious I’d wear sweatshirts all the time just to cover whatever fat was there if I didn’t look good then it reflected back on her and nitpicky little things like that absolutely drove me crazy it was like a slap in the
Face okay what do you say about it’s true it I am sorry about that just but it’s true I did that I’m worried about her weight I’m worried that she’s not taking care of her health she can’t get I don’t think she can get a job with the
Size that she’s at because employer employers may look at her as not being healthy getting a back problem getting knee problems well you you said something that really kind of struck me you said a lot of times with your friends and they’re all bragging about their kids’ accomplishments and you just
Sit there and stare at the table because you got nothing to say I stare well yes I don’t stare at the table I stare at them I go that’s wonderful yes and my family too um she’s got cousins there’s seven of them and they’re all born the
Same year okay so six of them are all doing things and Chelsea’s not you know they’re they were accomplishing something what’s good about her she’s got a wonderful personality she she’s a wonderful personality she can talk to any body she’s not shy she can go out there and just Dazzle
Why do you suppose it’s gone so wrong with the criminal Behavior the dishonesty all I did something somewhere and I’m not sure what it was I don’t think it was just all of the weight issue it could be because I wanted her to be something than what she is I just
Wonder her right now all I want her to do is get her GED and get a job and then that’ll be great and then if you wanted to be a nurse like you say you do you need those two things to get further in life and I’m not paying for anymore if I
Don’t want to be a nurse if I want to do something that I want to do it better be cost effective you said that you wanted to work at a horse ranch great but the horse ranch was an hour away okay it t do the math on on the TR stuff down
There though here do this math you don’t tell a 13-year-old she’s fat I know I I real you work on Good Life habits you you work on those things but you don’t label a child in that way that is wrong it doesn’t just ify everything you’ve
Done but that is wrong and look here’s the thing Chelsea you why did you agree to come because I want my mom back in my life really bad did she bribe you to come yeah she did how she bribe you to come she told me that that she would
Give me my car back if I came down here and what did I do the next day though uh and then the next and then I took it back she said if I wanted to go to the show or if I did she’d give me my
Car back then a couple days later I told her that it didn’t matter like wasn’t for the car I wasn’t doing this for the car I was curious that have have you ever really just told your grandmother look you took me in you opened your home
To me you gave me a place to stay a beautiful place and I went behind your back and robbed you like a thief in the night and you didn’t deserve that and I’m sorry I’ve told her sorry almost every occasion that I’ve gone over to her house since that happened and she’s
Going to say that I didn’t cuz she’s you never specifically came gave me a hug or say said I’m sorry you just said I’m sorry and the last time you came over what did you say just tell Dr Phil what you wanted she said I came here because
I want my gun out of the safe oh it’s my gun it’s my gun it’s in my name and I can get the police and I can get my gun back and I said please do Chelsea just please please do go get the police I would welcome them in my home yeah she
Said she’ll tell them about the credit cards I said go for it but any conversation you have with your grandmother that ends with somebody telling her to assume the position is a bad conversation what do you mean you’re going to call the cops on your
Grandmother I I said that if I I said it nicely of course it’s going to be made to seem like I didn’t but I said that I wanted them or I was going to have to go get the like that’s the only other option they’re not going to give it to me so
Now Grandma I’m going to call the cops on you and I said please do but you know she owes me all this money don’t you think that she could give me the $600 back or whatever the gun is worth it’s mine now it I don’t care whether it’s in
Your name or not we can go to the police I want it’s mine and be honest with me here have you ever sincerely felt remorse for victimizing your grandparents yeah I felt bad for all of the entire my entire life for my entire life of screwing
Everything up like I feel bad I really do but nobody gets that nobody understands that like I realize how much I’ve screwed up and the past I know it has you feel bad for yourself but do you feel bad for the fact that you feel for
What I did to my family like I feel bad for that but you continue to do it you did it to me first and then you felt bad and then you went and did it to her oh wait but first first you did it to me and then you decided to move to
California I bailed you out of that lease I moved you back to where we live that wasn’t chump change that was a big piece of my life then you going to do it to her and you feel sorry about it and then when she told her grandmother she
Was sorry she goes sorry I there was no heart you weren’t even there Mom you been out of my life for said way you said it she just said the way you said it yeah she said it however she want want to say it that’s not what happened
I told her I was sincerely sorry and that I realized I had screwed up and that I apologized for the things that I did and I meant it whether she wants to take it as I seriously meant it or I was just saying it just to say it that’s up to Her I’ve had it you told me you were going to make me proud of you well you have not you’ve gone down into depths it’s worse than I ever expected it made me very sad I’ve apologized and I have sincerely sincerely meant it and you know I have
Screwed up and it hasn’t been since you know since I’ve been out of my grandma’s house and actually trying and actually having to do things because I know that I you know it’s time to grow up and I’m trying to do the right thing in the past
Seven months like I have been doing good and I know it’s hard because I’ve screwed everything up in the past but I’m doing good where’s the test results for your GED if you’ve done so well I don’t have it because I’ve been working do it at night
You can do something I can do something let me add this in Chelsea says she wishes her mother was as supportive as her father and he wasn’t able to join us today but he did share his thoughts on what’s holding Chelsea back Chelsea refuses to grow up she’s
Very smart and intelligent problem is I don’t really trust her she’s unable to follow through with the things that she says she’s going to do during her High School completion courses she said that she had completed her final examination and in fact she had not so I kicked
Chelsea out of the house but she just won’t do the class work Chelsea’s old enough and she needs to be living on her own I’m not willing to pay for her living expenses she needs to get a job and make her own money I really don’t think that chelse is going to change
Much until she either hits bottom or she’s willing to accept help from somebody else you want to be left alone you’re saying you want her in your life but as far as managing your life or making decisions you want to do the job you want to do the place you want to do
It and you’ll either Make It or Break It on your own yep and you’ve stolen over $50,000 for them and and you’ve said you get some extra money you get ahead you pay them back yeah yeah if I have the money and can pay my rent and get my gas to
Get to work I have no problem paying them back the money that I took from them none at all anything you come into goes would go to them yeah that’s fine by I’m through I’m through giving you money I’ve had it because I see that you’re not getting we gave you every
Papa and I gave you every opportunity to get your GED bought the books you told me you were going to make me proud of you well you have not you’ve gone down into dumps it’s worse than I ever expected wor so you didn’t make me proud you made me very sad
Have you come in any money recently no I’ve come up with just the money that I to pay my rent and pay my groceries and I put money away because to move to make my move and other than that I have had no extra money and
People will vouch for the fact I have not been going out or doing anything you know I wanted to test this so before the show Chelsea was given $500 for helping out around here set it down and um what what did you do with the 500 well
Thankfully it didn’t show it I stuck it in my shirt yeah so you I didn’t know we were getting money I didn’t really plan on what I’m going to be doing with this money yeah well actually you said quote Oh great it’s my birthday I can get drinks on the
Airplane yeah I did it’s my birthday this is what I’m doing for my birthday I was just curious as to whether or not if if you came into some money if you turn and say hey guys I just got 500 bucks I didn’t think I was going to get and I
Certainly owe you money so here’s 500 bucks yeah it’s going to go to gas to get down here and to pay my rent this month I what’s left over from the drinks on the plane surely you won’t drink 500 bucks on the plane so you should have money
For something uh when you get home you know that money that was stolen you can kiss that goodbye you’re not ever going to see it again it’s gone forget it I wouldn’t like figure it into my retirement plan so and she still ain’t ponying up
To 500 as you can well see so I think that’s not going to happen but what you’re saying is you want to be left alone to do what you want to do and make it or break it on your own that’s six years now and she hasn’t proven that
She’s but either she is or not you you threw bailing her out right oh yes absolutely you don’t trust her in your home no you don’t trust her around your mail or your credit cards or anything of the sort you gave her a credit card and
It took you three months to get it back yes that’s on you Lady I know it I mean you could have stopped that that day where’s my credit card all you got to do is pick up the phone say cancel that issue me a new one come on I didn’t
Think about that I didn’t think about that yeah well that’s an $1,000 oops should have thought about that isn’t I trusted her though I really trusted her like but now I don’t love her but have boundaries love her but have boundaries you don’t have to love everything she
Does and you can decide well it is not coste effective uh as you’ve said like 10 times well neither is her ripping you off for $227,000 you want to be left alone to do what you want to do let her do it somebody gave her a car let her drive it okay that’s
Hard I know it’s just hard to let her go no I will I will do what you say because that’s why I’m here but it’s just oh it just tags my heart I will that’s why I say that’s why I said you’ve been doing this for you not for the kids it’s not
Good for the kids it’s good for your heart you say oh it’s so hard for her to be on her own well you know you’re not going to be here forever no I’m old according to her well you’re not going to be here forever at some point she’s
Going to be alone in this world you got to teach them you know it’s it said a long time ago give them some fish they’ll eat tonight teach them to fish they’ll eat the rest of their life yes it’s time that you learn to fish we’ll be right Back she’s got 50 more good years left if she uses them wisely I have 25 I want to be able to enjoy those years with her she’s the only family I have right now my husband has left me she’s it and I don’t want to be I don’t want to be
Alone well I want to thank all of my guests for being here today guys you know we have a job as parents and that is to prepare our kids for the next level and if you’re not preparing them for the next level then you’re not doing your job and sometimes they have to
Learn some of it painfully on their own sometimes you can show them the way but if you’re not doing that you’re not doing your job however it makes you feel so just think about it all right we have a great time here in the studio audience
If you’re going to be in Los Angeles we’d love to have you the tickets are free you can go to drf.com you can click on be in the audience or you can check out drf.com and see how all of you out there have voted about today’s show and
Today’s questions thanks for being here so [Applause] long [Applause] You you have to give her her space you’ve got to set up some boundaries because you have trouble with boundaries you want to control her weight you want to control her health it’s not your job anymore good news they don’t have any control over you whatsoever there’s absolutely nothing to rebel against you
So you’re saying start a new slate so when she tells me something that she’s not lying do I believe her if she wants to go butt a stump she can do it she doesn’t owe you any explanation there’s no reason to lie you lie to escape consequences they have no consequences
For you you decide you want some counseling you call us let us know we’ll make the arrangements for you thank you very much I appreciate it Dr Phil told me to let her go she’s 24 I agree with him I cannot be controlling anymore she was given money
She can do with it what she wants it it’s hers I don’t expect to see this money anymore I mean I didn’t know we were getting any money so if they want it they can have it and I don’t believe that she’s going to do that I think that
She will spend the money foolishly nothing that I ever do she’ll ever believe so if I was to give you the money right now there you go there’s the money I’m trying to give you back the money I’m trying to do the things that I need to
Do to make this relationship work I would really appreciate it if you would follow through with what you say I am okay I accept that and I’m sorry I promise to tell you the truth and I will try my artist to make you proud I don’t know if I will but I’ll
Try you know my mom’s wiping my plate completely clean this time and I don’t want to mess it up that she really needs to do it take the personality quiz and find out we did a little hidden camera test on this Audi and see how we turned the tables on Dr
Phil this expert snooped in my office and we’re going to reveal what it said about my personality this is going to be a changing day in your life have a good show everybody here we go it matters to you that’s what I want to talk about We Ready in BO let’s do
It okay it’s always interesting to know what’s going on on stage before the show starts sometimes Anthony will bring up the party people to get us going and it’s always a certain type of person I’m going to go out and talk about who it is let’s see what this says about these folks
You know I’m always paying attention to what sometimes people don’t know I’m paying attention to and I today we’re paying attention to people’s personalities and it’s a certain kind of personality that comes up here and dances around see all of y’all are likely to be what we call extroverts you think I mean
And and really 75% of the people are extroverts they make they’re excellent networkers they’re really assertive and you guys would be interested to know that the majority of CEOs the bosses are extroverts politicians are extroverts people that are leading are often extroverts and you guys probably qualify
For that category right now okay go sit down for a minute interestingly enough I’ve been paying attention to all of you guys too because today we just opened the doors and said sit anywhere you want to sit now there’s a fair amount of research actually about this kind of
Thing and I watched y com the middle are often kind of shy people they just kind of get where they can blend right you don’t want to be in front you don’t want to be in back those of you close to the exit have seen the show before
Let’s get out of here you really people are often in a rush they look they they go in with the mindset what’s the quickest way out of here when this is over and then the front you got extroverts people that want to get up front so they can see everything maybe get
Involved personality is interesting don’t you think everybody has a different personality I mean we’re all unique in some way and one of the things that I want to clear up while I’m talking about it is I do not have a personality test on the internet not on
Facebook not anywhere so if you see that it’s a fake however today we are paying attention to your personality so all of you at home you can go to drf.com right now there’s a 10 question personality test there that you can take as we’re doing the show and we’re
Actually going to score it for you right there so you can see how you kind of Stack Up on stuff now we have an expert on the show today that’s an expert on stuff cuz your stuff says a whole lot about you this expert snooped in my
Office yesterday with a camera and we’re going to reveal what it said about my personality a little later there’s a tape that I want you to see of an individual that has one personality most of the time and then changes personality when he gets behind the wheel of a car
My horn is my God’s head I just want them out of my way and if they don’t I take my spray like that and I spray him and it sounds stupid but it’s you know look at him he’s got waers on I get frustrated with people like
This how fast are we going now 0 and now we’re going to spray them that’s me telling him to get over and some people are just cluing oh it’s raining yeah this guy is my Nemesis he’s the one I need to catch here we go I
Aggravated it right now with this guy I don’t care about the cops I don’t care about nothing except catching this fool and I spray oh Lord I just heard a ding and I’ve already got the low wash on you know it’s very sad but it’s a good sense of
Satisfaction you know what I’m saying okay are you curious why you’re that way and and other people aren’t oh yeah I’m that’s why so you even this isn’t something that you just do reactively you actually premeditate being pissed off oh yeah oh yeah cuz you
Say I’m going to get in my car and I’m going to you’re loaded for bear with your squirters yeah right yeah yeah um you don’t live in Texas do you no sir I’m from Texas you don’t want to be squirting people in Texas cuz you know
That it’s that a third of all crashes are associated with road rage and 2third of deaths involved with crashes those crashes are involved with road rage somebody gets crazy and starts jerking their wheel around and that sort of thing how is he the rest of the time
He’s perfectly fine very calm very calm yeah so you transform oh I switch yeah I I consider myself a gentleman open the door for my wife all the time and take care of people and and do the right thing for people but I get behind the
Wheel and I’m a different man I’m for real really don’t if you has somewhere he has to be how are you in the grocery store line oh I love going shopping I’m good aren’t I food you know I like food I’m going shopping so if you’ve got
Somebody up there that can’t find their checkbook or they’re on the phone or they’re messing around you you don’t the only time Dr Phil is if I’m hungry when we go to the grocery store then I’m like hurry up so we can get home and I can
Eat yeah other than that I’m good but you don’t pull out your pocket squirter and get or anything like that cuz you know here’s the deal you have to deal with them personally then yeah yeah now is it true that you go through three gallons of washer fluid a week minimum I
Don’t even buy washer fluid anymore I just filled up with the hose really seriously each week yeah three gallons can take those with me I could probably use them yeah I bet you guys don’t go through a gallon of this a year and you go through
Three gallons a week easy so I go through a gallon a day sometimes do you ever get upset if if you run out oh I’m pissed I do get mad I’m like damn I’m out now how long commute but it’s it’s an interesting personality Quirk don’t
You think that this is the one place that he does this and I’ve found a common denominator among the people that I’ve talked to about road rage and they all seem to have the attitude that the Universe revolves around them like you have the expectation that
When you get on the road it’s supposed to separate like the Red Sea because you are the only one with an agenda you are the the only one that needs to get anywhere you are the only one in a hurry and we’re going to run on and people should just know that okay
Brian’s on the road pull over pretty much is that your attitude a lot and I know that speed is a bad thing for me because I did get it pulled over by our lovely Troopers and you know when he clocked me I was going 110 but when he clocked me I was
Actually going 120 before and I didn’t even realize it because I get so entrenched in get the hell out of my way that I just floor and then I looked down and go I better stop and I I did get rid of a vehicle I had a you know Mustang GT
In convertible and I was going in 133 down interstate one day with the top down and I didn’t even realize it until I looked down and said this is not probably the wisest thing in the world to do yeah I wasn’t with exactly and I and I understand that’s why I’m here
Because I want to understand but do you realize that you have an unrealistic expectancy s oh yeah yeah I do that you pull onto the road thinking this is supposed to be about me they should know Brian has arrived we’re now going to run my speeds my agenda my traffic pattern
And that that is amazingly egic I mean that’s just totally about you oh I totally understand the thing I get frustrated with and I allow myself to get frustrated with is when I see people texting eating driving with one knee and I take that personally for some reason
Because that’s that’s dangerous but I don’t see un driving 133 which yeah exactly which is much safer exactly yeah and I don’t necessarily agree I’m just sharing with you this is my experience okay so you have one set of of standards that to which you measure yourself and another said which
You measure everybody else again it’s all about you exactly it’s okay if you do something stupid on the highway it’s not okay if they do okay but I don’t judge myself did you squirt yourself yeah that’s what I’m saying I didn’t squirt myself yeah you should dump this
On your head next time you go 133 you get my point yes sir if you want to change this you you got to do a couple things one you have to adjust your expectancy set I mean come on I I I I live in LA I could this is you you
Would be a serial killer i’ be dead one day telling you that’s the you’ve got to adjust your expectancy set all right think and we’re going to be talking more about personality as we go along and the test that has become an online phenomenon you’re going to see what that
Is in a few minutes you’re going to find out if it’s real or if it’s kind of controversial as well right after the break [Applause] Monday on Dr Phil when know I throw tantrum I feel like a failure of a mom what do you do if you have a child that acts like a brat whether you have one holy Terror you hear me or triplet get up in that
Why are you yelling all the time I don’t think I yell all the time we have a lot of T they’re saying the blessing bow your hand you can brat proof your child you want to know the number one thing you’re doing to sabotage this child’s future that’s Monday okay I want you to look at this dancer spinning now some of you may have seen this before concentrate and ask yourself is she spinning clockwise or is she spinning counterclockwise and it makes a difference according to this test in terms of how you see this
And how many of you see it spinning clockwise okay how many of you see it spinning counterclockwise you know interestingly that’s close to 50/50 now I believe the theory here is that if it is spinning counterclockwise you are left brain dominant and that means that you’re logical you’re analytical you’re
Objective you see things in Parts instead of the whole and if you’re right brained it’s spinning clockwise and that means you’re kind of a random thinker you’re not as linear you you deal with intuition uh instead of just straight analyticals you tend to look at the whole instead of breaking it down into
The parts and you’re highly subjective now this has become an internet phenomena and while it’s wildly popular there are real questions whether or not it really means anything but but it does make you think and it is interesting that different people see it in different ways now Dr Gosling is a
Professor of psychology at the University of Texas hookham horns That’s my boy okay University of Texas at Austin come on up and join us if you would Sam good to see you man have to see thank you now you have written a book called SN Snoop tell us what snoop’s all about
Well Snoop is looking at how we can express ourselves both deliberately and unconsciously in the spaces around us and in turn how you can look at spaces around people and figure out what they’re like some of it they want to tell you which is and they’re being
Authentic when they do that but some of the things they tell you uh accidentally just by the way they leave their their objects on their desk and organize their books and so on okay did I tell you some things accidentally when you went through mypace you you did and yeah and
You also said some things I think you know authentic Expressions conscious authentic Expressions we’ll to that later I think that if you track to literature and psychology there’s been ho there have been so many things written over the years about personality traits and characteristics but it seems like there
Is a real consensus that there are kind of five big factors that describe personality right now and that’s what the test is that we put on the internet that gives you some insight into that I’m not saying that it’s it’s perfect those five characteristics are openness conscientiousness extroversion agreeableness and neuroticism tell us
What openness means well openness is really a a a good test I mean maybe people here could ask imagine that you go into a uh restaurant and are you the type of person when you get the menu who points to the thing that you’ve never seen and say I’ll have that whatever it
Is or are you the sort of person who says Actually I don’t even need to open the menu I’ll have the spaghetti I like spaghetti I like what I know I know what I like bring me the spaghetti yeah but what if you ordered something you never
Had and it’s got snails in it or something then you’d be in real so I wouldn’t be open if I wasn’t willing to do that that’s right that’s one of the DI people don’t care right all right conscientiousness what are you talking about there so conscientiousness is more
About um people who think before they act they plan um are you the sort of person who only replaces the toilet rooll when it runs out or do you get some beforehand so so planning ahead now we met some extroverts up here and most everybody knows what extrovert means I
Mean is there anything that’s more subtle other than just the outgoing engaging aspect well they these people tend to be more dominant they tend to be more active um and and they really get energized by people so so so everyone many people can come to a party but it’s
Afterwards you can really tell between the introverts and the extroverts because the introverts need to go sit down and be alone for a bit to decompress where the exerts are energized by it okay and agreeableness is kind of um like Mr Roger versus Simon Cal exactly um it’s just how agreeable
Are you and and you you tend to seek some point of Harmony right yeah it’s it’s really up people warm sympathetic versus people who are going to tell it to you bluntly and they’re not going to try and uh hide you fig there more they’re they’re going to be direct with
You all right neuroticism has to do with stability stress worry I mean is this a bad thing if you’re high on neuroticism well it depends what kind of a world you live in if you’re in a world full of threats then it’s good to be very alert
To threats if you’re in a if you’re in a safe World which most of us now then you can get very anxious and worried worrying about things that aren’t actually threats to you okay now some of these things that you use to kind of demonstrate this you have a stamp
Demonstration what what tell me about this all right well the answer is so um so who here um carries spare stamps in your wallet or your bag or something like that raise your hand High be proud if you carry spare stamps really okay look around okay stand up if if you’re a
Stamp carrier really stand up if you’re a stamp carrier okay really you carry a stamp with you this is fascinating to me you have a whole page of them you have two sets of stamps here did you know there would be people out here with stamps there usually are but
Yeah okay what is this what is this what’s your name Marne Marney okay would you say then that she is conscientious she would be high conscientious but it goes beyond that so what’s what’s really interesting about that is not only the people who carry stamps but reactions
Like yours of the people who don’t and [Laughter] what’s and and why it’s interesting hell does he think he’s talking to no what do you mean well what and what it shows you is the personality is not only what we do like carry stamps but it’s also how we perceive the world
And I always have this effect is the people who do carry stamps can’t believe the people who don’t they think well what what happens when you need to mail a letter they’re can like do are you do you consider yourself a conscientious person uhhuh so you are
You kind of planful sometimes do do you do you do you get supplies before you run out of other supplies yes really okay [Applause] now so what do you say that it says about somebody like me who can’t believe that somebody would wag a stamp with
Them around for 5 years and it goes out of style and it’s not enough money to Mar but you still carry it around MH well that does that does shock me yeah and they and they have different they have different standards you’re just supposed to say oh no it looks fine yeah
And people just have these different standards which is why it’s quite hard to fake it because you it’s hard to see the world truly as somebody with a different personality sees the world yeah for sure all right we come back our our personalities compatible I mean we
Hear about this a lot I mean can you is there a a certain type you mesh with versus Nash with and we’re going to add a body language expert to weigh in on this because listen I believe that a very small percentage of our Communications are verbal and a whole
Lot of it is what we say with our body and our syntax and how we position ourselves so we’re going to talk about all of this you’re going to learn something today we’ll be right back Now here we see he’s looking at another woman look at that face she is not happy she’s going what what are you doing my name is Darcy I’ve been dating Craig for about 7 months Craig’s personality is different than mine in that he never seems to stress about anything she’s just really
Easy going Craig’s a little bit more Progressive than I am she’s a little more traditional than me I’m a pretty ambitious person I would like to get married someday I wouldn’t really date anyone who I didn’t think was a potential candidate she’s a pretty cool
Girl I’m hoping to learn if Craig and I are Compatible okay now right now you can go to my Facebook page and you’re going to find something there about Darcy and Craig and you’re going to get to vote based on what you’ve seen and what you’re going to see as to whether or not they think you guys are shortterm or
This could be the Long Haul so we’re going to do a little focus group on you guys while we’re doing this sounds good okay now Dr Lillian glass is here now she is a body language expert and she has looked at this couple’s compatibility on a recent date so let’s
Take a look at this then we’re going to talk with Dr glass when they’re walking in there’s a little bit too much distance between them and that’s not a great sign especially with a couple that’s been together only 7 months you want to see them closer together you can see right
Here she’s really uncomfortable I don’t think this is a girl that likes to eat much one of the things that is comfortable their feet are pointed right towards each other they really are into each other definitely and look at her eye contact and look at his eye contact
They’re looking right into each other’s eyes they’re really connected I hate food okay what did I tell you you and you can tell she hates food angry hand says a lot is the tuna again now you see she’s closing her mouth nope I don’t really want tuna but she’ll go along
With it cuz she’s agreeable she doesn’t speak up she keeps it in but her body language her facial expression says it all now here we see he’s looking at another woman look at that face she is not happy she’s going what what are you doing I’m cuter she’s going to be
Agreeable but she’s not liking this how’s it everything tastes it’s really good look what just happened this is really good yeah she says yes with her mouth but her body language says no it’s horrible she bites her lip and when you bite your lip that means you don’t want
To say a lot more she she doesn’t like this too much he’s speaking up he’s telling it like is she doesn’t want to make waves but that could be a problem in their relationship they’re like wait no that I stuttered I stutter okay now the the fact that she
Stuttered it’s kind of like she’s vulnerable and so he touched her kind of that appeals to him he finds that a turn on as you could see this is a great couple they’re very accommodating to one another but there’s something major that she needs to work On all right now so how’d she do in grading y’all’s paper pretty good did did you catch him checking out I did yeah you got busted yeah I know I love watch for that were you checking her out when she came in she was wearing a green dress yeah you know good
Answer good answer you’re are no dummy that is a good answer all right but you thought he was checking her out yeah and you didn’t like it I guess not I tried to hide it but they she caught me yeah why would but here that’s the point why
Why did you try to hide it because I’m accommodating well Dr glass welcome Dr glass to the show Dr glass has a PHD uh University of Minnesota you work in Communications and communication disorders you said there is one thing that she really needs to do in this relationship what is it
Communicate if something’s bothering you speak up he’s going to love you anyway so just go for it you think she is too accommodating I think she’s a little bit too accommodating and she might blow up after a while she may be so accommodating and then one day she may
Just all let it out so it’s better to say what’s going on you could say it politely like you do and sweetly but you need to speak up why wouldn’t you say something to him when you caught him checking that girl out he says he wasn’t
But you thought he was we all think he was but he said he wasn’t he was just looking at the green dress which again is a really good answer and you need to stick with it but but why would you choose not to say something I’m not saying that’s wrong
I’m just curious what what was your thought process my thought process is um someone just walked in he looked my instinct my reaction that you see is kind of like like she’s looking another girl but then I then I kind of come to my sense of thinking you know someone
Just walked in the door he looked up no big deal and that’s why I didn’t say anything yeah be interested to see how this one turns out all right next we did a little hidden camera test on this audience you’re going to find out what that was when we come Back [Applause] [Applause] Okay now without telling our audience we kind of put them to the test before the show I mean they were not aware of what was going on but we all know what PDA means public display of affection now we put a couple just outside in the audience holding area and well we let
Him get frisky let’s see how it Went were you surprised that people people’s reactions um yeah a little bit I was really surprised and I was surprised at one of the comments too what did they say um she was really just offended and it was it was interesting I really and I thought it was actually
Funny so and I tried to hold back the laugh but yeah cuz we didn’t want to tell him that we’ put you up to this exactly all right so uh where’s Tina this made you uncomfortable I think it made all of us uncomfortable but I’m a very outspoken person so everybody was
Talking about it around us what were they saying what did everybody say oh my gosh look at them over there somebody needs to give them a room key somebody needs to tell him something and finally I said you know what this is ridiculous feel if you saw it it made you feel
Uncomfortable raise your hand if you saw it and it didn’t make you feel uncomfortable raise your hand really well that’s about 50/50 now John’s our Fire Marshall he’s over at the podium John what did you what was your reaction to this it wasn’t offensive to me but he definitely had
The posture of affection and I was attracted to that and I was [Applause] happy actually I have to admit I was a little jealous no I I I thought it was uh nice yeah well see so there’s another point of view right well it’s okay to kiss and
Hug you know for a little bit but I mean to constantly grow rope each other that was a little too much yeah okay so and you were do we asked you to do this so you were and you were great sports to do it uh do you need a room now I
Mean all right all right when we come back we’re going to talk to an extrovert introvert couple now there’s a personality switch that happened after I do so is this bait and switch or what happened we’ll talk about that when we come back Back Tuesday on Dr Phil a Teen Mom you feel like the thing to do is to keep the baby abortion that’s the first thing you said was abortion a concerned family they’re not capable of being parents I haven’t done anything to them well you got the daughter pregnant who should raise this
Baby if you guys want to reconnect with her you couldn’t be driving her more to him if you were chasing her with a stick that’s Tuesday then on Wednesday they’ve dated for over 3 years I want to see a ring on my fingers or goodbye he says he’s not
Ready I’ve been burned I do not want it to happen again will he commit or quit you need to make up your mind you going to marry this girl and a wedding Shockers you found out you married somebody that was still married with an unbelievable twist you still intimate with him that’s Wednesday all right we’ve been talking about personality today and there are differences in personality on drill.com we have what we call the Big Five personality quiz you can find it there you can take it we’ll score it for you right there now Carly is an extrovert her husband Aaron is an introvert the
Their personalities Clash sometimes true mhm now you guys differ on a lot of different points and I’m going to ask Dr Gosling to help me here like for example on agreeableness she scored two and he scored 13 um what does that suggest in terms of interaction pattern well what’s the real the real
Difficult uh pattern is if somebody is actually low on a ableness and at the same time likely to say things it’s kind of dangerous cuz you have somebody who’s who’s willing to be uh say things directly and will say them and then the other person who won’t communicate
Backwards and so it’s a sort of it’s it’s it’s the classic bad combination which which well on agreeableness you scored two and on extraversion you scored 16 and on agreeableness you scored 13 very agreeable and on extraversion you scored seven so you don’t say a whole lot you’re not as outgoing but you’re
Highly agreeable but you’re not very agreeable and highly extroverted so what do you do about this did he switch after you married oh yeah how so well I don’t know if it is you know when you’re dating you talk a lot because you don’t know anything about each other so you
End up talking and sharing about your childhood and just getting to know each other and uh we would do more things and see more people and he would talk and you know interact better and then you know then we got married and had children and I don’t know if it’s just
If it’s stress of everything else that he just doesn’t want to think about it I don’t know yeah did you change after you got married were you putting your best foot forward and then you relaxed yeah I got into a comfort zone and where I
Wanted to uh you know this is where I want to be I’m you know this is what I’ve strived all my life to be you know I’m married have a beautiful wife you know nice place you beautiful children were raising and stuff and it’s just like again Auto pilot just sitting there
Is like okay we can just you know cruise through life now we’re good I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at you know let’s let’s try to maintain that yeah well you’re honest you know this is kind of like a garden you can put a lot of work
Into creating a garden and you can plant it you can water it and you can get it going then you go wow I got a great Garden you go back up to the porch and sit down but if you don’t tend it it’s going to fall apart on you right it’ll
Just be swallowed back up by the earth I mean weeds will take over it’ll dry up it’ll blow away I mean that’ll be a real problem you can’t just say I’ve arrived I’ve got what I want I’m now where I want to be so I can just go on autopilot
That I mean you you got to know that won’t work yeah no that’s slowly coming to realization that yeah well let’s speed that up you want him to plug back in true oh yeah I want a I’m also a stay home mom so it’s nice to have a
Conversation with an adult where I can communicate and talk and laugh you know and yeah all right so Dr glass what do you read body language wise right now it’s interesting because when I first saw them sit down uh she was very affectionate she leaned towards him she
Put his hands on him and he just completely ignored her he wasn’t receptive to her affection and that’s a big thing because it has to be mutual when she touches you you’ve got to touch your back you’ve got to connect with her he’s also nervous to well that see you’re very
Agreeable you’re very agreeable but still we’re not picking on him or making him wrong because he’s a great guy and he said you were beautiful and he loves you and wants to make this work and that’s the beautiful thing he told Phil that he wanted to make Dr Phil that he
Wanted to make this this work and one of the ways you can make this work is to be more affectionate to her when she touches you when she communicates with you when she looks at you and that’s really what we’re talking about and uh I
Think that could be a great step in the right direction thank you I got to do something you know try to bring something home she likes dark chocolate you know once in a while I think about it and I’ll stop by the store and bring her home in dark
Chocolate candy bar or something and say hey honey I was thinking about you today or something like that to just try to do something that she loves and doesn’t really think that I’ll remember now did you see how when you said that all the women in the audience went
A and it wasn’t the dark chocolate it was that I was thinking about you today right and so I wanted to it doesn’t take a lot you you know here’s the thing Dr Gin you don’t have to be somebody you’re not right it’s just these things are
Ranges and you can move to the high end of your range and still be genuine to yourself but that means you got to have some flexibility though right right and there there is a strong genetic component to all of these traits but there’s still a lot of room for variance
Within that you’re never going to have somebody become a complete extrovert who’s an introvert but there’s room to change one’s actions if not your personality okay all right next we’re going to get to it and see what your stuff says about you what a spy snooping around my office found out about me
We’re going to talk about that next we’re right Back all right so now we’re going into the inner sanctum I’m just sort of having a general look around the space maybe we can even look in a drawer very Interesting all right Sam golin is the professor of psychology at UT Austin and he snooped around our staff offices last night to see what he could conclude about some of the people that work here take a look so we’re going into this office to have a look around okay
Hi wow quite a lot going on here extroverts love people so we see lots of faces of people what I like to do when I look at photos is to see which way they’re facing they could be for the benefit of of you but they could also be for the benefit of
Others what we see here is a an incredibly organized office and uh you may you may think that this doesn’t seem organized but that that is one of the way people who are very very organized maintain their levels of organization just because they have a higher standard for organization
Spare do you have spare role of this somewhere um yes you do how did you know that this is interesting because even before even before you get in the office you’re already learning things about the person this is a classic identity claims this is making statements to others you
Are entering a positivity Zone and indeed that’s consistent with what happens when you come in this is a inviting comfortable calming place it’s also very very inviting it’s not super inviting looks like quite a sort of a hard noosed uh place we also see we see
The hoola hoola girl there the and so that said there’s also a little bit of quirkiness it’s sort of reminds me of the bad guy in the James Bond Movies the bad guy in the James Bond movies it’s interesting that’s Rich D Michelle who’s in charge of money and budget at the show he says no to more people about more things than anybody so rich what’s up did he nail you I think he did yes it’s uh it made me very
Nervous I wasn’t quite sure why he was in my office snooping around you what did you see that said hard-nosed well there wasn’t really any sort of that made you comfortable there there wasn’t much in the way of softness or of of a lot of people personal reminders there
Was there was a baseball bat in one of the like lying around whatever it’s necessary so nothing said come and stay right no yeah just basically said get out okay well uh Dr ging checked out my office as well all right so now we’re going into
The inner sanctum at this point I’m just sort of having a general look around the space this is a very very male office in the sense that there is a lot of evidence for accomplishment distinguish alumnus award presidential citation something the occupant is proud of we see uh sentimental things which may have
Great value like a tennis racket and croquet set so there’s a lot of interest in athletic memorabilia it’s not just playing them it is it’s an interest in sport itself whing the symbols for thoughtfulness with the chess set very interesting so let’s see what Dr Phil
Has on the desk there is some tea or uh I’m not sure maybe it’s Dr Pepper Coke you see there’s these little dog blanket and like a whole set of dog toys very meticulously placed in the dog toy basket that there is even a dog toy basket is pretty impressive um so
Somebody with order but somebody who also appreciates the companionship of a dog so there’s a lot of scholarly connections too in terms of both the sorts of the books that are here Jane Austin The Iliad maybe we can even look in a drawer this draw goes on forever
It’s the one area where it’s sort of slightly less formal and it’s less traditional you know just a slight uh discrepancy and nothing to get worried about although this is a very big room it’s also a place where somebody could sort of sit and enjoy their Solitude
What we see here is somebody who Express uh introversion but at the same time uh can uh engage uh very meaningfully uh with people especially in a professional context uhhuh even Robin wasn’t safe she got a little snoop too let’s take look at that now we’re coming into Robin’s
Dressing room very very different from Dr Phil’s space colorful and brighter and decorated in a very feminine way the fact that things are laid out around here it’s it’s somebody who’s sort of spontaneous this person really does have uh photos of family so these are classic emotional Regulators here this person
Sits at the desk and is surrounded by people she loves and who love her uh things are generally organized but there’s a few shoes scattered around again this is somebody who’s sort of relaxed look you even see a photocopied poster put up there so somebody who’s not going to be constrained by formal
Rules of what you can do and can’t do at somebody who’s just doing what they feel comes to them naturally so how do you do perfect perfect that’s exactly who I am I love to be surrounded by by the people I love by having all the photos in there and I
Make a complete mess when I get dressed yeah cuz you’re right no rules I mean she just does what she wants to do I mean right it’s true though it’s true true I mean because I noticed in there she had a there’s a painting on the wall
And she had taped something onto the painting right ex who does that who tapes something onto a painting she does rule breaker spontaneous Ru break spontaneous rule breaker all right so we this is kind of silly but we did something else what’s your dog personality have you ever thought about that go to
My Facebook page and you can find out right now uh when we come back I’m going to tell you which dog personality I have we’ll be right Back but personality doesn’t always have to be about disorders that’s what I want to talk about today so you can take this quiz and find out where you come down on the big five things and you can have fun with this like the the one I’m talking
About now that we’re posting up is just what kind of dog you would be with your personality if you were a dog I turned out to be a German Shepherd I’m not sure what that means but I turned out to be a German shepherd and Robin you were what
A weren’t you a lasso opso yes how cute look oh yes yeah definitely definitely yeah all right now more fun personality quizzes are on drill.com and as I say this doesn’t have to always be serious you can have fun so check them out I really want to thank uh Professor
Sam goling he is author of Snoop and you can find that book in your bookstores on amazon.com and it will tell you an awful lot about the people around you the people you work with and yourself perhaps so I really recommend it I’ve read it it is good Dr lilan glass thank
You so much for being here and telling us what to pay attention to we say a lot other with our words true sure do sure do yeah all right all of my guests thanks so much we have a great time here in the studio audience if you’re going
To be in the Los Angeles area we would love to have you the tickets are free go to drf.com you can click on be in the audience thanks so much for being here so [Applause] [Applause] Long dreaming that I’m cheating are you kind of insecure well maybe a little bit what do your dreams reveal when we land I’m the only one that’s still alive have you lost people close to you in your life find out Dr Phil’s biggest nightmare this is going to be a changing
Day in your life have a good show everybody here we go if it matters to you that’s what I want to talk about ready let’s do [Applause] it what the what is this a a test I’m supposed to be doing a Show Good Grief how am I going to do a show with no [Applause] Teeth this is turning into a real nightmare oh wow this is cool well there’s my studio I need to be down there starting the show whoa hey Whoa pH pH Dr Phil Dr Phil wake up you’re [Applause] on fly it fly it [Applause] [Applause] [Applause] St well you just saw the top five most common dreams and nightmares and we ask the audience to keep a dream journal and bring it to the show so I’m just curious did anybody do that yeah so all right let’s talk to a few of
You guys so what did you what did you come up with what was your what was your main thing let me ask you in the blue shirt I always dream that I’m flying and the dream starts out and it’s awesome you know I’m zooming around and then by
The end of the dream I’m just kind of bouncing along the floor oh you bounce on the floor yeah yeah okay how about you mine’s not that exciting I just dream about an ex- fiance coming back and wanting to be with me yeah he’s crazy about me of course he is I mean
Naturally he would be so do you hook up in the dream oh yeah definitely all right did you have a dream yes um I’ve actually had a reoccurring dream since my adolescence and I’m in this beautiful paradise setting everything’s beautiful and out of nowhere comes this huge plane
Crashes chaos everything and I’m the only one that’s worried you’re the only one no one else is worried and sometimes a plane comes and it bounces off the sidewalk was always a beautiful tropical setting and then I wake up and that’s pretty much it interesting we’re going to talk
About planes later in the show what was your dream well my my dream was uh I would be in a gunfight and I would actually get shot and I could taste and smell the blood in my dream so be re very realistic really yeah okay we’ll talk about that all
Right all right find out today what your dreams may be trying to tell you now you can go to drf.com right now and take our dream interpretation quiz you can do it while you watch the rest of the show and learn what your dreams might reveal
About you don’t you to miss the show just click it up and you can kind of do it as you go along now Inception the summer blockbuster has people talking about dream analysis now Jamie dreams that his wife is cheating on him then he wakes up but it doesn’t stop there take
A look the problem that my husband uh Jamie and I are having right now is that he’s dreaming that I’m cheating the dreams are always about her and a guy she dated Jamie had dreams that I was in our living room with my ex having sex on my
Sofa and he walks in and I act as if he’s not there I woke up in the middle of the night looking at her ready to push her out the bed mad cuz you know I had this dream you know of her bringing this man into my home oh I was St pretty
Steed about it I said what did I do I haven’t done anything he goes yeah but I’m just trying to figure out why am I dreaming that Donna tells me that she has no feeling for this guy it’s over she’s done yet when I have these dreams
It kind of give me that doubt I reassure Jamie that everything is good but he’s not buying it I think the dreams are winning okay now let me get this right you’re not dreaming this not me you’re dreaming it yes about you yes yes and
You wake up and what and i’ be ready to push her out the bed cuz I’d be mad cuz she’s it’ be mostly about her and her one of her ex guy she dated well why don’t you push yourself out of the bed it’s your dream exactly you’re having
The dream you are I’m not dreaming I’m having fun I’m asleep so you but you really wake up upset yes so what you how do you how do you figure that cuz she’s not in she’s not dreaming this you’re dreaming it this is all about you so why are you mad
At her because it’ be about her cheating on me but it’s you doing it she should be mad at you for dreaming bad things about her not you mad at her for you dreaming bad things about her did you get that did you get I mean yeah yeah I get
It but still you know that’s like you know most Mar men that’s the worst thing they they want is to think that another man is sharing the love of their life you know and to dream about it is is and and it’s like kind of vivid and all that
Too but some men would be glad for the health okay well I don’t need any help not me of course I’m just speculating about some men all right the dreams are bad but you stay mad all day pretty much yes okay now come on has somebody told
You that your dreams are telling you what you may be suppressing while you’re awake that you’re maybe this is a clue a warning I mean what what do you say to yourself that justifies you being mad I don’t know I I just it’s like it’s too
Real you know so I feel like I have the right to be mad you know so when I question her about it and of course she gets frustrated about it and um we’ll be folding clothes and he’ll just stop and look at me and say do you want to tell me something
I’m like about what and he goes I mean come on you were on the sofa you were in the comforter I mean you just rolled over and looked at me I said I’m having sex with him oh so you’re there yeah I walk in the room and they they to get
Together and and they just look at you look at me and say oh you made it home and who does that yeah you are dreaming this let me tell you if I was there and you walked in the room I wouldn’t be saying welcome home okay but now ser
Iously are you telling yourself that this is your subconscious trying to tell you something yes so you’re actually thinking that you you’ve missed something so I assume this is a recent boyfriend that it’s still a raw thing for him like what two weeks ago a month
Ago are you kidding me no it’s not recent we’ve been married for over 20 years so this boyfriend is is 20 plus years yes yes but he just feels like things weren’t resolved and you know so he feels like there’s always a chance chatting on the email texting something I’m not doing that
Have you found any texts no have you found any emails I don’t check them have you found any something nothing she’s never given me any any reason to even assume that she is but for some reason I keep having these dreams you know are you um are you kind
Of insecure I don’t I like to think I’m confident that I kind of got her on lock you know but at the same time you know I still have these dreams and so you don’t think you’re insecure I don’t think so tell the truth well maybe a little
Bit yeah so he pretty much does what you tell him yep no so why don’t you so why don’t you tell him to quit having his dream I did that it didn’t work when you walk in the room and you see him there how how do you feel
Oh I get angry real angry right away you you get angry right away right away does it feel good to be angry no it doesn’t do you feel powerless um pretty much yes so does he wake up pushing on you well basically um I wake up to him staring at
Me I can feel it he’s always on this right elbow and he goes I am so mad at you I’m like what now he goes you walked in the house with this and he starts telling me everything how I walked in the house with the baby and I said baby
What baby our kids are grown and I’m like what baby he goes you walked in the house with the baby and I said who baby is that and you said oh it’s my ex baby and I would and picked him up and he’s downstairs I’m with him now I said just
Like that so and he’s mad really mad okay we’ll talk about this so what does it mean when you and or your spouse either one has a cheating dream the key to this dream when we come back [Applause] Monday on an allnew Dr Phil it’s Aver’s first birthday repeat after me you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge which grandparent this is good for you that’s my screen is the better babysitter all right good match plus she’s lost over 100 lb I think she looks good but hasn’t
Gained enough compliments from her husband do not pause when I ask you to stop I am and you softball bu that’s Monday the dreams affect our marriage in a lot of different ways because it kind of makes me think that he doesn’t trust me at all my dreams are getting on her
Nerves I want to tell her about most of them but then I don’t if I told her about all the dreams we’ probably be divorced okay well I’m here with Donna and Jamie and Donna is getting in trouble for sleeping apparently because while she’s sleeping her husband is also sleeping
But he’s dreaming that she’s having an affair in her in his dream not her dream his dream she’s not dreaming about having an affair he’s dreaming about her having an affair and he wakes up mad at her now you’re not the only ones that do this you know you you haven’t invented
This so Daniel where are you what is your dream my dream starting occurring after she started telling me that you know I’m dreaming of my ex but I’ve had this part for a long time like I actually lost I actually lost the relationship because I’m dreaming of
That ex so I wake up and I’m dreaming about that ex so you’ve been doing this a long time yes and it’s causing me it cost me a a relationship so I’m sort of like traumatized because he knows about it now and and I’m afraid I’m going to
Wake up it might you know splurt out the wrong name because I’m still in my dream that would be bad and that happened to me before but I tell them I tell them about my dreams because I feel really guilty when I wake up all right so you feel better now
Well sort of kind see she’s not dreaming about her ex you are and down here she’s actually dreaming about her ex yeah see that’s a whole different issue right there yeah you you wouldn’t handle that well at all not at all no that would be really bad all right look I called in
Some reinforcements here to help Cynthia Richmond is a behavioral therapist and has interpreted over 35,000 dreams for the Los Angeles Times in her column and she’s written dream power how to use your n dreams to change your life and Dr Barrett is a Harvard psychologist and researcher who has helped write the
Encyclopedia on dreams now all right let me just ask you guys first off what’s your take on what’s Happening up here well it it’s irrational to blame your wife for your dream so you kind of have to start with that very few dreams are actually literal you do want to rule
That out first I’m sure you asked her and she said no that should be the end of that dreams are symbolic and typically when you’re feeling betrayed in your dream you have to ask yourself where in my life do I feel betrayed or do I feel that I am betraying someone
And see what answers bubble up for that does that okay your wife’s got something on there what does that mean to you the question well um when you said um is he betraying someone you know well the first person I thought about was me because sometimes when I get upset I’ll
Say is it really me or is it you you have a story to tell and I want to hear the story so I kind of flip the script on him because I want answers because you know I’m not doing anything and he says well you flirt and you you know
You’re always talking to guys and all that stuff but hey I just got a big personality so I’m not doing anything Dr bar what do you think about this well I think that although dreams are very Vivid and they they do wake us up with the feeling in the dream it it’s not
Just automatic that when you have a dream like that it has to to carry over into waking suspicion I’ve heard people tell almost the same dream and and end up saying such a relief to wake up and realize that she wouldn’t really do that or you know I’m so glad I’m with someone
I I trust so I think the the waking jealousy is is kind of a problem in and of itself and i’ you know i’ do a little more thinking about just if if something triggers it that you know what nights you happen to have that dream have you
Felt a little insulted or put down somewhere else out in the work world or is there just you know what what’s stirring up insecurity but also jealousy is so toxic that if you can just take your emphasis off that and start thinking about what you do like in the
Relationship why you’re together in the first place if there is anything else you could be doing to make things more fun maybe even telling yourself what you’d like to be dreaming about like the best times or the good times between the two of of you sometimes just focusing on
The positive makes some of the Bad begin to fade away well you know when I have a dream I don’t like the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning is oh man I’m glad that was just a dream I mean I wake up like I’m
Totally free it’s like wow that was a dream good deal I am so out of here and then I’m gone so I mean that you can focus on the positives you can the problem is that it’s recurring for him so there’s something that’s unresolved that he needs to take a look at Dr
Barrett what do you say to this young lady behind you that U is dreaming about her ex vividly and passionately I don’t really think about my ex I’m not like you know I don’t want to be with him or anything I’m really happy with Daniel I’m not sure why I keep dreaming about
My ex even though you much prefer being with Daniel is there anything from that past relationship that you’re missing and wish you could bring into your current life or maybe just something from that time and place in your life often early loves have a kind of Carefree you know youthful innocence so
So it may be that that time or person or relationship kind of it represents something something else I never thought about that I never saw in that way another thing you can do is there’s something called dream incubation where as you fall asleep you ask your your dreaming mind particular
Questions or to dream on a topic and you could tell yourself you know if I if I have that dream of my ex tonight I want to ask him why am I still dreaming about you or I wish I could control my dream and do that well if you self suggest a
Lot of people can learn if just as you’re falling asleep you tell yourself tonight I want to ask why why are you coming around the point is that the exboyfriend is now symbolic for what you associate with him and the characteristics of that relationship okay not for him right and you can even
Do what um Dr Barrett suggested and bring him into your mind’s ey before you go to sleep okay bring him in and say what is it that I need to understand about what you represent to me in my dream state and very likely you can
Clean that out oh I thank you so much okay and and you need to think about the same thing here because particularly right when you’re falling asleep you are highly suggestable even to yourself and so you can talk to yourself about what you want to introduce to the dream about
What you might like to ask her in the dream or what you might like to ask of yourself in the dream we’re not totally passengers uh in our dream state we can program some things into it it doesn’t work every time and it it sometimes is a process now we’re
Going to take a break she wakes up to her fiance slapping her and digging into her chest we’re going to talk about what’s happening in his dreams when we come [Applause] Back Tuesday on an allnew Dr Phil Dr Phil’s most frustrating parents the girls are doing good at home are back did she scream at you and attack you she did when I that’s what you call the girls are doing pretty good that’s Tuesday well as you just saw vivid dreams can get you right up and out of bed now that’s what’s happening to Rick and Annette now he is slapping yelling grabbing nette’s skin with fingernails all while sleeping hi Dr Phil this is nette and my fiance has been having a lot of violent
Dreams a few of them have kept me up very very late I get punched and pushed and um shoved at one point I was sleeping and all of a sudden these hands come at me and woke me up very shockingly of course and I had four
Prints one on each side of my chest like this could you help me explain what these dreams actually mean and obviously he wakes you up oh yeah you come full alert immediately cuz you’re under full alert and um are his eyes open I don’t see usually CU it’s
Dark but a lot of times it’s very physical things but then very funny things that he does so I never know what to expect it’s like I’m the one that wants to get some sleep because he his dreams usually start at 12:00 and they go till 4: so like in that that time
Frame is when it all happens one time it would be like in the middle of the night you hear and you know I’m dead sleeping I’m like what’s going on and then all of a sudden you know he’ll do that to my leg and he’s killing mosquitoes and you know saving the world
So I mean I I don’t know what to expect I’m I’m trying to get a good night’s rest I talk yeah I do I talk the next day I explain do you remember this no I mean during this when he wakes you up do you ever talk to him while he’s asleep
Uh I talk to him and asked him honey are you okay what are you doing he’s a cyclist and so a lot of times his feet are going like this and then he’s going faster and so they’re going like this more and he’s kicking and kicking and kicking it’s getting faster and faster
So it’s sort of like it’s always something physical usually that he’s doing okay and do you ever wake him up uh I do I do wake him up no I wake him up because I’m thinking you know what’s going to happen next is it going to escalate uh and sometimes I wake up
Because I’m laughing because of what his dreaming is and he’s speaking things do you wake up rested uh no okay so you don’t I wake up and I see her and my daughter’s face looking at me and I’m going what are you doing sometimes I’ve that happened once or
Twice there are a number of ways that you can think about this and a number of ways that it could be explained but when I hear something like this the first thing that I want to do is is always have the person rule out certain things
That might need uh more attention I mean this could be just a a dream cycle and a dream pattern that you’re in but it could be something uh that’s more serious and and has a medical basis to it there’s there’s something called Rim behavior disorder it’s a rapid eye
Movement is the stage of sleep where it’s very reparative and it’s it’s a time when you’re likely to dream um but you can have a disorder in there that could involve some type of of neurological involvement uh Dr Barrett let’s talk about this a little bit this is serious during REM sleep we’re
Normally paralyzed exactly so we don’t act out our dreams and people it’s called rapid eye movement sleep because our eyes move frantically doing everything that they’re doing in the dream but the rest of our body isn’t moving and in a few people that paralysis lessons and people begin to
Act out their dreams I would want to air on the side of caution and really have you call a Sleep Clinic today to make an appointment and before and they they’ll have you in they’ll take a more elaborate history they’ll probably do some other tests and then they’ll have
You sleep in a sleep lab with EEG electrodes to see what’s going on in your brain if this is uh something that has a a neurological basis a sleep disorder basis to it you could hurt yourself or someone else purely by accident it’s not that you’re afraid
You’re going to get up and do something intentional but you you can fall you can hit your you know catch your temple on the side of a of a of a table he could he could hurt you in in unintentionally uh but that’s why it’s it’s really important that if it is this
Disorder that that you have it evaluated because it is something uh for which there are remedies available uh that would have a pretty good prognosis if that’s the case true there are medications that help that a lot well he says he is one of the first things I
Asked him was are you waking up rested and he said no not at all Point as well just the sleep deprivation could be causing the brain chemistry issue it might not be a disorder it might just be that you need to learn how to get a really good night sleep seriously this
Needs to be evaluated um with the with the proper folks and we’re going to guide you in that direction okay we’ll help you with that all right we all share some common dreams so next we’re going to hear what others are dreaming about and why as this audience gets
Their dreams analyzed we’ll be right back [Applause] we create the world of the dream we bring the subject into that dream and they fill it with their secrets then you break in and steal it well it’s not strictly speaking legal it’s called Inception well that was a scene from the
Mindbending summer hit Inception now we’re talking about dreams today and uh dream interpreter Cynthia Richmond is here to help and uh we’ve got Dr Dedra Barrett is here as well and we’re kind of trying to figure out what these dreams mean how it all comes together now Rosie and Jennifer uh have some
Recurring dreams so you guys come up okay hi right I’m Jennifer how you doing Rosie how are you tell me your dream I have a dream that I’m fighting but I can only move in slow motion right and sometimes I’m being attacked by tigers or enemies bad guys and I can’t move and
Then I realize I’m in the dream but then I am trapped and I can’t wake up okay so a tiger yeah okay do you see the tiger I know you see this Tiger but I mean do you do do you see the tiger as a as a
Threat at the time yeah it’s running behind me at full speed and I can only run in slow motion okay so it’s a really slow tiger it’s a really fast tiger well no you’re in slow motion I’m I’m only in slow motion but the tiger is really fast
It’s coming up on me okay now let’s talk about this and Dr Phil that’s a pretty common phenomenon that during the sleep paralysis we were just talking about the dreamer is partially awake sometimes partially sleeps has the idea they want to run or yell and are inable unable to
Do it but the other thing about dreams and even though every dream is specific to the dreamer there’s some unconscious Collective uh ideas about what symbols mean and any cat can represent feminine power a big cat a fierce cat could represent extreme feminine power so I
Would ask you are you afraid of your own power that’s actually really good I never thought of that yeah maybe a little bit what does that mean to you what do you mean you’re afraid of your own power well should I be afraid no you shouldn’t Dr Bill um well
Sometimes I think I’m afraid to be feminine or be like a lady I don’t know I I have a lot of weird conceptions cuz I grew up in a really conservative family so a lot of things that I really Embrace and think are feminine you know my dad who’s really conservative in Old
School just wants to shut me down shut down because he sees it as a threat he was always afraid of his little girls growing up so that makes a lot of sense actually so what you can do with that so you stop having this recurring dream
About the tiger chasing you is bring a tiger into your mind’s eye and ask it what can I do to be more comfortable being my full powerful self thought you going to say bring a tiger see see see tiger as as a as a um sort of an
Archetype of your own personal power and see how you can take steps to feel more comfortable expressing yourself that way okay thank you the whole point is to use the dream I mean don’t be afraid of it ask yourself you know what’s is there a message here is there something that
This is telling me is there something I can do about this that makes me better in my Waking Life what’s your dream I’ve been dreaming for over 20 years that I am in a plane and I’m seat belted in and all of a sudden I feel the plane start
To Lurch and spin and it’s literally slow motion but then all of a sudden the plane will break in half right in front of me and I feel every turn and twist I I can remember the sounds I can remember the feelings as I’m going to the ground
But the key is when we when we land I’m the only one that’s still alive and I rush around trying to wake everyone up and revive them and it’s it’s terrorizing and it’s been happening for over 20 years and it’s pretty much the same every time sometimes no sometimes it’s a car and
I’m going over a cliff sometimes it’s a roller coaster or a ferris wheel but usually it’s a plane does it always involve falling yes is everybody always dead with you every time and and how do you feel when when you’re alive and everybody else is dead I am powerless and I’m incapable of
Waking them and I become or I’m sorry Reviving them and I literally become I become hysterical and I I’m trying to move them and I’m trying to make them stand and I’m I’m trying to get them to come back to life and I I literally become hysterical it’s the best way I
Can put I wake up crying I wake up shaking and the weird thing is I love to fly and I fly for a living all the time so I’m not afraid of that have you lost people close to you in your life I lost
My dad four years ago mhm and um how how did he pass he actually had cancer and it was sudden very sudden six days so did you have an opportunity to talk with him before you lost him I did I actually did and did you get to say what you
Wanted to say were you with him when he passed did yeah I did and I was actually the sort of the executive of the family at that point you know with the doctors sort of in between so yeah it was actually if you’re going to go it was a
Beautiful way to go surrounded by family so yeah what do you guys have to say well what I’m struck by is the car crash and plan crash dreams are so common but your specific variation is you’re not concerned about yourself in what I hear it’s it’s the it’s the other people you
Have to save other people and you just said as your dad was dying that you were sort of the executive for the family so I wonder if you have a lot of waking life situations where either you really have to or you feel like you have to be
Taking all responsibility for lots of other people yeah I think there’s something there I have been the achiever in the family my whole life known as being the achiever and I think there’s something there in making sure that I do it right I’m in control I’m I’m hitting
The goals I think there might be something there so I’m controlling maybe I mean it sounds like the falling comes from your real experience but that quality of being concerned about everybody else I mean it must be very gratifying to be the achiever and caretaker in the family but it sounds
Like there’s something that’s kind of overwhelming I was taking on a new job actually I was taking on a huge responsibility and which would ultimately lead to where I am today in my career so that might have been something there that I was I was stepping into a role that I probably
Wasn’t as prepared for as the hiring manager thought but I was stepping into that as an adult and I was still a college student you know well if you had that sense inside that you might not be as qualified that’s a great deal of pressure to put on yourself at 19 I
Would work with you on the on the idea of the various vehicles too because there’s something significant about that but it’s not a quick it’s not a quick answer necessarily right but I’m wondering you what would happen because I I know a real motivator a real fuel in a lot of
Dream scenarios is anxiety where you feel overwhelmed in some way and so we sometimes feel paralysis we sometimes feel helplessness and anxiety can be a big factor and you know you you got into a job where you said you were kind of over your head from the beginning you
Know sometimes we can go through our whole life feeling like we’re one step ahead of being found out I’m not really as confident as everybody thinks I am I’m not as smart as everybody thinks I am I’m not as good as everybody thinks I am and I’m just one step ahead of being
Found out right and if you feel like that sometimes in in a dream you could very well feel like you’re you’re falling from where you shouldn’t be I think I have this this need to always sort of do it right and fix it Things Fall Apart I’m the one that comes in and
Saves the day and I’ve always been that person and I think there might be something there too that I can’t save the day okay here’s a tough question a meaningful question can our dreams be premonitions next we’re going to see if yours predict a future we’ll be right [Applause] Back Dr Phil when I was a kid I used to have these dreams premonition type dreams that my dad passed away and a few years ago it did happen pretty close to the same way I had dreamt about it a long time ago I have a reoccurring dream
That somebody really close to me has a heart attack and I haven’t told them should I be afraid of it coming true because of my past premonition dreams is this a a vivid dream for you it’s a powerful dream yes and you know who the person is MHM it’s the same same
Person every time I have the dream have you have you said anything to the person uh recently I told the person that I was worried about them I know that they’re under a tremendous amount of stress what other premonitions have you had that came true um I had my very first one and
It’s always when I’m away it’s not never when I’m home my very first one when I was 9 years old I went away with my friend’s family and I had a nightmare that my rabbit froze to death we were in the snow I didn’t live in the snow at
The time but we were visiting and I called my mom that night cuz I couldn’t go back to sleep and I said please check on Bash my rabbit and my mom put my dad on the phone and then my dad put my brother on the phone and my brother said
I’m sorry jay but bashful passed away we don’t know what happened so we got an autopsy and he actually Froze that night to death um so I that was the first one I had another dream that my cat got run over by a car and sure enough two days
Later my cat did get run over by a car and died um I have had dream journals and I’ve logged my dreams for the last over 10 years I have boxes of Dreams um I don’t know why I have these dreams and I don’t I don’t know what it means
If I was your friend and you were having this premonition about me I would want to know it if particularly if you really believe that you do have some premonition uh value to your dreams I would want to know that and you would feel really bad if you didn’t say
Something and he did have a heart attack cuz when you go to him now and say look I need to tell you that I I don’t want to creep you out but I do kind of have these dreams sometimes that come true and i’ really really encourage you
Because I love and care about you to go get checked up to I mean to go get an evaluation I think you would feel better and he would feel better and if and if he did like Drop Dead of a heart attack that could have been prevented and he
Hadn’t said something then you would feel really bad of course so the the danger of scaring him versus not seems to be trivial compared to the downside otherwise so I would tell him what what do you think I I agree with that I talked to my mom about it recently and
Told her and she said that she thinks it’s a good idea to tell them as well yeah well your mother’s right are always right so what do you guys say about this in the language of Dreams death is very often associated with um transformation metamorphosis not very many dreams are
Literal so there’s always a symbolic aspect and if you can look at it uh logically first rule that out you know but then look at it symbolically what could it mean um you you might have picked up on a subconscious level that uh it was a very
Cold night where you were and you worried about your your rabbit you might have uh you know the cat might have got out one day and you had a conscious thought or subconscious thought oh I don’t want that to happen again he could get ran over so we take in data from a
Lot of resources in our subconscious state that come out in the dream state so the bottom line is you can’t make something happen because you dreamt about it and I want to reassure you about thank you that was something I worried about sometimes no it’s trust me that’s highly unlikely okay just real
Quickly because I know a lot of people have asked about this I want to get you guys to give us a sense of what some of the most common dreams are typically interpreted about unprepared for a test what does that generally mean one of the most common dreams that people have you
Illustrated it for us in the beginning it means there’s a mild anxiety that I am not as prepared as I’d like to be and I feel that I’m going to be judged or tested harshly and it’s going to have an effect on me so maybe the night before
You meet your new future L you might have that dream because you expect you’re anxious about a result partially exposed in public where we dream about like I had on boxer shorts that was a good look for you Dr there wasn’t really there wasn’t really an audience
Here at the time okay it usually means we don’t feel prepared for something we haven’t taken all the precautions we can but if you’re naked it can also mean that you’re telling the truth you’re not covering anything up how about flying flying dreams are some of the most
Popular dreams that people people look forward to and love I loved yours very very much it can mean that you want a perspective you need a higher place to get a perspective on a situation a problem a dilemma or it can mean that you’re trying to escape a situation
Leave Earthly gravity to get a little break from something yeah how many of you had a flying dream where you were flying like that well that’s a fair amount of you all right how about falling CU we yeah cuz really it we all have that sense and sometimes we’re not
Actually in a dream when that happens we just think we are but anyway let’s talk about falling that’s true as well that’s another point but Falling can be a sense that we don’t know where we stand we don’t have a firm foundation so if you’ve heard a rumor that your
Corporation is going to merge with another and there’s going to be layoffs you might have a falling dream because you don’t have a firm foundation in your life at that time how about this teeth falling out they have to do with appearance and they have to do with
Communication they have to do with being able to sink your teeth into something meaning I have enough information to make a choice in this dilemma so those types of things yeah I’ve never actually had the dream of my teeth falling out but after we did this I had the dream of
Shoe polish in my mouth it was really bad all right guess what your pet’s dream too amazing footage of a dog’s nightmare caught on tape when we come [Applause] [Applause] Back [Applause] okay now Marina took this video of her dog in what looks like a dream turned into a nightmare she’s on the phone Marina are you there yes am hi Phil hi is this a common thing with your dog yes she’s been doing that since she was born
Okay just all along what kind of dog is that well she’s a lab mix of some sort we uh got her from the shelter so we’re not exactly sure okay well um God bless you for rescuing a dog from a shelter by the way now you came up with a solution
To protect Biscuit the next time she runs into the wall correct yes I did how old is the dog at this point well she’s 14 now but she’s very physically fit oh wow she certainly is I guess because she gets a lot of exercise while she’s sleeping have um have you had the
Dog to the vet and and had the dog evaluated yes in fact her vet has seen all of her footage uh she does this every time she falls asleep really uh so he she’s perfectly fine uh yeah he he he giggles at it just like everyone else
Does so well because if this dog was one or two years old I would be telling you that there likely is some neurological involvement here and that the dog should be checked but if this dog is this healthy at 14 years of age despite running into the wall I I I mean
Basically it’s working thank you for sharing this with us I really enjoyed it thank you all right we’ll be right [Applause] Back well the dream test is on drill.com so you can go there and take that we’ll have more dream symbols and their meanings on the website and I’ll bet if you’re having a recurring dream or something with a really clear symbol we’ll have something there that tells
You a little bit more about it and right now on our message boards people are sharing their dreams so find out if you had any of the same ones Cynthia thank you so much for being here I really appreciate Dr Barrett thank you for being here thanks to all of my guests
Today for sharing your dreams see you later [Applause] bye Posted an ad posing as an 18-year-old girl you were calling on the ad yeah you gutless worm you hung up and just when you thought it couldn’t get worse it gets worse this is the most disgusting thing I have ever Heard this is going to be a changing day in your life have a good show everybody here we go it matters to to you that’s what I want to talk about let’s do [Applause] it I’m backstage right now with Andreas who’s our information Technologies expert because he is helping me do an
Experiment today to show just how easy it is for someone to pose as someone else online and how quickly someone can be lured in so what we’ve done here because I know that so many young girls are getting on these social networking sites with provocative pictures and provocative dialogue that’s getting them
In trouble what we’ve done is had Andreas here pose as an 18-year-old girl putting up something on these social networking sites tell me what you put up in this ad so we put up an ad and it basically says fresh-faced young girl looking for fun that I’m 18 years old um
I’m new to the area and looking to party I’m down for anything um and then it lists our phone number okay okay now the phone is ringing right now because of just this ad right this is a phone that you bought it’s a it’s a prepaid phone
The only place anybody can get this number is from this ad right that’s correct and you can hear it just ringing crazy right now now the picture here just shows legs doesn’t even show a face in the first hour what’ we have we had 39 text messages over 27 phone calls and
Five emails in the first hour in the first hour alone so and the people have no idea that they’re talking to a 20s something guy and we have no idea who these calls are coming from that’s cor so they’re leaving text messages what are they saying can I see some of the
Responses okay hey let’s hook up how much I mean they’re assuming that this is for hire and let’s see this one really disturbs me wanted to see if you wanted to hang out with me and my fiance tonight we can travel I have a bunch of
Pict I can send you now I’ll tell you why that one bothers me so much that’s a pimp that’s somebody trying to lure this girl and the reason I say that is because they’re mentioning fiance which is probably one of his other girls so we’re going to track this during the
Hour yeah we just reposted the ad so we could get you put up a new ad right just few minutes ago just to see how many responses we could get during this hour all right so I can check back with you apparently it’s working absolutely CU
That phone is just lighting up up and ringing nonstop hello hello yes you were calling on the Ad hello yeah you gutless worm you hung up now here’s the thing guys we don’t know who’s responding to these asss but we know what they want and this isn’t just something that happen in theory you’re getting ready to meet a girl by the name of rosabella she’s 18 and talk about a
Cautionary tale she was only 14 when she was sold online for sex it started with just what you’re seeing right here maybe your daughters play around with this maybe they put provocative things out there just wanting to have fun but it can get ugly and a hurry this is one you need to
See when I was 13 I was introduced into prostitution while walking the street I met a female she introduced me to a website called Craigslist to post ads and get calls the internet I would have a greeting stating I’m looking for a generous man who was looking to have a
Good time it would list my prices and the services that I provided on a typical day I might get 30 calls a day on Craigslist I would probably see 6 to guys a day having sex with that many men in one day is very degrading when meeting gentlemen off of Craig’s List It
Was more nerve-wracking because you didn’t know if they were the police as if if you meet them on the streets you can have them touch you and you know that they’re not the police I got a call from a guy on Craig’s List when I went
On this date I went alone and he ended up raping me after the man had raped me he had tried to give me extra money so that I would go to the police or tell anybody about it I decided that I needed to change my life I got out of
Prostitution to be able to start a family and do the things that I thought I never could I had to learn to love myself from within instead of trying to find love from every other guy rosabella first thank you for being here I I can’t tell you how important
This can be to so many young girls that are out there you have seen the dark side this internet activity now let me kind of go through this um you were doing drugs and partying right yes just in your community it was just bad choices that you were making and you
Don’t disagree with that now right no okay how old were you when you lost your virginity I was 12 now at 13 you met two guys and went to party with them and there were a bunch of guy girls there right there was two girls and how were they dressed what what
Stuck out about them they had their nails done and they had um really nice clothes on name brands and they were getting those clothes and that from the money from having sex yes so what did you think at that point I mean you thought what you’re already having sex
So what well I was already promiscuous because I was trying to find love I was I was looking everywhere for the love of from a man and so I figured I can get paid for it and have sex that’s easy so you did it for a couple of days right you say how
Many times had you had sex in those two days probably like 15 times 15 times tell me what happened on Valentine’s Day um it was two weeks after I had been with them I they asked me if I wanted to go and walk the streets for the
Money and I said no we got a little bit of an argument I turned around and started doing my makeup and next thing I knew he had shot me he shot you then at 14 you met a woman that was pregnant yes tell me about that I met her and she
Told me that she had two cars and an apartment and you know she kind of tried to bond with me like friends and then she had me working for her and this was through Craigslist right she had me working on Craigslist okay and and you said that it was 250
For an hour 180 for 30 minutes $100 for a a quickie and you were making how much a day over $1,000 and how much of that did you keep none where did the money go I had to give it all to my pimp and what was your motivation if all
The money is going to her um she kept me on drugs so I was on ecstasy and cocaine and I was drunk all the time and she would take me shopping get my nails done and feed me and let me live at her house kind of like a mother yeah except
That she was exploiting you horribly she you got out of this in December of last year mhm why did you do it how did did you do it well I did it because I wanted to have my family back I was about to be 18 it was holidays I I had a miscarriage
Early December and I knew that I couldn’t continue on with what I was doing I didn’t want to use drugs so it was depressing to try to sell yourself and not be on drugs what did your ad say when you were when it was on Craig’s
List It was say hi my name is uh such and such an alias put in your name and it would say I’m looking to have a good time I’m new in town um if you’re looking to have a good time call me with my number and it would
State prices for the time and the services that I would do we’ve put up a a fake ad like this now to see what happens we’re getting like 50 contacts in the first hour that doesn’t surprise you at all does it no and those are real conts that if you returned that call
That’s what was happening when you were in it before you got out so tell me about your life now March I started back at Community College and I graduated with my GED I’m 8 months pregnant a little bit over and um I live on my own
My own apartment I work and that’s my life now but it’s a job it’s a real legitimate job yes and where is the father of this baby um he lives with his cousin but we’re still working on everything together so he’s in the picture yes are you glad to be out of
This yes how does it feel to know that you have your own place a baby on the way and a real job may not be the job you want the rest of your life but it’s a job yeah it feels amazing I never thought that I could even go back and
Try to finish school I thought I’d miss so much that I couldn’t even go go back well we have a mom here uh who’s been listening to rosabella’s story she has every reason to be concerned and you’re going to find out why when we come back Stephanie became very obsessed with
The internet I found some photos the guys in the pictures were totally exposing themselves we saw inappropriate ones that she would send of her very provocative position tomorrow on an allnew Dr Phil is your spouse having a midlife crisis I don’t want to end our relationship I
Just don’t want to be married he wants to have his cake are you seeing other women no and eat it too there’s not anybody in America that believes that plus miles is very boring she’s been unfaithful the affair I never thought that would happen but what’s her other
Secret she’s been hiding something and wants him to know the truth that’s tomorrow it’s so easy for anyone at any age to post an ad on the internet I thought it would be fun it would be easy but it left me Miserable well if you’re just joining us that was rosabella she was lured into prostitution at 13 at 14 she was getting uh trafficked on Craigs List for sex $1,000 a day uh sex and none of it it of course went to her she was ped with drugs and every manner of manipulation
You can imagine now there’s a mother here uh her name is Dana uh she has great concerns about her 14-year-old daughter Stephanie if you hav’t hit record on your DVR I think you should do it because I think this is something you’re going to want to watch with your daughters let’s
Take a look at this tip Stephanie was always an easygoing child just all around good girl Stephanie’s grandfather had purchased a laptop with a webcam for Christmas when she was 11 years old that’s when all the problems began Stephanie became very obsessed with the internet she would be
On at all hours of the night I made her show me her Myspace I realized that there was guys that were 20 and 21 and for a 12-year-old girl to have 20-year-olds on your Myspace is inappropriate I found some photos the guys in the pictures were totally exposing themselves we saw inappropriate
Ones that she would send of her very provocative positions in August of 09 I found out that she had had sex Stephanie was 12 at the time swear it going to make me cry the guy was 19 I think my daughter’s had sex with you guys I don’t know how to stop
Stephanie’s done online but it scares me no matter what I do there’s no way to keep her away from the the internet and I’m afraid that she’s setting herself up where she could be raped killed kidnapped and she just thinks it’s never going to happen to her I don’t know if
Anyone has ever tried to lure her away but it could happen your fear is that your daughter is going to wind up in exactly the life that rosabella was in yes um she’s very naive she has set up multiple accounts Myspace Facebook she talks on messenger she sends pictures
And she’s got to where she slick she deletes her history she deletes her cookies to hide it from me um I opened up her email account one time and as I opened it there was several pictures of males exposing her themselves she she told me she did not
Respond to them but if you would go through the emails sent from the guys you could tell that she must have sent something or commented cuz they’d be like oh the picture was sexy can you send another one you found out a year ago that she had had sex with a
19-year-old that’s correct what did you do about that we um contacted the local authorities and my daughter was still she just didn’t want to help she would tell us no names or anything we had to find it out all on our own and you did and you prosecuted yes we
Prosecuted did he go to jail he went to jail for 5 years and he’s a registered sex offender on two charges all right well good for you good for you that you stepped up and and held him accountable um at this point now tell me why you’re here what do you
Want from me Stephanie seems think it’s all right for her to go online she doesn’t understand the dangers I’ve tried everything I can to explain to her that she could place herself in a situation where she could be kidnapped or killed let me ask you you you want
Help with this right yes so what are you willing to do to keep her from winding up in the life that rosabella was living I’m willing to do anything I’ve I’ve taken her internet away I’ve taken her laptop her iPod her DSi system
I keep her at home all the time so I can keep supervision over if she wants to go somewhere I have to go with her all right what should she be willing to do to keep her out of your lifestyle I mean how dark is where this girl is headed if
She goes where you are it sounds just like how I started so it’s hard and it’s scary um to hear about that from another girl um however my mom tried the same things you did took away computer privileges took away phone priv privileges didn’t even have a house
Phone didn’t you know would deadbolt me in the house when she was gone but it didn’t work I would craw out windows I would I would do anything to get away and keep running away um it I really had to see the truth firsthand and what it was before that’s
Why we wanted you here today so somebody doesn’t have to see that they can see it through the suffering that you’ve been through now Robin Sachs is here uh she is a former sex crimes prosecutor with the Los Angeles District Attorney’s Office who’s been researching sex trafficking uh Robin this is a serious
Situation true oh this is a hugely serious situation and hugely rampant situation uh what’s going on in in trying to stop this and prosecute these people I I assume it is so prolific and so Anonymous over the Internet that it’s almost it’s like stomping ants you can’t
Really get there well the there is the supply and demand issue where there’s a huge amount of demand and therefore a huge amount of supply and as the supply continues the demand continues what happens is is that these young girls are getting prosecuted for prostitution and while children don’t have the ability to
Vote and rent hotels and really can’t even be prostitutes they can be prostituted they cannot actually be prostitutes but what they’re risking is their criminal jaising their criminal livelihood and going to potentially be in jail themselves so we’re basically Prosecuting the victims but not the networkers not The Pimps not the
Websites we’re we’re Prosecuting the victims that are being exploited and sexually trafficked absolutely for a cop it’s so much easier to go after the prostitute it’s easy they’re right there they can go they can write them up they can lock them up okay and here’s what I want people to understand mothers are
Sitting at home right now saying my daughter doesn’t want to be a prostitute she wouldn’t go do this I think what I I want people to understand is these young girls aren’t intending to do that what they’re doing is wanting to behave really grownup really big really get out
There and be the center of attention from all of these boys what they don’t know is that some of those boys turn out to be pimps who ply them with drugs and threaten them and start forcing them into prostitution true absolutely a predator is a skilled individual who
Knows how to find the weak people they know how to find the people who are vulnerable they know how to find the people on drugs and they know what tools and what gifts and what drugs to give to maintain their hold and they are persistent and that’s and there’s enough
People that they can go on to the next person if you’re not interested and that was exactly your experience true yes drugs and money and clothes and promises and then when you wanted to leave you wound up getting shot yes that’s the reality we’re talking
About here Mom all right let me tell you what we’re going to take a break when we come back we’re going to check in to our experiment and see if the ad we’ve put up is getting any reaction and then Dana’s daughter Stephanie is here we’re going to see if any of this
Is getting through to her we’re going to talk to her because this is one young girl we don’t want to fall through the cracks we’ll be right [Applause] Back well today we’re talking about the dark side of the internet and there is a dark side at the beginning of the show we posted an ad on some social networking sites posing as an 18-year-old girl uh saying hey want a party want to have a
Good time Our IT director Andreas is in the green room let’s check in with Andreas uh what’s happening we put this up just a short time ago when we started the show are we getting calls texts emails uh yes a lot of each we have over
We have 13 emails over 31 phone calls and over 48 text messages and we’re just what 20 30 minutes into the show so we we’ve posted this up and have that much traffic so that’s how much they’re out there that’s how many predators are out there Andreas thank
You sure um I’m really interested because I’ve got some young girls right here in in this row is this scary to you it is it’s it’s disgusting do you spend time online oh yeah and in chat rooms and that sort of thing stand up how about you is this does this surprise you
It does it really is disgusting and I really hope every every girl out there can just see how sick people are out there that you don’t even know you know who’s posing for what and learn from it y’all are obviously very attractive do you put do you put pictures up a
Appropriate pictures right I don’t mean no I yeah I understand but it doesn’t take much because you don’t have to put up inappropriate pictures uh for for this to go south there are some things Stephanie has been up to that Dana doesn’t even know let’s take a look at
That the first guy I slept with was 19 he asked me my age I said I was 12 he said Alberton like I don’t know your age I kept it a secret from my mom it was a mistake I messed up now I feel like I can’t recover from it it’s changed my
Whole perspective of Life the second guy I slept with was 14 the third guy was 18 the fourth guy was 16 the fifth guy was 16 the oldest guy I ever talked to online was 24 a couple of guys even offered plain tickets for me to come see
Them I have sent pictures to boys and me and my brown panties getting this mail ATT attention it makes me feel pretty I’m not really afraid of meeting people online I don’t think it’s dangerous we’re talking to you today down here and not up there because I’m not going to show your
Face because I don’t want to put her face uh here as a target for Predators you we’re just not going to do that I’m not here to yell at you I’m not here to judge you but you can’t tell me that you want to demean yourself and
Allow yourself to be used in the way that rosabella was used and in the way that we’re talking about tell tell me that’s not true you don’t want to do that do you I Don’t do you love your father yeah do you have a good relationship with him nope can I say something not yet what do you want from your father that you’re not Getting you can’t tell me that you want to demean yourself and allow yourself to be used in the way that rosabella was used and in the way that we’re talking about tell tell me that’s not true you don’t want to do that do you I don’t You told us there were five different people true true how do you feel afterwards afterwards okay and then later on I feel used when why do you feel used I don’t know and where have you met these five people through friends through the internet some of them you’ve talked to
In chat rooms and online do you still have a relationship with all five of them no I don’t talk to any of them so it wasn’t the beginning of belonging to someone it wasn’t the beginning of belonging in a relationship true true where’s your father in all this home I don’t know
No like what do you mean do you talk to him about this no does he talk to you about it no do you love your father yeah does he love you yes do you have a good relationship with him nope can I say something not yet what do you want from your father
That you’re not getting everything love attention you miss that from him yes what you want to say when she was 12 she got raped and after she got raped her father and called her names and after that she didn’t even go over there for a whole year he didn’t even try he just
Belittled her until I finally put my foot down and told him listen she’s seeking attention from the wrong guys you need to be a part of her life I don’t care if you want to be a part or not you’re going to and I made him start
Taking her every other weekend like he was supposed to Stephanie I want you to look at me do you think that I want to help you I do this is not your fault you didn’t look at me you didn’t do anything wrong here I know you think you’re grown up
But right now you’re still very much a child I don’t say that to be con descending to you I’m not saying that to put you down but when you are a victim of rape it changes how you think about yourself it changes how you see yourself it causes you to feel like
You’re damaged in some way it causes you to think that that’s all you have to offer but that look at me that’s not true you are a young vibrant intelligent young woman and you have to be your own best friend here now I’m sorry that your father is
Having a difficult time with this and I will do everything within my power to help heal that broken bond I I I truly will you don’t deserve his disdain you don’t deserve his rejection you don’t deserve his judgment and you deserve better from yourself as well but you’re not going to fix this
Problem because it feels good at the time while you’re with some guy they say nice things to you don’t they you feel loved at the time in the moment it feels like you are wanted and desired and accepted but let me tell you the kind of person that has
Sex with a 14-year-old girl is a sick worthless no good pervert that’s not who you want to be loved by it’s not who you want to spend time with those are sick people there is someone in this world that is going to love you and respect you and lift you
Up there is someone in this world to share your life with but you’re not ready to find them that person yet I had you sit here and hear about rosabella they forced her to have sex 15 times a day they ped her with drugs they shot
Her they wouldn’t let her go back to her mother that doesn’t have to happen to you you’ve been hurt inside and you’re trying to fix it by these connections and that’s not what we want to do here do you hear what I’m saying you need you you have a wound inside and
You need help to heal that and I’m going to get you that help okay will you take that help and you don’t want to lie to your mother let me tell you look this woman in the eye do do you see judgment from her or do you see Love In Her Eyes
Love she is hurting for you if she could trade places with you she would but she can’t do that but she re reached out instead she reached out here she reached out to all of us here to to try and help you and let me tell you I’m stepping up
And answering that call do you hear me it’s you and me girl we’re going to we’re going to fight this together all of us here we’re going to do this will you let me help you yes and I’m talking to everybody in this audience right now if you think this child is a
Victim and not a bad person if you think she deserves better if you think she’s hurt long enough stand up for her right now we’re going to work on this okay we’re going to work on this we’re going to move on unfortunately people on the internet are very very creative in evil
Ways and one family is being tormented by total strangers online we going talk about that when we come [Applause] Back the sergeant on Judy just said remember her beautiful smiling face we thin days accident scene photos showed up online the most horrific were of Nikki’s nearly decapitated head every time I look at a computer I fear that I’m going to see the photographs of my daughter why would anybody want to share
Such horrific graphic pictures tomorrow on an allnew do Phil I don’t want to end our relationship I just don’t want to be married is your spouse having a midlife crisis are you seeing other women no there’s not anybody in America that believes that that’s tomorrow to Twisted case of alleged
Revenge on Long Island a mother is accused of posting a sexually suggestive ad on Craigslist urging older men to call a nine-year-old girl who had a fight with her daughter clinical social worker Marjorie Tannon bom of hop hog allegedly giving sex seeking men a 99-year-old child’s phone number through
A Craigslist ad topping our news this hour the man who solicited the rape of a naona County woman through an ad on Craigslist was sentenced in District Court just moments ago the judge sentenced stype to 60 years to life in prison the West Harford man facing serious charges tonight the man who
Lives in this house is accused of posting a bogus sex ad on Craigslist advertising a sexual encounter at a neighbor’s house the 41-year-old is now facing a slew of charges from harassment reckless endangerment and criminal liability for sexual assault we’re talking about the internet it’s wonderful and it’s terrible at the same
Time there’s something called trolling Anonymous users bombard victims with offensive photos messages or abuse now Christos and lesie experienced trolling at its absolute worst I I just have to tell you this is the most disgusting thing I believe I have ever heard and it just gets me
Me so upset I can’t even tell you Nikki was a free spirited polite sweet young lady absolutely a great daughter she was always surprising us and amazing us she wanted to teach her sisters how not to make any of the mistakes she would make growing up the accident was October 31st 2006 we
Had lunch together Chris had all right him to go to work Niki went upstairs to take a shower and I just saw the garage door slammed shut she drove away smiling and almost like I’ll be right back my wife called me in my gut I felt like something had happened to
Nikki I drove to where the accident was while I was standing there they were actually lifting up the car and I fell to the ground they painted a picture for us that Nikki had severe head trauma the sergeant on duty just said remember her beautiful smiling face that’s the way
You need to remember her within days accident scene photos showed up online the most horrific were of Nikki’s nearly decapitated head the pictures got out when at least one California Highway Patrol dispatcher emailed them to friends from there they spread like wildfire somebody had put up a a MySpace
Page saying that they were Nikki everybody in our family received these photographs through Myspace very closeup colored shots they were really intense and graphic Nikki’s been called some of the worst names I think anybody could call any individual everywhere from that deserve to die to a [ __ ] when people
Are trolling I wonder if they really realize the things that they saying is about Someone’s Child the photos have been on thousands of websites every time I look at a computer I fear that I’m going to see the photographs of my daughter I guess I would have
Said bearing my child was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do until I saw those photos and and saw what happened to her why would anybody want to share such horrific graphic pictures with other individuals I think the saddest thing for me is I still hope that Nikki’s
Going to come home and I still hope that that day is going to Come well first off I I I I can’t be objective about this it is it’s just it’s sick and I’m so very very sorry that y’all are being victimized like this it’s just horrible so employees of CHP did this yes they they they let them out have you been
Able to get the pictures all off of the internet in any way Christ not at all why not you don’t own the pictures I guess we don’t own the pictures California Highway Patrol in the pictures can they not assign you the copyrights so you can we’ve we’ve been
Attempting for several years to get the copyrights they won’t they won’t even respond really at this point um and we’ve tried to go to the uh the websites themselves and and and what do they say some of them have been Cooperative but for the most part they tell us to
Take a hike when you see these pictures what does it do to you I get angry I’m I’m really struggling with my anger um I have anger for a towards a lot of people not just the internet but with the California Highway Patrol and their lack of cooperation and and every
Time we turn around there’s something something else on the internet that’s you know just harm harmful towards us well Le let’s talk about that for a minute I want to share what some of these people are saying so the viewers understand the gravity of what we’re talking about are yall okay with that
Yes one is O I’m here Daddy I I’m a dead [ __ ] I’m a stupid [ __ ] these are sick people that have no capacity for empathy I want to share what some of these people are saying so the viewers understand the gravity of what we’re talking about are yall okay with that
Yes before I put it up we made a list of some of those things and I understand that you’ve been through this list and you’re okay with it with it being posted here so people understand what’s going cuz I don’t want anything new here I don’t want to add to your suffering in
Any way right um all right then let’s let’s have the graphics so you get the nature of what’s going on um one is O I’m here Daddy um then you can just read them I I’m a dead [ __ ] I’m a stupid [ __ ] I was so happy I raped her corpse over and
Over um I I’ll let you read the rest of them I I don’t I just don’t even come out of my mouth um I can tell you from a psychological perspective the these are sick people that have no capacity for empathy Keith brimer is kristos and Lesley’s attorney
And he’s been fighting an uphill battle to have these photos uh taken off the web uh Keith is almost impossible is it not so we have experts that we work with that assist us in trying to identify who who these people are that are posting these sometimes we have success in
Finding out who they are and then we can write them letters and identify that if they don’t remove it that you know we’ll go after them civil for what they’re doing and sometimes we have success a lot of times we can’t identify who’s actually doing that posting and there’s
Not much we can do so then we have to go to the portal and ask the portal to remove that and and I assume that a lot of these people are they’re basically judgment proof anyway that’s absolutely right yeah Danielle is one of kristos and Lesley’s daughters she says that it scares her
That the pictures are out there what is your reaction to this I’m sorry that you’re having to deal with her thank you it’s you know I it’s hard for me to just like look up anything like does it change your memory yeah it does we did contact CHP
To participate in the show they declined and sent us a statement uh which we’ll post up on drill.com I hope and pray that this doesn’t overshadow your memories uh of your daughter just look at her this was one of the most delightful vibrant young women women you
Could ever want to know I mean I’m sorry for your loss and for what you’re going through uh since then if you’re involved in this even peripherally even just sharing it like gossip where you just say wow and send it on you don’t want to do that you
You don’t want to be in this chain CU When we think about this wonderful girl let’s think about what we’re seeing right there let’s not think about anything else we’ll be right [Applause] back you know parents out there we need to be computer literate we need to know what’s going on with our kids CU let me tell you they’re so much better at this digital world than we are and we have to close that information Gap in the course
Of the last hour we have received 16 emails 42 phone calls and 51 text messages in response to the ad that we put out so if you think that these predators are not out there springloaded to victimize young children to Vic I imiz innocent families they are and that
Means we need to protect ourselves there’s going to be a whole lot more about this on drill.com on how to do the Internet safety and and keep people around thank you so much Robin Sachs for telling us uh your wisdom about this uh we’re going to stay on this topic to
Help you protect these kids thanks for being here so [Applause] long [Applause] [Applause] That you physically cheated on Mandy twice yes you keep sexual videos on the computer that your daughter’s use the accusation is you are offended that she won’t be sexually intimate with you right I keep telling her when she fixes that I’ll fix me the arguments you’re a liar you’re a
Cheater you’re just nasty you’re just disgusting the unanswered question you knew what was going on when you had a child with him I had an idea he’s not entirely faithful plus the most shocking admission of all most recent girl Mandy doesn’t know about yet this is going to be a changing day
In your life have a good show everybody here we go it matters to you that’s what I want to talk about We Ready in the bo let’s do [Applause] it now Brett and Mandy appear to be like the All-American family living in any neighborhood USA but more often than not what happens
Behind closed doors can sometimes uncover shocking revelations we appear to be normal on the outside we do family vacations go to the park with our kids when once you get behind closed doors it’s pure hell he’s addicted to sex he has to have it all
The time when he doesn’t get it he finds outside resources before I met Mandy I got involved with a swinger club and went to a lot of social Gatherings or there was hundreds of people in a hotel doing sexual things I’ve had sex with between 60 and 100 women he mentioned
The swinger lifestyle I thought he was joking I just L felt repulsed during her first pregnancy I started to get back on the computer and get that desire I learned from text messages that he had started talking to an ex and had stayed overnight at her house one text was hey
Brett I left my Lube in your truck they admitted that they fooled around in my truck a little bit I to my core do not believe that I think they had sex Adult FriendFinder was one of the websites you log on and then you’re just clicks away
From meeting people some of the women on there just want to chat some of them want nude pictures nude video they want cyber sex I don’t meet them I get my stimulation from being wanted so once I get to that point then I move on find another one my visits to the site
Correspond with our moods here at home he’s being unfaithful it’s just not acceptable to talk to other women in a sexual manner to me he is a liar and a cheater we have sex maybe twice a year she used uses my indiscretions as the excuse not to have sex she states that
If I loved her I wouldn’t talk to other girls but I in the same breath say if you love me then you would give me what I need it’s really hard for me to be intimate and affectionate with him I haven’t been given a reason to stop when
You’re not getting something at home what do you do you go out and look for it if you don’t have a car you go out and buy one you you were commenting during the tape what was it you were commenting on I was just commented on the way I looked
In the camera nothing big nothing important how’ you how’ you look I like my dad looked like to your dad yeah it’s interesting you were you were focused on how you looked what what did you think about what you were saying well to us it’s Common Place we’ve been going through this for
Several years now so is this common place to you it’s been going on for so long that I mean it really is part of our daily life it really is is this your normal yeah tell me what your mindset is in in coming here today what what’s your
Objective what’s your goal I’d like to get help for both of us help with what um our relationship my problems her problems our problems do you have a problem yes what is it um I look at sex in a in a way that’s not correct
So so you think it’s wrong to do so yeah cuz you you said well this just common place this is just my normal because you know I made a list you say that you physically cheated on Mandy twice right once with oral sex and the other time you just kissed another girl
And that’s all MH you have frequent sex chats on the website daily you trade nude pictures and video with women online so you get naked and tape this and share it with strange women online yes I have yes and I use strange in two ways
Um one you don’t know them and the other that’s really strange to me you you talk and text sexual conversation with women you said you’ve had group sex threesoms you were a member of a sex club you rent a hotel for for a sex party you talk to
Four or five women at a Time online when you’re with Mandy I mean at home right you keep sexual video and pictures on the main computer that your daughters use so this has just become commonplace to you um tell me what would what would
Upset you it it all upsets me I just um well you think you kind of have accepted it like I mean it’s just kind I just kind of become numb to it because we’ve argued we fought we’ve we’ve been to counseling we’ve tried to tackle the problem um I’ve cried I’ve begged you
Know to me I’ve done everything I could do to try to get it through to him that this hurts me to my core this makes me feel absolutely worthless um unloved unrespected um you know he’s not grateful for for the the life that me and our children have given him you know
So it’s not just something that I I want to accept but I don’t know what else to do well you know he kind of blames you for this oh I know he does he’s blamed me for it since the first time I found him doing
It really I take the blame too so don’t say I up up until a very very short time ago he did take the blame it’s it’s been a long hard Road getting him to even admit that it was wrong well do you think you have a an addiction a sexual
Addiction some days I do some days I don’t really I mean some days you think it or some days you have it some days you don’t no no some days I think it some days I you know okay because if you have a sexual addiction then it wouldn’t
Be about her it would be about the the addiction it was there before I came along but weren’t you doing this before you met her yes but I also stopped my fault when we met no no no no no no no no uh-uh um when I
Moved I moved to Wyoming to be with him when we first got together and um within a month of me being there um I found chats with girls it wasn’t like overthe toop sexual the the few that I found it was just kind of like having another
Girl to talk to maybe in case I didn’t actually move out there with him so me being a trusting person and you know I said okay okay wait wait a minute wait a minute come on let’s just get down to it you you you fully knew what was going on
When you had a child with him correct I did I wouldn’t say I fully knew I had an idea that okay he’s not entirely faithful yeah and yeah I I look at it now and I should have packed my stuff and ran I should have well that’s what
I’m asking you what would upset you you had a second baby with him after you knew everything he was doing right what would have to happen for you to say you know what I need to move on here I don’t know anymore I really don’t I don’t know what would make
Me that upset to say I got to move on and you are offended that she won’t be sexually active and intimate with you right yes do you reckon that the fact that you’re trading nude pictures and video with women online and going through all of this stuff might be kind
Of a turnoff might be but at the same point this is all more recent than the sex stopped yeah but that kind of started registering in there as soon as you came to Wyoming right it did I mean come on let’s not get hung up on a timeline here
Come on are you really here to say that this is her fault that that she’s you’re doing this because she withholds intimacy well no not not exactly but it’s part of the problem so if she was sexually active with you you would cut this in half that’s not 20% 30% what
What what would you do I’d knock it off you wouldn’t though it doesn’t matter it doesn’t matter if we have sex 10 times a day aounds me what people Define as okay uh all right we got to take a break Brett admits that he’s still lying to Mandy he has something important that
He needs to reveal we come Back you got something wrong here Phil you’re focusing all on me put a hidden camera in my house and come in there tomorrow on an allnew Dr Phil is is this the most selfish woman in the world you took your children’s beds I took one bed her daughters think so did
You show up at her wedding wearing a white dress I didn’t know it was a problem I was in pain I decided I believe I all you’re talking about is me me me selfish people I was a great mom she has a mental problem she does that’s tomorrow we have new details into
Tonight breaking news David Duvy has entered a rehab center for sex addiction Brinkley said she tried to help cook even attempting to find a rehab center for sex addicts Jesse James the latest high-profile hubby to reportedly enter sex rehab Tiger Woods reportedly underwear treatment for sexual addiction
Muler has been linked with at least 14 women well those are just a few of the high-profile celebrities who made headlines for cheating on their spouses and claiming that it was because of a sexual addiction now I’m here with Mandy and Brett you say sometimes you think you have a sexual addiction sometimes
You think you don’t when you think you don’t what’s your explanation for your behavior usually her okay so sometimes you think it’s an addiction and you just can’t help it but then on the days you think well I’m not really addicted I’m just doing this because she made me do it by
Withholding herself from me so what’s a guy going to do right I’m just going to get online and send some naked videos yes no I mean seriously I’m not I’m not making L of it that’s your logic I’m trying to get to your logic here that’s
My logic does does that work by the way yeah sending naked videos of what do what do women do when you do that want to meet really yep that’s generally where I stop it cuz I I have to say if if I was trying to connect with a woman I think sending
Her a naked video would probably be the last thing I would I mean seriously I mean who I mean like [Applause] um I think I’d want to keep that reality Under Wraps as long as I could um so they send them back and then then what do you what
Happened well talk chat you know email back and forth and then they want to meet and then I sto talking to them you just stop talking to them well okay Brett claims he has a confession that he needs to tell his fiance let’s take a look I’m on Adult Friend Finder at least
Once every day every two days the most recent girl my fianceé Mandy doesn’t know about yet we’ve been texting for about 3 weeks 4 weeks now we’ve tra ated pictures they are graphic pictures it’s starting to get to the point where this girl wants to meet I get my feel from
Being desired and wanted by another girl because I don’t get that at home I don’t know that I even care if she got mad or found Out what are you thinking right now it makes me truly sick to my stomach that you can sit and watch me and your kids and act like you’re a good dad act like you’re a good you know husband Family Man and you’re just nasty you’re just disgusting you’re a liar you’re a
Cheater you I don’t think you would know the truth if it drop kicked you in the teeth Brett it’s not just me it’s the kids they’re going to find out what kind of person you are eventually and they’re going to look at you and be as repulsed as I am one day
So I I keep asking you is there a point at which you say enough is enough I want to say enough is enough I really do cuz what he wants you to do is to start having sex with him he wants me to do is yeah he just you know wants me
To be naked all the time yeah that’s what he wants and and he you suggested that maybe she get involved with somebody El not just sex it’s a general happiness level it the minute she got pregnant she changed you were into this nasty life before I ever stepped into
The picture you would be doing this to to anybody I had previous relationships where I stopped so I know I can if I’m happy at home so if she would just be a better wife you wouldn’t do this pretty much okay and you pardon me so pretty much
That’s his that’s his the your theory is that she’s negative cold bitter frigid you have a whole list of I negative cold bitter and frigid because you have done nothing but lie and cheat on me since the day I moved across country to be with you okay then why did
You I mean look look cuz I honestly I I didn’t I just didn’t know that that’s the kind of person he was and the first time I found the stuff I just let it go I didn’t think it was anything to worry about I just have
To kind of take the Dr Phil hat off for a minute and just kind of be common sensical you’re no no no listen to me here sometimes common sense just didn’t common enough so let’s let’s just let’s just get Common Sense here you’re a very attractive young woman right well you
All agree she very attractive young woman seriously you’re obviously intelligent you you’re very articulate so you pick up and move to Wyoming to be be with him and you get there and you find out whoa this guy’s got history here he he kind of gets involved in some quirky stuff now along
The way his strategies have been maybe you should have an affair maybe that would get the the juices flowing yep uh You’ suggested that maybe she participate in some threesoms you would like that right at first yeah okay so the these are his his his strategies his relationship strategies was there ever a
Point at which you said you know what I need to get my stuff and get the hell out of Wyoming I need to go back wherever I was you know in life you just kiss some frogs along the way and and so you went into this thinking it was one thing and
You found it was something else and and you’ve not been highly motivated to change this I mean basically say you got you got something wrong here Phil though you’re focusing all on me and you’re sitting here saying she’s articulate she’s this she’s that put a hidden camera in my
House and come in there we all have flaws and I don’t dispute those I’m not focusing all on you in fact I wasn’t even talking to you I’ve been spending all the time talking to her here’s here’s what you said you said and I quote I think I can
Stop but I don’t have a reason to stop really so why should I mhm okay so you’re saying because of who she has become there’s nothing here to save so you might as well do what feels good to you right that’s your point M okay now
If if what you’re saying to me is that I’m being one-sided and unfair here because I think it’s dysfunctional for you to be in a committed relationship with a woman and children and to be sending naked vide of yourself to strange women on the internet and if you think I’m being
Biased that that’s not okay then guilty as charged because that’s not healthy it’s not okay well I wasn’t talking about that I was talking about that’s not okay so you don’t like the fact that I am saying to her that she actually isn’t worthless does have some self-worth does have some
Self-esteem that’s offensive to your sensibilities from to say that to her no what part of that was offensive to you the fact where you were sitting there saying this and that and giving her all these compliments well you don’t live in our house you don’t see what she yells
At our kids you don’t see the attitude that’s dropped on a daily basis you don’t live in my hell no I don’t you got to give credit where credit is due and some throws over there too do you think and I keep telling her when she fixes that I’ll fix
Me you had this problem before I came along this was there before I came along was your problem because of your ex there on a daily basis do you think you have an arrogant attitude about this very much now I do [Applause] um listen we got to take a break hold on
We’re going to take a break and then I’m want to talk about what I think needs to happen here we’ll be right [Applause] back I am a frigid [ __ ] but what you don’t get is I have to deal with you being a disgusting liar and later if you knew that he was telling you the truth would that help you yeah he can sit with a with a qualified polygraph operator are you willing to
Prove you’re telling the truth Well I’m back with Mandy and Brett now she is his fiance they’re not married although they have a child together and uh there’s another child in the home as well your position a as I understand it and correct me if I’m wrong is that she’s Con in me that she’s here all
Fluffed up and cute and being real conversant and all this kind of stuff and I don’t get the fact that she’s a a whole other deal behind closed doors at home oh I can promise you that it’s not I’m Conan Dr Phil I am a frigid [ __ ] at
Home but what you don’t get is I have to deal with you being a disgusting liar on a daily basis you lie about this you lie about money you lie about everything nothing that comes out of your mouth is the truth and never nothing from day one
Has been the truth nothing so why would somebody choose this particular way to be now Dr Gary stowman is here and he specializes in sex addiction Dr stowman thank you for being here by the way and based um based on what we’ve been talking about here does this modify I know
You’ve been through lots of History here we’ve provided you with all kinds of background because you’ve been very forthcoming as have you based on this conversation what you what you what do you see what do you want to say what often happens is when somebody is a sex
Addict as I believe Brett is the way that they deal with their emotions because they don’t know how to deal with it or they don’t deal with it directly is by turning to the one drug of choice that they have which is sex looking outside the marriage for sex is no way
To solve the relationship problem that you have with Mandy I believe that you have a sense of entitlement that you have a right to do this and sometimes a sex addict will find somebody who does not provide them sex or who Prov provokes their partner to not give them
Sex so that they could then have an excuse to go out and act out sexually as they had done before they met their partner bottom line is the two of you need to get together I believe they need to talk about these issues in a therapeutic environment and the sex
Addition issue needs to be dealt with let me tell you what a lot of women think a lot of women think this is just real Handy it’s kind of like the devil made me do it it’s like I’m an addict I can’t help myself and it seems like this
Always comes up when they get caught I mean I mean I didn’t see tiger presenting for treatment before he got caught right but then when he got caught he’s like oh well I’m an addict I mean how do you sort out this being an awfully handy excuse with being what’s really in fact
Going on um well when a person is actually a sex addict they engage in those behaviors in spite of the fact that it’s harmful both to themselves and the people that they love uh they often claim that they have control over it and in fact they’re out of control they may
Stop for a month or so and as Mandy said you know even if I walked around naked he’d still be doing this and not that she’s going to be able to do that so bottom line is the sex addict will engage in these behaviors in a very
Harmful way in their lives could could you stop this if you wanted to you said you don’t have a reason help you don’t think you could just stop it on your own no probably not but if I had a support system I know I can I can quit
Anything so you think you could overcome it but that doesn’t mean you don’t think that you you have an an addiction here and I’m not sure addiction is the right word it it’s certainly obsessive Behavior I would agree with that uh and and you understand that you’re setting this up
As a well if she would do better I would do better and and it’s that kind of standoff just doesn’t ever work no because while you’re doing this she’s not going to say well I tell you what I’m just going to seduce him and we’re going to just overcome
This that’s just not ever ever going to happen never ever ever I mean there’s under no Theory under which she’s going to decide that she’s going to sex you out of this I’m just being honest with you that that’s not ever going to happen so that
Means if this is going to change you’re going to have to take the initiative to do that right which is why I wrote the show okay and so if he did stop this completely and fully if he was honest with you and forthcoming and said you know what I’m going have an exclusive
Relationship with you and and that’s it um you would like for that to happen I would yeah are you being honest with her now if you knew that he was telling you the truth would that help you yeah he can sit with a with a qualified polygraph operator or you willing to
Prove you’re telling the Truth are are you being honest with her now yes so you haven’t had sex with any of these women since you’ve been with her so in four years other than the two times once you said you had oral sex in the backseat of a car MH truck and and
Another time you you just kissed a girl yeah but in four years that’s it yep in four years with all of this sexual stuff swirling around you you you’ve never actually had sex with somebody else other than the interactions you’re talking about nope do you believe that
No I don’t I do not believe a word he says like like it took him four years to be honest about oral sex would it matter if you knew that he was telling you the truth would that help you if I knew he was telling me the truth it would it
Would put my mind to ease a little bit yeah are you willing to prove you’re telling the truth oh yeah bring it on um and because I I don’t want to mess with this if it doesn’t matter to you it doesn’t matter to you I don’t want to
Mess with it if it does matter to you then I’ll give him a chance to prove it I mean he can it does matter he can sit with with a qualified polygraph operator they can ask him those relevant questions and determine whether he’s telling the truth and and maybe if he is
Maybe you could go okay let’s try to find a starting place here it’s going to put me to ease a lot to find out if Will that truthful or not and um and and the the man that will give you this polygraph is Jack trarco he’s former head of the FBI
Polygraph office I mean this guy’s he’s he’s serious as death that’s fun I mean he he he he does [Applause] he’s he he he drills down and and figures out where things are here so you’re willing to do that yep Jack shall we adjourn and give you the
Opportunity to do this then we’re going to reconvene and find out where we are okay all right we’re going to take a break and do that we’ll be right back [Applause] the reason I’m taking this is to prove to Mandy that I’m being honest what I’m trying to prove is that I haven’t
Cheated on Mandy other than what we’ve discussed and what we’ve already went through the test will prove that I’m not cheating on her if Brett fails the polygraph I’m going to be devastated if he fails the polygraph I’m ready to leave him well that was Mandy and her fiance
Brett now before we took a break Brett agreed to take a polygraph test to prove once and for all that he hasn’t had a sexual relationship with any other woman since his engagement to Mandy four years ago she just doesn’t believe him and now you acknowledge that there were two
Encounters that you that you had yes so we’ve excluded those right mhm and if he has been lying if he has had other involvements where are you I’m done um I’m ready to just throw in the tow and walk [Applause] away now for the last few hours Brad has
Been taking a polygraph backstage with expert Jack trarco Jack is a highly respected polygraph examiner who served as the manager for the FBI polygraph unit is he a fair-minded straight shooter yeah good guy was it a fair test yeah was there anything that would affect it good bad or indiff or was it
You have confidence in it I have confidence in it Jack deck clear when I open this you’re confident in the protocol it is what it is okay but I mean you but you um you you feel confident that the test went acceptably within protocol limits absolutely yes okay all right okay well
The polygraph questions number one within the last four years have you had sexual intercourse with anyone other than Mandy and your answer was no no and the result is that that was deceptive that was not true um second question since your engagement four years ago have you had
Sexual intercourse with anyone one uh other than Mandy you said no and that answer was deceptive so according to this test um you’re not being truthful no in response to no I’m being truthful of course so the test is wrong yeah that would be why they’re not held up in court
Yeah now Jack you you followed a very specific protocol here correct I did and just to answer that polygraph is admissible in federal court what is it that you think would have distorted this nervousness the fact that my knee hurts from our flight yesterday oh my God BR
Seriously well listen I I I I haven’t followed you around for all these years four years so I certainly don’t know I’m not saying one way or the other but I I ask you ahead of time was there anything that affected the test and you didn’t mention your knee and you didn’t mention
Nervousness um so you felt like it was a good and fair test but you know look yeah I still feel that way but it’s just wrong I don’t care what anybody thinks what’s your position on this I can’t take any more lies I really can’t we’re
Going to take a quick break and I have a question for Brett that goes Way Beyond this polygraph and those questions we’ll be right [Applause] Back the question I’ve got for you is is this you know I I think that in everybody’s life everybody’s situation everybody’s circumstance there comes a point in time when all things wrong can be made right this is one of those moments in time if you’re ever going to have a
Chance of healing this relationship if you’re ever going to have a chance of of healing your patterns it it starts with the truth it it starts with cander the truth is that in the last four years you have had involvements true nope you’re just that’s your story and and you’re
Sticking to it yep if she wants to leave I can look at my kids and say that I came here I said the truth I told her the texting that I’ve been doing recently I’ve I’ve been forthcoming I’ve done what I can I’ve offered to to go to
Counseling if she still wants to leave then that’s her choice but and you get that this is really hard to believe because it you know why wouldn’t you if you’ve done everything else why wouldn’t you have had sexual intercourse with somebody I mean it it’s it’s it’s it’s inconsistent with a highly sexualized
Behavior that you’re doing elsewise why you would come up to that threshold and just stop I mean it defies common sense right a lot of things me you acknowledge that I understand that it does defy logic Dr stowman you’re you’re a specialist in in sexual addiction how important is it either now
Or at some point that that Brett be completely honest with himself and and perhaps a therapist perhaps um his fiance I mean at some point don’t you just have to get real about this uh 100% um you know we could we could lie to others and often times we
Lie to ourselves and unless we are are really honest with ourselves about what’s going on within ourselves there’s no chance for healing and often times if there are things that uh may be acted out in a sexual way it takes something like a polygraph though you may disagree
With the results it takes something like losing a spouse though you may say it’s her fault but it takes a crisis before you begin to acknowledge what’s really going on in a relationship and acknowledge the truth of that and begin to heal it so this can be a beginning or
It could be an end where are you at this point I mean I’m you know I’m trying to help I’m trying to get it on the table and you know maybe he’s telling the truth maybe Jack trarco after thousands and thousands of polygraph tests following a scientific protocol is wrong this time
Maybe these tests are imperfect maybe logic should be suspended and that you think a highly sexualized a highly sexualized lifestyle and pattern would stop short because he said what he really desires what he really wants is to be desired not the actual act I mean maybe
That’s but where are you and what do you want to do here do you want to go home with him I don’t believe I don’t believe it at all um I don’t no I don’t want to go home and back to the same old lies
And the same old you know oh she’s never going to know she’s always going to stay so I’ll just keep doing what I want to do I don’t I don’t want that for me I don’t want that from my kids me and my children deserve a real
Man who is going to take care of us and love us unconditionally whether they get sex 10 times a day twice a year me and my kids deserve to be treated right you have no right to stomp on somebody and treat them like they are a piece of garbage like you’ve done to
Me for 4 [Applause] years tell me what you want to see happen at this point well um I guess the ball’s kind of in her Court what I would like is is to get some help and so that way we can actually look at our kids and say we
Gave it everything I did try my hardest I’ve read every book known to man about how to fix you and fix us I’ve watched every Dr Philip episode I possibly could to try to fix us I’ve done everything I could but I’m not going to be happy and
Smile and laugh and giggle and kiss you and hug you and love you all the time when you will not stop cheating and lying it’s never going to happen never if you don’t stop and if you don’t get real and take responsibility and quit lying nothing is ever going to change ever well
This is that point if you’re lying you need to say it you need to own it and the minute you do then you’re taking the first step to getting better in your relationship and in your life but I don’t want you to say something that isn’t true I don’t want
You to tell me what I want to hear but if you’re lying you need to admit it you’ve come this far you’ve drugged me halfway across the country to you know talk on National Television about our problems why would you stop here why why would you not just be honest cuz I’m not
Lying so well if if okay and and you may be right I listen I’m not judging it because I I mean logic tells me that you are logic tells me that you are I mean I you know I mean I will tell you this whether you ever have a future with her or
Not you have written to me you have asked for help and I feel like I have given you every opportunity today tried to give you a wakeup call here I’ve I’ve tried to get you to own this situation and I I I think you’re not
Doing it I think you’re I think you have an arrogant attitude I think you’re very smug about all of this even if if you’re telling the truth a sincere attitude would be very different different um and I’m I’m disappointed to see that but I I I’ve done everything I can
To help you I got nothing else to offer you here I will offer you in in concert with Dr stolman in in helping us to identify the specific resource that has the expertise to address this situation for you I will make that resource available to you I
Hope and pray that you will Avail yourself of it because you know one of the things we know about addiction is that people continue to do it even in the face of the reality that is damaging their life and this clearly is damaging your life right I mean it’s just will
You take the help yes if I make those arrangements because I will I’ll have our people start that immediately um for you you you have a serious decision to make here and I think you should weigh it very carefully but I don’t think you have trust for him
I think the last four years predict the next four years there’s a point at which you got to say enough is enough and I’m going to make resources available to you to help you navigate that terrain uh as well because your self-esteem has been damaged you’ve been damaged and um I I
Think you need to really really visit what your future holds here I agree we’ll be right Back well I know I’m going to hear from y’all at home and I I do go to the message board I do want to hear from you a special thanks uh to Jack trarco Dr Gary stowman thank you for weighing in on this you truly believe there is an
Addiction problem here right absolutely yes you do and um but these situations can get better true providing as you mentioned earlier a person faces the truth and starts at that point yeah you got to be honest with yourself and others and then then you can change it
If you acknowledge it and then because there are treatments for this yeah and if you don’t acknowledge it nothing’s going to change yeah exactly for more information on today’s show you can go to drill.com you can reach me on my blog or Twitter I’m going to have a link uh
To Dr stowman as well he specializes in this and is the best of the best isn’t all he does but he specializes in this and I’m a big fan of yours and and and what you do so I’m going to have a link on the website to Dr stowman as well
Thanks for being here so long [Applause] [Applause] byebye Y’all I [Applause] yes A
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